Your Brain: Letting Go Of Unwanted Thoughts & Feelings

Our own destiny starts with one single thought - but what to do when we are disturbed by unwanted or (negative) thoughts and feelings? Looking at how the brain works, Karolien will explain where thoughts come from and with which strategy we most easily can take away their power. With kind acceptance, we can tackle the ironic rebound effect. This talk includes a very short meditation with the intention to put the theory into practice. More meditations can be found under my profile.

Transcript

Hi,

Welcome to this talk about how to get rid of unwanted thoughts,

How to calm them and especially how to get rid of the ironic rebound effect.

My name is Caroline,

I'm a teacher on Insight Timer and for those who know me,

You know I come from the field of neurosciences and I had the privilege during my time as a scientist to have a closer look at what happens inside our brain.

The topic of today is the ironic rebound effect,

How to calm our thoughts,

How that happens from a neuroscientific point of view and also today I would like to invite two very special imaginary guests.

The imaginary guests of today are Anthony Hopkins and Alec Baldwin and you might know there's both of them,

They played together in a movie called The Edge and these two characters from the movie are our special guests of today and at the end of the talk you will also know why that is the case.

I'd like to start with a short experiment.

For this experiment I invite you to close your eyes,

This will only last about 30 seconds and once you've closed your eyes I invite you not to think of a white bear,

Not to think of a white bear.

So how did that go?

Were you able not to think of a white bear or did you actually think of the white bear and was it really difficult to exclude the white bear from your mind?

Well this is an experiment that was conducted the first time by a researcher called Daniel Wegner and what he found was that when people were asked to suppress a thought that it only makes it more likely for the thought to pop up.

This is why this observation was called the ironic rebound effect because when we try to think a thought away or we try to suppress it actually it is more likely for the thought to pop up.

This is why it's called the ironic rebound effect.

They asked students to conduct this experiment not to think of a white bear during a time of a few minutes and to their surprise they found that first of all and I'm quite sure you have experienced that you can't just easily suppress a thought,

Actually you can't suppress a thought and secondly when you try to suppress it it only makes the thought more likely to pop up,

It only makes it worse.

You might have realized already that your thoughts play a very important role if it comes to the quality of our life and in this context before I move on looking at the ironic rebound effect more closely I'd like to mention a saying of Gandhi.

Gandhi,

He had a beautiful saying showing that it is our own destiny that starts with one single thought and let me read it out to you.

Watch your thoughts because your thoughts become your words.

Watch your words because they become your actions.

Watch your actions because they become your habits.

Watch your habits because your habits become your character.

And watch your character because it becomes your destiny.

Your destiny starts with one single thought.

So I believe it's quite important to have a look at where the thoughts come from and especially how can we calm down the unwanted thoughts.

This is of course not only important for each one of us because we all have thousands of thoughts produced by our brain on a daily basis but also for clinical settings these findings have shown to be of significance.

So let's have a closer look at suppression.

When we try to suppress our thoughts our conscious mind will try to direct our attention elsewhere and during that same process it is the unconscious mind that will monitor your state and stays on alert.

But of course the unconscious mind will hold the thought that you are trying to suppress and this is where the ironic rebound effect comes from.

So let me give you an example.

We did not want to think of a white bear or this was at least the assignment and what does your conscious mind do?

Your conscious mind will try to direct your attention elsewhere,

For example think of a house,

But your unconscious mind will monitor your state and is going to tell you hey well done you haven't thought of a white bear.

So in this entire monitoring process the unwanted thought actually is being popped up.

It's the same when we try to sleep.

So also when we try to sleep it is our conscious mind that will remind us that we are trying to sleep,

But the unconscious mind is constantly monitoring your state and is going to mention to you hey you're not asleep yet.

And of course in this entire process the thoughts of not sleeping might even become stronger and make it more difficult to sleep.

It's the same with feelings when we really try not to crave the chocolate,

The more we try to suppress it the more present the craving in our mind becomes.

So what should we do?

What's the solution here?

Well Daniel Wegener and his colleagues they have found that it is allowing and accepting the unwanted thoughts that takes their power away.

So let's have a closer look at what it means to allow and accept unwanted thoughts or feelings.

Allowing thoughts to be there or accepting them does not mean to engage with them or to act upon them.

It's important to disconnect these two happenings from each other.

One is just allowing the thoughts to be there and just say listen it's okay I have these thoughts it's okay that I have these feelings but allowing and accepting them does not mean we also engage with them or we act upon them.

These are two separate things.

Here we're looking at the first process is just allowing or accepting the thoughts.

Some people also compare that with the way we deal with our so-called monkey mind.

All the thoughts that are constantly popping up into our mind.

This is sometimes called the monkey mind.

