Recognizing Self-Sabotage And Honouring Your Desires

This episode is a mini-masterclass in recognizing and understanding symptoms of self-sabotage and how to use them as indicators of potential inner wounding and beliefs running below your conscious awareness.

Listen to the full episode to learn:
- The obvious and subtle ways self-sabotage is showing up in your life.
- Why your words and your actions don't always line up.
- How to recognize procrastination as a symptom of unconscious fears and beliefs.
- How to recognize your inner ceilings and set points for money and love.
- Ways that Spirit orchestrates experiences in your 3D to align you to your desires.
- Using this knowledge and understanding to become a match for your desires.

Transcript

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Healing Maven podcast.

I am your host,

Jamie Sutherland,

Spiritual healer and teacher.

Today,

I want to dive deep into self-sabotage and how this can show up in unaligned actions.

For example,

When our actions and our words don't line up.

So,

We say one thing and do another.

We say we have this goal,

But then our actions seem to actively work against the goal or desire that we have stated.

This doesn't mean that you don't actually desire what you are saying that you want.

It doesn't mean that the desire itself is necessarily unaligned.

Now,

This can be the truth,

And it can be that the desire isn't 100% aligned with what your sole purpose is or what your higher purpose is here on this earth in this lifetime that you're experiencing.

But in most cases,

It is often that there is just a fear or belief that is running below the surface that is countering that desire.

And in a fight versus your conscious and your unconscious,

Your unconscious will always win because it is far more powerful than your conscious mind,

Which is why we always want to be working with your unconscious mind to aid your conscious mind.

So,

Bringing the unconscious to the conscious so that we can start to heal,

We can start to shift,

And we can start to get those actions into alignment with the desires that we are claiming and telling the universe that we want to call in.

But when we're holding a fear or belief that doesn't align with our conscious desire,

This is why we say we want to lose weight and then go eat a whole box of cookies.

This is why we say that we want to start saving money and then go on a shopping spree.

It can also be the reason when somebody that you are dating says that you're the one and they choose you,

But then they don't call you after making that proclamation.

It's not necessarily that their proclamation was a lie,

But it could be that there is a fear below the surface or there's a wounding,

An emotional baggage,

A block below the surface that is actively working against them wanting to really be able to commit to somebody else.

After that moment of that decided and spoken vulnerability where we are claiming what we want,

Where we are telling our friends,

Our family,

Our partner,

That new connection,

How powerfully we feel about them,

All of a sudden we go away and a fear of intimacy,

Of vulnerability,

Fears of rejection or abandonment rise up within them that they aren't aware of,

That those are the beliefs or the traumas or the wounding that is causing that feeling of fear and is overpowering their desire to be able to commit to take action towards what they want or who they want.

So when we make decisions and we struggle to follow through,

It's because there's this subconscious fear or belief from wounding within currently holding more power than the conscious desire.

So recognizing where your desire and ability or action to follow through and support that desire are different or mismatched is a way to discover where there is healing yet to do.

And if you ignore that your actions don't match,

So when you decide that you want to lose weight and then you eat that box of cookies,

Or you say that you want to commit to the person that you love or the person that you've just met and are feeling really good about,

But then you don't call them back,

But then you eat that box of cookies,

But then you go and you buy that expensive new watch or bag,

It's because there is something within you that is holding more power than the conscious desire.

Because like I said,

Your unconscious is more powerful than your conscious,

So that fear and that wounding,

If left unhealed,

If left unalone,

If left just even unrecognized,

If left below your level of awareness,

It will always overpower your conscious desire,

Your conscious thought,

Your conscious moment of saying,

This is what I want and it feels really good when I think about what I want,

But then I go to take the next action to bring what I want and all of a sudden I'm terrified.

All of that is rising to the surface and not to say,

Uh hey buddy,

This isn't for you.

The message is,

Hey,

I really want you to have this as well,

But in order for you to hold it once you receive it,

We really have to clear up these emotional blocks,

This wounding from your past experiences or perhaps from past lives.

We really have to get this out of the way.

We really have to heal this.

Take the lesson and release the wounding so that you can have that desire,

So that you can take a fun,

Excited action to create that thing that you want and then keep it.

Because we all have this like temperature gauge,

You know,

If you think about it like a thermostat,

Where the top of our thermostat is the ceiling with which our subconscious mind is comfortable receiving or having or holding.

So,

If as you're growing and you're going through your journey and you're having fun and doing your thing,

You start hitting that ceiling,

That's the point where you're gonna go,

Oh no,

No,

No,

No,

No,

No,

Can't do it,

Too much,

Too high.

It's also why,

For example,

When we have financial ceilings,

When we have financial thermostats,

This is why you'll see people who will like people who win the lottery and they win the lottery and they're like,

This is amazing,

This is what I've always wanted,

But then a year later they have nothing again or they have five thousand dollars,

Like they have exactly what they started with.

