Hello and welcome to Five Minutes in Nature with me Liz Scott on a glorious autumnal day,
Sitting on a rock,
A granite boulder,
On Dartmoor,
Slightly elevated on the hillside,
Feeling the warmth of the sun on my face,
Blue sky,
Little white puffy clouds and in the distance,
About 10 miles away,
I can see the ocean and it's this extraordinary silver colour,
It's illuminated by the sun,
It's bright,
I have to squint my eyes as I look out towards it,
It's so bright.
The sun is glorious today and I wish you were here with me just enjoying what it is like to be up here on Dartmoor.
And today is just a reflection on what it is like to be around people who are good listeners and actually keep a confidence and the difference between being around someone like that and being around someone that just enjoys and can't help themselves telling stories of what they've heard other people say.
And I've got two friends and I'll tell you the experience for me because there's one friend who I love dearly and what I've noticed is that when I go out with her,
I go walking or I'm with her,
She loves to talk and she loves to tell me all the things that are going on with all her other friends,
Some of which are mutual friends.
And I know when I listen to her that there are bits and bobs of information that she tells me and there's a part of me that wonders if actually that friend who told her that information would have wanted it to be passed on.
Do you know what I mean?
You kind of,
I'm on the receiving end of hearing,
Catching up with somebody but I'm like oh I just wonder if that bit of information was told to you in confidence.
And of course the contrast to that is my second friend who is this rock-solid grounded woman that I know that I can go and talk to and she will not spread anything.
She treats everything as though I am saying it in confidence and the contrast is the way I engage with them.
So with my first friend who tends to repeat what she's heard,
I find that I'm very cautious in what I say.
I'm a bit guarded.
I don't open up fully.
I know that whatever I say to her is likely to be repeated in some form elsewhere.
And with my second friend it's completely different.
When I see her I almost breathe a sigh of relief.
The tension leaves my shoulders.
I know I can be honest as I speak in untangled thoughts and I feel this space of wisdom of non-judgment and I feel held.
What I say doesn't go anywhere else and at the end of a conversation with her I feel refreshed and nourished.
And I guess the question to ask yourself is what kind of listener are you?
Are you the kind of listener that listens to things and then enjoys telling other people the stories that you've heard?
And there's no judgment on this.
I'm not judging you at all.
Not judging anyone.
Or are you the kind of person that when somebody speaks to you,
You listen and you kind of absorb it.
You just let that information stay with you.
It doesn't matter which you are.
What I think is helpful is the realisation that people will turn up differently to you depending on how they feel that you hold confidences and how you hold and treat their precious information.
And people will judge you based on the way that you share information from others.
So all I'm asking you today is to be aware of where you are.
Are you a rock solid listener that holds confidences?
Or are you someone that just loves to share and be the source of news and information to your other friends?
And just be aware that people will share and confide in you in different ways depending on how you show up in the world.
And just make a choice as to whether you prefer to be that rock solid,
Grounded,
Confidential listener or whether you're that person who likes to share what you've heard with other people.
This isn't an opportunity to judge yourself or to feel guilty.
This is just an opportunity to notice what goes on for you.
