Hi,
This is Miriam.
This session is about forgiveness.
Learning how to forgive can be very powerful.
It allows us to let go of stress by reducing anger,
Sadness,
And resentment.
It also helps us to cultivate empathy and compassion,
Two ingredients necessary for healthy relationships as well as for leadership.
As with any meditation practice,
Trust yourself to know what you need.
If at any time during this practice you feel overwhelmed,
Please stop and get the support you need.
We begin with a compelling story of forgiveness.
It's the story of Ray Hinton.
He writes about it in his memoir,
The Sun Does Shine,
How I Found Life and Freedom on Death Row.
Ray Hinton spent 30 years on death row for two murders he did not commit.
For three years following his conviction,
He did not speak a word.
He was filled with hate.
When exonerated in 2015,
He shares that he had replaced hate with forgiveness.
I forgave so I could sleep at night.
True forgiveness is the only way to be free and I want to be free.
The intention of today's practice is to create a safe space for you to experiment.
There is no pressure and there is no expectation.
Forgiveness is a process and a choice.
You have to be ready.
We'll start by getting centered.
We'll breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth.
As you breathe in,
You'll feel your body expanding,
Your lungs filling up and your spine extending.
As you breathe out,
You'll feel a gentle relaxing of your body as you sink deeper and deeper into your chair,
Into your body.
I'll walk you through.
Take in a deep,
Energizing breath.
Now hold and a slow release out.
Breathe in another deep breath in.
Hold and release.
Let it go.
One more deep breath in.
Feel your shoulders rising and then hold and then release.
Anything you're holding on to,
See if you can let this go.
Allow your breath to return to normal and find the natural pace and rhythm of your breath and just breathe.
Just breathe.
See if you can feel your face softening,
Your cheeks,
Your forehead.
Unlock your jaw.
Let your shoulders drop and just breathe.
Just breathe.
Picture yourself.
You're walking down a country road.
It's a beautiful,
Crisp fall day and the temperature is mild.
See if you can imagine a light breeze gently touching your uncovered skin.
Other than the sounds of nature,
It's quiet.
There's no one around for miles.
You're enjoying the solitude.
The landscape is colored with the autumn leaves and brilliant shades of gold,
Orange,
Yellow,
And red.
Your boots are making contact with the gravel road beneath your feet.
A heavy crunching sound lets the world know you're here.
There's a deliberateness to your step,
A heaviness matched by the knapsack tightly strapped to your back.
It's a heavy load you carry,
Memories and emotions wrapped up inside.
Some are light and bring you joy.
Others are dark and heavy,
Weighing you down,
Old,
Rusty and broken.
They provide no value and yet you carry them with you wherever you go.
The sun is high overhead now.
A bead of sweat trickles down the side of your face.
Up ahead you see a majestic maple tree,
Limbs spread wide.
The promise of shade draws you close.
You loosen the knapsack and slide it off your shoulder.
It hits the ground with a thud.
You slide down the length of the tree trunk,
Easing yourself onto the bed of leaves.
Sitting up straight,
Feel the tree trunk behind you offering support.
There's something very safe and peaceful here.
Notice your body breathing,
The rise and fall of your chest,
The natural rhythm,
The air coming in and out of your nostrils,
The natural rhythm,
The rising and falling of your shoulders,
The natural rhythm.
You lift your head and you look down the road ahead.
The sunlight hitting the gravel sparkles.
There's something magical down that road.
So many experiences,
So much life.
You bring your eyes to the knapsack leaning against the tree,
Dark and heavy.
The bag is ripped and torn and well-traveled.
You've carried it so long.
It fits you like a glove,
Weighs down your body and your heart,
Keeps you tethered.
You gently unzip the bag.
Inside are dozens of stones of different sizes,
Shapes,
Colors.
Some are weightless and translucent.
As your hand glides over these stones,
You feel warmth.
Others are foreboding and leave dark stains on your skin.
Dark memories,
Harmful thoughts,
Are trapped inside.
They burn you from the inside out.
Your eyes travel back and forth from the golden gravel road to the worn and heavy knapsack.
Draw your attention to your chest and your heart.
Can you feel the lightness here?
The lightness of forgiveness?
Is there yearning inside?
A desire for peace?
The peace that comes with forgiveness?
You reach inside the bag,
And you carefully select a grayish memory.
It's dingy and gritty,
Not too heavy,
Not too dark.
Perhaps it is a fragile memory,
But it's not too heavy,
Not too dark.
It's not too dark.
Perhaps it is a fresh hurt,
Or maybe one that had cut to the bone.
It rarely shows up now,
And yet traces linger.
Allow yourself to sit with this for a moment and see what comes to you.
Someone toward whom you carry some anger or resentment.
Someone you think you might be ready to forgive.
Who might you be ready to forgive?
See it there,
This person,
This memory.
They're in front of you.
Allow yourself to see the story unfold from outside.
You're watching.
See if you can give yourself the gift of a little space separating yourself from the event.
Watch the memory unfold.
What do you see?
As you watch this,
Notice what you're feeling.
See if you can name the emotions you're feeling.
Perhaps there's resentment,
Anger,
Disappointment,
Confusion.
See if you can name it,
And see now,
Try to feel this presence inside your body.
What are the sensations you notice?
Perhaps there's a weight on your chest,
Discomfort in your belly,
A lump in your throat,
Tension or tightness,
Or an achiness.
What do you notice?
Can you feel the burden tethering you,
Holding you down?
And bring your attention back again to your chest,
To your heart.
Open your chest.
There's a lightness here.
Can you feel the lightness?
There's love here,
This love that wants us to be able to broaden our perspective so that we can let the burden go.
See if you can,
For a moment,
Try to let the hurt go,
And see this through the lens of compassion.
As we go through this exercise,
Know that forgiveness is not about condoning the hurtful actions of others.
It is more about trying to understand them.
The person that caused you pain,
What was going on in their life?
Were there any life circumstances that might help explain why they acted the way they did?
What might they have been going through?
Now,
See if you can be curious about what got in the way of them being able to effectively deal with these circumstances.
Perhaps they grew up in an environment where they were not taught emotional regulation or empathy.
Without judgment,
See if it's possible for you to better understand why they behaved the way they did.
If you're struggling with this,
Perhaps the person came from a very loving,
Nurturing home,
And yet they're still just very mean or abusive.
Consider your beliefs about this.
Do you believe that people are born mean,
Or that life's experiences create this?
Regardless of your beliefs,
What caused the person to be the way they are?
Their history?
Their environment?
Their genes?
Now that you have more information and perhaps a better understanding of this person that has hurt you,
Is it possible for you to let some of your anger go?
Understand and forgiveness are not excusing or condoning their bad behavior.
You do not deserve to be hurt.
Making sense of what happened does,
However,
Allow us to move forward.
I can forgive you,
And I can still find your behavior reprehensible.
I can forgive myself,
And I can still forgive myself for my imperfections and still love myself.
I can't forgive you,
Love you,
And not allow you to be in my life anymore.
Find your words,
Your words of forgiveness,
And say them silently to yourself.
I can forgive you,
And I can still forgive myself for my imperfections and still love myself for my imperfections and still love myself for my imperfections and still love myself for my imperfections and still love myself for my imperfections and still love myself for my imperfections and still love myself for my imperfections and still love myself for my imperfections and still love myself for my true forgiveness is the only way to be free.
Learning to forgive can be very difficult.
It's a process and a choice.
If you're not ready to forgive,
If you can't see the choice,
Allow yourself to be okay with this.
As we bring this session to a close,
Notice what you're feeling and honor this,
Whatever feeling this is.
Be well.
I'm grateful for you being here.