They started with five grand,

Won the lottery,

And a year later spent it all and now they have five grand again.

That's because five thousand dollars is their financial ceiling.

Five thousand dollars is the maximum amount that their body is currently energetically comfortable and able to hold and to have.

In order to hold and have more,

You have to break through that ceiling and that means that when we meet that ceiling,

Instead of spiraling back down into our old life so that we come back down to the ceiling we're comfortable with,

We have to meet the emotions that are coming up.

We have to meet those feelings that are coming up when we hit that ceiling and then shift them,

Recognize them,

Heal them,

Do the work that's needed to be done so that you can take the lesson,

Let go of the wounding,

And push past your ceiling.

And sometimes this is going to take,

You know,

Courageous action,

But the problem,

Like what can happen,

Is that instead of taking courageous action,

So instead of meeting those emotions as they came come up,

We ignore that our actions aren't matching what we are saying that we want and we shame and we belittle and we put ourselves down for doing something that goes directly against what we wanted.

So it's like our actions don't match,

But we continue to hold the desire.

But if in that moment of attempting to take courageous action or you hit that ceiling and you're like,

Well,

I'm gonna push through it,

But it is hard and it hurts and it's difficult and you just feel like you're trudging uphill and you're still not really pushing past that ceiling,

You're still not really getting the results that you want,

It's so much easier if you can recognize what is coming up and begin to heal it,

Do the healing work to shift it out of your programming so that you can rewire in those new beliefs that actually support you in taking courageous action towards the desire that you want.

So recognizing where your desire and your ability or action to follow through and support that desire are different or mismatched is a way to discover where there is healing yet to do.

If you ignore that your actions don't match or if when you do take an action that goes against your desire,

You find yourself shaming,

Belittling,

Putting yourself down.

So,

You know,

You eat that box of cookies after saying that you're unhappy with your weight and then you just pile on yourself with negativity.

I'm so stupid.

Why did I do that?

I can't believe I ate that whole box of cookies.

I'm such an ass.

This is so ridiculous.

Like,

It's like I don't even.

.

.

You,

If you start going down that shame spiral and belittling yourself when your actions don't match,

That is not going to change your desire.

It is actually going to hold you even farther away from reaching that desire because all that is,

That mismatch of action versus desire,

Is a fear below the surface.

It is not because your present self isn't strong enough,

Doesn't have enough willpower,

Doesn't have enough desire.

It's got nothing to do with what you currently want to create necessarily and everything to do with what is running below the surface that is going counterintuitively against that desire.

And the fear will just keep coming up and getting bigger and stronger when it is a true desire because the unconscious fears are things that are in your way and need to be cleared.

Your desire has been heard and received.

So spirit is going to orchestrate experiences for that fear in other ways to rise up for you so that you can recognize it and start to heal it to clear the way.

So this is kind of like the synchronicities that we'll often see because you have a desire and you're going for it and you're reaching for it and you find yourself self-sabot- find yourself self-sabotaging and then you start to kind of get down on yourself.

Spirit will orchestrate,

Will put in your journey,

Put on your path a different experience but with the same unconscious fear.

And the hope or idea is that maybe in this situation you will be able to recognize that that fear is running.

And then as you clear that fear,

It's going to just like snowball,

Domino effect,

Clear the way for all these other desires and all these other things that you are wanting where that fear was blocking them until it can finally basically clear the path for the thing that you want to come in.

This is also where we will often see people give up on their desires.

Because they're unaware of what's running within their subconscious,

They put out new desires thinking that that desire is just not actually what they want.

It must not be because it's really,

It's way too hard for me to follow through on.

So it's obviously not what I actually want.

Even though the desire keeps coming up and keeps coming up and it's just like unrelenting in its awareness,

In its place in your mind of,

Hey,

You want this,

Hey,

You want this,

Hey,

Wouldn't this be nice?

Hey,

Wouldn't this be cool?

Ah,

This would be so great.

Wouldn't you just love if this was a part of your experience?

That desire is unrelenting because it is meant for you.

It is meant to come in.

It is meant for you to have the experience of having,

Holding,

Keeping,

Loving,

Learning,

Growing with that desire.

So when any necessary challenges come up to direct and help you get there,

It can feel hard and it can feel just too hurtful.

So you give up on it.

At least you consciously give up on it.

But spirit often will still hold that desire,

Which is also why it continues to come up.

So the little challenges,

You know,

You have your moment of,

Oh,

This is too hard.

I give up.

And the challenges kind of fall away.

But then the desire returns again or a similar desire is initiated and the fear is triggered for healing again.

