Show me where to go.
My love,
God said as he walked down a set of stairs.
He was descending what felt like the stairs to a choir loft.
I could feel disagreements,
Conflict,
Broken hearts.
Love,
God said again and this time I realized that he was not speaking to me.
He was looking for someone,
Calling them to him.
To sing for God is not what I have called you to do.
I ask you to sing because it fills your heart with joy.
Because your voice is the sound of angels.
Because your heart was made to love.
Not because I call you to everlasting light.
Your voice is not the way to salvation,
Love.
Your voice was meant to be used to delight the ears of others and to lovingly lift their hearts.
Do not mistake the call to use your voice as a call to choir in a church that does not love you,
Honor you,
Or respect you.
If you choose to be at church,
Find one that loves you well.
If you choose to honor your passion,
Your voice,
Your love of singing,
There are many ways to use your gift.
She could not see God,
But she knew God was speaking to her heart.
She felt incredibly conflicted.
The choir had been where she felt most comfortable.
The choir is where she thought she had been called to.
The choir was what she was the best at,
Lending her voice to the heavens,
To praise,
To the call to worship.
If this is where she had been called,
Why has it turned into chaos?
Why is it such a mess?
She stayed in the choir for several more weeks.
Each practice,
Each rehearsal,
Each performance.
She felt overwhelmingly uncomfortable.
She felt like she was wearing someone else's shoes or a shirt that didn't fit right.
Her heart was screaming at her.
Her heart was telling her to leave.
Her heart was telling her to seek other opportunities.
Her heart was pulling at her like tug of war,
Pulling her anywhere but there.
She prayed and she prayed hard.
She never moved.
Never looked for a new opening.
Never sought another path.
One day,
God walked into rehearsal and stood behind the choir leader.
He placed his hand on his shoulder and laid on his heart that it was time to let her go from the choir.
The other members of the choir had voiced complaints about her,
That she was creating conflict,
Not fitting in with the group,
And they were not happy.
She sat in silence stunned as the choir director explained to her all the reasons she was no longer welcome to participate with them.
Her heart was aching.
She was upset.
But she kept hearing over and over in her head that she had prayed.
She walked out of the church with her head held high.
She knew she had done nothing wrong.
She knew the reason she was given was more about them.
The other members of the choir were significant financial donors to the church.
She knew she was the recipient of the conflict,
Not the instigator.
She knew it would never be about talent or service.
It was about money.
She sat in the driver's seat of her car and quietly wept,
Letting her feelings wash across her face.
The stress and fears about making a decision about the choir had been weighing on her.
But as she cried,
She also felt an overwhelming sense of peace.
She spent each day of the next several weeks thinking about what would make her happy,
How she'd like to lend her voice,
How she would like serving and looking for new opportunities.
She journaled out her feelings about her experience,
Worked through forgiveness and then tried to visualize what it would feel like to sing in a place that lit her soul on fire.
I'm ready,
She whispered in prayer to God.
Show me where to go.
