Interview: Hakeem Bourne Mcfarlane - The Prison Miracle!

In this longer interview, Hakeem shares a powerful story of being lost, imprisoned, and not being able to find his way to a life that had meaning. However, one night he had a dream, and in this dream his baby brother appeared and gave Hakeem a message that all would be well and that

Hakeem was just starting to live into his magic!

Transcript

Hi, Everyone, And welcome back to the podcast. This episode, I'm introducing you to Hakeem Bourne McFarlane, Who tells a powerful story about growing up in a house full of addiction and silence. And while Hakeem was an exceptional athlete, He struggled with his childhood and those experiences. But it was when he was in prison the second time that the miracle occurred, And everything changed in his life. It was the first time my little brother visited me after he passed. And it was after he was in jail, It was about two months after that fourth day, Had to be about six to eight weeks. And I was in jail, But I was sleeping, And I was holding him, And he was healthy. He was like two years old, One and a half. I was holding him, But I could hear his voice, And it was saying, Hakeem is going to be okay. How would you introduce yourself? Big dream, Hakeem, And the big dream is to help you live yours by embracing who you were supposed to be before society tried to make you someone you're not. I love that. Yes. And society is always trying to make us. Always. My gosh. It's like this unstoppable force, And you really kind of part of the process, I think, Is waking up to the fact that it's happening, Which can be hard. Yeah. Well, The first step is to wake up when you said you would. Yeah. In the first place, Skip the snooze. Choose yourself, Not snooze yourself. That's awesome. I love that. I actually avoid the alarm clock as much as possible, But I can appreciate what you're saying. Absolutely. Let me ask you, So when you were a kid, Did you think this is what you'd be doing? Well, You know, The funny thing is I've been speaking my whole life, And what I try to tell people is that your gift is likely suppressed when you were younger. Like we said, This is out of norm. Stop speaking. Stop cracking jokes. Stop singing. Stop playing the instrument. You got to do this assignment. You either pass or fail, Or you follow the Lord, Go to jail, You go to heaven, You go to hell. It's like they give you these boundaries. There's no creative space. And so I was a talker my whole life. I didn't know I'd be speaking. I didn't know that I'd be creating a movement, But I was talking. I got kicked out of class all the time for talking, Cracking pranks. I was the lead chant leader of every team I played on. I was the motivational dude at halftime. And then I ended up going to school and giving several presentations as a communications major, Still with no intent to speak because I wanted to go to the NFL. But I was practicing my whole life. And that's why I know, I say, I give this analogy, The only other time I feel the way I feel when I'm on stage is the three times I've called in a Hail Mary to win the game. Yeah, I actually can't even imagine that feeling, To be honest. But I am imagining it, But I know it doesn't even come close. So let me ask. So you sound like you came into this world. You're joyful. You have something to say. You're filled with, I don't know, Just like reambunctious, Amazing spirit. Did your parents foster that or were they like, Holy cannoli? Well, It was, It was a combination. I think my mom was very supportive, Always showed love. We argued a lot because I was hardheaded and I didn't listen. I always thought I was right. But anytime we left the home, She always had my back. She always, She never said, Oh, You messed up. Oh, You're not good enough. Oh, All she would do is try to provide guidance, Love and support. But also what was lacking was structure and discipline. So I was really expressive because my mom was like, Just go ahead. Wear what you want. If you want to draw on your cleats, Go ahead. If you want to wear frickin duct tape shoes, Go ahead. If you want to wear a full long john suit to school, Go ahead. And I would just wear whatever I want. My mom would let me express myself. But also there was no boundaries in my expression. So I would be talking back to teachers. I'd be talking back to kids. I'd be talking back to coaches. And that was where, You know, Kind of the restriction and the rebellious towards authority came was because, Well, Mama Dee said I could. They're like, This is not your house. This is school. This is the field. This is the world. And so I had to kind of navigate that eventually through consequences and eventually became accountable. But, You know, My dad now, We became close when I was about 20. He was a rock and roller traveling, But not having him around, It was hard for me to connect with men unless the coaches believed in me the way my mom did. And that's what I've seen upon reflection. If the coaches try to play the father role, I didn't listen because I only had one dad. I'm not listening to y'all. I don't got a dad. And it definitely ain't you. So that balance and then forgiving my father allowed me to elevate and increase my spirituality because me and him, When we talk, I hear myself in him. He hears himself in me. And we weren't even growing up together. And my mom says it all the time. Like, How the heck? How do you sound like your dad? You've seen him three times. You are just like your dad. Every time we argue, You sound just like your dad. You sound just like your dad. And I'm like, I don't even know him. So that's how I know, Man. Like, Fellas, If you're listening, Forgive your daddy or you will not be as much of a man as you were supposed to be. Wow. I mean, It's so interesting because you and I have that a little bit in common because my father worked for a company in Chicago that oftentimes when we moved back to the States, He would be gone for three months on a job or six weeks on a job. So lots of my childhood was my dad walking out the door to go to O'Hare to fly somewhere and be somewhere for an extended period of time. And he loved to travel. He loved different cultures. He loved everything. But I can't even imagine being in music and having to travel because it sounds exhausting. Every person who's into touring and does touring is like, It's really fun, But it's exhausting. And I can imagine like coming home from something like that and just wanting to sleep for like three weeks. But that's me. Yeah. He