Hello friends,
This is Marian.
This meditation provides an opportunity to contemplate areas in your life where you might benefit by creating some boundaries and limiting what you say yes to.
Many people struggle with saying no.
We worry that we will disappoint others,
Damage relationships,
Be viewed as selfish.
Some cultures condition us to feel guilty,
Teaching us to say yes to everything,
And of course,
This is not sustainable.
If we are not able to take care of ourselves,
We are certainly not positioned to take care of others.
We will begin by getting centered.
As with any meditation practice,
Trust yourself.
If at any time this feels unsafe,
Please stop and get the support you need.
Begin by sitting up straight and tall,
With poise and dignity,
And also with comfort.
So take a moment here,
There's no rush,
And find the posture that feels right to you.
Any time during this meditation,
If you need more time,
Simply hit the pause button,
And then resume when you are ready.
We'll take in a deep breath through the nose,
Feeling yourself expanding,
And then pause,
And release out through the mouth.
Another deep breath in,
Pause,
And a slow release out.
One more deep breath in,
Feel the shoulders rise,
Pause,
And then release.
Belly goes back to the spine.
Just take a moment here,
And focus on your breath,
Settling into the natural flow and rhythm of your breath,
And as you breathe in,
Maybe it's possible to notice the entire length of your body,
All the way from the tips of your toes to the top of your head.
Breathing out,
Just releasing,
Relaxing,
Sinking deeper and deeper into your chair,
Into your body.
And now I'll walk you through a short scan of the body.
Start at the top of the head,
Bring your attention to the crown of your head,
Your scalp,
And just see if there's any sensation,
And then the forehead.
Relax the forehead.
Soften the eyes.
Relax the jaw,
And loosen the shoulders.
Draw your attention to your back,
The top of your back,
The bottom of your back,
And now around to the front,
To the chest,
And then the belly,
Pausing to notice any sensations or emotions that might be here.
Just noticing.
Feel the weight of the seat,
The thighs,
The knees,
The shins,
And the calves,
The ankles.
The bottoms of the feet,
The tops of the feet,
And all the way down into the toes.
Simply being here in the body.
Perhaps you can feel the entire body breathing.
From here we shift to the next phase of our practice,
Working with our boundaries.
We begin by noticing the physical boundaries of the body.
Where your body ends and the space around you begins.
See if it's possible to find the edges of your body.
The outline of your physical being.
Pause here for a moment,
And just be here with the body breathing.
Sensing the entire form and outline of the body.
Now bring to mind a situation where you would like to experiment with saying no.
Maybe with a family member or a friend,
A colleague.
It might even be with yourself,
A part of your life or a habit that you are dedicating too much time or energy toward.
Saying no.
What is making this hard?
Often times there is a level of fear here.
Fear of saying something inappropriate,
Fear of failure,
Fear of missing out or hurting others feelings.
What are you afraid of?
See if you can name it.
Labeling the fear reduces its power over us.
Our fear also needs reassurance.
So picture your fear as a frightened nervous character inside of you.
It's a piece of you that needs a little bit of comfort.
This fear needs your help,
It needs your support.
Affirmative self-talk can help,
Perhaps place your hand on your heart and repeat aloud or silently to yourself or simply allow the words to flow over you.
Fear I know you're trying to protect me,
I've got this.
Saying no is an act of self-respect.
Saying no creates space for what really matters to me.
Saying no is an opportunity to communicate my needs to others.
My needs matter.
I matter.
Now come back into the body,
Finding your edges,
Finding your boundaries.
Just focus here for a moment,
Focus on your boundaries,
Your edges.
Others cannot respect our boundaries if they don't know where they are.
It's healthy to communicate our needs to ourselves and to others.
Boundaries let others know how to be with us,
And they also allow us to be at peace with ourselves.
So bring back to mind the scenario that you'd like to work on today.
Describe the circumstances to yourself in one or two sentences.
What do you want to say no to?
And now we'll work on finding your words,
How to say no.
I'll give you a couple of examples,
The language might be helpful.
So perhaps a friend wants to go out and you already feel overcommitted.
While I love spending time with you,
I need some alone time this weekend.
Or maybe a partner has vacation plans that don't align with your needs.
I really want this vacation to be about us.
Being around your friends for long periods of time is draining.
I need this time to relax and reconnect with you.
I'd prefer we keep this trip,
Just the two of us.
So find your words.
What do you want to say?
Step two is understanding your why.
This is about what matters to you.
What does saying no allow you to say yes to?
And now the third step,
Shifting to action.
Start by coming back into the body.
Find your edges,
The physical boundaries of your body.
Just be present with the boundaries of your body.
Find your edges.
And now notice the space around you.
There's an extraordinary amount of energy here in the space surrounding you.
And see if you can pull some of this energy into your body.
The energy of composure,
Of poise,
Of confidence.
Breathe it in.
Notice your spine extending.
You're sitting up.
You're standing taller.
Shoulders rise.
Shoulders square.
Breathing it in,
Feeling this.
And now remember your why,
What matters to you.
And now say your words.
Again,
Find your edges.
Find your edges.
Breathe in energy.
Feel the shoulders rise.
Feel the entire length of your body.
Take the posture.
Remember what matters.
Speak your words.
One last time.
Find your boundaries.
Find your edges.
Breathe in energy and confidence and poise.
Take the posture.
Remember your why.
Speak your words.
Beautiful.
And now affirm to yourself.
When I say no to others,
I'm saying no to myself.
Saying yes to myself.
This is a form of self-care.
Self-care matters.
I matter.
Learning to say no is a process.
The more we practice,
The better we get.
As we close,
Think about the day ahead and how you can put this into practice.
Choose something that may feel uncomfortable but not overwhelming.
And make a commitment to yourself to try it and just see what happens.
Thank you for your practice.
I'm grateful for you.
Please let me know how this goes.
