Missing You, Living With Grief

Perhaps there is no more difficult process in life than living through, languishing with grief. The more we ignore or suppress it, the more we feed it. It eats away at our core, our goodness. This meditation is my way of processing my grief over the passing of a dear friend. Kind and generous, she would want me to share this in the hope that it might be helpful to you. I am blessed to have a strong support network; others are walking beside me. This is a hard road to travel alone, please get the support you need.

Transcript

Elizabeth Gilbert says the following of grief.

Grief does not obey your plans or your wishes.

Grief will do whatever it wants to you,

Whenever it wants to.

In that regard,

Grief has a lot in common with love.

I awaken to the sound of rain,

A dull tapping against the window pane.

I am hollow.

I long for your company,

Your wisdom,

Your laughter.

I long for your friendship.

I long for a safe,

Shared space.

I long to feel complete.

Anger lives inside me.

It burns.

With each in-breath,

There is pain.

Anger languishes in the pit of my stomach,

A clenched fist,

Poised to strike.

Voices,

Once soft and calming,

Are shrill.

I lock myself away,

Fearful of losing my composure.

The world wants me to be appropriate.

I no longer know what this is,

And it doesn't seem to matter.

How I long for you.

Sorrow lives inside me.

Moist,

Damp muscles and tissues shrouds to my dull and aching bones.

Every bone in my body cries out,

Begging for relief.

Let this be over.

How I long for you.

Regret lives inside me.

A bitter taste.

Empty pages.

A dull,

Lifeless stare reflects back at me.

On the edge of something beautiful and then,

Like that,

It is gone.

You are gone.

How I long for you.

The light rain falls.

I hear your voice.

All the voices are here,

Fighting their way through my grief,

Excruciatingly slowly.

The warmth trickles through.

It is a tease.

There is such chaos inside,

Praise and cruelty,

Alongside a hint of peace.

The light rain falls,

A tiny glimpse of sanity.

Is it real?

Soft tears,

Warm,

Gentle tears.

Cleansing tears.

You are here.

Never one to give up on me.

You are here.

I will my body to soften.

I will myself to let you in.

The darkness keeps you out.

I know this feeling.

It is always here.

The deception that lines my body.

It is fear.

Fear lives inside me.

I sleep when it sleeps,

I cower as it grows.

This fear is so lonely,

So desperate to consume me.

It is the fear of life without you.

It makes me feel as if I must choose.

It makes it so hard.

The light rain falls.

You are here.

You have stirred the sleeping souls that live inside me.

They are restless.

I will my body to breathe.

I feel my body breathe.

I feel my body grieve.

I yearn to choose life with its anguish and its joy.

I yearn to choose to carry you in my heart.

Sadness,

Grief,

Joy and laughter.

I know I cannot have one without the other.

I yearn to feel whole again.

The rain falls,

Washing over me.

This time,

I let it in.

I let you in.

I am not afraid.

In this brief moment,

I am not afraid.

I rest here.

I feel my body breathe.

My body softens.

I can breathe again.

Softly I breathe.

So slowly,

Lightly I breathe.

I feel my body breathe.

My mind quiets.

My body breathes.

I hear you now.

I hear all of you.

You're all here.

Your words.

Joy lives with sorrow.

Peace with pain.

Peace lives inside me.

So,

So subtle.

Barely here.

I feel you all here.

You hold me close.

My body warms.

And yet,

The pain lingers.

The sorrow.

Tiny pieces of glass mingled with my blood.

It all lives here inside me.

I feel my body breathe.

I feel my body grieve.

Softly I breathe.

So slowly,

Lightly I breathe.

Each breath.

Each breath.

I feel my body breathe.

My mind quiets.

My body breathes.

My body grieves.

I feel my body breathe.

Lightly.

Softly.

I feel my body breathe.

So I do as you would have me do.

I remind myself that I can only do the best that I can.

I listen to my body and my heart.

And do my best to give them what they need.

I feel my body breathe.

I feel my body grieve.

I allow myself to accept the gifts that others offer me.

I forgive them as I am able when they fall short.

As I know they are grieving too.

Rest in peace,

My dear friend.

You are part of me now.

I carry you in my heart.

Reviews

A lovely meditation that helped to validate my continuing feelings of sorrow from the living bereavement of being estranged from my only daughter and 3 grandchildren as well as the loss of my dad, mother, uncle and aunt in recent years 😔 The words really hit me to the core as I’ve been carrying around these painful feelings and been unable to express them due to an absence of bereavement counselling support in my area. Thank you for helping me to release the pain today 🙏

Thank you for your deeply touching and authentic guidance. The tears flowed as I resonated with your words. My husband passed less than a year ago leaving such a void. 🙏🏼

Thank you for this. My husband just passed away suddenly and the grief is all consuming. This expressed a lot of what I have been feeling.

so beautiful- you put into words what i feel in my heart since my husband passed 🕊️✨🤍🕊️✨🤍🕊️✨🤍🕊️

Thank you. I cried through the whole thing but felt cleansed and calm afterwards.

🙏

thank you
this really helped ease my pain over the loss of my dog today - she was my baby and my friend and my companion in so many things in my everyday life. She followed me endlessly always trusting me. I miss her and the empty void is very real. Such pain and fear. this meditation will help me soften to feel her in my heart. beautiful. thank you

Oh my gosh! This is me. My oldest son passed 8 months ago. After surviving heart issues and cancer, an infection took him from me. Today is Justin's birthday. He would have been 41. This truly helped although I cried through the whole thing. But it helped. And he would not want me to cry. Thank you so much. 😪