never came to my home, But he was a rolling stone. He was out there and partying a lot. And, You know, He's 14 years sober now. But him and my mom met partying, Getting lit first. And then one thing I always thank Mama D for all the time is she was partying up until she got the pregnancy test and she quit everything. Cold turkey. Wow. Yeah. She's like, Oh. And my dad was like, Well, I still got to go. And so then the stages kept rolling and she locked in, Started being a server and took care of me the best she could. Let me ask you, You know, I know when you play sports, I was in high school soccer. Okay. Like you travel a little bit. You go to other cities. Sometimes you compete across the state line. Based on your father's traveling and almost like adventuring, Did it ever make you want to become a traveler or go out in the world and have adventures? Well, Funny, Funny thing. Funny now. Wasn't funny then. We never had the finances to travel. We would drive from Minneapolis to Wisconsin and go see my grandma and go fishing. But I was the only child in those days. And so I didn't really have friends. I had neighbors in her neighborhood. But I learned to build forts and play with, Play with action figures and make mazes in my house and play video games and dance in the mirror and be by myself. And I never really knew what was out to travel, To have the desire to travel because we didn't have the finances. And I would, Upon reflection, I see that I kind of had some animosity when my friends would be like, Oh, We went to Disney World. I'm like, How the heck? And I would go to my teammates house. I'm like, They got this pantry. You can walk in the pantry as big as my apartment. All this food. They got a trampoline, A pool. My mom's like, I know you can go over there. We just don't have it. I never held that against her because I knew I could felt, I felt her love and genuine compassion. And as I grew, My little brother was born when I was 10 and then he was sick until I was 16 when he passed. And then I ended up going D1 full ride and that was my first time moving. I moved to North Dakota and that was a different experience. It's honky-donky farmland up there. Shut up and run the ball, Boy. That's what it is. If you black, You better run the ball. Don't say nothing. And I didn't like that. So I left and I went to a Southern Minnesota school. Winona, That was another city that was similar to that type of culture. Got in trouble, Got kicked out, Got, Went back home. And then in that second school, I got into a house fight and they gave me 20 years probation, First degree assault for felony assault. And so then I couldn't travel. And so then I became resentful towards maps, Geography, Planes, Any type of vacation promotion. I'm like, Look at the fricking ocean. I ain't never going to the ocean. I'm here for 20 years. And that, So then it just became non-existent in my mind. I didn't even want to think about it because I couldn't travel. I could if there's a bunch of other stipulations. So it was also something I was going on inside. And then 11 years later, I got released from probation nine years early for good behavior after going through a bunch of stupid choices. And when that happened, Three months later, I moved to Manhattan. So I went from the mini apple to the big apple. I had, I had a cage in my mind of no travel. Then the probation was lifted and I was like, Oh my God, I can travel anywhere. And all of a sudden I'm going to the biggest city in the world. So that, That was like the biggest transformation of my life. I mean, There's a lot of huge turning points, But that, And then since then I've traveled every month. Every month I go on vacation now since that was 2021. That's amazing. That's amazing. I love that. The phrase, A cage in your mind is so powerful, But also true. So true. And so many of those cages are self-imposed. Like we create them. We create those cages. What I find really powerful and beautiful about your story. But I also think now I'm talking to you. So I get a sense of your spirit, Which is kind of unstoppable. But, You know, When you were a kid and you're in sports and you're doing all this, Did you know you were good? Like, Did you have a sense that this was something you excelled at? And how does that happen? I don't, You know, Cause we didn't, My mom wasn't like go outside and run. I was just like, This is so fun. Nobody can guard me. Nobody can tell me what to do. Everybody loves me. I go in class. There's rules. There's that. It's not fun. I'm like, Fine. I'll do this test. And I was smart. I got A's, B's, C's and I wasn't even trying. When I didn't study, I would just take the math test all the way through grade school, High school, Same thing. And when I got on the field, There was just a different version that came out where it was, This is no longer about the rules of the game. It's about competing with my team. And so it changed from against something to with something. And now I flipped that to with the Choose Yourself community against the societal norm. Now that comes with a large umbrella thing from big business, Big pharma, Politics, Pop culture, Victimhood, Blaming, Complaining, Self-sabotage, Self-destruction, Self-neglect. All that is a societal norm. Consumption loop. So now we're trying and we are succeeding at building accountability, Not resentment, But resilience and action in small systems in solitude that we do alone and we share together just like in sports. So this is second nature to me. When you're off in off-season, Yeah, You have off-season team training, But then outside of that you also have to train. Otherwise, They're gonna be able to tell when it's time for you to run that route or shoot that ball that you ain't do nothing in off-season. And so whenever those emotions come in and adversity comes, Uncertainty and all the trials and tribulations of life, Did you do the work before the storm comes because you can't repair your roof in the rain? Yeah. Yeah. I could try to repair my roof in the rain, But I'd slip off and fall on the ground because that was just- Now you'd be wet and your house would be broke and your tailbone maybe. Yes. Can I ask you, Because every once in a while I like to ask my guests this, You know, In your career, In sports, Do you have a favorite memory and would you like to share it? Yeah. I do. I do. I have two, Actually. There was one, I think I was in third grade and let me just tell y'all, About Mama D. She dressed to the nines. She's in all the team colors, Airbrush, Mama D, Team