Essentials Of The Practice - Open The Heart & Free The Mind

A live recorded talk I gave to a weekly group. The Essential practice of freeing the heart and mind. In this talk, there is some poetry and a bit of conversation on the topic. warning I tend to cuss as a form of expression and accentuation of particular states of mind. Hopefully, you find it helpful.

Transcript

By Dana Faulds.

Let it go.

Let go of the ways you thought life would unfold,

The holding of plans or dreams or expectations.

Let it all go.

Save your strength to swim with the tide.

The choice to fight what is here before you now will only result in struggle,

Fear,

And desperate attempts to flee from the very energy that you long for.

Let go.

Let it all go and flow with the grace that washes through your days,

Whether you receive it gently or with all your quills raised to defend against invaders.

Take this on faith.

The mind may never find the explanations that it seeks,

But you will move forward nonetheless.

Let go and the waves crest will carry you to unknown shores beyond your wildest dreams or destinations.

Let it all go and find the place of rest and peace and certain transformation.

Let it go.

Dana Faulds.

I finally got this book.

It's called Go In and In.

If you're interested in Dana Faulds,

If you haven't already.

I actually thought about that poem and reading it last week when I was talking about forgiveness,

But I didn't get to it.

So I just thought I'd read it now.

Any questions about the dharma practice,

The instructions,

The poem?

I don't have any answers about the poem,

But other than I like it.

Yes?

So I've heard the saying,

Go to the beginning,

Go to the end,

Go to the long way to the end.

But I've heard it used in two different ways.

I can't remember what the second one is,

But the first one is the dharma practice.

The other one is the way of acting.

What is the relationship to what's going on around you?

So I'm just wondering how they're connected I guess,

Or if they're connected.

I think I heard a dharma talk about the dharma being complicated and then the other one being the end.

I don't know if he was talking about it,

But he was speaking about it in reference to the behaviors that you manifest when you have that really working.

Right.

Let me just kind of repeat the question.

So the question was,

There's this saying,

Good in the beginning,

Good in the middle,

And good in the end,

And whether or not that's,

There's two kind of references for that.

I actually only know the first reference,

Which is the dharma,

Right,

The teachings of the Buddha are good in the beginning,

Good in the middle,

And good in the end.

In other words,

Wholesome,

True,

Leading towards good results is the way I understand it.

But what you just posed,

Which is,

Is there a connection between the ethical behavior or the ethical way of,

And I would say of course.

Because there's this other,

You know,

There's this way in which,

I can't remember if it's specifically a teaching from the Buddha or the way that somebody talked about the Buddha.

But that there's this term blameless,

Oh yeah,

No,

The Buddha,

He said if you follow the five precepts and reach the goal of Nibbana,

You will live blamelessly and at ease.

So this idea of that,

If we're just bringing our attention towards the ethical behavior,

Just the five precepts of non-harming,

Being wise with speech,

You know,

Not stealing,

Not taking intoxicants,

Being wise with our sexuality,

Just the taking up of those precepts,

Training rules,

Will reap reward,

Will have benefit,

And allow that blamelessness,

Which from the Buddhist perspective,

Then allows the mind to be able to settle.

I think I was talking a little bit about this last week actually.

When the mind can settle,

Then the fruits of the practice can really flourish.

That's what I got about that.

But I've always loved that quote,

You know,

The Dharma is good in the beginning,

Good in the middle,

And good in the end.

And for a long time I was like,

What the hell does that mean?

But then I started to kind of,

As I began to practice more,

Right,

I had a lot of questions and assumptions when I was new to practice,

And I'm really grateful that I had not a lot of answers.

I didn't ask questions really,

And people didn't really give me answers,

And so I just kept practicing.

And then that old saying,

More will be revealed,

Started to become true.

And that some of those answers,

Or some of those,

My own kind of insights or intuition started to kick in,

As I would hear these things like that.

Good in the middle,

Good in the beginning,

Good in the middle,

Good in the end.

Yeah,

I like it.

But I encourage questions,

And if they're foolish questions,

I'll just smile.

Please.

I just encourage questions.

Maybe I should just practice more and be real.

No,

You know,

I always encourage questions because there was a part of me that really wants to be able to explain or to give context to things,

To my own,

To what is best I can.

