How To Stop Feeling 'Not Enough'

Join Julie Reisler, course creator here on Insight Timer, master life coach & podcast host, for a powerful conversation to help inspire and teach you how to rewire your inner 'not enough' voice and transform it for good. Julie shares 3 actionable steps that work to release these harmful & untrue beliefs so that you can access your 'You-est You' and start changing the way you see and feel about your precious self. Grab your pen, paper & get ready to let go of comparison, self-doubt and lack!

Transcript

Hi, I'm Julie Riesler and I'm known as America's Life Designer and I'm an interior designer for your soul and mentor for spiritual entrepreneurs. I am here to guide you back to your best self, To manifest your biggest dream. I am a master life coach, Founder of the Life Designer Coach Academy Certification Program, Author of Get a PhD in You, And host of this very global podcast in over 175 countries. For over a decade, I've helped thousands of high achievers and empaths just like you to overcome self-doubt, Overwhelm, And fear so you can feel confident to be your USTU. I'm so excited, My friend, To share these conversations with leading experts, Spiritual luminaries, Celebrities, And deep dives with yours truly. If you're ready to design your most abundant life and help others to do the same, Go to JulieRiesler. Com for more resources and support. We all have the power to intentionally design our dream lives and I am thrilled to show you how. Let's do this. Hey, I am so excited to be here with you. Thank you, Thank you for your time, For being with me, And for being part of this movement, This USTU movement, Which is really about encouraging yourself first to be authentically you, And to encourage others to feel safe enough to be their truest self, Their most vulnerable and authentic and genuine self. And what I have learned is that when I can do that for myself, When I can hold that space for me to be my meist me, Then I'm able to do that for you and your USTU. And I really invite you to join me in this movement of encouragement, Encouraging anyone else that you come across that you know. And the way that you do this, My friend, Is by listening, By eye to eye contact, By being present. Rather than giving advice, Telling someone what to do, Going into response, It's really by being there as a compassionate, Empathetic witness. Anyone who can listen and be there and hold that sacred space. So that's a lot of what I teach in the coaching work I do. It's also just a practice that I've been working on in myself and with others. And so I just wanted to say thank you. I love having you here. This is a gift to be in your earbuds. And I really see us all, You know, All of us from all over the world, All of these 175 plus countries is where I'm seeing you joining me from. This is a movement and I want to invite you to really dig in to how are you being encouraging to yourself? How are you allowing yourself to be fully self expressed? And how are you doing that with others? So what I want to talk about today in this solo sewed with yours truly is really about what gets in the way of being fully self expressed. And for me, I know one of the biggest concerns, Issues, Roadblocks, The biggest thing that gets in the way is often the thought. We all have thoughts, Of course, Which relate to and connect to our feelings and our actions and our results. But the thought for me is often either that's not enough of what I did was not enough. I'm not enough. And I'm wondering, Do you ever struggle with that? Do you feel that? Definitely let me know. I've heard from many of you that this is a topic that really can get in your way of not feeling enough. So I want to look at this. I want to unpack what does it even frickin' mean to be enough? Like that word in itself, Right? It's already coming from kind of that negative lack mindset because how do we even define enough? And this is something that I've been looking at myself because I really have to be mindful. You know, I'm in a space with a lot of amazing other people, Podcasters, Coaches, Incredible entrepreneurs. And to me, It's inspiring to see what others are doing and how they're making a bigger difference in the world. Yet every now and then, If I'm being honest, And maybe this is you too, If I'm being honest, I can slip into this lane of comparison, Even jealousy, Which does not feel good. And underneath that is somehow this belief, This thought that what I'm doing, Who I am is not enough. And I'm sharing this really vulnerably because my hope and prayer is that you, I'm guessing having dealt with or dealing with something similar, Will be able to take something from this and apply it in your own life. So one of the first things I want to look at is this belief of not being enough. Where does that come from? Was it being raised, Were you told that you had to get better grades, That you