logo, No matter if it's football, Basketball, Soccer, Hockey. She's the white lady with the short hair, With the long braid extensions, With the gaudy jewelry and all this. She's your typical inner city white mom for a light-skinned athlete who is the best at everything, Right? And my mom was, My mom was not your typical parent because she didn't work a corporate job. We always drove a hoopty. We always, You know, We never were able to bring the fruit at halftime. We weren't like the booster club parents. My mom always kind of felt out of those kind of parents because we were struggling and from the hood, Not the hood, But the mindset was a poverty mindset, Which is typically generating the hood, But we grew up in the suburbs, Which, Shout out to Mama D for getting us to the suburbs. And so I could hear her scream all the time. And when I'm in the zone, You can't hear anything. You don't hear the fans. You don't hear the pads cracking. You don't hear your knees popping. You don't hear your finger popping. You hear your adrenaline, But I can hear my mom go hiking, Go hiking, Go hiking all my whole life, Right? And I used to be embarrassed, But I realized I should never. And kids, If you're embarrassed about your parents being proud of you, Shut up. You're going to miss it one day. I miss it all the time. That's why now when she comes to my speeches, I can hear her saying it. She can't say it because I'm speaking, But I can hear her when I know I'm in that same flow that feels like a Hail Mary. The memory of my mom comes back where she's supporting me even if she's there or not because I feel the same flow of neurotransmitters and contribution and the proof of that I did my work on my own. So fourth grade, My mom was an all-star track, Punt, Pass, And kick. She beat all the boys in punt, Pass, And kick, Ran track. I'm running. I ran one of my first touchdowns. I'm running outside. I'm running towards the sideline. I turn upfield. I'm running. My mom's just right next to me. She's running right next to me. She's like, Go Hakeem, Go Hakeem. I'm running. I'm like, What the heck? My mom is right here. I'm trying to run faster. She's just running with me along the sideline. We're running together in touchdowns. She's like, Go Hakeem. Go. And I was like, Oh, That was cool. We just scored. I was like, One of my first touchdowns in football ever. And that feeling really locked me into football overall because when I played soccer, She never did that. When I played hockey, She wasn't that loud. But when I played football, She loved watching me play football. And that was a huge memory. The other one, The other one is, The other one is, There's two other ones. I'll just leave with one. There was one we played a rival team. And it was 7-0. They kicked the ball to me at the end of the half. I ran about 120 yards, Ran the ball back. So now we're up seven, We're at 7-7. We kick a field goal. Then they kick a field goal. They're up 10-7. And then at the end of the half, I called a Hail Mary to win the game. So I had beat them with two touchdowns on my own. And then we got into a big brawl after. But the Hail Mary and the kick return were both like two of my best plays ever in the same game. And so those those two memories are really I cherish those for sure. Oh my gosh. I just have to say your mother sounds I just wow larger than life but also unstoppable just like you. And I kind of am just enthralled with the fact that she was running alongside you because even when I was in soccer in high school and you know I did a lot of running I did track when I was in grade school I don't think I could have ever done that. And so I'm just kind of like gobsmacked right now. Yeah. She's she was she was amazing man. She always would she would work and then leave work to see my game and then go back to work. And oh my gosh and I want to just pivot because you are so thoughtful and I can tell that you're very empathetic and compassionate. You're just incredibly thoughtful. You know here you are in high school you're good at sports you're funny I'm sure everybody just kind of loved you and but then you are you have this crazy situation happening at home with your brother. Was it difficult to balance those two things? I can't imagine. Uh I led with ego then I put the mask on I was the man of the house my mom was broken so I couldn't be broken too. What the heck she's worried about me I'm like I'm fine just like the masculine perception or or expectation of society. Don't talk about it don't cry you're fine you're a man I'm like all right I ain't have a dad around or a coach to tell me it's cool to talk about it I just did what I saw in the movies I just did what I read in the books I just did what the action figures did that I play with and so I always made it seem like I was cool had a lot of friends had girlfriends went to every practice every sport never skipped school never I could have skipped nobody was at home my mom was in the hospital with my brother I could have I was like I'm not didn't drink didn't smoke none of that until I went to college and that's when a lot of other stuff came out but when I was dealing with that it was just like I didn't think he was gonna die so I'm like okay this is just temporary I know I have to be successful in sports so I can get us all this money so my mom don't gotta work and my little brother so I can get a cure I was like okay so I have to go have to go to school I have to play sports but there were times where I would feel like I wasn't there for him enough because I was going to practice and so I had to find that balance of okay I have to go to the NFL ASAP before he dies which put pressure on myself and that pressure if you don't reach your expectations from your own pressure without a place of being able to accept your shortcomings which are not failures it's just a shortcoming then you become to get discouraged and seek masking numbing and excuses and that's what ended up happening eventually but you know seeing how many surgeons he was the first one ever with short gut syndrome which is when you don't have as much intestines as you're supposed to and leukemia so they were giving him steroids that would mess up the short gut then they would give him freaking TPN that would mess up the chemo then he had bone marrow transplant, Radiation all these things from age 0 to 6 and I'm like what is all this stuff happening to this little kid and I'm like this ain't no project so that was my first time being like I don't like the hospital and now I