This is also why we give up if we believe challenges that arise or resistance to taking action on a desire means the desire is unaligned or not meant for us.

If you have a desire,

It is yours to achieve.

It is yours to have.

It is yours to experience.

And part of the purpose in receiving this desire is that there's growth for you to experience in the journey to receiving it,

In the journey to achieving it.

And that includes taking action.

You know,

This is a space that I have been stuck in for a really,

Really long time.

I felt like I was connecting and I felt so good and I was so excited and doing all the healing work and just shifting everything in my awareness and my perspectives and the way that I view myself and relationships and love and the world and connecting with my team.

But when it came to taking that action,

It felt still like I needed a little bit of courage.

But the courage felt different.

And I think this is a piece that I was really,

Really missing and finally started to click in for me,

Is I thought that doing the healing work and doing the shifting work meant that it would not feel scary to do something new.

Something new is always going to feel scary.

That's just the human condition.

That's just the human piece of who we are.

If you've done,

If you're about to do something or you're trying to do something or you want to do something that you have never done before,

Especially if nobody in your world has ever done it,

You know,

If you are clearing paths for people behind you to also be able to claim their desires,

To claim what they want from this world and to decide that it's okay that they want more.

And not only that,

But to go for more.

So I thought that it would just be this super,

Super easy thing where there wouldn't be any fear.

And so countering that,

When I did have,

You know,

A little bit of doubt or a little bit of fear come up when I went to do something new,

I was assuming that that meant I still had healing work to do.

But that wasn't the truth either.

It was just that it was something completely brand new to me.

So I had to be okay with knowing that I know how to tell.

Like,

I had to really anchor into that trust in myself that I am so aware in my body,

My team is supporting me,

I intuitively am connecting,

Spiritually connecting.

Like,

I am aligned.

I am on my soul path.

Therefore,

I am able to look at a fear or a feeling of fear,

A feeling of doubt,

And say,

Is there something deeper here?

Or is this just needed a little bit of that courageous action so that I can just push past it?

Because this is just something new.

And when I started just pushing past that,

Like,

Momentary build-up of doubt,

It was so much easier on the other side because there really wasn't anything for me to clear.

And if when I pushed past and took the action,

And then I got on the other side,

And it did still feel,

Like,

Really sludgy and hard and slow moving,

Or it was,

Like,

Painful in some way,

Then I did also know that there was healing that's there that needs to happen.

So then I could do that.

And then I could push past that.

And on the other side,

I found the ease in taking that courageous action.

But it's always a little bit of courageous action that's required.

Doing the healing work doesn't necessarily mean that everything is just going to feel easy to do because we are human,

And we do have emotions,

And we do have feelings.

And when we are doing something new,

That can feel scary.

That can bring up doubt.

That can make us fall into old patterns,

Old habits.

You have to become aware of these,

Just like recognizing where your desires and your actions don't match.

So if you continue to hold the desire when you come up against these challenges and you say,

Okay,

But I do really want this,

And it feels really good to have it,

And I can see it,

And I can visualize it,

Then you'll be shown the places that you need to heal in order to receive,

Keep,

And hold it.

And you'll also be moved through experiences to help you hone or even sometimes redirect the desire if there's actually something even better or deeper that you can experience.

Because really,

Our human imagination,

Like our imagination,

What we can visualize is quite limited in comparison to obviously what the universe can see for us,

What our spiritual team can see for us.

The blueprint of what they can see is happening is so much bigger than what we are able to see.

Because if you could see the whole thing,

I mean,

If you just think about the peace that you can see now and how overwhelming it is sometimes or how fearful it becomes for you,

If you could see the whole thing,

You might never get out of bed.

And that's just,

That's just not what anybody really wants.

Actually,

That's just absolutely what nobody wants to happen.

So you don't get to see the whole thing.

So imagining that this is what I want or something better,

Always going after your desire,

But your desire almost becomes the lowest set point.

So the expectation you're curating is I receive exactly what I want or something better.

And this is where faith and trust come in so that in those times when your current desire seems to fall through,

Even though you're healing and moving through every layer that rises up,

Like you're doing the work,

But that thing that you claimed at the beginning is what you wanted just isn't coming through,

It's because spirit is orchestrating something even better.

So you could settle for that desire,

Or you could have this,

Is what spirit is saying.

So having that faith.

Yes,

You'll follow through on moving to this new place with this person you feel is the one,

Because that gets you to where your true mate will actually be.

So the person you thought was your person wasn't your person,

And you're devastated,

But you heal and you move through that and you take what you need,

And in that healing,

You take a class and you actually run into your person.

The things that we have to go through on the journey to our desires,

Like our conscious desires,

When we go,

Oh,

That'd be really great,

I want that.

On your journey to that thing,

You're also potentially on a journey to something that is even better,

And that thing is just a step.

