Emotions: Anger

So we are looking at our emotional world. Our feelings of pleasure or pain provoke different emotions, and our emotions motivate us to act, our emotions inform how we think. We'll start with the emotion of anger. Anger is a key emotion, anger can’t really be understood without recognizing that it’s connected to many other emotions. It’s an emotion that has a message or shows up as a symptom for some other emotion.

Transcript

So we're focusing our attention this week on our emotional world,

Our feelings of pleasure,

Of pain.

They provoke different emotions and then our emotions,

They motivate us to act.

Our emotions inform how we think.

So really getting to know our emotional landscape,

Our feelings,

Our states,

Is an essential part of the path.

Everything that has meaning in our lives has a feeling associated with it.

And one of the challenges in Buddhist practice is that although we practice to suffer less and to feel ease and peace in the body,

The ground of practice is to wholeheartedly accept whatever feelings arise,

Be it joy or pain or sorrow,

Pleasure,

Pleasure,

Resentment,

Love,

Fear,

Desire,

Accept whatever feelings arise.

And this goes against the grain of normal human behavior where we're only seeking pleasant emotions and trying to avoid all the painful and difficult ones.

So as we start to look at the emotional landscape within us,

I'd like to start with the emotion of anger.

Anger is a key emotion and it can't,

Anger can't really be understood without recognizing that it's kind of connected to many other emotions.

It has,

And it's an emotion that actually has a message and it often shows up as a symptom for other emotions.

So I think it's a good one to start with.

And it's also a topic that I think we should approach with some care and respect,

Maybe even reverence.

And the reason for the care is that the source of anger often comes from a very deep and very old place within us.

Touching on some of the deepest issues in this life that we live.

And it's possible that we can be angry without having the experience of being anger.

You know,

We can feel resentment,

But we don't have the experience of anger.

So when I experience anger physically,

It feels like a sudden rush of energy.

My heart pounds,

My mind races,

There is heat in the body and there's almost an irresistible desire to lash out.

And some people,

When they experience anger,

They don't feel any of those,

Those things.

The opposite can be true.

We can feel all those associated feelings that go along with anger,

And it's not anger.

We can feel all the things that anger is covering over as well.

So fear,

Resentment,

Frustration,

Some emotions that we haven't been able to face,

We can also cover over with getting angry.

And just to say that anger is a practice.

It's a practice.

And to practice with anger is to practice with a lot more honesty.

To kind of really look at our whole complex of negative emotions,

From the slightest aversion and irritation to full blown rage.

And to be willing to take responsibility,

Face them,

To move into them,

All of these afflictive emotions,

To move into them.

In Pemi Chodron's book,

Don't Bite the Hook,

She describes how she works with her anger.

She talks about that she has anger,

And she talks about how anger becomes her teacher.

So it can motivate us to listen,

To listen to it,

Not listen and react,

But listen deeper.

If we can connect with the kind of the addictive quality,

The urge to do something with it,

And not do anything with it,

Sit with that restlessness,

The painful energy of that,

And not get looped into the momentum of doing something about it.

It's uncomfortable.

But in the moment of just being with what can feel like a volcano of anger,

We're working with it in a more wholesome way.

We're getting in touch with that which we kind of fear and don't want to feel.

Anger is information.

It tells us what's on our minds and what's in our hearts.

And it's like physical pain.

Physical pain is not something that we want.

It's not pleasant.

It's difficult.

But physical pain has a positive side too.

There's a reason why the body has a response to the pain.

The pain is the way that the body protects itself.

Pain says something is wrong,

And it's wrong here.

So this is very helpful.

And anger can be an indicator in just the same way.

It's like,

Aha,

If you're paying attention here,

Right here,

There's something that needs attention.

Right here is something that needs attention.

Right here is where something needs to be investigated.

So in the sting of anger,

Anger has a sting.

It can be an opportunity to shift if we have enough presence of mind not to react.

And the method,

I think you all know the method,

Is mindfulness.

It's mindfulness.

The method is to see this is anger.

Here's what Thich Nhat Hanh says about anger.

He says,

When we're angry,

We recognize our anger as anger.

For many years,

I would just say,

I'm angry right now.

I'm angry right now in the midst of it.

So taking a step back,

Breathing,

And allowing ourselves to feel it.

And here's the rub.

We don't have to make the anger go away.

You don't have to justify it or get lost in the story.

It's just,

This is anger.

I am angry.

There is anger within me.

If there's one thing that we're learning in practice,

It's how to be restless.

It's how to be uncomfortable,

Right?

Sitting with minds that are so out of control,

So restless and busy,

And it can be really uncomfortable.

Like maybe you came to practice this morning with the intention that the mind was going to be quiet and you were going to be able to reside in the movement of the breath.

You were going to have a nice peaceful sit,

And lo and behold,

That's not what happened.

The mind was busy and restless.

And then what happens is,

Well,

Let's,

You know,

We judge ourselves.

Why can't my mind quiet down?

What's wrong with me?

What's wrong with my mind?

And even in those questions,

There's some aggression,

Some irritation towards ourselves.

And I talk about this a lot.

We,

Like,

What do we do with that?

We forgive ourselves,

Forgive our minds,

Forgive our hearts.

We have to be willing to include the imperfection of being a human being.

Include that too.

Allow ourselves to be very,

Very human.

So our practice is about expanding,

Expanding and making room.

And what's interesting is we can't will it,

You know,

It's not something that can be done.

You can't force,

I have anger and you can't force that acceptance.

It can't be forced.

But what we can do is we can see it.

Like letting go of something that's causing pain can't be forced,

But we can create the conditions through stepping back,

Through breathing,

For noting what it is,

For noting this is anger,

Or this is frustration,

Or this is resentment.

And when we step back,

We create the conditions to access the qualities that letting go will happen.

The condition that the condition that usually gives rise to the activation of anger is vulnerability and a perceived threat.

Vulnerability and a perceived threat.

So when we take anger to its end,

We land in vulnerability.

The anger is protection from the being vulnerable.

Some people live their whole life being angry and hateful because it's easier than being vulnerable.

It feels safer.

It's like we have to acclimate to vulnerability in order to let go of anger and bitterness as protection.

There's a teaching in the Dhammapada that says,

In this world,

Hatred never ends by hatred,

But by love alone is healed.

This is the ancient and eternal law.

Knowing that you too shall pass away so soon.

How can you quarrel?

That's a pretty fierce teaching.

It's an instruction,

And it's an invitation.

It says you too are a Buddha,

An awakened being,

A being that is moving towards awakening.

You too can live with freedom no matter what the circumstances.

And the freedom from anger is a journey into it.

It's the way through or whatever the afflictive emotion that you are working with going into it.

So at the time that we have left,

I'd like to open it up and have a discussion.

And if you are joining us on Insight Timer,

You could possibly journal or connect with a friend,

A spiritual friend on this.

But the question that I'm going to pose to the group,

And I'd really like you to stick with this question today,

Is what is your history with anger?

The conditioning?

What were you taught about anger?

How was it handled in your home growing up?

Let's reflect on this together.

Reviews

Absolutely superb. Thank you for sharing 🌟

Extremely helpful!