don't even take ibuprofen I take a gut repair solution Whole Foods Organic by an organic chemist that I've had an interview on my podcast I know what I'm taking I eat Whole Foods 20% fun so I do like cheesecake wings I like to cheers on the beach I can do those things but you gotta take the proper action you don't wanna be dependent on the hospital or your doctor that's one thing I know for sure and seeing all these surgeons different dude from Asia dude from Africa white dude Russian I'm like how has he got so many surgeons where they was trying to get their retirement plan if you can figure out the cure for these two things the first time ever you're good you can retire and so seeing that I'm like I'll just treat them like a nice science project and that made me feel like I had to do more but I was still so young there wasn't much I could do I was working at Foot Locker but what is that gonna do I spent all that money on shoes dang it I wanna just say how sorry I am about your brother truly truly I find your comment about ego really fascinating can I ask you when was the first time you kind of stepped back and thought whoa ego I maybe need to take a look at that mhm it was day 4 on my 8 days in isolation on my second 8 month stint in jail because the first 8 months I found a way to numb second and then I got out for 30 days didn't stop partying went back 30 days later for another 8 months and this time the whole jail shut down and they flushed out all the pills and all the illegal substances in there so everybody in there was sober which you can imagine what happens when 350 dudes stop muscle relaxers Xanax and sleeping pills now we're all up wired on coffee and somebody overdosed so for 8 days you had to sit in your cell without unlocking the door no phone call no shower no no hot food no I didn't have a pen or a pad or a book because I just got in the day I got in the jail shut down when you get in you're supposed to be in orientation for 48 hours and then you get to go into normal population but when I got in I was stuck in that cell with just a roll up and so sitting in there there was a transition that happened and I think we all go through this in 4 phases whenever we transition from a different relationship an addiction a new city a new experience a new job a new spirituality a new belief system and the first day is withdrawals the first day is withdrawals everything you was used to now you try to do life without that you're like okay what is this where am I how do I do this I don't know I had I had somebody with me last time I was working for this company I was in this city I had this body type I used to be addicted to this how do I do this you go through withdrawals the next phase typically is anger I can't do this this is it was them it was her why could I why me this is this is messed up my dad my mom my background these white people my brother blah blah blah the third phase we try to fit in with whoever and a lot of people go back to toxic relationships in this phase because now they're like who is it oh they love me perfect feel me hear me oh I don't want to how could I oh new addiction new addiction oh I can't oh I'm gonna go back I'm gonna travel I'm gonna go back home I can't make it but if you make it through that phase you get to accountability and ascension and so I went through withdrawals literal physical withdrawals then I was angry and banging my bed 350 men in their cell banging my bed let me the book man I gotta get to oh my mama hang on oh my y'all y'all some all this but then my head was hurting because I was yelling so much and my throat was dry because the water was dirty and my lips was crusty I'm like this is not for me I can't I don't know how y'all still doing this I gotta take a nap I'm dehydrated and my head hurts and that was the third phase when I was trying to join all them and then eventually I just sat there and I was like okay I've been eating freaking bagels and oranges for three days drinking BS water nobody's coming to get me no more girls no more touchdowns Mama D can't come save my dad my uncle my dad actually called my girl at the time and was like you need to leave him and she left me never talked to me again in that eight days so when I got out she didn't even answer you know and that was one of the toughest love but the best thing he could have done for me I thank him for that every time because I wasn't listening to nobody which is why I kept going in and out and then in that moment I was like what can I do finally what can I do because if I could have called somebody to bail me out if I could have called the dope man to get high if I could have went and called Shorty to hang out if I could have went to the gym and played basketball if I could have went and played video games I would have never figured that out because you just get distracted and we all do that but then you get to a point where you're done dealing with your BS your own lack of accountability and that's pillar one of the choose yourself process that comes in five pillars and one of the triggers was born in this moment and that's the trigger point you have three types of triggers one when other people trigger you that means you're unhealed and they're triggering parts of you that you don't even know you have the second type of trigger is when you trigger yourself to be accountable and the third type of trigger comes after you evolve is when you trigger others to choose themselves and it's in that order and so this moment was my second trigger and the first thing I did was I can do push-ups that's what I can do so I had a little sliver at the at the clock I can only see half the clock but every every 15 minutes I would do 25 push-ups and 25 sit-ups and then I would sit there and wait for the next 15 minutes between first and third meal and what this taught me was few things one you can only control what you control if you can't do nothing do something two fitness is a way to help you boost the neurotransmitters and actually help you gain strength because I was weak from the withdrawals and the blaming complaining and screaming and lack of nutrients but when I worked out I felt stronger again I felt my athletics coming back because I started to push my own body weight around and three when you struggling you can't complain about nothing I was tired as heck I was I was sweaty I smelled like booty my breath stunk my everything I was sweaty eight days like a dang like a dang slave ship push-ups and sit-ups and when you're struggling when I'm on rep 