were doing okay, But that you could have been doing better in life or been in the advanced class and why aren't you? Or were you questioned about who you were hanging out with? Or, I mean, I know for me that that was something that I struggled with both love my mom on occasion, Multiple occasions, She would compare me. And that really has everything to do with her own insecurities. And we've talked about it and I love her and it's all good, Right? I'm a parent, No one's perfect. I internalized some of that, But I also did that to myself. Somewhere along the line, I felt like I had to do everything and do it 100% perfectly. I mean, Just completely craziness, Complete craziness and completely impossible. So this not enoughness, I think it starts because as human beings, We often, In basic human psychology, What we know is that we compare ourselves early on, We go to me versus them, Us and them, We compare because it's our way of making sense of the world. So for me, I can see what started as just making sense of the world turned into somehow, Okay, I am not blank enough, Thin enough, Pretty enough, Good at that sport or dancing or whatever, Or smart enough or wealthy enough, Right? And it just started this snowball of the snowballing effect of feeling like somehow the way that I am is not enough. And it's something that I've dealt with and looked at and done a lot of recovery work around. And I'm wondering if this is something you struggled with. And I think in this day and age, Especially where we have social media and so much more access to not just the internet, But what people's lives look like, At least on the outside, We can start to get this really jaded, Inaccurate view. And we start, I know I've done this where I compare myself, It's a really dangerous place to go to compare myself, To compare yourself to somebody's outside, To what looks like, Perhaps, Perfection, Or maybe it's seeing somebody else in your field doing something you've always wanted to do, Right? And so then I know for me, I have to be careful. Quickly I can go into that lane of comparison. What I've learned is to compare is to despair. It never works. So I think what's important is to unpack this whole enoughness. And one of the things to do is to really look at, Well, What does that even mean? Like, What does that even mean? And why am I comparing myself to others? And who am I really comparing myself to? And then you might even look at, And why compare? And if I'm going to compare myself, Maybe I should compare myself to where I was before to where I am now. That is something that I know is discussed. About a year ago, I had Ben Hardy on the show. He wrote the book, The Gap and the Gain with Dan Sullivan. It's all about this, Right? That gap is where we compare ourselves to others. We always are going to come out short. So one of the things, And I remember that conversation, I was like, Oh, I got to really look at that. So one thing I'm going to invite you to do is to just commit with me together. Let's say it together. Stop comparing yourself. I'm going to stop comparing myself, Right? The minute you notice that, Think of yourself like if you're driving in a car. I am teaching my daughter Dahlia to drive. She's doing amazing. And you know, There have been a couple close calls where she's like, Over to the right too much, Over to the left. I'm like, Well, Girl, Stay in your lane. Well, That's the new inner monologue we need to have. So you got to start telling yourself, Stay in my lane. I need to stay in my lane. I like to talk to myself like that. Like, Hey, Joel, Hey, Girl, Stay in your frickin lane. So let's commit together. Number one, When you start to feel not good enough, Like whatever you're doing, Maybe you're also a coach or in your job or as a parent or caregiver or whatever's going on in your life. It's very, Very easy. It's very easy to look to other people and what's going on in the external world and say, Oh, I'm not doing that. I should be doing this. I'm not doing enough. You know, I wish I looked like that. I wish I had that. I wish this had happened. All those things. When we start to go into that lane of comparison, It doesn't work out. So I'm going to invite you with me to commit, Stay in our lane. We're going to stay in our lane together. Okay. And that is number one. So if you notice yourself getting out, Swerving, Get back into the lane. Choose your lane and stay there. I think what's also important number two is to start really creating a new paradigm, A new way of looking at yourself, Your, You could call it your accomplishments, Your, You know, Your dreams, Your goals, All the various ways that you're showing up in life. And let's switch, Because this is a big one for me, My friend, And I'm guessing because you're listening, You're probably in the same camp. Let's switch out of the lane of productivity, Right? Because I know for me, A lot of what I'm