The Perfection Of Imperfection - Walks In Nature 01

Why is nature such a powerful balm? What does it mean to feel gratitude for life’s simple moments? And how do we find the strength to carry on through grief?

In this podcast series, Walks In Nature, Liz delves into the remarkable resilience of everyday people. Today, she goes on a walk with Amanda at Saltram near Plymouth.

Transcript

It's a rather lovely sunny autumnal day here at Soltryn.

We're walking through the woods and the leaves on the trees are just turning and there's just the odd twitter of the birds in the trees and I can see leaves falling from the trees as I stand here on this footpath watching the leaves flutter right down and hit the path and with me to share this is Amanda and Amanda Soltryn is near Plymouth and it's it's a walk you like coming on isn't it?

It is it's one of the walks I feel very safe doing because there's quite a few people around it's a nice simple walk to do and you can get a cup of tea at the end.

What's not to like eh?

Exactly.

And we were walking down and there's lots of people it's actually a very very popular place lots of cars parking.

Yeah even if you come very early in the morning I've tried to come very early in the morning because I sometimes want to be around people when I'm walking and sometimes I don't but there are places I go when I when I want to be more on my own when I'm walking.

This isn't a place you can come if you want you can feel on your own a little bit but you've got so many people and they're always walking their dogs and smiling and you can say hello and have a chat and so there's that if you want that here so but it makes it feel very safe as well.

So we're walking down this path and we're gonna loop back to the tea rooms I'm hoping.

We are.

Yeah where does this path take us on this circular route?

It takes us down to I don't know what what they call it the inlet that comes next to the road that runs into Plymouth there's a good body of water there and it brings us down there there's a tiny little beach actually that you can go on just down here and if you go up there's a bird wetlands so you can come with your binoculars and look at the birds as well and then you can walk along the river you see obviously the road on the other side but it's actually really quite peaceful and then of course you just walk amongst the trees.

It's great isn't it?

It's beautiful.

You love walking don't you?

I love walking yeah I grew up in Oxford and I was really really lucky to have a woodland called Shutter over in Brazenose Woods two apparently two woodlands but it felt like one to us and we would go over and play there as children we're very lucky to be allowed to do that we would be gone all day and only come back when it was dark and it was and it's still actually my favorite place so when I go and visit my dad because my dad's ailing now for me to get some peace and to have some space and have some reflective time it's where I always go it's my peaceful my peaceful spot so it's my favorite woodland if I'm honest with you I love all woodlands but it's my favorite probably because it has so many memories.

So this is a bit of a substitute I would imagine.

It is yeah.

Oh and just as we were speaking there this beautiful little black spaniel leapt up to say hello.

It did.

But it didn't luckily get us mucky.

No well let's carry on a little bit because I want to find out a bit more about you and this conversation is all about just speaking with ordinary people and just seeing what kind of challenges they've got and how they work through those challenges so we're going to be talking about that but let's move on a little bit further okay and then we'll we'll chat again.

Down by the water's edge the vista has really opened up I mean I say it's the water's edge but the tide is out this is a the estuary here and across the way I can see the cars driving which I think must be along the embankment towards Plymouth is it yes so that's quite a busy a busy route you can see the the sun glinting off the the cars as they they go by and here in front of us is quite a lot of mud but I think this is good for birds isn't it if you know what you're looking for you were saying that about the birds.

There's a little bit of beach I like to call it just there with sand but no it's great for the birds it's absolutely brilliant for the birds isn't it and and for well any kind of life in the sea really they need they need these little elements.

And one of the things we want to talk about or I'd love to just just talk to you about Amanda is about challenges because I know we all experience challenges and over the past few years my hunch is that anybody I ask this question of will have been through some kind of challenge and and that's what I want to ask you about some of the challenges maybe you've experienced over the past few years.