900 because I was doing 1200 a day and I'm struggling I couldn't think about the judge of my background or who's there I could think about was this crusty ground and how I'm going to push myself back up so that is part of the systems in the third pillar of the foundation where you have to do things that force you to be present and it usually comes from discomfort cold shower fasting stretching meditate you know if you're if you're scared of speaking go speak exercise heavy weights sauna cardio sprinting these things you have to be focused you're like I'm gonna die your mind's like I'm gonna die you're like no I'm not and it's just you and you versus this task at hand and then that starts to create create a different understanding and relationship between you and your subconscious you your creator the heart and the mind and you start to separate those two voices of I'm gonna quit no I'm not I want to snooze no I don't I want to eat bs no I don't I want to spend outside my budget no I don't these are the same these are the same conflicts we have inside and then I started to evaluate my environment set the foundation I started to reinvest into myself and then I started to create and contribute and then upon reflection after evolving in personal development and overflowed into business development then I took those systems I applied it to sales and psychology and I started walking around driving around Minnesota slaying liquor so now I went from drinking spirits to selling spirits to uplifting spirits and my sales boosted through the roof because I had the systems for personal development I just started plugging in business and then I started implementing it into contribution and that's what got me to New York and when I got to New York that's when I really look back on okay how did I get here I was just four years ago or with 2018 I went to New York in 2020 21 and 2017 I was in that cell five years and I'm like how did I get here and with no family how did I do this and then that's when I reflected and got the choose yourself process which is what we now implement which is what I now speak about for any transition and then when I got to New York the liquor company shut down and I was like I'm not going back home I know I just got six figures yanked from under me and one phone call but I'm not going back home so I started grinding I started getting with other brands started speaking more online I started bartending I started doing side jobs and trying to get this income going and in this creation choose yourself was born just from speaking online I said it a few times I do online poetry and motivational content and then I said choose yourself a couple of times people like oh that's awesome I'm like that's it that's it it just came out though I wasn't like what is it going to be called I was just saying it it just came out a couple of times when I was just channeling and I was like dang that's tight choose yourself because it kind of sounds selfish but really you think about it it's the most selfless thing you can do and so I when that company shut down I took those same systems that took me from solitude to personal development to top end sales to New York back into developing my next phase and now those are the systems I use for every phase moving forward. Wow I at the end of the interview I'd love to ask you to maybe if you want to share one of your poems I would love that. Oh yeah. But thank you for all of that it that is such a I don't know powerful story but also testimony of of just finding yourself in a place that was pretty dark but then shifting your perspective and the way you oriented yourself to the story that you were telling yourself and then and look at everything that's come out of that it's it's kind of astonishing it's like your entire world changed on day four when you made a different choice. I'd love to ask this so my second question typically is how did you grow up in a religious household you know what did that look like for you and your family but for you how was that evolved over time and has that helped you to kind of keep you going as you go along your life? Heck yeah choose yourself as God's message okay I just speak about it it's in the Bible the kingdom was within protect the vessel you go from the Quran to the Latter Day Saint movement the Book of Mormon you go back to the Roman times with the Bible and you go to the dinosaur ages when they had to be self-sufficient and represent what they were trying to do it's about evolution of a living being you have to invest in yourself my mom Christian my dad Christian my mom's favorite memory of being with her dad I mean with my dad was when he would read her the Bible and he would explain the Bible so that's how they built their relationship yeah they might have been high but they were still reading the Bible so I'm like you know like if you get high read the Bible that's a different type of belief y'all was really y'all different type of Christians but that's cool though if that's what you do you're like we're not gonna Netflix a chair we're gonna get high and read the Bible and I'm gonna tell you what he's saying well my dad is super spiritual though like we talk and he always brings it back to God and you know as far as Jesus goes that's what my mom would always thank Jesus for a parking spot for a short line I'm like what you thinking Jesus for you just you just saw the spot what if your eyes was closed like that be Jesus too I'm like what I don't get it the parking spot somebody left that's what happened to the parking spot now what I see what I saw was she was being grateful for opportunities you have to believe in something greater than you and in order to believe in yourself because believing in something greater than you makes you realize your problems are not that dang big and they're on purpose which then allows you to believe in yourself to persevere but I questioned religion especially my little brother died said how you gonna kill a little six-year-old who did that God the doctor the judge my mom my dad was I not there what how does this happen and so I was lacking faith throughout the transition and when I got to that day four and I started to take action the first book I read after that was the secret and a big part of that is the law of attraction what you believe is what you perceive and your the roof your projections become the reflections that's what it means to choose yourself to be chosen if you ain't gonna meet your fit partner in line at McDonald's you're not gonna meet