How To Know You're Dealing With A Narcissist: Telltale Signs

In this episode, How to Know You're Dealing with a Narcissist: Tell-Tale Signs to Watch Out For, Lisa A. Romano breaks down the emotional rollercoaster of dating a narcissist. She dives into the common signs, like feeling confused, walking on eggshells, and constantly questioning your worth.

Stonewalling, verbal abuse, and making you feel worthless are tools of manipulation. The more you understand the signs, the greater your chances of avoiding and surviving this type of predator. And yes, the more empathic, forgiving, and agreeable you are the more a target you are for this type of toxic dynamic, so learning about narcissism empowers you!

Narcissists are masters of manipulation, charm, and gaslighting, leaving you feeling emotionally drained and disconnected from your authentic self. Tune in to learn how to spot the red flags early, understand the patterns of narcissistic abuse, and protect yourself from further harm.

Transcript

Welcome to Breakdown to Breakthrough,

The podcast that empowers you to transform your life by awakening to your true,

Authentic self.

I'm Lisa A.

Romano,

Your host.

As an award-winning author and certified life coach,

I've dedicated my life to helping others understand the incredible power of an organized mind.

I believe that true empowerment begins with awakening to our false self.

My mission is to support you on your journey toward mental and emotional regeneration through conscious and deliberate awakening.

In this podcast,

I'll share insights,

Tools,

And transformative stories that illuminate the path to healing and self-discovery.

So narcissists are psychologically abusive.

They abuse their victims through verbal abuse,

Name-calling,

Stonewalling,

Gaslighting,

Pervasive lying,

Emotional manipulation,

Projection,

Isolation,

Smear campaigns,

And things like triangulation.

Narcissists don't look within.

They don't question their actions.

They're not interested in playing fairly.

They're not interested in hearing you,

Understanding you,

Or empathizing with your feelings.

If you've ever been in a relationship with a narcissist,

Your relationship may have started off with her or him love-bombing you,

Complimenting you,

Even seeming to adore you.

Narcissists love their grandiose false self,

Which is an idealized version of themselves.

They do not love themselves in an authentic way.

In reality,

They are highly insecure.

Keeping their facade going is supported when they are able to get others to play along.

Narcissists are highly codependent.

They absolutely need and acquire constant validation or mirroring of their false self in order to feel in control.

Although the relationship with the narcissist may begin with you feeling swept off your feet,

In time,

The narcissist will begin to devalue you as a person.

The relationship begins to take on a shift.

You will begin to wonder if the person you love loves you or hates you.

You will be interrogated because of your choice of friends,

Because of the types of clothes you wear,

And even what you eat could be held up and used as a way to devalue you.

You may begin to hear them speak about the way you look,

How you pick out your clothes,

Or what types of foods you eat.

Perhaps to comment like,

Are you sure you want to eat that?

Or I'm really surprised someone like you,

Someone as smart as you,

Thinks that way.

If you stay in the relationship with the narcissist,

You will experience dizzying,

Crazy-making conversations that go nowhere.

You may be punished for confronting a narcissist and find yourself experiencing the silent treatment.

This will trigger your fear of abandonment,

And you will find yourself begging the narcissist to even come back.

Narcissists who have had their fill of a particular victim may discard them once they have secured a new supply.

Once the relationship ends,

It is not uncommon for a narcissist to try and hoover their victim back into their life when they had a loss of narcissistic supply.

A year could go by,

And out of the blue,

A narcissist might send an email or a text saying,

Hi,

Do you have time to talk?

I miss you.

The goal of hoovering is to suck the victim back into the cycle of abuse.

Here are 10 signs you may have been a victim of narcissistic abuse.

Number one,

You are highly confused.

You lack confidence in your decisions.

Narcissists are highly psychologically abusive.

They have a keen ability to twist your words and cause you to doubt your reality.

Being consistently accused of doing or saying things you haven't done or said by someone who has convinced you you've said and done these things causes you to lose faith in your own mind.

You feel confused because narcissists will gaslight you,

And they will make you question your reality,

Your sense of reality.

They will deny that they've said what they've said,

And this makes you doubt your sense of perception.

Number two,

You suffer from debilitating negative self-talk.

Narcissists seek to erode your sense of self.

Over time,

They condition and brainwash the victims into feeling and believing they are wrong at every turn.

They convince the victims that they are the dysfunctional ones.

They are the ones that are inept.

Relationships should bring out the best in you and not make you feel inadequate.

If you've loved a narcissist,

You may be repeating their negative comments to yourself inside your own head.

Number three,

You may isolate yourself from others.

If you're in a relationship that brings you down,

You may feel embarrassed and isolate yourself from friends and family.

You may slowly shut down over time due to feeling ashamed of the relationship you are in,

Or you may fear no one will ever understand what you're going through,

Or you may fear that no one will believe you.

This is especially the case when the narcissist that you've attracted into your life is charismatic,

Especially to other people,

And who on the outside appears one way and is a completely different person behind closed doors.

Number four,

You may be suffering from extreme anxiety.

Narcissistic abuse feels like,

And excuse the term,

A psychological rape,

Yet there are no bruises or scars to look at.

When our emotions,

Needs,

Wants,

And feelings have been exploited for the sake of someone being able to dominate us,

We lose our sense of safety and trust in ourselves.

This lack of trust creates deep feelings of angst and anxiety.

If your relationship isn't bringing you up,

It may be tearing you down from the inside out.

So anxiety is a symptom of narcissistic abuse.

Number five,

You are hypervigilant and worry constantly about how not to upset the narcissist.

