Episode Thirty-five: The Interview-Amy Adams

While Amy does possess gifts that many of us can only dream of-her simple act of being open to the sacred allows her access to miracles every day. In this byte-sized episode, hear how these miracles have happened since childhood and allow her to understand there is more to this world than we imagine.

Transcript

And there was two sliding glass doors.

So you kind of have an atrium and then another atrium.

So there's two sets of sliding glass doors to this hospital.

As I walked out,

There was a hummingbird,

A dead hummingbird straight in front of me,

Kind of under this atrium roof.

And my mom loved hummingbirds.

And I knew,

I knew.

I mean,

Nobody thought this was happening.

Nobody thought this was death.

But when I saw that bird,

I knew.

What I do for a job,

For money,

Is kind of similar to what I do in general anyway.

And it's just,

For some weird reason,

People come to me with questions,

Even if I was like just on a bus,

People start talking.

But I do tarot readings for a living.

And it's not just predictive stuff.

It goes deeper.

I've been described by clients as doing coaching,

Because that's the new catch word,

Right?

Coaching,

Alternative coaching,

Psychic coaching.

But basically,

It's just kind of seeing through the veils and seeing what's going on.

And that seems to be something that I've always done.

Who am I as a human?

I guess I just want to say I'm someone who looks by nature deeply beyond what anything I've been told.

You know what I was going to say?

What?

I was going to say a firefly lover who could also be the oracle at Delphi.

What?

Oh,

God.

Okay,

That's grand.

No,

That's lovely.

But no,

It's kind of that because I think the only place I ever find myself,

It's never with people.

It's always with art.

It's with poetry.

It's with music.

It's old writers,

Old biographers,

Old artists,

And ancient history.

That's kind of where I'm like,

Who am I?

I don't know.

But these people knew about it.

What do I do?

Is I try to help people see in the way that I was shown.

There were so many seers,

And they weren't all psychics or religious people even.

This literally is a description of me.

I know this may sound weird,

But I'm just,

I feel like poetry maybe describes it best because poetry uses language in a way that words don't always reach.

So I guess I'm always looking at what's behind the scenes,

What's hidden,

What wants to come out,

The beauty that is right there in front of you that you can't see.

What do I do?

I help people with those problems.

What is sitting here holding me back that I can't see?

That's what I do in my job.

Always about things that were hidden in my life.

It was always about the secrets you weren't supposed to know.

And I always knew them.

And that doesn't always work.

That didn't always work with my parent,

My mom.

I mean,

It doesn't always work when you know things that other people think you're not supposed to.

They think they hid them and they find out,

Oh,

They didn't.

It's not about being predictive and being right.

It's about helping someone where they are.

I was brought up Catholic.

I had to,

You know,

We went to church Sundays,

Midnight mass,

You know,

All of that jazz,

Celebrated the Christian holidays,

All of that.

But it wasn't like imposed in my household,

Like you're being naughty or you're being a sinner.

It wasn't that.

But yes,

It was very much a part of my household.

My grandmother was Catholic as well,

Although she like hardly ever went to church.

You know,

She paid her rosary every day and she used to take care of me when I was little.

There was always the time,

It was like,

I'm going to do my rosary and you left grandma alone.

But she kind of didn't like the church.

And in fact,

I know from my mom that she had a hard time with the church's stance on childbearing.

She did because she said,

If the church thinks you should have children,

Then they should take care of them.

I mean,

So she was kind of like very Catholic,

But also very not.

When I was young in my hometown,

The church was open in the seventies,

Like all day.

You could just walk in.

And I used to do that as a little kid,

Like six,

Seven,

Eight,

Because I was allowed to walk,

Go out of my house and I'd go sit in the church.

And I remember I'd always ask,

But where's God?

And when I was in church with mom,

My mom directed choir too.

So I always got to sit up top,

Up in the balcony.

And I'd always say,

Where's God?

And they'd always go up there.

Meaning they'd point their fingers upwards toward the ceiling.

And my little kid,

Very little kid brain always thought,

Oh,

God's in the ceiling,

Like in the ceiling of this building.

So when I needed to get away and I needed to go somewhere and think,

I would go to the church and I would go sit in Holy Cross in Batavia and I'd look at the ceiling.

This may sound strange,

But I had a,

At home we had,

It was called the children's Bible.