your rich partner at the casino gambling his last dollar you're not gonna reach your you're not gonna meet your holistic wife at the strip club you gotta beat a person first to be able to align with the version you want I hate because if you are a different version if you're faking it the mass won't last you can fake the interview but it won't stop you from getting fired when it's time to put in the work and so questioning religion questioning faith overall was intentional because when I came back to spirituality I knew it was deeper than religion I started realizing religion was man-made construct I'm like how are there thousands of religions and thousands of gods there's one that we're all talking about so I don't care how you connect to it I don't care what river you take to the ocean I don't care what root you are an oak tree figure out what it is could be the star could be a tree could be Allah Moses Jesus Yosef believes this I don't know what you call it so when I started to research personal development it all came back to the God inside the belief inside and choosing yourself is the self God created not the emotional self not the habitual self it's the one God created the highest self that Jesus chose Jesus chose his highest self this is what we're talking about now I'm seeking what Jesus was seeking thank you Jesus for your story I believe he was real I believe he did great for giving us our hope but I ain't following Jesus I'm following my intuition and authenticity from my creator who went through Jesus who went through Moses who went through Muhammad who was right I don't care I don't care if you find the similarities in every story it comes down to the TEFIC T-E-F-I-C triggers environment foundation investment contribution Jesus was a self-chooser everybody's like no he wasn't he chose God I'm like well he had triggers yeah he fasted for 40 days triggered by hunger ego still chose faith over his emotions then he evaluated his environment he left home because people didn't believe in him he left his environment then he set the foundation woke up before the Sun pray fast gratitude he was a carpenter contribution contribution creation then he invested into himself with self-belief with with his actions with his faith and going blindly into something he didn't know then the fifth was contribution ultimate sacrifice for you Jesus was a self-chooser now if you think Jesus was choosing God you right himself inside just like he was a self-chooser yeah yeah I have to say one of the best books I've ever read on Jesus for me because you know you can read about Jesus study Jesus and for me I just was like I just don't like intellectually I know you know people are telling me it was called the existential Jesus and it was one of the best books I've ever read because it really dove deeply into him as a human being and went into the Bible and just dissected the stories that were told about him and what he said and it just helped me so much deeply understand him and how he moved in the world and the struggles he had as you know just being out in the world with all these people or even by himself and I thought oh my gosh that I'm so grateful for this book because now I can I don't know resonate with him on a different level you know heart to heart versus just the story the clinical story I I don't know it helped me I'm gonna read that yeah it was it was really really so good for me honestly so I appreciate your understanding and your your compassion around him with his mandate and his story and what he had to do and how he moved in the world and how he needed alone time every once in a while and just like we all do some of us more than others but that's another conversation people who can't be alone are the ones that need it the most yeah yeah let me let me ask you something because you're highly intuitive and thoughtful and I think a lot of people including me every once in a while because I have to we walk around with the mask on right we have to because we have to show up in different situations with different people and and be different with all these various groups that we know or that we interact with do you think that through the work that you've done on yourself it has helped you to become more intuitive about other people's masks and the masks say that what they wear yeah very much so I mean the less mass we wear the more we identify them and and I've worn a lot and I've shed a lot and I've helped a lot of people with their mask and just from experience education reading and historical facts and facts of psychology in the mind it becomes easy to identify those things I mean you take me in nature I can't tell you what a species of plant is but somebody who did 20 years of study in the plants they know by the leaf in the roots even the branches without the leaves they know what tree that is and so what are you concerned about what is your curiosity pointing towards you need to tap into that mine is account is authenticity how how well can I know myself and then how many versions of myself can I contribute to people that still are rooted in truth because you're not going to treat your mama like your first date you ain't gonna treat your child like your boss but they all come from the same root and when you when when your son sees you talk to your boss he should see still see dad he shouldn't see who was that when your girl sees you talk to your mom she should see oh I see why he's like that towards me not why are you so disrespectful to your mom but not me well it's coming you can't stay in that relationship long enough it's coming all right so the mask the mask it always comes from if it's intentional it's manipulation if it's unintentional it's a lack of healing and I feel like we all have to wear a mask and that's the importance of authenticity because the mask will represent a part of you whether you like it or not because you have a you have an impression to make so is the mask a resemblance of your core or a resemblance of something that you think other people want to see or is it hiding something you think other people don't want to see great question that's so good that's so good open to resemblance of your core but you got to know what that is and that comes from solitude accountability and going back and tell your story this is what we do in workshops it's a story brand workshop you go into your story then when things outside don't align if it shifts your energy you become aware of it but you don't become it because you know where it came from then