Because you understand the price you will pay for not agreeing with the narcissist,

You may live in fear of the negative painful consequences related to confronting them about anything negative.

They've taught you to be afraid.

They've taught you to be quiet.

They've taught you to tone yourself down and to put them first.

Number six,

You are easily frightened.

You feel nervous all the time.

You respond to sudden noises like a frightened little kitten.

Your nerves have been frayed,

And you are easily frightened by even the smallest noises.

You feel on edge,

And fear is usually the first response to even a minor unexpected sound like a door closing shut.

The narcissist has successfully eroded your sense of safety within yourself as well as outside of yourself.

Number seven,

You are plagued by a deep sense of loneliness.

Even though you may be surrounded by people all day long,

You feel alone.

The narcissist's agenda is to not hear you.

It is their goal to make you feel crazy and to lose confidence in yourself.

No matter how hard you try or how often you try to say what needs to get said,

So the narcissist can hear you,

You will be met with an onslaught of resistance.

Narcissists are unable to hear you.

Unable to connect with the narcissist to feel heard,

Coupled with gaslighting,

Stonewalling,

Projection,

Criticism,

And alike,

Causes a deep sense of abandonment and separation,

Causing you to feel incredibly alone.

Craving a connection to the one you love seems impossible to achieve.

Number eight,

You find yourself compromising your values.

When you're in a narcissistic relationship,

You may feel bullied into doing things you never imagined.

If the narcissist wishes to add sexual partners to your relationship,

You may feel you do not have the right to say no,

Or you may fear the wrath of saying no or the humiliation.

The narcissist may find ways to embarrass you for not wanting what they want.

If you say no,

You will be punished.

If your narcissistic partner causes a fight with one of your friends,

Even though you may know your partner is wrong,

You may go against your friend,

Or even your children,

To protect the narcissist.

The narcissist may have brainwashed you to believe you needed to stand by them no matter what,

If you really loved them.

Number nine,

You wonder who you are.

You don't know who you are anymore.

Before the narcissistic relationship,

You may have felt secure and confident in yourself.

Once in a narcissistic relationship,

However,

You may wake up wondering,

Who am I?

Consistent,

Belittling,

Name-calling accusations and never-ending cycles of ups and downs has worn you down.

The narcissist has hooked you in.

Perhaps they have hooked you in with a fairy tale.

They have promised to love you forever,

Or they have told you that no one understands you like they do.

They have caused you to give up pursuing your goals,

And through manipulative tactics,

Have found ways to get you to make proving your love to them your life's purpose.

In pursuing the hook the narcissist offers,

You lose sight of your own aspirations.

Your days,

Weeks,

Months,

And years become never-ending attempts at proving your worthiness of the narcissist.

You have lost yourself and may struggle with wondering,

Who am I?

Where did I go?

Number 10,

You feel trapped,

And you fear you'll never get out of the relationship.

You may secretly desire to leave or end the relationship,

But you feel trapped.

You may fantasize about ending the relationship,

But you feel trapped by the inability to find the confidence or the strength to do so.

You may have experienced so much verbal abuse and condemnation that you don't even trust you have the right to want to end the relationship.

Intermittent validation by the narcissist has you wondering things like,

Maybe it's me.

She's nice sometimes.

She's not always like this.

Or maybe he's right.

Maybe I'm the crazy one.

He's so good to his friends.

Maybe it's me.

Intermittent validation feeds the abusive cycle.

After an argument,

Discard,

Or a period of silent treatment,

The narcissist may hoover you back in with love bombing,

Gifts,

Nights on the town,

And maybe even a pledge to be better next time.

The validation triggers your desire to be loved,

And it also reinforces whatever hook the narcissist used to beat you into the relationship.

In time,

The relationship sours again.

You are unable to satisfy the narcissistic needs for validation and control.

The slightest perceived slight by you quickly enrages the narcissist,

And the abusive cycle continues.

The ups and downs have you feeling stuck and unable to get off the emotional roller coaster.

Within you,

You yearn for the ride to stop,

But you don't know how to end the relationship.

If you've experienced these symptoms within a relationship,

You may have been involved with a narcissist,

And you may not have even known it.

Toxic relationships destroy our sense of self.

They destroy our self-confidence.

Healthy relationships fill us up.

They are consistently nurturing,

Warm,

And our partners do not minimize our feelings,

Call us names,

Gaslight us,

Or accuse us of things we are not guilty of.

If you are in a toxic relationship,

Remember to take one day at a time.

Find support as soon as possible.

If you are sure you are in a relationship with a narcissist,

It is best to end contact on all fronts with the abuser.

Identify addictive cycles for what they are.

Make a conscious commitment to remind yourself of just how dysfunctional the relationship truly was.

Identify the stages and the forms of abuse you've experienced.

Identify the love bombing,

The devaluing,

The discard,

The stonewalling,

The name calling,

The smear campaign,

The lying,

The projection,

The gaslighting,

The cheating,

The hoovering,

The honeymoon phase of the addictive cycle in the relationship,

And the intermittent validation.

Doing so will help you avoid living in the fog of narcissistic fantasies.

Reviews

Enlightening. Thank you!

Thanks to you, Lisa. I’ll be able to spot a narcissist immediately. I’ve had friends that have had devastating relationships… One even committed suicide because she believed all the lies and didn’t have enough self-esteem to leave the marriage. Really sad.

Excellent tips for identifying narcissists and ways to help yourself. Thank you!

I find it difficult when the narcissist is a family member. Looking for advice on this aspect especially when a parent wants you to keep the peace and get along with them.

Very informative. Thank you.

Such wonderful, clear behavioral issues to look for in a relationship. Thank you.