Letting Go What Is Out of Our Control

Our tendency is to fight what we cannot control. We kick and scream against the force that threatens to pull us under. This actually tightens the invisible grip that life has on us. The way out is to not resist; this feels counterintuitive.
In this exercise we experiment with a difficult situation, we practice releasing that natural tendency to fight against reality, to fight against what we cannot control.

Transcript

Hello friends,

This is Marion.

Today we are experimenting with the concept of resistance.

Resistance refers to when we fight against something that is outside of our control.

The fighting either moves us backward or keeps us stuck.

It is a state of mind.

Often times this is accompanied by thoughts of unfairness,

Of injustice,

And yes,

Many times this is correct.

Maybe you didn't get that promotion because of nepotism.

Maybe your boss does have poor communication skills that are impacting your ability to effectively do your job.

Maybe your partner does continually make poor decisions that undermine your relationship.

Maybe the system is rigged.

I am not suggesting that in these situations we give up and walk away.

I am suggesting that we learn to recognize when we are resisting because this strategy does not work.

What does work?

The concept of acceptance.

Acceptance does not mean that we condone the situation.

It does mean that we are able to see it clearly for what it is without reacting to it.

When we are able to do this,

It can actually be quite beautiful.

We see the roadblocks and we are able to navigate around them.

When we get really good at this,

We can sometimes lessen or even remove the roadblocks for ourselves and for others.

An analogy of resistance is a rip current.

Our natural tendency is to fight the current,

To kick,

Scream,

Resist.

We panic and we worsen the situation.

The way out is to not resist.

It is to remain calm,

To keep our head above water until we can get help.

When we learn to let go of what we cannot control,

We recognize that it is the energy of our raging thoughts and emotions that is actually fueling the chaos.

We are giving energy to our own suffering,

Giving away the little control that we do have.

It is a difficult way to live.

So we build our skills.

We practice.

We practice noticing how our thoughts and emotions fuel our turmoil and we practice stepping out of the swirl that sweeps us up and carries us into dark places and keeps us stuck.

The more we experiment and practice,

The stronger our ability to see the obstacles and to navigate around them.

We begin by getting centered.

We will breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth.

As you breathe in,

You will feel your body expanding,

Your lungs filling up,

Your spine extending.

As you breathe out,

You will feel a gentle relaxing of your body as you sink deeper and deeper into your body.

I'll walk you through.

So take in a deep energizing breath,

Filling up your lungs,

Your shoulders rising,

And now hold and a slow release out.

Feel your body soften as you sink deeper and deeper into your chair.

Another deep energizing breath in,

Hold,

And now slow,

Gentle release out.

One more deep breath in,

Hold,

And then let it go.

Anything you're holding on to,

Just let it go.

And now allow your breath to return to normal.

Just find the natural pace and rhythm of your breath and just breathe.

Just breathe.

Feel your face soften,

All those tiny little muscles all around your eyes.

Let them soften.

Imagine gentle,

Warm sunlight caressing your face.

Warm,

Comforting.

Feel your face relax.

Loosen your forehead,

Your cheeks,

Your jaw,

Your throat.

Let your shoulders drop and breathe.

Just breathe.

Follow the breath.

Just breathe.

And now bring to mind a situation that you are experiencing that feels like a battle.

It may feel exhausting.

Some place in your life where things are not going according to plan.

There's tension,

Anxiety.

What is your battle?

Who or what are you fighting,

Resisting?

What is the battle you're fighting?

Take yourself there,

Into this place of resistance.

If at any time this becomes too challenging,

Then just stop.

You can always come back.

For now,

Try to go there,

Into this place of resistance.

See it.

Describe it to yourself.

What do you see?

Who was there with you?

Notice their expression,

Their posture.

What do you see?

In this place of resistance,

Notice your own posture.

How are you holding yourself?

What does this resistance look like on you?

Feel the resistance in your body.

Where do you feel it?

What does it feel like?

See if you can identify it with a color,

A shape.

Notice how this resistance is showing up inside you.

When you think of this situation that you are resisting,

What are the thoughts circulating inside you?

What are the thoughts?

Notice what emotions might be here with you.

See if you can name how this resistance is showing up in terms of your emotions.

Imagine your thoughts,

Your emotions,

Your sensations,

Churning inside you.

See it.

And see the force inside you.

Feel it.

Strong.

A gale wind.

Turbulence that you feel inside.

Raw energy.

Loud.

Intense.

Feel the current of this energy inside your body.

Angry.

Dark.

Fierce.

This resistance inside.

Fighting to get out.

There is no way out.

You fight harder,

More intensely.

The more you fight,

The more resistance,

The more constricted you become.

You are paralyzed.

There's nowhere to go.

You are resisting and going nowhere.

Try to allow yourself to consider that resistance may not be in your own best interest.

Notice.

You have choices.

Option 1.

You can keep fighting and going nowhere.

Option 2.

You can resign yourself to the situation,

Seeing the obstacles and not feeling any way out.

This is often accompanied by a feeling of apathy,

Despair,

Or disengagement.

Or Option 3.

You can accept the situation for what it is in this moment.

You can put down your sword and follow your heart.

This is often accompanied by feelings of trust,

Calm,

Hope.

What do you need to believe in order to shift yourself to a place of acceptance?

What do you need to believe?

What would be different for you if you could believe and accept this?

Out of the corner of your eye,

You see a faint light barely seeping through,

And you know it's time to move on.

