Okay,
We've spoken a lot about the context and theory behind emotions.
But remember the proverb that is core to this training,
That this knowledge is only a rumor until it lives in the muscle.
So let's explore what it's like to practice unkinking our emotional hosepipe.
As I've mentioned,
It's almost always possible to go deeper and access more with the support of a one-to-one somatic experiencing or hakami practitioner or trauma-informed therapist of some kind.
However,
Many of us have location,
Financial and geographical constraints,
And I know that accessing quality support is not always available.
So it's also important that we're able to guide and tie trade-offs into and through working skillfully with our emotions.
As I mentioned in an earlier episode,
We often feel resistance to feeling emotions on the more so-called negative valence end of the spectrum,
Like sadness,
Anger or grief.
But less intuitively,
It can also be scary to fully feel our joy or lean into celebration and happiness because of the fear that it might disappear.
So let's move on to a foundational protocol for working with emotions skillfully,
What I call surfing the somatic waves as they arise.
I'll begin by saying here that there are many approaches and models and frameworks that I'm drawing from,
From focusing and MRes,
To somatic experiencing,
The bio-emotive framework,
And facilitated breath repatterning,
Which I've been trained in myself.
So the protocol that I'm outlining here is a distillation of many of these practices combined with my own lived experience guiding clients to completion of emotional releases and reflexes over the years.
I call this practice somatic surfing,
Because as you'll soon discover,
The skill required is quite like learning to surf the waves of our emotions.
Here we are the surfer whose art lies in being in conversation with the wave as it breaks,
Paying exquisite attention in each moment and responding accordingly.
I used to work as a surf instructor and when we learn to surf we generally start out on a small beach break.
We learn the fundamentals and with time we realize that no matter how much we fear wiping out,
We always pop out on the other side.
And as with surfing,
It's always vulnerable and slightly scary every time we drop into a wave.
And with that said,
I've never regretted doing so,
Either in the ocean or riding the sensation of an emotional wave.
Okay,
So hopefully you get the point.
I also just wish to restate that,
As any surfer who wishes to stay in one piece will check for rip currents or rocks,
It's vitally important that we first create the conditions for emotional safety before diving in.
And practically speaking,
This means ensuring that you won't be interrupted and ground using any of the practices from week three beforehand if necessary.
Also finding ideally a quiet and dimly lit space,
Soft music in the background or listening through headphones can also be really supportive for accessing states and quieting the mind.
Although ideally choosing a song with fewer lyrics and one that matches the emotional tone that you're experiencing.
Now if you're listening and you don't have access to a quiet space right now,
Then I recommend you just press pause and come back to listen to this later,
Once you've found a space that you won't be interrupted in for the next 15 or 20 minutes.
And this is assuming that you wish to explore a gentle practice version of this somatic surfing.
Okay,
I'm assuming that you're in a suitable space.
You're welcome to listen to this seated upright or alternatively lying down on your back.
Now for the purposes of this practice,
Please bring to mind a memory or perhaps an imagined event in the future.
That feels connected to an emotion and choosing something that is no more than a 3 out of 10 in terms of intensity.
So just enough to connect with a sensation,
But not too much for this practice session.
And I'll give you a moment to bring this image or person or moment to mind.
Okay,
First we begin by acknowledging that there is an emotion present.
Label this out loud if you wish.
Second,
I invite you to shift your attention away from the story or thoughts,
Although they will likely still be there,
But move the spotlight of your attention down and notice where you feel any sensations in your body.
Then this piece is essential.
And begin a gentle interoceptive body scan.
And the sensation may be obvious initially,
In which case just stay with it.
But if it's not,
Then explore moving your awareness to other areas of your body,
Perhaps your lower belly.
Maybe the band around your diaphragm just below your ribcage.
Or maybe higher up in your chest.
Your neck and throat area.
And just move your attention towards an area that feels like it has the most aliveness or tension present.
And from here,
The next step of the practice,
Once you've made contact with something,
However subtle,
Is to give yourself explicit permission to soften into this place and feel into what might be there.
Bring curious awareness.
Or if you can,
Breath,
Into this area.
And you might explore the contours and texture of the sensation.
Maybe it feels rough or tight or numb or cold or warm.
And you can invite this sensation to expand or grow.
And now this is where the courage often comes in.
Visualize moving your attention towards and imagine walking into the epicenter of this sensation.
From inhabiting the very center of this feeling.
Don't move.
But stay with it as if you were looking outside from the middle of this feeling.
And if your awareness shifts,
And likely it will,
Then gently walk back into the middle of the sensation again.
And know that it's common for resistance to arise.
Or thoughts like,
Why the hell am I listening to this?
Or really,
Should I be doing the dishes right now?
Whatever.
Welcome it all.
If the mind is busy,
Just notice that,
And without judgment,
Pendulate your awareness back towards the sensation.
And from here,
See if you can be just 10% more curious.
You can ask,
What does this sensation or this part of me want right now?
What does it wish to express?
What wishes to be seen.
And if this begins to feel like a lot,
Remember you can always use a physiological sigh or roo-humming to ground and return to your anchor of ventral safety.
And one more move you can try is play with noticing this sensation and simultaneously bringing the spotlight of your attention to another more neutral area.
Perhaps your feet on the ground,
Your right shoulder,
The palm of your hand.
And from here,
Hold awareness of both simultaneously.
Patiently stay present with both sensations.
And you will likely find that the sensation begins to shift or move.
And if it does,
Then gently track it.
As if you were tracking a deer in the wild.
Being patient,
Listening.
Remember that this sensation wants to be felt.
It wants to move.
Your work is to creatively create the conditions for this to emerge.
Allow the mind not to get in the way.
You may experience this as an emergent dance or a conversation between present moment awareness and emergent sensations.
And when you sense something release or move,
Maybe it's a sigh or yawn or perhaps tears or a felt sense of letting go,
Whatever you feel,
Remember that the sensations we call emotions rarely last more than 10 or 20 seconds before they flow into something else.
And on the other side of this,
It's really common to feel a sense of lightness,
Clarity,
Relief.
Okay,
Take a deep breath,
Inhaling in.
Letting go,
Letting go of whatever focus you had,
Whatever concentration and allow yourself to drop into relaxation.
And you can lie down on your back if you want already.
And remember that this is vitally important to allow time for relaxation and integration.
And the time required to stay here to integrate will generally be proportional to the intensity of the emotional completion.
At a minimum,
I'd recommend lying down,
Breathing gently into your belly for five or ten minutes,
Sometimes longer.
And this music will continue for another 10 minutes.
So if you wish to stay here,
You're absolutely welcome to.
And otherwise,
Feel free to get up in your own time.
You
