I have worked with women who are amazing,
Beautiful,
Smart,
Emotionally intelligent,
And they still end up in relationships with emotionally unavailable men.
Not because they don't see the red flags.
I think they actually do,
But those red flags just feel so familiar.
First thing I want you to do,
Yes,
Right now,
I want you to take a piece of paper and a pen and I want you to write down what healthy love looks like for you,
As if you are already living in it.
Not that my dream man is tall and has beautiful blue eyes.
No,
No,
No.
I'm talking here about the behavior.
I'm talking here about the consistency,
About the reciprocity.
So,
I would start with writing down something like,
I am with a man who is emotionally available.
He communicates regularly.
He follows through.
He talks about future with me naturally.
He makes me feel secure.
He doesn't make me feel confused.
I don't have to guess where I stand in my relationship.
My relationship is calm,
Safe,
And predictable in the best way.
And then,
Please,
Write the sentences in big letters and finish off with this one sentence.
I only accept full reciprocity.
Full reciprocity.
Not sometimes.
Not when he feels like it.
Not when he's lonely.
Full reciprocity.
This is important and I'm going to tell you why.
There was a point in my life when I was so done.
I was not even heartbroken.
I was just done.
Tired.
Tired of overthinking.
Tired of waiting for text messages.
Tired of interpreting silence like it's someone's love language.
It's not my love language.
I was tired of being the one who understands everything.
And then I realized I had become a kind of woman who forgives everything.
And I thought that made me loving,
But it actually did not.
It made me available for people who were not capable of loving me back.
So I did something very simple.
I wrote down my standards like a contract.
And at the time,
I didn't believe that it would change anything.
But it actually did,
Not because paper is magic,
But because what happened next was something subconscious.
Your mind doesn't know the difference between what is happening in reality and what you are rehearsing every day in your head.
So,
If you are rehearsing,
He will change,
He is just scared,
He did not mean it,
Or he is busy,
Or he will come back,
Or he loves me deep down,
Then your nervous system registers this as your reality.
And you stay emotionally attached.
To someone who is giving you crumbs.
And this is why women end up stuck.
For years in situationships because they're not in love with what is happening.
They are in love with what could have happened.
But the potential,
Ladies,
Potential is not a relationship.
Is not a strategy.
Let me say this with love,
But I need to be strict with you.
Sometimes they keep you like a football player on the bench.
They don't play the main game.
You are capped as an extra option.
Yeah,
Those guys,
They like your attention.
They like your loyalty,
Your warmth and kindness.
They like that you are so emotionally available to them.
But they do not want to give you the basics that a healthy man gives,
Which are consistent communication,
Predictable effort,
Planning things together,
Following through,
Clarity.
If you are constantly confused,
Anxious,
And waiting.
That is not romance.
That's your nervous system being in the survival mode.
And I'm telling you today.
Do this no more.
Now,
Here's the part that people don't want to hear.
What you watch,
What you listen to.
What you consume becomes your reality.
If you are constantly watching something heartbreaking,
Like sad songs or this how to make him chase you or signs he secretly loves you,
Then you are training your brain to live in this longing.
Stop feeding your mind with a story of abandonment and then asking it to create a secure love.
Not work.
Show me what you consume and I will show you your relationship patterns.
So for the next 30 days you're going to stop romanticizing emotionally unavailable men.
Stop calling inconsistency as mystery.
Stop calling crumbs as effort.
Now listen closely because this is where healing actually begins.
Many women who chase emotionally unavailable men had emotionally unavailable fathers.
Maybe physically present,
But emotionally absent.
Maybe both.
Maybe loving sometimes and sometimes just gone and not being there in your life.
And your nervous system learned love feels inconsistent.
Love means waiting.
Love means proving yourself sometimes.
So when you meet an emotionally unavailable man,
It feels familiar.
It feels like home.
And unconsciously,
You're not chasing him,
You're chasing the ending that you never got with your father.
You're trying to be finally chosen by the emotionally unavailable man.
So you can kind of rewrite subconsciously your childhood.
This is not weakness.
This is basically conditioning.
Hello,
Mr.
Pavlov.
Conditioning does not heal through logic alone.
This is why I'm telling you,
We're going to start with some subconscious practices.
Now I'm going to give you a practice.
You will create a mind movie,
But not for the luxury life,
For your private life,
For your romantic life,
For your nervous system and for your relationship standards.
So here's what you do.
Search for images that represent a calm,
Secure relationship,
A couple communicating,
A woman who looks confident,
Self-respecting,
Beautiful,
Glowing,
Pictures that represent peace,
Stability,
Safety,
Boundaries,
A woman who is living her life and not waiting by the phone for him to call you.
Then you put all these images in a short video on your phone.
And over each image,
You put a text affirmations with something like,
I only accept full reciprocity.
I do not chase.
I attract.
I am chosen.
I'm respected.
I am prioritized.
I'm safe in love.
I release emotionally unavailable man.
I choose predictable,
Consistent love.
My standards protect me.
I grow my own garden.
I love this one.
And then the butterflies come.
And then you record your voice saying these affirmations out loud,
Because when you hear your own voice,
Your subconscious just takes it really seriously.
So next,
Mirror affirmations.
Yeah,
It might feel a bit cringe at first,
But please do it anyway.
So look yourself in the eyes in the mirror and say,
Say,
I am the main game.
I am worthy of consistent love.
I release what confuses me.
I choose what is clear.
I do not chase and I attract what belongs to me.
If this does not reciprocate,
It's not for me.
" At first,
Your brain will resist.
It will say like,
Yeah,
That's fake.
Keep going.
Now,
Listen,
You still need to do the work.
You can't say,
I want to have a healthy partner and then keep entertaining the inconsistent man.
That is not healing.
That's self-sabotage.
So your action plan for the next 30 days are,
If he disappears,
You do not chase.
Goodbye.
If he is inconsistent,
You do not negotiate.
Goodbye.
If he avoids commitment,
You don't stay hoping that something will change.
Goodbye.
If he doesn't plan,
You do not plan for him.
Goodbye.
If he keeps you as an option,
You leave.
Right,
Goodbye.
And sometimes when you level up,
You will lose people.
But because people are not meant to be with the highest version of you.
Sometimes your contract with them ends and this is normal.
Let it end.
You need to get uncomfortable to get comfortable.
So let me end with this.
You're not here to be someone's emotional rehabilitation center.
You are not here to prove that you're worthy of love.
You're not here to wait in confusion,
Your garden.
And the butterflies will come.
And if they don't,
Then you still have a garden.
You still have your peace.
You still have your dignity.
Please,
No more chasing.
Full reciprocity only.
Thank you for listening.
