Exploring Your Unique Self

This Internal Family Systems (IFS) meditation invites you to explore your neurodivergent Self and your connection to the qualities of curiosity, creativity, clarity, calm, courage, confidence, connectedness, and compassion. It assumes a basic level of familiarity with IFS. There are built-in periods of reflection (2 min long) after each C quality for exploring what you are learning and experiencing. This meditation was developed in collaboration with Emma Goldman-Sherman. Music composed by Narek Mirzaei (Music Of Wisdom). Image by brisch27 from Pixabay.

Transcript

Welcome.

In this meditation,

We are going to explore our neurodivergent self.

Self,

With a capital S.

Neurodivergent self may show up differently than the self we often hear about in IFS,

A difference that has been highlighted by Sarah Burgenfield,

An autistic IFS practitioner.

This meditation is inspired by her work.

I invite you to get comfortable and take notes,

Or draw,

Or scribble,

Or make any other record of your learning so you can recall any insights.

Many times,

We hear that self is like a bright sun,

And our parts are clouds that block the sunlight.

While that imagery may speak to some,

It might not speak to others,

Especially those of us with light sensitivity.

As a result,

Some neurodivergent people may think they can't do IFS because their self doesn't show up that way.

Some neurodivergent people may even hear that they don't have self because of ableism.

For others of us,

We might have even been shamed by society,

Peers,

Or caregivers for the ways in which our self shows up.

For example,

We may have been punished for neurodivergent joy or neurodivergent ways of displaying compassion or connectedness.

This meditation invites us to set aside what we may or may not have heard and explore our unique experience of self.

First,

I want to invite you to think of self from the perspective of a door,

Behind which we have a source of light.

This light doesn't have to be the blinding light of the sun.

It could be green light,

Blue light,

Purple light,

Or black light.

And this door may be closed or opened to some degree,

Anywhere from a crack to wide open.

Sometimes,

Depending on the situation,

It may feel like self is locked up tight behind the door.

This means that there might only be a thin crack of self light coming through from under the door,

Which is perfectly okay.

To do IFS,

You don't actually need much self at all.

With time,

And as your system grows to trust you,

Your access to self will increase.

I invite you to find some comfort.

You can close your eyes if it helps,

But you can also go inside with your eyes open.

Do what is most comfortable for you.

See if you can gauge how much self you have right now.

In this moment,

What's your access to the eight C's of self?

The qualities of calm,

Clarity,

Compassion,

Confidence,

Connectedness,

Courage,

Creativity,

And curiosity.

What about other qualities,

Such as joy,

Warmth,

Kindness,

Acceptance,

Healing,

Wholeness,

And the capacity for forgiveness?

If the door metaphor spoke to you,

Just notice how wide open is your door to self right now.

You can also use a scale of 1 to 5 if you prefer,

Or a percentage,

Or any other way you have of gauging relative self.

Just make a note so you will have your starting point before the meditation.

If you can,

Find some comfort.

That could mean a long exhale,

Or adjusting your pillows.

We are going to move through the eight C qualities of self.

As I say these words,

And something about them,

I invite you to feel into your system,

And notice how self and your parts respond.

You can take notes if you want to.

When I say feel into,

I want you to know that you can interpret that to mean thinking about,

Or exploring,

Or noticing the ambient atmosphere,

Or noticing the way your body physically responds.

You might get a visual,

Or a memory,

Or a sound,

Smell,

Color.

I invite you to welcome all your parts,

And all of your system and yourself,

However you are showing up,

Allowing them all to be here.

See if you can invite your parts to give you some space to do this exercise,

And let them know that you appreciate their cooperation.

We'll take about two minutes after I name each quality,

But feel free to pause the meditation if you want more time.

Imagine that,

Inside,

You have the vast space you've always wanted.

That could be a beach space,

Or a meadow space,

Or a mountaintop space,

However you dream of space.

Outer space,

Inner space,

Or loft space.

Whatever space you invite into your system is okay.

Let's look at how curiosity shows up in the spacious system from self,

Or in self,

Or around self.

Feel into,

Or interpret,

Curiosity.

Think about,

Or explore,

Curiosity.

Or notice the atmosphere around it,

Or the way your body physically responds to it.

