Hi everyone it's Judy Cohen and this is Wake Up Call 410.
Today I would like to talk about resilience and this question of whether we can turn resilience into equanimity or even into love.
So starts with mindfulness which starts with paying attention which we're already doing in formal practice in order to be more present because the present moment is a happier place and you know we all remember the Killingsworth study the app where he pinged people throughout the day and asked what are you doing are you paying attention and are you happy and revealed that when we're paying attention we're happier we're happier no matter what's happening and when we're not paying attention we're not happier we're not as happy regardless of what we're doing and so then the question is why and it's because in the present where we're not ruminating about the past we're not anxious about the future and rumination and anxiety are likely to cause suffering and this is something you can check out yourself you probably already know and of course there's there's more my teacher James Baras he always says about everything I report about my practice it's just the tip of the iceberg he always says it's just the tip of the iceberg and he says that because his teacher Joseph Goldstein says that to him so everything we learned when we study the mind it's just the tip of the iceberg there's so much more below the waterline so let's go maybe an inch or a centimeter below the waterline now so when we sit down or I don't know about you but when I sit down actually I'm not always noticing how happy I am right I sit down and there's frustration or there's sorrow or there's longing you know there's so many things that I would not characterize as happy or I delude myself into thinking I'm happy by manufacturing a world in my mind which this or that did or didn't happen or this or that relationship was different or is different or I was or am a perfect mom or perfect lawyer a perfect daughter or partner but you know that's not real happiness and I know that because the bell rings and I open my eyes and boom it's gone so mindfulness the practice of present moment attention it's not an every moment is happy kind of thing right sometimes it can feel a lot like the opposite and that's why we need courage also the courage to be steadfast enough to see how things actually are you know to have this very realistic view of the present moment as sometimes not pleasant at all but better than the alternatives of rumination anxiety of fantasy and we also need grace the grace to be with the moment a particular attitude kindness self-compassion to sit to pay attention to what we see to feel what we feel to notice what we notice to notice that not all of it is easy or sometimes none of it is easy and to be loving towards ourselves because even though it's not easy it's true the pain the sorrow the anger the outrage is hard and it's true according to Pema Chodron the great Shambhala teacher we stay and we stay and we stay learning to stay with ourselves in meditation is like training a dog if we train a dog by beating it we'll end up with an obedient but very inflexible and rather terrified dog the dog may obey when we say stay come roll over and sit up but he will also be neurotic and confused by contrast training with kindness results in someone who is flexible and confident who doesn't become upset when situations are unpredictable and insecure so whenever we wander off we gently encourage ourselves to stay and settle down are we experiencing restlessness stay discursive mind stay our fear and loathing out of control stay aching knees and throbbing back stay what's for lunch stay what am I doing here stay I can't stand this another minute stay that is how to cultivate steadfastness so this is what Pema says but why steadfastness why stay for the difficult stuff and the answer that I can give from from my own practice is because resilience happens because steadfastness on the cushion in this relatively safe space where whatever arises we can move our body open our eyes touch the earth take a deeper breath get up and go get a cup of tea if we need to if we really aren't feeling safe but where we we know that because we can do that we can stay right this translates into resilience in life and I want to say resilience can be tricky sometimes when I think about resilience I think about being able to bear what's happening yeah so practicing law can be a lot of that bearing up under difficult conditions and the rest of life can be a lot of that to bearing up because we have to deal with difficult people or move in and out of unwelcoming spaces or stay safe in dangerous weather or make a living in a deeply inequitable country if you're in the US and a lot of places in the world you know there's a lot of bearing up we need to do but what if courage and grace and our whole practice is asking something bigger of us in terms of resilience yeah what if it's asking us to find not just resilience not just the ability to bear up but equanimity to find a way to acknowledge what's hard and also be relaxed and even even easeful about it or with it and I don't want to point towards spiritual bypassing meaning some imagination of everything can be blissful if we practice diligently right our practice is not gonna make life a realm it won't change the law to a more user-friendly profession or at least not anytime soon it won't end the pain of loss or the difficulty of living surrounded by conflict it won't heal racism or anti-semitism or the earth or at least in my lifetime but what if it could give us the ability to approach the really hard stuff even the impossibly hard stuff with equanimity or maybe not just approach but embrace and to then maybe not just equanimity but also love what if one could say this too is here this too is part of the experience of being human right now in the almost middle of 21st century what if we could say I am here for this when our partner is unreasonable or our kids are upset or Kevin McCarthy brings an impeachment inquiry or the world feels like it's just too much too scary what if we could even have the what faith to believe that we wouldn't start crying and never stop if we turn towards our own deep traumas and tragedies and the traumas of the people we love which is maybe in our best moments everyone and the traumas of the earth and what if we could even love them or at least love the moments of turning towards and of seeing things clearly for what they are you know strange incredibly difficult and also kind of amazing what if we could see this being human as kind of amazing I feel like maybe that's at least one of the gifts that lie beneath just that first inch of the iceberg beneath the waterline Ajahn Chah again the Thai forest master he says when we practice like this our mind will become still in any surroundings like a clear forest pool all kinds of wonderful rare animals will come to drink at the pool and we will clearly see the nature of all things we will see many strange and wonderful things come and go but we will be still so let's let's sit finding a comfortable posture that's upright and that will support you as you investigate this present moment and see what's here no matter what's here really asking the question what kind of physical support could benefit you right now in in this sit in this endeavor and then offering that to yourself as an active love towards yourself and then just beginning to pay attention to the breath or to the sound in your environment bringing the attention to that anchor whichever one that refuge and when the mind mind body has stabilized a little bit then opening the aperture and just noticing as objects arise and pass away in your field of experience sounds smells tastes the sensation of the air moving across the skin thoughts and emotions and if you notice anything that's particularly difficult or anything that you notice at all can you bring an attitude of kindness an attitude even of love towards whatever you are noticing not so much that you love the thing itself like a difficult memory or how it feels to be unwelcome or unsafe not so much that but the awareness that these things are true and you approach the fact that these things are true with love not loving the things but loving that you can see the truth and maybe bear the truth but also be with it that there is spaciousness enough in this my this heart of yours to be with this true thing loving the fact that you can do that or do that a little that the mind and heart is open enough capacious enough to see how things are and be with how things are no more struggle as Pema says no more struggle thanks everyone for being on the wake-up call today really really nice to sit with you and have a great weekend and if you're celebrating the Jewish holidays Lashana Tovan may you have a sweet year and I'll see you next Thursday