Sometimes in my case at least it feels like a total zoo of thoughts popping up and feelings and especially the moments we don't want to have them all of a sudden the monkey presents us with thoughts or feelings we don't want to have.

Well what's the metaphor that I'd like to use here?

The more you fight with your monkey the more you're trying to make it not talk the louder it will become.

So what do we do then?

What does accepting and allowing mean?

This means that whenever the monkey is presenting you with thoughts or feelings you don't want to have acknowledge it.

To say hey that's really totally okay.

It's okay that you tell me that.

It's okay that you pop up this feeling.

It doesn't mean we're going to act upon it or we're going to engage with it but it's absolutely okay that you present me with these thoughts.

Perhaps one exercise that I'd like to give to you an easy one.

Perhaps the next time that you have to do something and you're absolutely not in the mood to do that whether this is a certain core at home or whether you have to call somebody you don't really want to talk to.

Well at that moment just tell yourself it is absolutely okay not being in the mood to do that.

It is absolutely okay that I'm not in the mood to do that.

Accepting those feelings and thoughts not necessarily mean that you will refrain from doing the core or doing the call but at least it will increase your own life quality simply because the disturbing thoughts and feelings will reduce their power.

So let's have a very short look at the neuroscience behind that and especially I'd like to mention to you how we can pure biologically also shut down our thoughts.

Well where do thoughts come from or where do these distractions in our mind come from?

Well in our brain we have several functional networks.

These are collections of brain structures that like to be active together.

This is why we call it a network and one of these networks is a very dominant one and tries to take over whenever it can and this network is called the default mode network.

The default mode network.

This is our wandering mind.

This is the moment when we are concentrating on a book for example all of a sudden our mind is wandering and the monkey takes us elsewhere.

So this is the default mode network in your brain that tries to take over.

So how do we shut that out?

Well in our brain we have also another network that is called the direct experience network.

The direct experience network.

This is a network that is in very close connection to our senses.

Our senses are seeing,

Hearing,

Smelling,

Tasting and feeling.

And where does the power lie or why am I mentioning this to you?

Well these two networks in our brain cannot be activated simultaneously.

Meaning that from the moment that we activate the direct experience network in our brain what is going to happen?

The default mode network calms down.

The monkey mind will calm down.

This is an act with which we pure biologically can shut down our wandering mind or the constantly popping up thoughts.

This is how we shut them down.

How do we do that?

How do we play with these two networks?

What's a typical exercise that we can do?

Well the direct experience network is a network as I mentioned that is in close connection to our senses,

Feeling,

Seeing,

Hearing,

Tasting,

Smelling.

And when we bring our full awareness to one of these senses,

Purely being aware of them,

That's the moment we activate the direct experience network in our brain and as a biological consequence the default mode network will calm down.

I'm not sure how it is with your monkey but my monkey loves to talk.

So it's not going to take very long for the monkey to be present in your mind again.

This is the moment you're distracted from the exercise.

That's the moment you have a thought popping up in your mind or an image.

And that's okay.

This is where the accepting part comes in.

That's the moment you say monkey I hurt you.

That's okay.

And after accepting the monkey talking,

That's the moment that very gently you bring your awareness back to one of your senses.

This is also what we call mindfulness meditation.

This is really at the core from a neuroscientific perspective,

Mindfulness meditation.

I'd like to do a very short exercise with you.

I have many more here on Inside Timer,

Also much longer ones,

But just to bring the theory into practice I'd like to do a very short exercise with you so you come to experience how you can switch those two networks.

For this exercise I'd like you to sit up straight or to find a comfortable position if you would be lying down.

Important is that your breathing is not constrained and that you can breathe in and out fully.

I'd like you to bring your two hands together and close your eyes.

And I'd like you to very,

Very slowly but very consciously rub your two hands together.

Now I invite you to place your hands very consciously onto your knees and invite you to become fully aware of your hands that are lying on your knees.

And whenever you're distracted from your hands,

That's the moment where we accept and gently bring our awareness back to our hands.

Now you can open your eyes again.

What we did together here was a very short mindfulness meditation.

And let me just summarize exactly from a neuroscientific point what happens and how this is related to calming our minds.

In this act of being mindful about our hands,

We simply become aware of the sensations that we feel in our hands.

With this act we activate a network in our brain that is called the direct experience network.

And nature has designed our brains in such a beautiful way I find,

Because it's exactly with this act that the default mode network,

The monkey mind,

Is being shut down.

Of course,

As you might have noticed during the exercise,

The monkey mind will pop up again,

But that's the moment that we go into acceptance and we say,

OK,

Monkey,

I heard you.

And afterwards we very gently bring our awareness back to the sensations in our hands.

So how is this related to the ironic rebound effect?

Well,

I think we all know what it's like to be disturbed by thoughts,

Thoughts that we don't want to have or feelings we don't want to have.

