About parts that say no.
From a neuroaffirming IFS lens.
The following is just food for thought.
Which might or might not speak to your own system's experience of parts that say no.
Maybe you've heard the term Pathological Demand Avoidance,
Or PDA.
Just hearing that feels very triggering to many of my parts because like with so many things,
It is pathologizing of an internal system that exists for a very good reason.
It is triggering because the terminology and the way the experience is viewed has been shaped by people on the outside.
Parents,
Family.
Educators.
Medical professionals.
The wider world.
From the outside,
The interpretation of the inner sense of,
I can't,
Is,
You're just deciding that you won't,
And there's no good reason for it.
When we experience this type of internal resistance,
Like a voice or a strong feeling inside that says no,
It may well be coming from apart.
That is really sensitive to the state of our nervous system or to a threat to our safety and well-being.
Daily life and its expectations can lead to overwhelm and meltdowns.
So can cultural burdens like toxic norms around race,
Gender,
Neurotype,
Sexuality,
And able-bodiedness.
With parts saying no to the injustice they are seeing and or experiencing.
Parts who say no may then act with a lot of energy to protect the system at all costs,
Even if it means shutting things down entirely.
These protectors may decide to use the body in different ways to express that know,
Which includes using different nervous system based strategies.
For example,
Protectors might express a no by fighting,
Fleeing,
Freezing,
Or fawning in the face of what is being asked of the system.
From this lens,
They are working really hard to keep us as safe and regulated as possible.
At the same time,
The parts that say no often face judgment from within and without.
Saying no may be unwelcome or punished in the outside world.
Other parts of us pick up on this message and take on the role of inner critics.
Believing that by acting upstream of the world,
By taking on the world's message,
They are keeping the system safe.
These parts may try to shame the parts who say no into saying yes instead.
They may try to force action via rewards,
Punishments,
Or rigid rules.
These strategies may also mirror what the system has experienced at home,
At school,
And in society.
Recently,
A more neuro-affirming term has emerged that better aligns with the fiercely protective function of these parts.
This term is persistent drive for autonomy.
We could say that these parts are saying no to try to preserve autonomy.
In the face of forces that make life feel unmanageable.
And or unsafe.
Instead,
Maybe we could also say that PDA stands for Parts Desiring Autonomy.