Yeah well the past few years have been probably but bar a time when I was like about 10 or 11 or something probably the biggest challenges of my life because I lost my mum but around losing my mum as well I'm from a big Irish family and we lost an awful lot of our family members over the years and I think I think because I am a bit if I say so myself empathetic I pick up on things very easily I get quite affected by them I've always been quite affected by by this sort of thing obviously with my mum literally when she died I felt like I had a hole in me and at the time I was when she was she had terminal cancer and when she was dying I was working as a nurse still a psychiatric nurse and I'd asked at the time that I didn't have people referred to me with bereavement but because of the way the systems work they couldn't safeguard me from that and I would find that people would be calling and luckily because it was a lot a lot over the phone I would just literally be crying my heart out at the same time and trying to keep that from people and I knew at that point that I had to leave but I've kind of always had a feeling that I know that I'm going to be okay and I know I'm a strong character during the time of my mum dying obviously that was one of the hardest times in my life tell me just a bit about your mum because it sounds like she was a pretty amazing woman oh she was she was very incredibly shy incredibly shy incredibly loving she couldn't cook well she cooked meat she cooked very good bacon very crispy bacon and actually very good cheese on toast so when I used to come home she'd make me cheese on toast she made very good cheese on toast but no she was very warm and you know very much loved by the family and her particularly I mean she's one of nine children and they're all lovely you know but my mum and my uncle John brother and sister were the softest I would say they had I think people used to like some of their brothers and sisters got crossed with them because they thought they let all the kids get away with murder and they did to some degree but actually you know they knew when to tell us off and everything else they weren't always angry and everything else my mum didn't get worked up very easily you know at all and she just wanted the best for us and she didn't know how to do that really all she'd say is just be happy and I remember thinking well what is what's happy I don't quite understand what what is happy and that's taken me quite a long time like that's always been a question in my mind what is happy what makes me happy that sounds interesting I'm gonna suggest we we carry on walking and maybe I can ask you that question because there's a legacy I think from your mum here that we're we're told of exploring which is this you know she might no longer be physically be with you and yet there are some extraordinary strong memories and recollections and love that is still very present and what makes you happy is a really good reflection so should we carry on walking and then we'll pick this up in a bit yeah we're just pausing at the Blackstone meadow bird hide and overlooking a big lake of water and I'm not very great with birds but I can see some Canadian geese I'm pretty sure that's them just in front of us can you see anything else I think there might be some oyster catchers over there maybe some kind of turns over there or egrets in the little right right very far away mm-hmm across the water I think but I'm without my binoculars I I can't tell but it's a great space for birds though it's very peaceful actually isn't it yeah and you can see again I know I keep saying about safe I don't know why I keep saying about safe but it's a obviously a very safe place for birds as well I think I think they feel very safe here isn't that interesting safety is and being safe is is a theme that certainly has been important for you today as we've spoken here is important hello you is it a King Charles is it yeah very happy very that's great we're just pausing at a bit of a fork in the path and we're heading now back towards the cafe and the car park towards Sultrum but you can at this point follow the Plymouth Valley Trail and I think it's quite a popular cyclists route I know we've seen cyclists but I think it is an official route you can carry on and I've just seen hanging off this post is somebody's dog Lee they've obviously lost lost their dog lead so hopefully they might come back yeah somebody's put the the dog lead hung it over the the signpost and hopefully they'll come back and find it I hope so anyway and we're turning our back now on the estuary walking our way back to Sultrum house itself and we you one of the things I'm very inspired by is I guess the resilience of people I mean resilience really when we're talking about it just in the ordinary everyday hard work it can be sometimes to be human maybe hard work it's just we have challenges as human beings that we constantly have in our world and what people often don't realize is the resourcefulness and resilience that they naturally have to get through them and I see it in bucket loads in you and I know you're very cognizant of that yeah yourself Amanda let's pick up this idea though of happiness your mum wanted you to be happy and and that was an exploration for you is that something you feel is a bit of a marker in your life a guide in your life am I happy and if not then you kind of come back into line again and alignment yeah one of the things I realized it's a bit like looking at the dog just talking about the dogs and how happy dogs are if you just take them for a walk or throw a ball for them or give them a snack I recognized several things in my life one was to be happy is actually about the simple things it's not about having massive adventures and things massive adventures can be fun and they can feed into that but actually it's it's about the simple things we do day to day and it's about like this coming for a walk it's about having a cup of tea with a friend it's about seeing good film for me it's just about sitting by the water and reflecting reading a book giving myself permission to read a book it's really really simple stuff that makes me happy aside that what I've