Signs You're Ready To Find Love Again

Are you concerned about diving back into the dating pool? If so, that's a great sign according to Lisa A. Romano, renowned Life Coach and expert in the field of codependency and narcissistic abuse recovery. According to Lisa, not being concerned is a red flag, especially if your relationship history is not all that wonderful.

In this episode, learn about how you can be assured you're ready to find love again! Learn about the signs that indicate you're operating above the veil of consciousness and are aware of past patterns and programs to avoid. Lisa is committed to helping others awaken from the faulty, negative, childhood programming that plagues all those who are codependent, seek approval, abandon the self, and fear rejection.

Transcript

Welcome to the Breakdown to Breakthrough Podcast.

My name is Lisa A.

Romano.

I am a life coach,

Best-selling author,

YouTube vlogger,

Meditation teacher,

And expert in the field of codependency and narcissistic abuse.

I am a believer in the power of an organized mind.

My aim is to help people learn what it means to live above the veil of consciousness rather than living a reactive life.

May your heart feel blessed,

Your mind feel expanded,

And your spirit find hope as you spend time with me here at the Breakdown to Breakthrough Podcast.

Namaste,

Everybody.

I bow to the love and the light that is absolutely in you.

Yup,

There's a light inside of you even if you can't feel it.

Even if you're not acknowledging it,

There is a light that is within you.

And you are perfect at your core.

You are actually divine love,

Light,

Energy.

How do I know this?

Because you,

Me,

Everything,

The wall behind me,

The painting,

This little statue,

This little metal thing for my candle,

Whatever the hell that is,

It's all vibrating.

And at its core,

Everything that it is,

Everything that makes these things,

Makes us what we are,

Are atoms.

And atoms are primarily 99.

999,

Really nothing,

Except pure bands of energy,

Pure light energy.

And so at your core,

You are absolutely light energy,

Which is amazing.

If you were to think of yourself as a quantum being or a quantum entity,

You would eventually realize that you really were light.

But the problem is when you come from dysfunctional homes,

When you come from pasts that infuse these ideas inside of you that you're not worthy to be heard,

You're not worthy to be listened to,

You're not worthy to have a family,

You're not worthy to be treated with kindness,

You're not worthy enough to have someone spend time figuring out your homework with you,

You're not worthy to be taken to the doctor,

You're not worthy to have a boo-boo kissed,

You're not worthy to be tucked in at night,

You're not worthy of a meal,

You're not worthy of being heard or looked at.

When you are infused with these ideas over and over and over,

And especially up until about the age of seven,

You are primarily being conditioned to believe that you are nothing,

That you are not worthy of anything.

And what we don't realize is that everybody's born asleep,

And everybody is unconscious.

And we are all people running around on this planet below the veil of consciousness.

Like Bruce Lipton says,

The Matrix is not a movie,

It's a documentary.

We really are living below the veil of consciousness.

And we are fortunate if we're on the enlightenment path,

And we are awakening to this idea of consciousness,

That we human beings have the ability to literally exist on planet Earth without really thinking.

That we are unaware that the human brain has been designed,

And ego as well,

And the brain itself has been designed to allow us to exist on planet Earth without that much consciousness.

We only need about 5% consciousness,

And some of us aren't even operating with that much,

To get by on an average day,

Which is kind of freaking scary.

But it's also amazing when you think about what that means.

What it means is that you have the ability to awaken very deeply,

And you have the ability to begin changing the programs and changing these paradigms.

Although,

It's not easy to do.

You do have the ability to do that,

Which is freaking phenomenal.

And I am committed to helping awaken as many people as I can while there is breath in this human body,

And before I transition.

I don't know why that's my shtick while I'm here,

But that's just what has been downloaded into me,

And I believe that's why I'm here.

Anyway,

I want to talk about when we will know it's time to begin dating again.

Those of us who have been fortunate enough to escape abusive relationships,

Or relationships that were codependent,

Relationships that did not serve us.

We've come out of difficult divorces,

Or difficult relationships,

Or just relationships,

Like I said,

That were unfulfilling.

And we've done some time on the healing path,

And we're understanding this idea of conscious living versus unconscious living,

And reactive living versus creative living.

We're beginning to understand these ideas.

And we want to make sure that we're not making the same mistakes moving forward.