So remain open when things crumble,

When you experience those tower moments,

When you experience those breakdowns and ego deaths,

The crumbling is making space for something even better.

It's clearing the way for your next awakening,

Your next rebirth.

And the harder that you fight against it,

The harder the fall will feel.

So building a foundation of self-trust with your body and your intuition helps you to be able to recognize and move through those moments with more ease.

Building a foundation of self-love and inner worth will help you move through the moments with others where their words and their actions don't match,

Because you'll understand,

You'll get it,

You'll see it,

And then you can choose what you want to do from there.

Both will help you recognize where you're unaligned in your conscious desire and your subconscious beliefs.

So building healing foundations is the start of everything,

Because having an awareness is only the beginning.

Having an awareness or understanding is only the surface.

Going back to the scenario of the person you're dating,

Stating that they want you,

Stating that you're the one,

And then not calling you,

Not following up with you.

It is true that they might be a jerk and they were lying to manipulate you.

It may also be true that they weren't lying and fear overpowered their desire to be with you.

If you don't have this understanding or awareness,

Then you'll find yourself being very confused as they're continually saying one thing and doing another,

And you'll most likely also take it personally as meaning something negative about you.

So if you only have this understanding and awareness and you don't have that foundation of inner trust and self-love,

You might allow the empathy you feel that they may just be scared because you have the understanding,

But it keeps you going back to them and repeating your pattern again and again.

Because when their fear dies down after they haven't called you and they have that space and they have that time,

Their desire rises up again,

Becomes a little bit stronger than the fear,

And they reach back out.

And then you connect and you talk again and then the fear becomes stronger than the desire and they distance and it repeats and repeats.

So having the understanding and awareness allows you to have the empathy for what they are going through.

Building the foundations of inner trust,

Of self-love,

Of self-worth allow you to offer empathy and understanding while also shutting down repeating patterns with ease.

You have the understanding and awareness that whether they're a manipulator or simply caught in a cycle of their own fear,

Neither are about you.

Therefore,

You won't take it personally.

And because you have self-worth and inner worth,

It doesn't matter whether it's one or the other because you no longer put up with unaligned words and actions from someone who is not doing the healing work to break their own patterns and cycles.

So building the awareness allows you to separate from what's happening around you,

Meaning something about you.

Building inner love and self-worth allows you to create and hold change to having those experiences enter your life,

Shut down those cycles,

And you can even bring them to people's awareness to say,

Like,

Hey,

This is the pattern that you're repeating.

You obviously have some some shit below the surface that you need to clear,

That you need to heal.

So if you want to go do that work and come back,

If I'm still available,

I think you're a lovely,

You're a wonderful person and this could really be something,

But it's never going to get anywhere while you're allowing yourself to be stuck in this cycle of trauma and wounding.

And I have enough self-awareness,

Self-love,

I have enough trust and faith in myself and in the process with which my journey is,

That I don't have to stand for this anymore.

And I'm doing the work to heal where my actions and my words are misaligned or mismatched.

So whoever I am with,

I expect to be doing the same.

Because now you know that that's just a cycle,

And once you start recognizing the cycle,

You can make the change.

So it kind of takes a whole new level to self-sabotage.

And almost honestly,

Like,

There's really no such thing.

There's really no such thing in terms of,

Like,

It's a human-made concept,

Right,

Where we're sabotaging ourselves.

Like,

Technically we are because we are the ones who are taking the action that is not aligned with our desire,

But it's not because we're like,

Screw me,

I don't like me,

And I suck.

And like,

You know,

You're not,

Like,

Going against yourself because you want to go against yourself.

You're going against yourself because there is something there that's just unaligned with the desire.

I want more money,

But I feel like people who have money are evil and bad,

And money just makes people do nasty things.

I really want somebody,

A partner who's gonna just love me for who I am and take me on their adventures and journeys with them,

But I don't really think I'm lovable.

I'm not really worthy of,

Like,

Real true love.

I really want to go on a weight loss and health journey,

And I just want to be fit and feel good in my body.

But if I look good,

That means more people are probably gonna notice me,

And if more people are gonna notice me,

That means I'm gonna be seen a lot,

And if I'm gonna be seen a lot,

I'm gonna be judged a lot more because now I'm,

Like,

Way out there,

So I'm just gonna stay where I am.

I really hope there was a lot in here.

There was a lot in this episode.

This was almost like a mini master class on self-sabotage.

I really hope there was some amazing things in here that you gleaned that you were able to walk away from.

I'm so proud of all of you for tuning into this episode,

For all of the shifts that you are going to make,

For all of the desires that you're just going to reclaim and go for.

I love you all so much.

I hope you have a beautiful,

Beautiful day.

Reviews

Great. Thanks Jaymie.