If you open up the first page and it had like the little circle,

It has a wheel,

It had a little circle where you can sign your name,

But on the wheel,

There was a picture of a dinosaur.

I was really,

Really,

Really,

Really into dinosaurs as a kid.

And I brought that up.

And I was like,

I'm going to go to the church.

And I was like,

I'm going to go to the church.

And I was like,

I'm going to go to the church.

And I was like,

I'm going to go to the church as a kid.

And I brought that up in confirmation class because I didn't understand because dinosaurs weren't in Genesis,

Dinosaurs weren't there,

Man.

It didn't make sense.

And I'm like,

Well,

But,

But I got in trouble by the nun.

The nun literally yelled at me.

I don't remember exactly what she said.

I just remember the feeling of shame that I brought up the question of the dinosaurs.

I never stopped using the church though.

That's interesting.

Like I never stopped going to the building.

That,

That was always a place that was a pretty place.

It was a sacred place.

It was a quiet place.

It was kind of like,

I was starting to get suspicious of the church and they weren't really what they said.

And so you just keep going because I was very honest in my intent and in my sense of there's something more here.

In fact,

The church seemed to make it smaller and smaller.

Like the possibilities on earth,

The possibilities of the divine on earth,

The church seemed to make smaller.

I did have experiences very,

Very young.

I can say before the age of seven,

I can put it probably between the ages of five and six realistically.

I would often be put to bed,

You know,

When you put to bed,

Sometimes you don't want to go to sleep.

You know,

You don't want to go to bed.

I would often stare out my window just cause like it was rebellious.

Outside my window was nothing exciting.

It was just house,

But a driveway in front of that.

They had a tiny little bush right there by their entry.

And I remember seeing one night and I don't know how to explain it,

But there were little dancing lights.

It was little like white or bluish white things.

And I said,

Oh,

The stars,

The stars are dancing.

And I remember saying that in the morning,

The next morning,

I remember that's exactly what I said to my mom.

The stars were dancing around the bush.

It didn't get denied.

It didn't get pushed away.

It also didn't get accepted.

It was just like,

But I know what I saw then when I was 12.

So probably six years later.

And I know I was 12 because I remember what was going on.

I was in a different bedroom,

Same house,

Same neighborhood.

But different bedroom.

And there were two big,

Big conifer trees out back.

And I could see directly to them.

And it was summer and the windows were open,

The screens were open.

And between the two trees,

I saw the same exact thing,

Same exact white whitish blue lights.

And I sat up a little bit and I kind of looked a little bit at them and it was like warp speed.

Like suddenly they were right in front of the window.

I know those two things happen.

That was just something that was real.

It was part of your life or at least part of mine.

Have you ever heard of the blue Pearl?

But it's a thing where they say you're sort of seeing literally like consciousness changing.

It also was,

And this is why I know it's real.

Also tied to death or people who have been dead.

I had an ex,

I used to see this little blue light.

It would be like this dot that would show up and it would always show up when I'm was in a particularly reflective or contemplative mood.

Even if I was just being creative for like my book,

My sister's husband had been ill for a very,

Very long time.

And he was states away from me.

And we knew that,

You know,

It was close.

And one night I went outside,

I was on my porch and I'm looking out at the night and about,

I'd say 20 feet,

Maybe in front of me,

All of a sudden,

It wasn't just one blue light.

Like I normally see it was like a dancing barrage,

Like eight of them.

And they were,

They were that far away.

Normally the blue light was right here,

But those lights,

It was like this again,

This brilliant cobalt blue kind of dancing again,

Like the little lights,

The white lights that I saw as a kid.

I just knew at that moment,

I was like,

He died,

Tim died.

Sure enough.

That was like 11 something my time,

But sure enough,

It won something his time.

He literally died.

But it was like a thing.

No,

At the time I had no idea about the blue light.

I had no idea that it was also associated with death.

I had no idea,

But I saw it.

I think you understand what I mean is that it's not as abnormal as we think.

When it happens,

You're like,

Oh,

Hi.

And then it's gone.

And then you go,

It's once it's over,

You go,

Oh,

Right.

Like when it's happening,

It,

There's something that feels at least to me,

It always feels normal.

Well,

It's interesting because a long time ago when I was dating a partner,

Maybe 20 years ago at this point,

He was the absolute person who doesn't believe in any of this stuff.

