Ignoring A Narcissist The Power They Hope You Never Discover

Narcissistic abuse causes brainfog, mental confusion, emotional insecurity and paralyzing self doubt. Cognitive dissonance implies our minds are at war with two opposite beliefs, ideas or emotions. On one side, we may have been duped and manipulated into believing the narcissist we love is altruistic, and kind, while on the other, we may be feeling manipulated and taken advantage of. Until we can decide on what is true for us, our minds remain deadlocked, and we are prime targets for narcissistic others

Transcript

Welcome to Breakdown to Breakthrough,

The podcast that empowers you to transform your life by awakening to your true,

Authentic self.

I'm Lisa A.

Romano,

Your host.

As an award-winning author and certified life coach,

I've dedicated my life to helping others understand the incredible power of an organized mind.

I believe that true empowerment begins with awakening to our false self.

My mission is to support you on your journey toward mental and emotional regeneration through conscious and deliberate awakening.

In this podcast,

I'll share insights,

Tools,

And transformative stories that illuminate the path to healing and self-discovery.

Namaste,

Dear ones.

Today,

We're going to be talking about the power of ignoring a narcissist.

So let's take a moment to recognize the insidious nature of narcissistic abuse.

It creeps into your life like a thief in the night,

Robbing you of your self-worth,

Your hope,

And joy.

The characteristics of this abuse often manifest in deceptive charm.

A narcissist may start with a grand display of affection,

Using love-bombing techniques to overwhelm you with attention and affection.

They know just how to captivate your heart and mind before revealing their true colors.

Manipulation,

Gaslighting,

And emotional blackmail become the tools of the trade when they feel you slipping away or asserting your needs.

The emotional toll of narcissistic abuse is profound.

As the relationship progresses,

The subtle shifts become more pronounced.

You may find yourself walking on eggshells,

Constantly gauging their moods and adjusting your behavior to avoid their wrath.

Every criticism,

Every belittling comment digs deeper into your psyche,

Creating a dangerous stance of self-doubt.

You start to feel as though nothing you do is ever good enough,

And over time,

These feelings erode your confidence.

The love that once felt so intoxicating becomes entangled with fear,

A fear of their anger or disapproval that prevents you from expressing your true self.

Moreover,

The narcissist's charm can be so compelling that you may second-guess your perception of reality.

Their manipulative tactics,

Such as gaslighting,

Leave you questioning your sanity.

You remember a conversation one way,

Only to have them insist it never happened that way.

The uncertainty breeds cognitive dissonance and emotional turmoil that leaves you vacillating between disbelief and tons of confusion.

This manipulation cracks the foundation of your reality,

Causing you to feel lost in a maze of emotional upheaval,

Amplifying the critical importance of understanding these characteristics to reclaim your personal power.

Understanding the power narcissists seek at the heart of narcissistic behavior is an insatiable hunger for power.

They crave control,

Not merely over their own lives,

But over the lives of those around them.

The narcissist views relationships as an extension of self,

Demanding adoration and compliance while refusing to reciprocate genuine care.

Their need for dominance is often driven by deep-seated insecurities and unresolved trauma,

Which they compensate for by asserting power over their victims.

Your emotional landscape becomes a battleground where they assert their dominance,

Often without any regard for your feelings or well-being.

The power dynamics at play involve more than just verbal or emotional abuse.

They intertwine your sense of self with their whims.

Narcissists manipulate reality to serve their agenda,

Creating a twisted narrative where they portray themselves as the victim or martyr.

By constantly shifting blame and minimizing your experiences,

They can maintain the upper hand in the relationship.

This dynamic can be exhausting,

Leaving you feeling drained and confused as you navigate the minefield of their emotional demands.

Recognizing that the narcissist is after your power is the first critical step in breaking free.

Understand that their attempts at control are primarily rooted in their own fears and inadequacies.

The moment you begin to view their actions through the lens of their dysfunction rather than your worth,

You initiate a transformation within yourself.

Empowerment lies in the knowledge that their machinations stem from their need for validation,

Not from an objective truth about your value or your capabilities.