also realized is I'm actually very kind to myself and that took some learning that wasn't how I felt when I was younger because my self-esteem wasn't so great but I'm actually very forgiving of myself I know that I'm going to make mistakes I know I'm going to get it wrong I know it's not always going to go right but fundamentally that's helped me understand that whatever happens I'm going to be okay I want to pause you there because I think that's really important actually for it's a good lesson for all of us which is just being kind to yourself and forgiving and if you do make a mistake or I mean for me I think sometimes I might say something a bit clumsy and I think oh did I really say that but it's it's not about then beating myself up and judging myself and making myself feel even worse is that what you mean it's like just giving yourself a bit of permission to be kind yeah kind to yourself I think that's a really good way of putting it yeah just be very just just recognize there's no such thing as perfect absolutely no such thing as perfect at all or maybe perfection in it imperfection maybe that actually owning what you do and being responsible for that it's very important for me so if I do something wrong or I feel like I've done something about I will you know say sorry even to myself because actually sometimes you're harming yourself with that you know and actually the gratitude thing you know that's really interesting that that's like coming into the mental health world when not when I was a mental health nurse and I do do it myself about being remembering what I'm grateful for that actually it is about giving it's being about it's being open to receive as well and it's about picking yourself up and learning I the other thing I found is actually be curious about yourself so don't so if you're just really hard on yourself you can't see things for what they are and what I try and do is see things for what they are take the emotional bit out for a while just let's look at what's happened what's going on and say right maybe I need a rest right now before I do anything maybe I need a period of reflection but what do I want to do about it what's going to work for me not for anybody else just for me what's going to work for me and I can always then see a way through it was a bit tough and trick at times but I love walking like you I love being out outside I want to ask you about that so what is it about walking for you it's do you know I had this realization once when I was going through a hard time I sat by the sea and I thought why do I sit by the sea when I when I'm having a hard time because I love the woods I absolutely love the woods I've already said it's a bit morbid but I've said when I die I want to have my ashes spread in woodland okay so because I think the trees are brilliant friends to us you know I'm very forgiving of us actually as well and they give us so much and and I realized I go to the sea for clarity and I come to the woodland for comfort so and I go to the mountains when I want to feel I mean I've had the most wonderful connection to the world when I've been in mountains I cannot tell you but I've only been in mountains a couple of times but I can't always afford to do that but I've had the most wonderful connection with the world when I've once been yeah anyway I can't even explain how it's felt it's so wonderful but um so but for woodlands there's a comfort in the woodlands I feel like I'm amongst friends in the woods I feel safe that's the word again isn't it I wondered that actually when you said about being you know feeling comfortable and amongst friends in the woodlands and the word safe has come up so much today maybe that's a reflection that with the woods and the trees around us there is a sense of safety yeah your friends are here yeah my friends are here and you know they're very forgiving they're very accepting they're very you know I used to walk with a friend at nighttime which was a bit like whoo and then I realized nobody hangs around at woods at nighttime except for us who are walking in the woods at night time and you know you've got like you know the rabbits and the deer and the foxes and the badgers and the birds and you're never alone you're never alone the insects you're never alone in woodland and but it's very accepting I find as well and I just find the green and blue have always been my favorite colors if you ain't went to my house it's all green and blue because I think in nature is where we come from and where we go back to basically and I think we are nature we are nature I mean we sort of maybe there's a sense that we're separate we have our houses and we sit in our cars and we go to our offices and we look at our computers but we are I mean that's what that for me is why I love coming outside is because it reminds me that I am this yeah no absolutely absolutely you even think about the world world is what 70% water 30% or something like this land we're the same we're about 70% water 30% other mass really the world is full of bacteria we're full of bacteria you know it's just you look at a leaf you look at a lung yeah they look very similar we are part of it we're not separate to it and I think we the problem is is we've become part of it culture makes us part of a way for takes us away makes us feel separate feel separate we're not actually taught or supported to not to be separate anymore they are in some places but I think in the UK it's like we're different we're better what you know we're not better than anything nothing is better than anything else we're all the same we all deserve respect we all deserve care we all deserve you know we all do and fundamentally I know that but actually when you come out here you know it even more especially if you allow yourself to be open to how it feels just sit sit under a tree for a few hours sit in the grass for a few hours we don't do that enough and I think a lot of people would be a lot happier if they did really well we're going to finish off our walk now heading back up to the tea room the cafe but Amanda it's been an absolute joy thank you so much no thank you

Reviews

A great way to rethink the important things, which listening to your walk.