Or you might get a visual,

Or a memory,

Or a sound,

Or a color.

Let's just take two minutes to reflect.

Now,

When I say creativity,

Just notice whatever is here,

Inside,

Right now.

And allow it to be with you,

The you that is not apart.

Feel into whatever arises.

Invite any critics or judges to soften back with a thank you for being here,

For trying to keep you safe.

And see if the you who is not apart can feel access to creativity.

Feel into whatever is happening in your system,

And just be with it.

Let's take two minutes.

When I speak the word clarity,

Notice whatever is here,

Inside,

Right now.

And extend a welcome,

If that feels authentic.

Feel into whatever is arising.

Invite any explainers or storytellers to soften back,

Sharing gratitude that they have come,

Because they have important jobs to do.

If there are any clouds,

Or fogs,

Ask them if they will let you do this exercise.

See if you,

The you who is not apart,

Can feel clarity.

Just record whatever experience you're having.

Let's take two minutes of reflection.

As we move on to the word calm,

Notice whatever is happening inside of you,

Right now.

And welcome your self-energy to help you feel into whatever arises.

If parts are showing up with concerns,

Ask them to just be with you during this exercise.

Maybe they have ideas about how they experience calm from self.

Notice how self might show up as a calming presence in your system.

Let's take two minutes.

When I say connectedness,

Just see how your system responds.

And welcome whatever parts are showing up,

And however much self is there.

Is there a sense of connectedness within?

Between your parts and yourself?

Or with your system and the world?

How does this all show up for you?

Let's reflect for two minutes.

I want to change things a bit,

So we can reset our systems.

Because what's happening inside might be getting a bit tangled up.

There might be some overlapping.

Or maybe we're experiencing spacey parts from too much inner space.

See if you can invite your parts to just be with you for the rest of this exercise.

In a place where they might feel comfortable.

Would they like a special den of coziness with the sensory experience of their choice?

That might be mood lighting.

It might be special music.

The air might feel cool or warm,

Depending on their needs,

On your needs.

You can invite in whatever is needed to help you stay focused and present with your system.

Now we'll shift back into our exploration,

Starting with the fitting quality of courage.

Let's just check to see how courage shows up in your system.

Feel into,

Interpret,

Or explore the word courage.

Noticing the atmosphere around the word,

Or the way your body physically responds to it.

Or you might get a visual,

Or a memory,

Or a sound,

Or a color.

Let's just take two minutes.

The next quality is confidence.

How does confidence show up within whatever spaciousness you have within your system?

This may be confidence from self,

Within self,

Or around self.

Are there moments that spring to mind when you hear or feel into the word confidence?

Just notice what is coming up for you.

Whether it is a sound,

Image,

Smell,

Texture,

Or color.

Let's reflect for two minutes.

Thank all your parts for their cooperation in this journey you are all taking together,

If it feels authentic.

We have one more C.

Let's explore how compassion shows up in whatever spaciousness currently exists in your system.

And we want to distinguish compassion,

Which is feeling for others,

From empathy,

Which is feeling with others.

Like the other Cs,

Compassion often shows up very differently for neurodivergent systems.

What is compassion?

What is feeling for in your system?

How do you,

The you who isn't a part,

Experience compassion?

How do your parts experience compassion?

Just pay attention to whatever is showing up in this moment.

Let's take two minutes.

If it feels authentic,

Thank your system for everything it has shared and explored today regarding compassion.

And the other Cs,

Thank your parts for showing up,

Including any parts that softened back to allow this work to happen.

And any parts that struggled to soften back.

This group may include the cloudy parts,

The foggy parts,

The dissociating parts.

If it feels authentic,

Send them gratitude for trying to protect you for their positive intentions,

Which you may or may not yet understand.

Lastly,

Just do a scan to see if there are any parts lingering at the outskirts or edges of your internal world.

And let them know you appreciate them as well,

And that you'd like to come back and get to know them in time,

If that feels right to you.

When you are ready,

And this feels complete,

I invite you to take some notes,

Or to draw your experience,

Including how you are experiencing self right now.

Coming back to your metric of self,

Whether it's a door,

A percentage,

A number,

Or something else entirely.

What is the difference between now and when we started?

Thank you so much for going on this exploration together.