10 Mind Games Narcissists Play & Hope You'll Never Figure Out

Narcissists work to manipulate their victims in the nonphysical realm so they can control them in the physical realm. Narcissists achieve this through a number of mind games. Although there are many mind games narcissists play, in this podcast, I address ten I am most personally familiar with. I share my experiences, hoping others are able to spot narcissistic behavior sooner than later.

Transcript

So today we're going to be talking about the types of mind games that narcissists play that they don't want you to figure out So number one is the fake out they fake empathy They get you to drop your guard they tell you their secrets or you believe that they're telling you their secrets And what they really want to do is they want you to tell them your secrets And so they fake empathy they get you to believe that they care about your feelings and what's really happening is They're gaining your trust and they're gaining their trust through this fake out through faking empathy and In time if you stay in a relationship long enough with the narcissist what you'll realize is that?

This comes back to bite you in the butt When you confront the narcissist when they start to feel like you are like,

You know confronting them and they're losing power over you That's when they'll remind you of something that you shared with them.

That's embarrassing that might be shameful or You know They'll use this as a tool to cripple you when they need it the most or to embarrass you in front of other people And this is achieved through the fake out through faking empathy and getting you to trust them Number two is the one-up game.

So narcissists need to feel in control and power powerful over others So they must one up you on everything so if you got a compliment from your boss,

Then they'll pretend to care in the moment and Then in time you'll they'll you'll begin to hear them brag about something that happened to them and it'll be grandiose And it'll be maybe even a ridiculous Maybe even a lie,

But the goal is to one up you because in their head They have to be better than you and they want you to think that they're better than you.

So they'll play this game Sometimes what they'll do is if they feel that you're in a good space.

What they'll do is they'll deliberately be passive aggressive and They'll bring you down.

They'll throw a you know a terrible remark at you they'll remind you that you're not so wonderful and This idea that you have been complimented by someone on the outside will shake them up a little bit and They will need to bring you down in order to maintain the balance in the relationship Number three is it wasn't me if you stay in a relationship with a narcissist long enough You will see the it wasn't me mind game play itself out So and in time you'll realize like wow This really is their theme song whether it's because they got into an argument with someone in a parking lot It won't be because they stole this person's parking space like this person was waiting maybe five or ten minutes for Someone to to pack their car and to pull out and you know The person that you're dating will just zoop right in steal the parking spot get into an argument And there'll be no accountability like maybe I should have just not done that Maybe I should have had empathy for the person who's waiting won't happen if they get fired It's going to because be because the boss was jealous of them or someone set them up if they get arrested It won't be their fault.

It's because the cop you know had it out for them if they get caught stealing it They'll make up some story and to to you know,

Make it sound like they did nothing wrong So in time you'll notice the theme of nope.

It wasn't me the fourth mind game I call it.

Do you smell smoke?

So this is otherwise known as gaslighting So it's really interesting when you're in a relationship with someone who is Pathological,

You know and who is malignant who is someone like a narcissist.

You don't know it right There are certain red flags that you need to be looking out for but because this is a narcissist plays an emotional game a spiritual game You know a mental game you're stuck inside your head.

So Nothing that they say makes sense,

Right?

Especially since they've loved bombed you and now you're trauma bonded and you're afraid to end the relationship,

Right?

It's not so easy for you to confront something if you think that they've done or said something wrong And so gaslighting is a tool that they use to keep you off balance.

So it might be you know Devised to make you feel crazy.

So they will gaslight you they will insult you they will act like they're not insulting you then when you Have an array when you have a reaction a normal reaction Then they stand there and they act like they did nothing wrong So it's all about you getting you to doubt your inner reality to keep you off balance The fifth mind game is what I call analyze this so narcissists are constantly scanning their environment and Learning about you and other people so just when you think you're in a deep conversation with the narcissist,

Right?

The joke ends up being on you,

Right because they've been lying to you Or just talking to you and trying to figure out where your weaknesses are So when you don't even realize you're being analyzed you're being analyzed So in a relationship what you'll notice and see if you see if this is true for you If you're listening to this podcast you obviously you may know someone who is in a relationship with a narcissist or maybe it's you But or maybe you've gotten out of the relationship and good for you But what you'll think about and what you'll notice is if you think back in time You'll notice that there was this pattern of them analyzing you analyzing your parents analyzing your sister taking in Everything that everyone was saying,

Right?

They don't often well want a narcissist You know can't that the idea of being vulnerable is you know,

It disgusts them They can't be vulnerable because to them it means that they're weak And so what they're doing is they're taking in information and they're not ever revealing the truth about who they are But if you think back you realize wow,

This person was analyzing me.

It could be someone at work You know,

It doesn't have to be a romantic partner It could be someone at work someone you recently met but you will notice is there's this almost this note-taking aspect of their personality And what they're doing is is they're looking for your weaknesses and so Something to pay attention to so the sixth mind game that They play what I call is on the boss around here And if you've been if you've been raised by a narcissist married to a narcissist been in a relationship with the narcissist If you've worked with a for a narcissist what you'll notice is that a lot of their behavior Begins to become more apparent when you confront them Narcissists don't want to be confronted.