you're able to move with alignment it's not that you stopped this entertainment or this interaction you started a different one which deterred you from those choices whether it's relationships financial choices whatever you're allowing and the story is what generates the mask because the story creates our self-belief our self-belief is nowadays weakened or strengthened based off of how other people feel about us and so when you go in your story you generate a sense of self-belief but you can't just go look at it you then got to do the work right now to show you you care about your story then you're like I don't even know why I care about other people's opinion I don't even know why I'm worried about what's going to happen I already know what I've been through I'm undefeated I already know I became powerful when I lost this or I transitioned to this so now when the next thing comes I'm not trying to hold on to it I just let it pass because I know what's on the other side beautiful beautiful thank you thank you I'd love to ask you the main question of the podcast which is I would so appreciate you know you can tell one story you can tell two stories of something that you've either experienced or witnessed in your life that you thought was magical or maybe miraculous or mysterious even one big you don't call me big dream I came for nothing but I'm big on my dreams and there was a dream I had that was about it was the first time my little brother visited me after he passed and it was after it was in jail it was about two months after that fourth day had to be about six to eight weeks and I was in jail but I was sleeping and I was holding him and he was healthy he was like two years old one and a half I was holding him but I could hear his voice and it was saying Hakeem is going to be okay now through research right that is me holding myself Matthew was a resemblance of my inner child which is now what I realized why he was here because he was to show me how to love the little child that I never even knew when I was younger and me seeing that in him then gave me the ability to be accountable on day four because I finally started to choose myself because I saw that it was possible when he was born and I felt the pain when he was gone and I knew the consequences of not choosing myself because if I didn't choose him if I didn't love him and I do that to me it's going to result in the same thing I'm going to stay in here forever so that dream was the first time I saw him and I feel like a whole burden a whole building a whole world lifted off of me and that was when my faith changed that's when I started believing in God that moment I said oh who sent him how did my mind how did who did that was real I was holding me had hair didn't usually have hair he was talking he was young and he was talking I'm like what was that but I was so high for so many years I was passed out now I wasn't getting REM sleep I was on the verge of death so this is my first time two months after being sober for the first time since probably you know 10 years 8 years you know even in college if it wasn't during the season I was out almost every night so that that experience man y'all pay attention to your dreams and if you don't know what they mean look them up keep it they got dream logs online they got AI they have Google they got chat forums it means a lot and doesn't mean what you think it means when you're the dream like that was weird the floor was unstable and a dog jumped off the roof and then a plane crash I'm like you look that up you better look that up because that's your subconscious talking to you yeah I mean and also honestly what's really powerful about this story that you're sharing is that I mean I don't know for me I would have gotten up and been like oh my gosh I think you know other worlds are real or that heaven is real or that you know I might see my brother again you know he can come back to me in the future did any of that cross your mind why I knew I would see him after this life after that and that belief that there was an afterlife then generated a belief that there was some bigger something greater than what was going on in my head in that cell in that dang jail house it was like it's not about football not about money it's not about relationships it's not about what you can do and how much you can try to show that you're okay it's about you being okay with not being okay yeah yeah wow wow I'm you've just kind of blown my mind a little bit I just feel like a little off-kilter what you know what is also singular about this experience for me is that you have this dream but then you also have the I don't know I think bravery is one component intelligence you know thoughtfulness later I know it didn't happen right away but to consider everything that it meant and to revisit it and then not only that integrate it which is like no small feat and that kind of opens your heart wide open and opening your heart like that can be really scary and exhausting and because you don't know quite what's going to happen so you have to have a lot of faith in the universe in God in yourself to do that kind of work which it seems like you have that in spades would you agree yeah I think I think now keeping you know keeping your heart open it is actually a physical thing but it's energetic it's energetic you know it's a frequency heart space and I've worked with heart coherence especially heart coherence healers also I'm hosting a retreat with a horse whisperer who also heals in the heart space so that'll be fun October 1st in Sedona but the heart space is made for our spirit right it's made for our spirituality the mind is created by the experience now there's a lot of people who are able to use the mind to tap into the heart I mean not not a lot in compared to how many people on the planet but there's I would say thousands of healers holistic killers spiritual people who understand that relationship and to open your heart you have to show love to yourself that's the only way the purest form of love comes from the inside to the inside because ain't nobody messing with it on the way to your heart once you start giving it out and want it to other people now you're waiting for other people to love you now your heart closes down because you've been disappointed or somebody cheated or somebody stole from you manipulated lied all these things now you're like I don't want I now my mind is like don't do this don't go over here don't go this now to be able to decipher between staying open and having