Because what we don't realize,

And this is all part of the awakening process,

And healing from codependency,

And codependency is below the veil living.

Narcissists live below the veil.

Codependents live below the veil.

And this is very much,

That's part of why we actually attract narcissists into our lives.

Because many of us who are codependent don't realize that we're codependent.

We don't speak up for ourselves.

We don't have a healthy sense of self.

We don't,

We're not self-loving.

We self-berate.

We think everything's our fault.

We're afraid of upsetting people.

We're afraid of telling our truth.

We don't know how to frig to tell our truth.

We don't even know what the hell our truth is.

We are just highly reactive,

And trying to please everybody,

And trying to make sure that nobody's upset.

I mean,

That's the way we live our life,

Right?

It's no way to live.

That is below the veil living.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

It's terrible.

Huh.

There's a better way.

So,

We're coming out of these codependent dynamics.

We're waking up,

And now we spend some time alone,

And we think we know what's happened.

We have to spend some time acknowledging that when we are codependent,

We are broadcasting a particular signal.

And we are so desperate to be liked.

And we think we need other people's validation,

Primarily because we never got it in childhood.

So we missed a very important psychological milestone.

And because we missed this very,

Very important psychological milestone,

Below the veil of consciousness we keep trying to get that need met.

So we attract people who mimic the vibrations of our parents who failed us and abandoned us in the first place.

Now we're in trouble,

Because we're recreating those dynamics.

We have to acknowledge that when we are below the veil,

We are giving off a certain frequency.

And as we come through the veil,

And we start living above the veil,

As I like to say,

We have to make sure that we are honing in on our vibrational frequencies,

And we're changing the broadcast that we're giving off.

So here are some things that you can,

Some guidelines to pay attention to.

You are ready for dating again if you have found a way to love being alone.

If you no longer crave being seen by another person,

Because you now see yourself,

You're one step closer to being ready to try dating or manifesting a divine mate.

If you are now able to hear your own voice.

If you wake up in the morning and you ask yourself,

Hmm,

How do I feel?

What do I think?

What do I need?

If you're able to move throughout your day from a space of I,

From me,

If you've been able to learn how to soothe yourself,

So when you're upset,

You know how to soothe yourself.

When someone upsets you,

You know how to put a boundary in place.

You know how not to go down the rabbit hole.

You know that you're enough.

If you are able to listen to other people's opinion and take in that information,

And even if and especially if that information is not what you want to hear,

If you're able to process the information from a higher state of awareness without being so emotionally beaten up by it that you fall down the rabbit hole,

Then that's an indicator that you're ready to move forward or one step closer to having a mature relationship.

Because immature relationships,

One of the hidden premises is that you have to agree with everything I fricking say,

And I have to agree with everything you fricking say,

And that's just immature.

Anthony and I don't agree on everything.

It's a beautiful place to be in my own energy,

In my own divine female energy,

Acknowledging how I feel,

But at the same time,

Acknowledging his divine male energy and knowing that he's entitled to his own opinion and feeling this ability that we both have to be present for one another,

Know that we don't agree and not get caught up in thinking we should change the other person's opinion.

It's beautiful and it's very mature and it's quite refreshing because before when I was below the veil of consciousness,

I really thought I was devastated if people didn't agree with me.

I thought that meant that I was not good enough and they were rejecting me.

That's how I felt.

Well,

I no longer reject myself,

So that is no longer an issue for me because I will no longer abandon myself.

You are one step closer to being ready to manifest a relationship and you are one step closer to being able to date when it is your voice you hear,

When you know that you can accept other people's opinions of you and you can go back and reflect.

If you feel that what they're saying is valid,

You're able to make an adjustment,

But if you feel like what they're saying is not valid,

You're not willing to make that adjustment.

You can hold on to yourself.

You can hold on to your vibration.

If you are in a position where you care more about what you think about you than what other people think about you,

You're one step closer.

If you wake up in the morning and your first thought is,

What am I going to do today?

What do I have to get done today?

And it is not,

Oh,

I have to manifest my divine mate today or I wonder if that guy's going to say hello to me today.

Completely different mindset.

You are one step closer to manifesting and being ready to manifest divine mate when your focus has become life itself.

When your focus is,

Today's a great day.

I am enough.

This world is enough.

I'm going to make it the best day I possibly can.