And so we went to this amazing little beach rental on the Oregon coast and stayed there for like three or four nights and days.

And at the end he said,

I just have had the weirdest experience since I've been here.

And I said,

What what's happened?

And he said multiple times during the days that we'd spent there,

He'd seen orbs going around the room,

Like white and blue orbs going around.

And I was like,

What?

Okay.

I didn't see anything like that.

And then he said,

And then on the first night when they delivered the pizza,

After the guy left,

I looked out the door and there was this woman standing on the front step and she looked like she wanted to come in,

But she was just like standing there.

And I said,

Okay,

I did not see any of this.

And I don't know what you're talking about.

And so we talked to the friends who owned the house and the house had been lived in by a woman who had lived there forever.

She was so elderly and she was blind and she died in the house.

And so I thought,

Okay,

I can't believe that the person who doesn't believe in any of this has all of these experiences while I do.

And I see nothing.

Do you remember when I said to you what I said?

I think it's more of the simple and this is not,

Again,

It's not a judgment.

It's like the more open-minded or simple-minded,

The less intellectualizing mind that seems to always get the experience because literally our minds are our filters.

I mean,

Have you heard stories about time slips?

You know,

Where people like are walking down the street or walking down a railroad or they're driving somewhere or the one most famous one I ever heard were two women that were visiting Versailles in France and they were walking through the palace and all of a sudden the both women claim that they were seeing a different time and they were seeing,

They saw a woman painting on an easel outside and everybody else was in different costume and it lasted a very,

Like a minute,

They said a very short amount of time.

I still want to know what that is.

I'll say upfront,

I fully believe that that is real.

I don't know if I'll ever have the kind of mind that will lend to that experience.

How about you?

I mean,

I've certainly heard of those experiences.

The one that I most recall,

The one of this family whose car broke down on the side of the road in England,

Maybe it was Ireland,

And they look over at this field and there's like this whole battalion of Roman soldiers running past.

You know,

For me,

What that is,

Is could either be an echo,

Something that's reflecting off of,

I don't know,

The plank field or something,

I don't know.

Or it could be,

I've heard it said that our concept of time,

That everything's linear and one thing causes an effect and that causes the next effect is an illusion and that everything is happening all at once.

It could just be us witnessing that moment.

It's bleeding through because it's happening at the same time.

I wanted to ask you a question just because I'm curious,

But if you don't want to answer,

I understand because it's a little personal,

But when your mother passed away,

Did you have an experience of knowing when she died?

Well,

I did have an experience with my mom that will,

I believe she had been ill a lot prior to me,

Prior to this happening.

She was hiding it.

There was no reason to suspect she was ill.

She got ill one night after dinner,

Had to go to the hospital that night,

Came home the next morning,

Stayed very,

Very ill.

I had to call the EMTs a couple times following evening.

Twice because she refused to go the first time,

She didn't want to go and she was quote unquote cognizant,

They said.

Had to call them again because she couldn't walk,

She couldn't breathe.

Anyway,

I knew what was going on,

Took her back to the hospital and I called my family from out of town and I tried calling her friends.

So I'm at the hospital with her,

But I keep going outside.

I'm leaving her as she's in the hospital.

I keep going outside to make all the phone calls.

The first time I went outside on the second time she was in the hospital,

I walked out and there was two sliding glass doors.

So you kind of have an atrium and then another atrium.

So there's two sets of sliding glass doors to this hospital.

As I walked out,

There was a hummingbird,

A dead hummingbird straight in front of me,

Kind of under this atrium roof.

And my mom loved hummingbirds.

And I knew,

I knew.

I mean,

Nobody thought this was happening.

Nobody thought this was death.

They didn't know what it was.

They thought it might be a hard thing.

It might be a bowel thing.

You know,

Nobody knew.

But when I saw that bird,

I knew.

Yeah,

She did not live 12 hours after that.

It's not necessarily,

You know,

In this case,

It was her,

It was her spirit.

What she was attached to,

It was showing me I'm gone.

I just kind of took it as like,

I know she's gone.

Nobody's telling me she's dying.

Now you have to understand this.

That's how I was taking this.

And I think this is how the universe,

The things other than human,

Were speaking.

Because I did not have a nurse,

A doctor,

Nor a family member at that moment in time,

Conferring with me and saying,

This looks bad.