It's hard to let go of the fight,

And yet somehow you know.

You sense there's something else out there for you.

It feels like hope.

The storm is settling now,

The craziness,

The intensity has passed.

Notice your body breathing,

The rise and fall of your chest,

The natural rhythm.

The air flowing in and out of your nostrils,

The natural rhythm.

The rising and falling of your shoulders,

The natural rhythm.

Follow the natural rhythm of your breath,

No fighting,

No resisting.

Flow with the breath.

Notice what this feels like inside your body.

What do you notice?

Be gentle with yourself.

Pay attention to what you are feeling.

The resistance may still be there,

Or perhaps it has been replaced or is accompanied by something else.

This is a process.

Allow yourself to sit with whatever you are feeling.

And yes,

This can be really hard.

Perhaps there is pain,

Disappointment,

A sense of loss.

Being with these feelings,

Allowing yourself to be here,

This is part of the process that allows us to move through.

We are not fighting the current,

We are not thrashing about creating more chaos.

We are sitting with whatever is here,

With the knowing that this will pass.

You will move through.

Take a moment and show yourself a little kindness.

See if you can allow yourself to accept a gift of self-care.

Take your right hand and place it on your upper left arm.

Take your left hand and lightly grasp your upper right arm.

Give yourself a tender hug.

You may even try rocking back and forth.

You are not alone.

We are here with you.

Loved ones that have gone before you,

Others dealing with difficult situations are here with you.

Picture in your mind others all around the world working through change,

Moving in and out of relationships,

Dealing with loss,

With loneliness.

See them.

See if you can make some connection here.

Let them know you are here.

We are all here in this crazy and beautiful and mixed up world.

We are trying to do the best we can.

Our last step is balancing ourselves to go back out there.

Often when we get caught up in the swirl of our thoughts and our emotions,

It is easy to get overwhelmed and knocked off balance.

So let's get your balance back.

Notice your posture.

Now pull up your shoulders and straighten your spine.

Open your chest and allow yourself to accept that you are pretty amazing.

Take in a deep breath.

Feel the incredible positive energy flowing up through your body.

Smile.

Now a slow release out.

Anything you are holding onto,

Just let it go.

Lovely.

As I mentioned at the beginning,

The more we practice with noticing how and when we are resisting,

The easier this becomes.

We learn to not fight what we cannot change in this moment.

We learn to use our energy on those places and people in our lives where we can influence.

And we do move forward.

Over the next minute,

The music will slowly fade away.

You may want to take a moment and reflect on the experience.

Thank you friends for joining me here today.

I am grateful for your presence.

Reviews

This was so worthwhile -I’m dealing with a situation where my son has decided to stop communicating . I shall return to this again soon

This was profoundly helpful to me. The past right before the 10 minute mark where you talk about having 3 choices was a breakthrough for me. Where I thought I was accepting I was actually resigning, and I did feel despair. This helped me understand what acceptance truly means and helped me have hope. Thank you so much 🙏

Very good! I will do this again with other areas/situations in which I experience resistance. Thank you 🙏

So helpful! Loved your calm voice & your gentle sequence of guiding us to let go of resistance to what we cannot control so we can open up to possibilities & foster hope. Thank you! 🙏🏻

I had just received some news of an outcome I didn't want to hear, in a situation I could not control, compiunded hy a lack of rrsponse from an employer. After practicing for 8 years now I would have expected a better response. Instead I released my frustrations and anger outward and toward the person delivering the news I didn't want to hear.
For an hour or so I raged and cursed at my situation. Then the practice started to take hold of my thoughts, and my awareness of my thoughts and reactions became clear.
Firstly I responded to the person whom I vented on and apologized for my behavior. Then my next action was to seek my practice and look inward for peace and presence.
I searched the app for a meditation on self-control, knowing I had shown a complete lack it when I needed it most.
I scrolled the populated list and stopped at yours. I noticed the pull.
I am so grateful for your wisdom and words.
It was like you knew my situation and were talking to me alone in the moment. I wept and purged my emotion.
Thank you. What you do here is powerful and meaningful to so many of us souls.
Much gratitude 🙏

Thank you Marian 🙏🏼 I found this very helpful ❤️🌻

Thank you so much! Incredible delivery of an important message.

This was helpful in regulating my personal experience to align better with the coup we are undergoing in the US. It is true that hatred never ceases through hatred but by love alone is healed. This guidance is a potent reminder of this ancient and eternal law.

I need to listen to this every day….thank you!

So relaxing and I could relate.I needed to hear this.Thank you

Great, just what I needed to hear this morning, thank you

Wonderful. Really calming and helpful meditation. I found the experience very moving. Thank you 🙏🏼

It made me cry…
But I’m certainly not the same person I was before this meditation. Thank you, , you are a gift

Namaste 🙏

I'm grateful for you.

A very powerful meditation, gentle yet deep reaching. I found this very helpful.

Exactly what I needed. Great meditation, guided by a lovely voice full of love and calm

Loved this.. thank you

This is one of the most powerful meditations I’ve come across. This really opened my heart & mind & made me realize how much I’m resisting my experience with anxiety & severe depression. Your voice is so calming. This could be a real game changer in my recovery ❤️‍🩹. I’ve been battling my depression off n on for many years. THANK YOU for this . 100x 🙏💜🌈🌺 May you be blessed 🙏

Beautiful and nourishing 🙏🏼 just what I needed. Thank you so much 🌷