Premeditatio malorum,
Contemplation of the death of Seneca.
Close your eyes.
As you listen to my words,
Try and bring to mind the details of the place in which you find yourself.
Try to notice the sounds,
Smells,
Sights and sensations.
Hear my voice as if it is in the background.
If at any point you feel distracted during this sound journey,
This is perfectly fine.
Just recommit and continue with the visualization from wherever you are.
As you begin to open your eyes and wake up to begin the day,
It dawns on you as a new day is dawning that the simple things in your surroundings stand out the most.
The dew on the leaves visible through your window.
You catch the way the light reflects off your blanket and you appreciate the craftsmanship that has gone into creating it.
You think about the letters you will write to your friends later on.
You glance up at the shelf and notice a few of your favorite books,
Books that you have read countless times and still find something new every time you visit them.
There are birds chirping outside.
After many,
Many years,
After experiencing wealth,
Poverty,
Love,
Hatred,
Tranquility and anxiety,
After experiencing a ruined reputation as well as lots of fame,
After experiencing failure as well as creative success,
After experiencing the loss of loved ones close to you,
After experiencing great health and extreme debilitating illness,
You now see that all of these life experiences have forged the simple but deep person you are today.
A person who has learned to want the life they have just as it is.
There is a knock on the door.
You open it and see two tall Roman guards there with solemn faces.
You say,
I'm surprised to see you.
But in your mind you say,
I have been expecting you.
They tell you that you have been linked to a conspiracy which aimed to overthrow your ex-pupil,
Emperor Nero.
They have not told you any specific details yet,
But you know that today,
Today will be the day you die.
You ask the guards if you can write your will before they take you away from your home.
They refuse.
Being someone who has worked closely with the psychopathic Emperor Nero,
You have a very good understanding of how things will proceed from here.
Time skips.
You travel.
Now you're at court.
You are surrounded by your friends and your wife.
Everyone's facial expression around you quivers with despair.
You say,
Picture them now and bring to mind people from your own life.
You are handed a dagger.
Look at the blade.
Look at the way it reflects the room you're in.
Feel the metal in your aged hand.
You know what you must do now.
You must slice at your own artery.
How do you feel?
You hold the blade to your left arm and slice.
Then you pass the blade to your other hand and slice your right arm.
The blood does not flow.
You don't want to waste time,
So you slice each leg too.
Feel the metal biting into your skin.
Irrepairable damage is being done.
You will not heal from this.
Contemplate that soon,
All of your life will leave you along with every last drop of blood.
Is this a morbid thought?
Or do you simply accept your fate and see death as the most natural event of them all?
A few minutes pass,
But there is no blood.
Your suicide is failing.
A guard now hands you a cup of hemlock,
A deadly poison drank by the famous Socrates before you.
Examine the cup.
This will be the last thing you ever taste.
Are you tempted to cry out and beg for mercy?
Or will you just drink it and be done with it?
You remember the words of Epictetus,
I must die,
But must I die bawling?
You drink.
Your stomach hurts.
Along with the wounds on your arms and legs,
You are in agony,
But you still stand.
Does a little glimmer of hope rise up in you that you will not die today?
Perhaps,
Perhaps you will be spared.
Perhaps you will live another day and wake up tomorrow enjoying all of the simple things you enjoyed this morning.
The guards have other ideas.
They tell you that we have prepared a scalding bath for you.
You know that this will help to open up your veins as well as suffocate you.
As you are carried to your bath,
Your friends weep even harder.
Not only have you died today,
You have suffered in their eyes.
But have you?
Have you actually suffered?
Can you suffer?
Whose decision is it that you suffer?
You look to your companions with a strong steely gaze and say,
Who knew not Nero's cruelty?
After a mother's and a brother's murder,
Nothing remains but to add the destruction of a guardian and a tutor.
Where are your maxims of philosophy or the preparation of so many years study against evils to come?
As you descend into your scalding bath,
You reflect on the realization that you knew this day may well come and that you have already prepared for it many times in your mind's eye.
You have been here and nothing is new.
Is there really much of a difference between your actual death compared to your rehearsal for death,
Other than the story you tell yourself about it?
This meditation is now over,
But before you carry on with your daily activities,
Take a few moments to appreciate very deeply the simple and amazing things in your life.
Dedicate this meditation to someone you love or respect.