This shift in perspective can be revolutionary,

Allowing you to disengage from the emotional manipulation they wield.

Cognitive dissonance is real,

And you will experience it.

As we delve deeper into the impact of narcissistic abuse,

It's crucial to explore the cognitive dissonance that arises from this tumultuous experience.

So what is cognitive dissonance?

It's important you understand that this describes the mental discomfort experienced when holding two conflicting beliefs or emotions at the same time.

In the context of a relationship with a narcissist,

This dissonance can manifest as a clash between the love you once felt and the pain you now endure daily.

You may find yourself grappling with the memories of joyful moments intertwined with the reality of emotional pain,

Leading to an internal battle that can feel unbearable.

This internal conflict often leaves you feeling confused and isolated.

You want to believe in the love and the connection that once ignited your heart,

But the nagging reality of their toxic behavior overshadows those memories.

This push and pull creates a sense of being trapped as you fight against the validation of your feelings while simultaneously feeling an obligation to justify or rationalize their abusive behavior.

You may experience guilt for wanting to distance yourself from someone you once loved dearly,

Leading to further turbulence in your internal emotional landscape.

Moreover,

This cognitive dissonance reinforces your sense of helplessness.

The more you seek validation for your feelings from the narcissist,

The more they gaslight and manipulate your reality,

Causing you deeper confusion.

You're constantly second-guessing your interpretation of love,

Affection,

And safety,

A dangerous cycle that perpetuates emotional damage.

Realizing that this dissonance serves as an emotional noise allows you to begin the important work of detaching your self-worth from the thoughts and emotions that represent the psychological abuse narcissistic abuse creates.

I want to talk about the power of stepping back.

Stepping back from a relationship with the narcissist is a transformative act of self-preservation and empowerment.

In the deliberate withdrawal,

You,

Dear one,

Create a vital space for clarity and reflection,

Allowing your true feelings to surface without the chaotic influence of their energy.

When you step back,

You begin to observe the dynamics at play,

Recognizing the patterns that have kept you ensnared for so long.

This pause becomes a sanctuary where you can discern what is genuinely yours versus the toxic beliefs imposed upon you by someone who thrives on control.

In this new space,

You reclaim the autonomy that has long been overshadowed by their demands.

As you detach emotionally and mentally from the chaotic influences of a narcissist,

The grip of cognitive dissonance begins to loosen.

You start to see the discrepancies between the facade presented by the narcissist and the reality of your lived experiences.

This newfound perspective allows you to gather insights into the untruths that have been woven into your narrative,

Liberating you from the constant cycle of confusion and self-doubt.

You may find that the emotional burden you've carried is not yours to bear,

But rather a shadow cast by the insecurities of the narcissist.

Stepping back offers you the space to breathe,

Re-evaluate,

And ultimately disentangle your worth from their chaotic reactions to you.

Furthermore,

This act of stepping back equips you with the mental and emotional skills necessary to begin reclaiming your power.

By observing without engaging,

You learn to identify the manipulative tactics that once held sway over you.

Each moment of detachment fortifies your resolve,

Showing you that the grip of their influence weakens when you refuse to feed into their narrative.

In this empowered state,

You can begin to cultivate a more compassionate relationship with yourself.

You can prioritize self-care,

Seek validation from your inner voice,

And rebuild your sense of self outside the confines of the narcissist's demands.

Ultimately,

Stepping back is not just an act of escape,

It is a powerful declaration of self-worth and the first step toward a life lived authentically,

A life where you get to decide who you are,

A life where you get to decide what you think,

A life where you get to decide what you believe and what's right for you.

I can tell you when you start to namaste and walk away,

When you start to really,

Really embody the power of shati,

Shati,

Shati,

Which is essentially my tool that allowed me to stop engaging with narcissistic people in my life.

The more codependent you are,

The harder this is in the beginning.

It's like ripping your skin off because you have an addiction to having people see you in a way that allows you to feel seen and heard and good enough.

As children,

Codependents learn that they have to do and do and do for others in order not to be abused,

In order not to be criticized,

In order not to be withheld love.