When you are moving in the vibration of enoughness and abundance,

You are one step closer to manifesting a relationship that actually serves you.

If you are still running in this pattern like,

Did he see me?

Is he looking at me?

Is he going to text me?

What's he going to say?

If you're still driving past his house like 20 times a day,

You're not ready.

You're just not ready.

If you're still crippled by this idea that you're not enough unless you manifest someone into your life,

Believe it or not,

You're not ready because you're moving from a position of lack.

Your decisions are being made from a position of lack.

So that means you are going to pretty much accept whatever shows up.

And unfortunately or fortunately,

It really depends on your level of recovery and your level of awareness and consciousness.

You can want a relationship so badly that that becomes your focus and you are willing to accept what shows up.

And what shows up is always going to be equal to what you're emitting.

So if you're emitting from a position of lack,

Then the relationship that shows up will never be a fulfilling relationship.

It will ultimately mirror back to you that sense of lack.

So you are ready to move forward in life and with a relationship when you no longer really feel like you need a relationship.

When you have moved from needing,

Which is like,

I need it to survive,

You know,

I can't live without it,

To I would like to eventually manifest a relationship that mirrors back to me as a healthy sense of self.

Then that's a completely different vibration.

When you know that you love yourself,

You can be by yourself and life is good and you are able to take care of yourself financially,

You are no longer looking for someone to take care of you in any way,

Shape or form.

You know that you can take care of yourself.

You know that you can soothe yourself.

You know that if a red flag shows up,

You are going to be willing to look at that red flag.

We get in trouble as codependents because we've had red flags,

But we didn't know what the hell to do with them.

We felt like something was wrong,

But we had no data,

None of that does not compute.

We had no data for knowing how to confront this guy or this girl when she lied.

You know,

We had no data for it.

People could have been lying to you and your internal guidance system was like,

This son of a bitch is lying.

And you may have known it,

But because there was no data for a healthy boundary,

There was no data for how to move forward,

Which is what I teach.

You have to know what to do when a red flag presents itself.

We don't have that data.

You know,

Our parents didn't download us with that type of programming.

They were just highly reactive.

They taught us that we weren't allowed to have feelings.

They taught us to deny what was going on.

Elephant in the room,

Hello.

You know,

Let's make believe.

Let's make believe.

Daddy's not beating mommy.

Okay.

Pass the butter.

I mean,

Let's make believe.

You know,

So-and-so is not drunk.

Pass the milk.

I mean,

This is crazy.

This is lunacy.

And we wonder why we can't trust our own realities,

Our own perceptions.

So you're ready to move forward,

You know,

Looking for someone to manifest when you are able to recognize a red flag in yourself and your first instinct is,

No,

That didn't happen.

When you go from,

No,

That didn't happen,

Or,

Oh,

No,

He didn't mean that,

Or she didn't say that,

Oh,

No,

That's really not happening.

I really don't feel that way.

When you go from there to,

Oh,

Wait a minute,

Red flag,

Hmm,

I have to think about that.

Let me go,

What did you just say?

I think I need to think about what you just said.

You know,

And you go home,

And you journal about what was said,

And you journal about how you feel,

And you run it through these filters in your mind,

Like,

What's happening here?

How do I want to move forward?

You know,

That's all part of the boundary building process.

If you're able to acknowledge a red flag,

And your impulse is no longer to ignore the red flag,

Then you're one step closer.

I also absolutely firmly believe that you must be able to know that if you are in a relationship,

It doesn't matter how long or how short,

You must know in your head that you will be able to walk away if you have to.

If this person that you've invested all this time in,

One day you wake up,

And you discover that they've had another life that you knew nothing about,

I don't care how good the relationship is and has been.

You have to go into that relationship knowing that if this sucker goes south,

You are going to be able to dust yourself off,

Pick yourself up,

And move forward.

So being able to have a secure relationship starts with being able to feel secure in your own being.

So the more we are able to take care of ourselves financially,

Emotionally,

Spiritually,

Psychologically,

Energetically,

The better we take care of ourselves physically in terms of our health and our nutrition and exercise and supplements and whatever.

The better care we take care of ourselves mentally,

We have to spend time developing our mind.

Never stop developing your mind,

Ever.

The more time that we spend on developing ourselves and our essence,

Our gifts,

Our innate talents,

And things that we like to do,

The more we take care of ourselves financially.

