Change Your Story. Change Your Life.

In this short talk you will gain insight into behaviors you might not be aware of and how they are sabotaging you. This is meant to get you thinking and to become more aware of how you talk about your life and yourself so that you can be more intentional about creating a life you love. Our words create. What are you creating by the story you are telling?

Transcript

Hi,

I wanted to share with you from my heart about changing your story in order to change your life.

What's the story that you tell about your life?

What's the story you tell about yourself?

I would love for you to really pay attention to how you show up in the world,

How you talk about yourself,

Because it really does make a difference.

It really does matter.

If you wonder why certain things are happening in your life,

One of the first things I would ask you is,

What do you keep talking about?

How do you describe yourself?

And sometimes it's so natural to us.

We've been doing it for so long that we don't even recognize what we're actually doing in those moments.

I know for me it was a rude awakening when I had someone confront me.

Growing up in school,

I really struggled with spelling,

With reading.

It just wasn't something that came easy for me.

And I had a teacher tell me that I was stupid.

I had a sister tell me I was stupid and I had to take special classes in order to keep up.

And it really became something that was a big insecurity for me.

I truly felt stupid.

And even as I got older and went on to graduate school,

Earned two master's degrees,

And went on to become a professional and working,

I would do presentations.

And I'd often be up at the whiteboard teaching on a particular concept and I would misspell a word.

And I would get all embarrassed and I would literally say these words,

I know,

I'm sorry,

I'm so stupid.

And I never meant that I was really stupid,

Although there were times I felt it.

But I was so grateful that I had a mentor in my life that pulled me aside and said,

Kristy,

Do you want people to see you as stupid?

Do you want people to think you're stupid?

And of course my answer was no,

I don't want people to see me that way.

Then she said,

Then stop saying it.

Because every time you refer to yourself as you're stupid,

You give other people permission to see you that way.

How often do we do that?

We put ourselves down,

We talk negatively about ourselves,

And then when people treat us in that negative way,

We get mad.

And we blame them that somehow they did something to us.

Can I just encourage you?

Be mindful of the words that you use.

Do you refer to yourself as too old,

Too young,

Too tall,

Too short,

Too thin,

Too heavy,

Not smart,

Not good enough,

Not worthy.

I'm so stressed out.

I'm always running late.

I'm so unorganized.

All of those things communicate something about how you see yourself.

Is that how you want other people to see you?

If not,

You can change it.

Sure,

It might not happen overnight because it's a habit that you've developed over time.

But as you stay at it,

As you keep looking at it and saying,

You know what,

This is not how I want to show up in the world.

This is not how I want to talk about myself.

You can really start making things change.

At times when I will maybe say something,

I'm so stressed out.

I'll catch myself and go,

Wait,

That's not what I want to put out into the world.

That's not what I want to put out into the universe.

Yes.

Am I,

Do I have a lot on my plate at the moment?

Yes.

Why can't I change the wording to be more healthy,

More proactive,

More positive?

Because when we change the language,

We change the outcome.

Just like our thoughts create,

So our thoughts become our words,

Our words are now spoken,

Which creates our reality.

Now I know for me,

I have had some people that I have asked to say,

Please hold me accountable to this.

Please catch me and call me on it when I do these kinds of habits that do not serve me and are not the way I want to show up in the world.

And I'm so grateful for them.

Here's the other key too.

When you catch yourself and you've slipped and gone back to an old story,

Have compassion for yourself.

Don't beat yourself up.

Beating yourself is going right back to those negative words.

You're never going to get this.

You're so stupid.

You're ridiculous.

Really,

You think you can change your life.

This is just the way you are.

This is just the way I am.

No,

It's not.

I truly believe to the core of my being,

We were created to be something so amazing,

So incredible,

But it's us that have changed the story.

Deep down to the core of who we are in our soul,

We are perfect.

We are enough.

We are worthy.

We are loved.

We are safe.

But it is when we get into our head that we start creating other ideas of who we really are.

And I know if I was talking to you,

You could probably say,

Well,

You don't understand what's happened in my life.

Well,

I've had people tell me that I'm not good enough and I'm not worthy.

Oh,

Do I get it?

Me too.

I've had those same things in my life.

But what the great thing is,

The empowering thing is,

Is we get to decide how we're going to let it affect our life.

We get to choose what we're going to do with that information.

I can believe it.

I can hold onto it.

Or I can say,

No,

Thank you.

That does not serve me.

That is not who I am.

And I choose to let it go.

Now the challenge for most of us,

Like me,

I have not received that kind of modeling.

I have not necessarily that that pattern is easy for me.

But I'm learning and I'm growing and it gets easier every single day.

It gets better every single day.

When you start seeing the results,

When you start feeling better,

When you start seeing some of those synchronicities show up in your life,

When you see some of the changes on how people respond to you different,

Oh,

Does it make it so worth it?

Does it make it so exciting?

So how do you want to talk about yourself?

How do you want to talk about your life?

I know another bad habit for me that I held on to was in my family growing up,

We had a tendency to focus on the negative.

What we didn't like,

What went wrong,

What wasn't good enough.

And it became a habit on into our adult life.

And at times when I'd get together with my family,

We rehearse the negative stories,

The frustrations with each other.

And I gotta admit,

I'm grateful for a friend I have in my life that really challenged me.

He grew up in a home that he was abandoned,

He was beaten,

He didn't know where he was going to live.

He had to start helping pay bills at age 14.

He had a completely different life than I did.

I have two parents that love me.

I had a home that I grew up in all my life.

I never went without food.

I was never beaten.

Yes,

I had my challenges.

Yes,

My family went through some traumas,

Absolutely.

But just shifting that perspective,

I had two parents that loved me.

I had two parents that did the best that they could.

Cannot be enough.

What did I get out of focusing on what they were not?

What I wish could have been different.

And the only thing I got from it was staying in a negative perspective and staying stuck in an old story.

And so I've been really intentional about changing my story.

And when people ask me about my family,

I had two wonderful parents.

I had a great upbringing.

Man,

They gave me the best that they possibly could.

They loved me.

And it's been interesting even energetically how different that feels and saying it that way.

So I just want to encourage you.

You have the power and the ability to change the way you talk about yourself and your life.

You can do it.

And it is worth it.

And I'd love for you to put in the comments as you change some of these things how it's changed your life.

I'd love to hear it.

I wish you nothing but the best life has to offer.

Namaste.

Reviews

Thank you. I KNOW this, and have slipped further and further into attractin gnegatives since my husband left. This is such a great reminder… I think what I was doing is writing off any traits that are helpful, and comparing my ‘disorganisation’ to his extreme organisation and forward planning. There has been a lot of focus (and talk) around my shortcomings. YET I am also incredibly well organised in some ways. ::

Wow. This was so beautiful and powerful. Thank you

Just exactly what I am working on and needed to hear!
Thanks!