We learned early that the more we fawn,

The more we ignore the self,

The more that we smile,

The more that we anticipate the needs of others,

The less pain we experience in our childhood.

Unfortunately,

At the subconscious level and at the neurological level and at the level of our belief systems,

We become wired to behave this way.

And who do we attract?

We do not attract the healthy people hanging out at the water cooler.

We walked into a room full of 100 men if we are highly codependent women or if we are women with inner child wounds that are unrecovered,

We would gravitate towards the one man in the room that was highly toxic,

That was highly narcissistic,

That had a gambling issue or who had an alcoholic issue.

We would gravitate towards people that felt familiar to us,

The kind of men that make us beg for approval,

The kind of men that make us feel like we're not good enough,

The kind of men that want us to cater to them,

The kind of men that want to have power over us that are not fair,

Do not have empathy,

At least not real empathy.

And the same with men.

If you were a highly codependent young man or a man and you walk into a room full of 100 females,

You would be attracted to the one female that had high narcissistic traits,

A female that made you chase after her approval.

And this is a very sobering reality.

But without really looking at this reality and understanding how we are giving our power over to this reality and we are cutting ourselves off from our God-given ability to focus where we want to focus inward versus outward,

Then we remain stuck.

Once you believe that you trust someone,

You let down your guard.

So the power to discern is kind of dismantled for a little while because you already,

Through the power of cognitive reasoning and a cognitive bias now,

You assume this person's good.

You put them in the good box category.

So now when a red flag comes up because of this cognitive influence that is operating below the veil of consciousness,

You've already decided this is a good person.

So when a red flag comes up,

You knock it down like whack-a-mole.

No,

Can't be true.

Can't be true.

Can't be true.

This person's a good person.

I always tell my personal clients and I tell my children and my personal friends when they meet someone and they start telling me how wonderful that he or she is,

I remind them,

You do not know them.

You do not know them.

You know someone best when you start to disagree with them.

You know someone best when you have the power to say,

I don't agree with you or no,

I'd like not to do that.

Or I prefer you not talk to me this way.

I prefer that you talk to me this way.

Or when you use that type of language on me,

I feel minimized.

It feels like you're devaluing me.

Or I really don't like sarcasm.

The meaning of sarcasm is ripping off your skin.

So I prefer that we don't discuss things in that way.

That person's reaction will tell you who they are because people are not who they are when they're agreeing with you.

People are who they are when they're disagreeing with you,

When they feel like they're losing power in the relationship.

Healthy relationships are not about power.

They're about being mutually respective of one another and seeing one another and having goodwill towards one another.

When you're with someone who is unhealthy,

It's so sad because that person only sees you as the aggressor.

They see you as the one who's wrong.

They see themselves as the victim.

They see themselves as the martyr.

They could have thrown a boulder into your relationship by some action,

But they will never ever take accountability for the reaction.

A narcissist is upset with you for having a reaction to what they've done to cause the reaction.

And it can be hard because the more codependent you are,

The more uncomfortable you are with telling the truth.

The more uncomfortable you are with setting boundaries,

The more comfortable you are with saying to someone that you're entangled with,

Like,

That wasn't cool.

And it's really confusing when you have cognitive dissonance and you're brainwashed to have self-doubt.

Since you're a child,

You've experienced parental gaslighting your whole entire life.

It's super confusing to sift through the emotional noise inside your own mind that has to do with your own side of mental unrest,

When in addition to your own internal negative dialogue,

You have a narcissist that is piling on top of that already fractured sense of self.

Remember,

Codependency implies that you have a fractured sense of self.

You have no sense of self.

You have a loss of selfhood.

And you're seeking outside of you,

Oftentimes in narcissistic relationships,

A sense of through the doing for other people in an attempt to get them to mirror back to you a sense of worth.