Here's the thing.

We are not separate from nature.

We are not separate from the animals.

We are not separate from this blanket line of energy that is life.

We are not separate.

We take all of these other forms as being different than us.

But it's not.

They are just different expressions.

And when they talk,

We should listen.

These things actually,

When they happen in the moment of their happening,

They don't seem extraordinary.

It's upon reflection.

It's upon like,

Whoa,

After you get the message.

But when it's happening,

It doesn't seem weird.

And that's kind of my question is like,

These things are actually,

I think,

More normal.

They are more of this realm than we allow.

And I think that's my point.

For some weird reason,

Death has always been not frightening but fascinating.

And as I grew up learning that there were traditions,

Particularly what started it for me was the Victorians.

When I started learning their history around death,

From having tear bottles,

There was a time for grieving.

And they literally wrote it out.

They gave you time to grieve.

And they gave you a costume to wear.

And that may sound very restrictive to us now.

And while it may have been restrictive back then,

I think there's something very beautiful of going,

Okay,

Now I'm wearing all black and nothing shiny or pretty.

And I've got an R or if you're a man,

I've got the armband.

It allows anybody else that you run into to know where you're at so they don't interfere.

There was such etiquette around how to approach and speak to and visit with somebody who had just lost someone.

There was etiquette around having the dead and they were still in your home.

Do you know that when we stopped doing funerals or the wakes in the home,

We changed the name of the room into the living room?

That's literally why we call it a living room now,

Because it's no longer where we put the dead.

I fell in love with the fact that they really honored death.

I fell in love with realizing that they had ways to grieve.

They saw the dead.

They wrote about people seeing the dead.

They wrote about people grieving to death.

They wrote about having the,

It's why we have the night watch.

It's why we have the night shift.

There were bells that were strung on a gravestone that went down into the casket in case somebody was actually buried alive accidentally.

They woke up.

They could ring the bell.

That was the night watch.

When I started finding out that death was actually as real and alive as I'd always hoped,

You know,

Being a little kid in love with Halloween and ghosts,

I fell in love.

And also the fact that they had,

Even though it was still stodgy,

They allowed for grief.

They allowed for grieving.

They allowed for a space outside of being part of society and being part of your normal demands of the day.

They allowed for that.

And that is something that is so necessary.

And the grief is not just when someone dies.

Grief can be when,

I mean,

You know,

Obviously if you lose a child,

If you're pregnant or if you can't get pregnant,

But it's also when you lose a job or when you just get depressed.

There are times where we have to step outside of society.

And what I love about the Victorians is they gave a pageantry and a ritual around how to do that.

And I started that page on Facebook,

My memento mori,

Which means remember your death,

Literally what it means.

Remember death.

Remember you are going to die.

I started that after one of the school shootings and it was just trying to give the public place for grief because I feel like if we don't grieve,

We go crazy and we get weird and we start blaming people and blaming things that have nothing to do with anything.

We just take it out on each other or on ourselves.

I would love to have a,

I always wanted a death store that I was going to call memento mori,

You know,

Bringing death back to life because I think we need to bring death back to life.

We need to realize that death is not opposite of life.

Death is a process of life.

And I think that we'd all be much better off if we could just have more ritual around it,

Have more peace around it,

Have more time away from time so that we could sit there in a sacred space and let all of the rest of what we don't normally see and hear and feel,

Let it come in and let it be groovy.

This has been episode 35 of Bite-Sized Blessings,

The podcast all about the magic and spirit that surrounds us.

If only we open our eyes to it.

And whether you choose to listen to our Bite-Sized offerings for that five to ten minutes of Freedom in Your Day or the longer interviews,

We're grateful you're here.

I'd love to thank my guest today,

Amy Adams,

For sharing her story as well as the creators of the music used,

Music L.

Files,

Alexander Nakarada,

Sasha End,

Brian Holt's music,

Agniesz Valmazia,

And Kevin MacLeod.

For complete attribution,

Please see the Bite-Sized Blessings website at bite-sized-blessings.

Com.

On the website,

You'll find links to other episodes,

Change makers,

Books,

And music I think will lift and inspire you.

Thank you for listening,

And here's my one request.

Be like Amy.

Sit back,

Be still,

And be open to the messages that are all around you.

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