And very naturally,

What we do is very naturally,

At least I do that,

Is try to fight with them.

It's like,

I don't want to have those thoughts.

I don't want to have those feelings.

Why can't I just have some peace in my mind?

But it's exactly in this discussion,

This inner discussion,

This inner fight with the monkey that the monkey only becomes louder.

So it is my kind invitation to you that whenever you come into situations or perhaps during the night when you can't sleep and your mind is reminding you that you should sleep because tomorrow you have an important meeting,

To be very kind to these thoughts and just say,

I heard you,

Monkey.

It's OK.

You mentioned that to me.

And if you're not in the mood to do a certain thing,

Tell yourself,

It's OK not to be in the mood.

It's absolutely OK.

It doesn't mean that you have to refrain from the act,

But at least the first step is to be accepting and kind to your own thoughts and feelings.

And this will already reduce their intensity and reduce their power.

So let's go back to our imaginary special guest of today.

I mentioned to you we had Anthony Hopkins and Alec Baldwin that together played in a movie called The Edge.

This is a movie if you haven't watched it,

It's a movie where both of these actors,

They get stranded into a forest totally alone and they have to survive.

And at some point they are trying to fight with a bear.

Well,

My dear friends,

The invitation of today is not to fight with the white bear if it pops into your mind.

And not fighting with the unwanted thoughts is going to reduce their power.

Thank you for listening and we stay in touch.

Reviews

Uma explicação, com dicas, muito bem conseguida. Apesar de conhecer este processo, fiquei mais elucidada. Obrigada pela partilha ✨🌻

Very interesting. There's a book about the monkey mind, The Chimp Paradox it's also interesting. Thanks for this ☺️ if you don't mind me asking did you ever spend time in Ireland? I can hear what sounds like a slight Irish accent in your voice, just wondering. 🙏

Excellent, thank you 🌟 It's really interesting to hear the science behind mindful awareness.

Excellent and useful information
Thank you so very much!

Thanks a lot for this very interesting talk. I very much enjoyed the way you presented the issue and how to handle our monkey mind 👍

Thank you 🙏! I love how you explained about the different networks of our brains and how they can’t work at the same time. I’m going to accept and allow myself to think about having a piece of chocolate with a white bear , while watching “The Edge”
I love how you blend humor into the science. Thanks again! 🐻‍❄️🍫🎬

Dear Karoline,
Thank you very much, it was great, as usual [as far as I have listened to you] and it is so precious that you make scientific facts so understandable and easy to learn. 🙏🏻🌹
This session also reminded me of what my psychologist always try to teach me, because she practices based on ACT and it is also all about ACCEPTANCE + COMMITMENT. You helped me to understand it all much better. 👍🏻🤗

Thank you, dear Karolien, for explaining so clearly why mindfulness is effective. I'm someone often in my head and eager to understand stuff. As a nice side effect, it also helps to commit more readily.

Thank you! this was clear and rewarded me with a helpful technique for being calm with my monkey mind, and some avenues of practice. I often wonder & still do about the power of listening to (validating, pursuing the roots of, perhaps acting in accordance with) our thoughts and feelings... but I think the first step even to that pursuit is granting them an okayness, allowing for them to come unharmed and leave untethered. This talk & excercises gave me the pathway to start doing that. Thank you!

Thank you for the practical, scientific explanation of this experience 🙏✨❤️I’ve been struggling with OCD for several years and with codependency since childhood, and the two combined are truly insidious. This was such a big help and I know that I, as well as others, would be eternally grateful for more 🙏✨❤️thank you for sharing your wisdom and knowledge with us

I really appreciate the clear scientific explanations- thank you

Very helpful explanation
Which leads into why mindful meditation is effective for our unhelpful thoughts. Thank you

Wonderful metaphors that will stay with me and an accessible explanation of the brains networks that provide a helpful framework for understanding the direct versus wandering states. Thank you!

Interesting. Acknowledgment but not engagement of unwanted thoughts will be an effort worth exploring.

This has been my practice for many years, but I never heard it expressed from a neuroscience perspective. I’m going to pass this recording onto others so they can listen to it when they need to. Thanks!

Helpful talk on letting thoughts pass on by. 🙏💕🐒thank you.

Thank you, this was exactly what I needed to hear this morning to find hope in being able to calm the zoo in my mind. I’ll be kinder and will listen again

Quote helpful. My therapist introduced me to what he called "task action" to help me with my panic and anxiety. I think he was talking about that part of the brain you mentioned when we activate our senses, direct experience, to help calm the default network. It was helpful to hear your description. Many thanks.

Thank you for your sharing your knowledge in such a relatable manner.

Thank you, putting so much emphasis on simply accepting has really helped me to gain some calm perspective in my mind, and listening to this really slowed down my busy and racing mind, which I am grateful for.