So as long as you're the puppy on the string,

As long as you're chasing the carrot,

As long as you're disowning your power,

As long as you're pretending that you're okay with things that you're really not okay with,

As long as you have three jobs while the narcissist doesn't have one,

As long as you act like the narcissist isn't dysfunctional,

Doesn't have an addiction,

Isn't a pathological liar,

Isn't victim blaming,

Isn't playing the victim constantly,

As long as you don't acknowledge how they start trouble and then stand there and scream foul,

Even though they start,

As long as you don't tell the truth,

Then things between you and the narcissist stay copacetic.

But the minute you start telling the truth,

That's when all of your fears are going to come to the surface.

The fear of abandonment,

The fear of setting a boundary,

The fear of disapproval.

And that's why in the work that I do,

It's so important that as a life coach,

A mentor and guide,

I bring people right to that space.

I want to talk about exactly what happened to them as children when their power was taken away,

When they were unable and not permitted to develop a healthy ego boundary.

I want to understand the feelings and the emotions and the thoughts that manifested because once we unravel that space,

We can help set people free.

The power of ignoring a narcissist is miraculous and it's transformational.

And it begins with understanding what is really going on.

It begins with understanding that through the power of our consciousness,

We are helping to keep this dynamic alive.

As long as I say within my own consciousness,

I'm afraid of this person,

Or this person has power over me,

Or I'll never be able to make it on my own.

All of the things that people have experienced,

Narcissistic abuse experience,

All of these ideas are us participating in this sculpture that eventually manifests where our thoughts are like clay and the manifestation in our relationships is the end product.

So we really want to start paying much more attention to the power of our focus.

All our power is in the now.

I remember when my ex-husband transformed from this giant to a two-year-old,

Like almost right in front of my face.

Once I began to understand what was happening,

He's controlling my life through my thoughts and through my emotions.

And he is exploiting these little girl wounds,

These inner child wounds of not feeling good enough.

Oh my God,

I'm perpetuating that narrative.

I'm giving into this narrative.

I'm stepping away and cutting myself off from my God-given power to believe myself worthy.

What would happen if I created a space in which I could observe his tools of manipulation?

What would happen if I stopped giving my power over to him?

What would happen if I started confronting the way that he treated me,

At least in my own head?

Confronting narcissists doesn't work.

They always double down,

And it's the hardest thing to walk away from someone that you love or you want to love when you know they're not going to see you,

They're not going to hear you.

They're just going to double down,

Right?

It's so difficult,

But it's so important.

But I began to understand that the power was inside of me to start detaching.

So I needed to create this incredible sacred space in which I was able to clearly see that I was giving my power over to this person through worrying about what he thought about me.

Cognitive dissonance got a hold of me.

He was telling me who I was and who I wasn't,

Telling me that I was a negative person and all this stuff.

I was selfish,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah.

And so in all that noise,

I was feeling activated and triggered.

The little girl inside of me was being activated and triggered.

And in that space,

I was perpetuating this toxic loop,

This toxic feedback loop.

And when I could finally see how my power,

All of the power of the now,

Of my consciousness,

Was being hijacked by this manipulative person,

That awakening,

That,

Wow,

Okay,

I'm giving my power over,

Albeit through narcissistic abuse.

It's not my fault.

I'm a victim here,

But how do I stop being a victim?

How do I start taking my power back?

How do I start controlling my focus?

How do I start detaching and detangling?

It is miraculous work,

But it is not easy work,

But it does work.

So there is power in ignoring a narcissist,

And you can reclaim your inner landscape once you understand what's happening at a fundamental emotional,

Spiritual,

Mental,

And psychological level.

You can detach yourself.

It takes practice and it takes life skills.

Namaste.

Until next time,

As I bow to the love and light that is absolutely in you.

Reviews

Packed with insight! 😮‍💨

There is somebody everyone knows who is like this. God help us all!

She has so much clarity on this subject.

Thank you Lisa. It's so deceptive, I really have to see the truth. It's also necessary to act on the truth. I appreciate the stark reminders and can see where all of this takes place. It's time to live a simpler life and validate myself and move into a place of peace and joy. It's ok to let go. Powerful tools to exit. I appreciate your wisdom and beautiful talk.

I’m getting better every day. Thank you 🙏

It is uncanny how you release an episode which resonate with me 💯. Thank you💫