boundaries boundaries are also staying open because if you don't have boundaries your environment can force you to close that's discernment the the more open you stay with your heart the stronger boundaries you have the more resilience you have and it's not about oh this person let me down let me go open my heart to the next you become more specific about where you go in life you only go where you can have an open heart you don't keep going back to those to those environments if you do you ain't never gonna be able to open your heart so that's why our environment is so important and that's why we do a challenge 30 days three times a year in the choose yourself community no toxins no vices it's just you in life no sugar liquor weed screens nicotine caffeine no gluten no dairy no grains for 30 days and that means no video games no porn no gambling no doom scrolling 30 days straight no coffee no tea no sweeteners no freakin honey no agave just you versus you and all these emotions and addictions and you start to realize how powerful you are without anything and nobody they don't promote this as a health freakin fix they don't say oh just put down all the vices they're like no take them take them that's the norm so we break free and then it changes your relationship with life it allows your gut to heal you allow your dopamine receptors to heal so now you're not hooked on quick dope you can't open your heart if you're constantly waking up caffeine and processed food middle of the day with more red bull then take your sleeping meds and a glass of wine to sleep you're not gonna open your heart as much as it should be and once we experience that abundance of life without vices and stimulants now you can notice the clouds in the Sun now you get real dopamine from walking now you get real dopamine from conversation because you're not worried about I need a stimulant so I could do all my kids I need another freaking drug so I can golly so I think best way to open your heart is to eliminate the toxins in your environment because toxic I mean even the news man like how much do you watch that stuff I don't at all but I know is I know people in my family who just watch it all day and I'm like of course you can't freakin be grateful it looks scary outside yes yes that's so true so true I have the same thing in my family thank you so much for that for speaking about the heart because it's something that I think about and contemplate every day and in connection you know with others especially I think about that I would so appreciate if you'd share one of your poems do you feel like that's a good thing I don't want to break you okay good yeah always always okay good now now understand there's a balance in the universe good bad light dark up down life death God in the devil and it all resides inside as long as we live and you get two choices when it comes to your relationship with both you could be a dealmaker or you could be a deal breaker which one you gonna choose but understand this if you make a deal with the devil the devil won't show up as the devil cuz you won't make the deal it might show up as sugar liquor nicotine porn weed pills it might show up as the urge to cheat on yourself or your spouse or a daily cheat meal it might show up as a snooze button now watch your dreams get killed because if you stay in your bed your dreams stay in your head choosing your feelings instead of what you said last night when that alarm was said are you choosing your feelings or you're choosing your future he can see you if you make a deal with the devil the devil won't show up as the devil because you won't make the deal it might show up as self-sabotage or self-destruction because whenever God gives you something good you corrupted and abruptly interrupted seeking the victim's mentality by disrupting your production but those weren't the instructions you constructed where'd your faith go it's the temptations and contradictions the hesitations and restrictions that keep the friction between our addiction and our mission he can see you causing a contradiction in our conviction due to the deception of our depiction that leads us to our own crucifixion come on now now how you gonna be overweight and religious don't your book say the body is a temple while you being malicious or nutritious or is the text fictitious because I could see your choices showing in your physique and I could see you seeing showing in your skin come on now now you ain't got to lift weights but you got to be cool with the way your body disintegrates fickle and frail all the way to the grave you don't got to eat healthy and balanced but you got to be cool with the condition to your skin and accept REM sleep is a challenge and you ain't got to do cardio but you got to be cool with the notoriety of society with a variety of anxiety and be prepared to feel anxious every time your heart rate increases because you ain't never worked out your heart before come on now there's a balance to the universe and it's not about being a tight-ass you know the formula 80% healthy 20% fun 100% happy life can't be redone but you got to have the systems in place to replenish and recover because it's you versus you and you still got to take care of each other so if you're trying to tap in for some accountability go ahead and join me in the CYC to GYM and that's grow your mind so you can skip the snooze and wake up on time then you better get up get over it and get after it choose yourself and let's get it and that's it that's a wrap on my incredibly powerful conversation with Hakeem I'm so grateful that he decided to come on to the podcast and share about his life but also the life of his precious baby brother and frankly I am just kind of still gobsmacked by his mother who appears to be an unstoppable force of nature I'm really glad that he talked about her as well because honestly it makes me so happy knowing that she's in the world thank you for listening and here's my one request be like Hakeem I mean he never gave up and I said before that his mom is kind of unstoppable but Hakeem in the middle of his life in the middle of the darkest part of his life when he was in prison he received a miracle he understood that he was going to be okay he understood that he could create magic in his own life and then he's created more magic for everyone else so be like Hakeem and never lose faith that you can do good in the world that you can show up for others, And that you too can create beauty and hope and joy for every single person out there.