really rating myself against or comparing myself up against is productivity and achievement. And I got to say that, Yes, I love what I'm doing. And there's joy there. Yet often I find the most joy comes when I am just relaxed and being just being of service and sharing. So let's look at this paradigm of it's enough. I don't even know. First of all, I don't think there ever would be enough. I think it's the infinite ceiling. It never ends. So let's create a new way of looking at that. Let's create a new way of looking at that enough. Instead of looking at it as enough of getting your to-do list done, Productivity, Achievement, How about enough around being loving to yourself, Around adding time for fun and creativity, Or enough giving yourself time off, Or enough time to share and help others and be of service. And I'm going to say, Just be careful with that, Because for those of us that have any kind of like addict addiction-isms to our name, To ourselves, That can become addictive too. So that's keeping it in its right place. Let's change the enoughness. And let's make it about how kind we're being to ourselves. Am I being kind enough to me? Maybe that's what we should be reading and looking at. So taking that whole idea of, Am I enough? No. Am I enough to the outside world? I'm never going to be enough to everybody. I'm always going to fall short. However, Am I enough for myself? Am I kind enough? My heart's centered enough with myself? Am I empathetic? Am I forgiving of myself enough? Let's change this whole paradigm of enough, Okay? Are you with me? Let's do this together, Because I got to tell you, I'm kind of over it. I'm over it for myself. I know so many of you just writing in about topics and what you're struggling with. I know from the clients that I work with, It's like enough is enough, Right? And that is pun intended. Let's change the definition of what that enough is. Let's change it to those qualities, Those heart qualities, Those qualities of creativity and joy and love and care and forgiveness and kindness. Let's ask ourselves that question. Was I kind enough to myself today? Let's read ourselves that way. We're going to do it. Let's rate on those qualities. So number two, We're just redefining this whole enough thing. All right, I definitely want to hear your thoughts on this one. I got to be honest, I put some notes together about this. But for me, I'm really somebody who processes verbally. So I've thought about this often. But what's coming through as I share this, It's like, Oh, Yeah, It's helping me as well. So let me know, Is this speaking to you? Love to hear. All right, And I think third. So we talked about the whole staying in your lane and just committing to stop comparing, Just stop, Let's stop together. And maybe even coming up with something better to say, Coming up with a new affirmation or a mantra, Something else to say, Which I actually think could be the number three. So number one, Stop with me. We're doing it together. Stay in your lane. Number two, Let's redefine enough. Let's look at enough from space of those heart qualities, Love and compassion, Care and forgiveness, Empathy, All those good, Those qualities that are going to build us up, Not break us down. And three, Let's come up with something that we can say, That I can say, That you can say when you find yourself in that lane of comparison. So I'm a big fan of self-talk. Well, We're doing self-talk anyhow, All the time. So that's nothing new. But I am a fan of designed self-talk, Like loving, Lovingly designing your self-talk because so much of what you're saying, Your body, Your nervous system, It's listening. Your whole self is listening. So it is important to be mindful. This does take some time and attention, But we can do this. We can do this, My friends. So let's come up with some ways of just affirming something else. So rather than going into, My gosh, I wish that like her program, I had that many people sign up, Or I wish I had that many people that wanted to come to that event, Or I wish I'd gotten asked for that raise, Or I wish I was asked for that promotion, Like that, Like Jenny or whoever. I wish I had that many people in my email list. You get into that land of it's not enough because you're comparing to others, You're comparing to metrics, But we're changing that. We're going to tune into, Was I kind enough to myself? Was I loving to my whole self today? Was I loving enough? So I think something that we could say that's affirming is, First of all, Let's affirm it's enough. I'm enough. Okay. And I know that sounds very, For those who saw the Stuart Smalley Saturday Night Live sketch in like the nineties, When he looked in the mirror and he's like, I'm lovable, I'm enough, Gosh darn it, People love me. Like I'm good enough, I'm sweet enough, I'm kind enough. Well, There's some truth to that. So let's start with the essence. I am enough. Remember what