So you have to make sure that you are taking steps towards becoming financially independent.

Because so many of us,

Including myself,

I was in my last year of nursing school and my ex-husband said,

You can quit if it's too hard or if you're having too much anxiety over it.

It's okay.

You can always go back.

You know,

I make enough money to take care of you.

And I was like,

Okay.

And I quit nursing school.

And I meant to go back,

But I never did because I got freaking pregnant the first few months I was married.

You know,

And I always intended to go back,

But I never did.

So when we got a divorce,

I was a single mom with three kids and no job because the business that we created,

He sold during the divorce.

So I felt helpless.

And so thank God I was able to recoup and I went right into survivor mode.

You know,

When I got certified,

Three different certifications and,

You know,

I began to prepare myself for the inevitable.

And I also cleaned houses and they included toilet bowls.

And I sold tents for a while and I did all three at one time.

But had I never given up or had I been,

Had my parents spent more time where someone say to me,

Make sure that you can take care of yourself,

Get really,

Really smart and make sure that you have your own job,

You know,

Male or female,

It doesn't matter.

Make sure that you're,

You know,

You have a little bit of a nest egg that you can support yourself if this ever goes south.

I really believe that that would have,

I would have taken that to heart.

So it's important that the more secure we feel as human beings,

Right,

Mind,

Body and soul,

Finances,

Friends,

Have a network of friends,

Join your chamber of commerce,

Join women's groups.

I'm working on that myself because I tend to stay alone a lot,

Believe it or not.

I work so much,

But I have to put myself out there.

I have to begin,

You know,

Joining these organizations and having a network because that will ultimately help me feel more secure as a human being just in general.

So you're ready to move forward in relationships.

Let's put it this way.

The more secure you feel with yourself,

Right,

The more secure you're going to feel inside a relationship because nothing kills a relationship more than thinking you need it.

Because if you think you need this relationship,

You're going to fear losing it.

And if you fear losing the relationship,

You're going to deny a lot of what might be happening inside that relationship that you should not deny.

And so if you're not in fear and you're not in need of this relationship,

And instead you're in want of this relationship,

Then you're going to be able to see what needs to get seen.

And you're going to be able to open yourself up and be vulnerable because you're not so afraid.

Fear screws us up in every way,

Shape and form.

It is the opposite of love.

Love is free-flowing.

Love feels good.

Fear is constricting,

And it causes blocks.

So you're ready to move forward when you are no longer coming from a lack mentality,

When you are no longer in fear of any kind,

When you have spent enough time ensuring that you can take care of yourself with or without a relationship,

When you are so self-loving and so world-loving and universe-loving that the idea of having a relationship has gone from being an absolute need to,

Yeah,

It'd be nice,

That'd be awesome,

To be able to share what I feel inside with someone else.

Now you've actually lined up with that type of abundance.

So I hope this video has helped you feel better.

I hope this video has given you enough tips that they resonate with you,

And you can think about them,

Stick them on your refrigerator.

And really understand that you can have anything that you want.

It might not happen overnight,

But you have to understand that change doesn't happen until you change.

You have to invest in yourself,

Whether it's financially,

Whether it's spiritually,

Emotionally,

Psychologically,

Through journaling,

Through introspection.

The more you invest in yourself,

The more you take yourself seriously,

The more other people will be able to invest in you,

And the more other people will take you seriously.

It's always going to start with us.

It's always going to return to us,

And it's always been about us.

We just didn't know that.

We've been trying to change for others and have others change for us.

Reviews

🙏❤️

🙏🏻😀

Great talk Lisa. You never look at these, but I’ll ask anyway anyway… How do you get to or work towards a place of feeling enough?

❤️

So so enlightening. I’m on my path to a relationship some day. I have more work to do. I’m doing better in most areas. I’m am working on getting my finances healthier. Very important!
I love how clear you are and easy to listen to.
Thank you so much.

Love and light🤍

Really helpfull. Many thanks Lisa 🙏❤️💫

This had a powerful message for me today and I am very grateful - some points challenged my perspective and that felt refreshing-it was important to hear this talk. I do feel cautiously empowered 🥰 with respect to having come through a lot of these issues myself! Well spoken truth thanks 🙏🏼 I do appreciate also we get to decide when to lift anchor and set saill but need to be accountable for what happens 🤔

Great advice!