You know,

They want to live in the world where they feel superior to you and superior to others In their world,

They're the victim and they have the right to persecute you Even though the reality is they're persecuting you and you're the victim right?

It's all backwards.

It's all this projection But what you'll notice is that?

Narcissists when you confront them you'll hear you'll hear rage.

You'll feel you'll hear and feel anger And if you push someone with high narcissistic traits the point where they realize you're not obeying them or acquiescing They're going to use some intimidation tactic in an attempt to cause you to believe that they're the only boss in town Right,

So,

You know,

It could be suddenly you confront confront a narcissistic Husband or a wife and now they're not coming home on time or the dinner isn't made or the laundry gets ruined or there's no money in the checking account there's going to be a punishment of some type when you dare to confront a Narcissist because they need to believe and they want they need for you to believe that they're the only boss in town The seventh mind game that I think they play is what I call wait What think about when you hear something that's confusing or you see something that just doesn't make sense Like most of us ask like wait what like what's what's happening?

So if you're in a relationship and you feel yourself and hear yourself going wait,

What does that make sense?

Like what's happening?

So remember narcissists lie.

They cheat they steal they abuse other people And they will do just about anything to get their way stay in control Or if they have an agenda,

They'll do anything to see this agenda manifest So even if you catch a narcissist in a lie in a both-face lie,

They will deny the truth so let's say you you you're dealing with someone who said she never got her hair dyed and then you are with her six months later and You hear her telling someone that you just met that she dyed her hair a number of times You know like wait what you told me like when I first met you never dyed your hair or you meet someone and they tell you That you know,

They're originally from California and then six months a year later You know you listen to them and they you hear them tell someone else that they were born in New York or they were born In Spain you're like wait what?

Someone tells you that you know,

They have this amazing job and they're making hundreds of thousand dollars a year a year and The next thing that they tell you is no no,

I can't afford to buy that because you know,

I only make X amount of dollars a year And you're like wait what so if you find yourself feeling that way like confused That's a red flag and that's something that you need to pay attention to That's the mind game.

I call wait what the eighth game is what I call little red riding hood or better known as the wolf and Sheep's clothing so the whole everybody knows about the story about little red riding hood You know,

She's going to grandma's house,

But she doesn't know the big wolf has already eaten grandma and the wolf has slipped into grandma's clothes so when you're dealing with somebody who has high narcissistic traits what you'll notice over time is that there's this pattern of You know this their innocence doesn't match up with their behavior or they they appear to be altruistic But doesn't match up with the things that they say over time or the things that they do So when they're in a group when when they first meet you they tell you that you know,

They don't eat meat You know,

They're they're vegan.

They love animals But you know,

You notice that they kick the dog or you notice that they push the cat off the table Or you know they or they slip and they go.

Oh my god.

I hate birds I hate birds.

I hate birds like you'll start to notice like wait a minute Like what they're showing up as is not matching what's coming out of their mouth or it's not matching their behavior,

Right?

So it's very very important that we be aware that if someone says that you know,

They love animals That should never change or if they say that they love people then you know Pay attention to how people treat people who can do nothing for them like a waitress or a waiter or just someone in the street How people treat other people with disabilities how people treat the elderly how people treat?

Children it it very much matters,

Especially if when you meet this person they're claiming to be a lover of children They're complaining to be there.

They're suggesting that they have a lot of patience that they love children.

They love animals They love humanity.

So just pay attention That mind game is called little red riding hood,

Right?

So number nine is what I call Rico suave and the femme fatale so we have to remember that narcissism affects men and women and So when we're dealing with a narcissist and we're dealing with think about the sex that we have with the narcissist,

Right?

When you first meet a narcissist the sex is amazing But you have to remember that it's amazing because they want you to experience them as amazing So the sex is about them.

It's not about you.

It's not about satisfying you.

It's not about showing up for you It's about getting you to believe that they are amazing sexually,

Right?

They want you to adore them men or men or woman if you stay in a relationship longer long enough with the narcissist They'll start withholding sex suddenly.

They're hot and cold Suddenly,

They're aloof when it comes to sex suddenly They're just interested and what will happen is when they lose interest in you What they'll do is they can become very flirty with other people So a narcissist will flirt with other people and then when you confront them,

They'll say oh It's because you're insecure if you were more of a man or if you were more of a woman Then I wouldn't have to do these things again.

Think about it wasn't me.

It's not my fault It's all your fault think about that mind game.

Think about the one-up game.

It all fits This is how it shows up in terms of their sexuality and how they show up in a relationship with you Number 10 is did you say something?

That's the game.

Did you say something that is so important to remember because a Narcissist may come at you fast in the beginning and hard and make you feel like oh my god They see me and they love me but over time You'll end up asking yourself.

Can they hear me?

They'll be disinterested again.

They'll be hot and cold.

They'll be aloof They'll be passive aggressive,

Right?

This may be What they're doing on purpose so that you doubt yourself so you doubt that you're an interesting person So if you end up asking yourself like did this person hear me?

Because this person that you're dealing with is giving you the feeling that you have to chase them,

Right?

Are they ghosting you did they make you feel like you know?