you put after I am is so powerful. Those are like the two most powerful words because that's creation. I am and what you say after that, That's what you're creating. So let's use that I am statement together and add words and add things that you can resonate with, That you feel that also feel good. I am enough is a good place to start. It's enough. I've been saying this to myself over and over and over again. It's enough. Whatever you're doing, The work you're doing right now in your job as a parent, As a friend, As an entrepreneur in your work and your business and your life and your health, It's enough. It's enough for today. It's enough. Now, If there are things you want to change and add, Great, Go look at them. It's a great idea. I just did this around some of my health goals. I've made some tweaks as I've really decided this is I am on the road to healing my gut and my thyroid. I'm like, Okay, I need to do these last 10% of things. I just did an interview with my dear friend Molly Carmel on her podcast. We talked about her book is Breaking Up with Sugar and I talked about breaking up with stevia. I was totally addicted to stevia. And you might say, Okay, Stevia, It's a substitute. Well, It's also there's chemical additives in there and it was really wreaking havoc in my body and I was abusing it. So I'm like, Okay, I got to tweak that. So it's okay to make want to make changes. That's healthy. It's when we take it to the next level of feeling like no matter what we're doing, It's never going to be enough. And that's where we get into that gap of not feeling like we're ever going to be able to reach the goal, Reach this carrot that's dangling in front of us, That's dangling in front of you that is never going to be reached. So it's enough. I am enough. I honor myself exactly where I am right now. I love and honor where I am right now. I forgive myself. I forgive myself for anything that I wish that I could have done differently. I just forgive myself. Grant yourself the gift of forgiveness if that's there. So I love who I am right now. These sound so simple, But they're so powerful. So powerful. I've been using a lot of these kinds of affirmations for years and they've made a huge difference, Huge difference in how I feel about myself and truly how I'm able to hold space for others as well. So, Okay, Affirming statements could also be, You know, What I'm doing in my life is enough right now. I am always guided. And when it's time to do something different, I will know. That's a great one. I'm always guided. Things always work out for me. I'm always right where I'm supposed to be. One of my favorites is I'm always in divine right timing. See how good that feels? Way better than comparing and feeling like it's not enough, You're not enough. So I'm always in right divine timing. I'm always on the exact right path. I am exactly where I'm meant to be and the doors are always opening for new adventures. So I'm going to invite you to just play with some of these, See what resumes, Of course, Take what you like, Leave the rest. But I really want us together. I want this to be, The next part of our movement is to change this completely unrealistic ideal. It doesn't even, There's no reality to it, Right? This enoughness. Now, I'm not talking about a goal that you set for yourself and it's very clear, Right? So I had a goal to start a podcast. It's very clear when I started it, But I can tell you having a podcast and growing it and watching it expand, Sometimes I'm not sure what's enough, Right? It could have more people listening. There's like this feeling that maybe I should be doing other things with it as well. And I'm always open to feedback. However, What about just saying, It's enough that I have this podcast right now and that it's blossoming and growing and it's helping people. Like that's enough. Whatever you're doing, You want to look and see how we can affirm the enoughness of right now and then also switch to how can you add those qualities of the heart, Which truly, At least in my humble experience, That's where life gets really delicious when I'm living from a place of being of service, Of forgiveness, Empathy, Compassion, Right? Let's look at enoughness around there and starting with being kind and empathetic with ourselves because the more you do that with yourself, The more you're able to do that with others. What is happening on the inside is always going to be reflected on the outside, Meaning what's happening on the outside will be giving you an indication of how you feel about yourself. So if you're coming up short every time, You're going to see that in your spouse or your partner. You're going to see that in your kid. You're going to see that in your business. So it is so important to get in this mindset, This growth mindset, And this love mindset and this kindness mindset. It is kind for your mind. It's kind for my mind to redefine this enoughness. So I hope that's been helpful. I would really love to hear your thoughts. I'd love to hear the affirmations and the mantras, The statements you're coming up with. And I would just say to keep practicing it the moment you notice yourself comparing and despairing and feeling not enough and just pause. And I know as a parent, This comes up a lot because you don't get graded. You don't get any report card. It's just this kind of infinite place of like, To me, It feels like I don't know if I've ever done enough of what I should be doing. So we've got to create our own parameters. And the last thing I would say might be to look at some of the areas of your life and to create what would enough look like for you, Knowing you're human, Knowing you need sleep, Knowing you need balance and creativity. So the fourth item, If you choose to do it, Like extra credit, Little bonus, Might be to just look at those areas of life, Career, Family, Self-care, Maybe relationships, And just look and see like, What is your boundary? What is enough for you right now? And by the way, While you're at it, Look and see how you've grown over the last year, Two years, Five years, 10 years. Right? Like I was looking at my own, I track a lot of these different amazing experiences and events and things that happen often that are synchronicities that come out of just listening to intuition and taking action. And it's helpful because I can see, You know what, I didn't have a podcast six years ago. I didn't have a business nine years ago. So do the same for yourself and start looking at that space between where you were and where you are now. That's actually what Ben Hardy and Dan Sullivan talk about in The Gap and the Gain. You want to look at the gain. What has changed and what has happened? How have you grown over time and over the years? So I hope this was helpful, My friend. I really want to get on this bandwagon with you of just changing the way that we talk about ourselves, The way that we can be so judgmental with ourselves, Because I really do believe whatever I am doing with me is what I'm producing in the world. And what I can say is I know we all want less judgment. We all want more love and joy and safety. As I said in the beginning, This movement, This USU movement is about really encouraging others, Encouraging yourself to feel safe enough to be authentically yourself so that we have a world full of safety and sacred, Full self-expression. That's really what it is. So it just really makes a difference to start this work. And I think looking at the area of enoughness is such a good place to begin and to look and see where is that spreading? How can you stop it? How can you get back in your lane? How can you shift gears, Flip the script, Turn that enoughness into positive and heart-quality attributes like compassion and appreciation and forgiveness and kindness, As I've said? And how can you find new words and self-talk so that when it creeps up, You have something you can say to yourself like, I'm enough right now. It is enough. I'm doing wonderful. I am always in divine right timing. I'm always right where I'm supposed to be. So again, Take what you like, Leave the rest. I hope this was helpful. And I'll just put this out there. If you feel ready and called to have more support to really like dig into this whole enoughness and comparison and to really get unstuck and to call forth and to design your best life and to bring forth those dreams and goals, Please drop me a note or email me to see if I might be the right fit to help guide and mentor and coach you. I still have room for one or two more clients and I'm very particular. I want to make sure it's the right fit. But please let me know if this calls to you. If you're interested, Just reach out. It's always my pleasure to connect either way. And to all of you, To everyone listening, Please, Of course, Share this with anyone you know who might be struggling with the enoughness syndrome. And I just want to thank you for the dedication, The time, Your heart, Your energy and commitment to being your USU. My vision, My dream is that we can live in a world that is completely full of all of us being our we-est we is the best way to say that. So all right, My dear, I love you. Thank you for hanging in and I hope this was helpful. Namaste. I'm so honored to be a part of your journey. Thank you for listening to this episode and I hope it inspires you to remember who you really are and who you chose to be in this lifetime. If you're interested in becoming your USU, I would love to guide you. Please check out my website for additional information on how we can work together. And if you feel moved, Please subscribe, Rate and review this podcast so that more big hearted individuals can find these inspiring conversations. Here's to being and loving your USU.

Reviews

Love your work and thanks heaps for sharing so fabulously