You were the most important thing in their life and all this suddenly like hot and cold distancing themselves,

You know not returning phone calls Not meeting you for dinner plans.

Are they not coming home?

Like do they drop off the face the earth,

Right?

So do you send Facebook messages and all of a sudden they ghost you there's no more what is happening?

So,

Um,

It's really important that if you end up feeling like you're wondering If this person cares about you or if they're hearing you that that's a red flag and that mind game is called Did you say something?

So here are some questions I want you to ask yourself if you think that you're in a relationship with a narcissist because It's not a question of does this person love me?

It really is.

How do you feel in this relationship?

Does this relationship fulfill you are you at your best in this relationship?

Remember that your time is your most valuable commodity You can never get back your time,

Right?

And so you have to really care about how you're spending your time So no more is this person a narcissist is not an is this person not a narcissist?

That can't be the determining factor as to why you stay or why you go It really has to go beyond that right?

We use The term narcissist to help us decide should we stay or we should should we go?

But I really don't know if we should the term narcissist codependent whatever these labels help us understand ourselves And understand other people But how we feel and whether or not we're being fulfilled and whether or not we're at our best in this relationship Really has to be the deciding factor is whether or not we stay or we go And so if you're in a relationship with someone and you feel off balance,

That's a red flag So peel yourself back and ask yourself these questions.

Does this person make me feel seen?

Do I feel safe around this person?

Does this person's behavior match their actions?

Does this person put me down in subtle ways and or around others?

Does this person build me up consistently?

Does this person show up on time?

Does this person ghost me is this person passive aggressive?

Is this person consistent reliable and dependable?

Does this person meet me halfway?

Does this person flirt with other people?

Do they have a history of cheating are they generous or do I have a history of cheating?

Are they generous or do I always pick up the bill?

Does this person ever accept responsibility?

These are the types of questions you need to ask yourself if you're in a relationship if you're in a relationship And you're feeling wait what what's happening here and you don't feel like the relationship is balanced because at the end of the day You have to believe that you're worthy and you have to believe that you're enough and you have to claim that And until you claim I am enough and I am worthy you cannot experience relationships that are fulfilling So I really hope that this podcast has given you some things to think about and that in the future You're really asking yourself these types of questions and you're deciding whether or not you stay you go Based on how fulfilling this relationship is for you.

Namaste everybody until next time

Reviews

Going to keep coming back to this one…! Thank you. 🙏

This is my first telephone.
I have no one to call. So I come here.
She corrected my diaries. She added text to correct my thoughts? I burned the books. My past.
She knew this because she told me so.
She cloned my new phone.
I could do something about it I suppose, but I wont.
I dont need to lie. I will never sell out my Grandchildren nor’ break my Word.
You see, Someone shook me awake.
They said “ LOOK HERE! HEALTHY PEOPLE DONT DO THIS TO OTHER PEOPLE!” I will never forget those words… My Warrior is Awake.
In the words of the true human beings I speak to my newly found Demons, who watch so intently:
“ I SEE YOU!”
The Abyss… is LOOKING BACK!

Clearly represents solid preparation. Great pace. Wonderful content. 😀☯️

Very informative and eye opening with the mind games. Thank you.

Such an awakening for me, listening to these talks. Nearly all the traits are displayed with some people I know and I didn’t see them., because of my own issues. This information has been so valuable. Blessings to you.😄🙏🏻

Wow! This podcast described my ex 100%. The "vegan" narcissist who disliked my puppy because I gave her too much attention. I developed PTSD from his abuse. I thank you for all your help!

so helpful to hear these dynamics explained. wow. thank you!!!!

Thank you so much. That describes my ex to a t.
I'm currently being given the silent treatment after I confronted her about her behaviour and honestly after listening to this I see it as my chance to escape.

Wow. I know what I must do. But I really am afraid. I feel trapped. I have no support system to walk away to and he "owns" the money. I feel like I am being held hostage, waiting for a moment to run. I worry i am not fast enough to get away. Or where to go to. I plan to build up funds little at a time. Silently. I just don't want to lose myself in the process. Thankfully my faith is strong. I have a clear vision of what I want for my future. This keeps me strong overall. Despite my (far too many) moments of break down and overwhelm. Thank you Lisa. I am learning a lot and getting stronger every moment. You are very instrumental in this. I am grateful!

Illuminating and confirming what I suspected about certain people around me, thank you 🙏🏻

Wowser! What awesome information!
Supposingly 1 out of 47 men are narcissistic.! Not sure what it is for women. Wondering if it’s even a possibility for a narcissist to change with any type of therapy!?!

Thank you so much for helping me see the light. I feel I now understand why I always felt helpless and I can start to focus on me x

Unfortunately for me, this podcast affirmed what I already felt But when you feel so worthless and trapped and incapable of making a right decision, how can you find the courage to go?

Wow! Very eye opening, with great examples! Thank you!

As usual❣️ 🙏🏻💕

VERY interesting!! Thank you.

This was great. Very informative.

Excellent information.

Wonderful! I work with a narcissist & this is excellent food for thought!

Thank you Lisa... you always bring straight forward insight confirming my growth!🙏🏻🌟