So please.

So the question I've been thinking about,

You made a comment that I thought was really helpful last week about guilt and remorse being positive and shame being negative.

And I actually went home to look up definitions,

And I was trying to figure this out,

And so I think I've got it,

But I thought I'd double check.

And I think the way that I could get to is that guilt is like discernment and understanding that something that you did was bad,

Whereas shame is like judgment.

That you are bad is shame.

And that's not helpful.

But I caused harm in this way,

And I can feel the vibration of that internally and externally.

And the way the Buddha pointed to it is use that as discernment and as knowledge,

Right?

So going forward to not cause harm.

But actually to linger in guilt is also,

It's just the same as shame,

Right?

Because then it's this like,

I'm just a guilt-ridden person,

Right?

So we're bearing the weight of our guilt,

Which is also not helpful.

So I see it as like,

See it clearly,

Act or react in some wholesome or positive way so that there's some resolve or some learned aspect,

Something we can carry forward,

And then set it aside and keep going.

Otherwise,

You know,

Robert Bly has this little book called The Little Book About the Human Shadow or something like that.

The Little Book of the Human Shadow,

Something like that.

I read it years and years ago.

But he talked about the knapsack,

You know,

That we,

As we walk through life,

That we're taking stones and we're throwing them in our knapsack.

And then pretty soon as we're growing,

So there might be pebbles,

These little things,

Hurts,

Mistreatments,

You know,

Ways in which we've acted,

Ways in which people have acted to us,

And we're carrying this.

So then pretty soon we have this really huge sack,

Right,

That's weighing us down.

And this is not helpful.

This is a way of looking at guilt as not helpful,

Right?

And this is actually just totally counter to what the Buddha is saying.

The Buddha agrees.

The Buddha would agree.

I think the Buddha would agree.

If the Buddha and Robert Bly were sitting and talking,

My idea would be that they would have a very good conversation and that they would agree on this.

And that's what the Buddha was pointing to,

Is to use guilt or remorse or regret as the thing that it is,

Which is,

You know,

An eye-opener,

An alarm,

And we can feel it and to not ignore it,

Because then we just throw it in the knapsack and carry it with us,

Unresolved,

Unprocessed.

The Buddha would say the same thing about ethics or about the precepts,

Right,

That we're constantly,

You know,

We make mistakes.

I'm not enlightened,

Right?

We're not totally free from acting in ways that are unskillful,

But to use Hari and Upata,

Guilt and remorse,

As ways to see clearly and to learn from the ways in which we have caused harm to self or others.

In that way,

I believe,

To add a little bit more clarity to that,

Is the way of the bright guardians of the world that the Buddha pointed to with guilt.

It's kind of like regret remorse.

It's like this interesting thing.

I had someone ask me a while ago,

What's the difference between regret and remorse?

I don't know,

Look it up,

Right?

See for yourself the difference between regret and remorse.

I mean,

I have some opinions,

Right?

But my opinions aren't that important.

What's more important is what do you really think and feel about that idea of regret and remorse?

How does that live in your body,

In your practice?

But thank you.

Did I answer that?

Yes,

Thank you.

That was a great question and a way to carry it in from last week.

Because the other piece about that,

Peter,

That you bring up and I focused on last week,

Is that so then we use guilt and we use remorse in the moment as they arise and hopefully not too long after,

Right?

Because otherwise what happens?

We throw it in the knapsack,

We're carrying it with us and we have unprocessed ten-year-old guilt and remorse that we have never really looked at and allowed it to crumble,

You know?

Allowed the big stone of whatever,

Right?

I once caused a fire and this fire burned down a warehouse and the warehouse had to be evacuated.

And I didn't tell a soul because I would have gone to prison for arson,

You know?

And I carry that and the fact that it costs however much money,

I mean actually I found out later insurance kicked in and it was good,

But the point is that I held that and I was guilty and I was remorseful and for years and years and years,

Then eventually there was a point in time where I actually went back to the place,

To the owner of the warehouse and admitted my discretion and I felt this freedom.

I felt fear,

Right?

To be totally honest,

I checked to see what the statute of limitations of arson was.

It was seven years.

But there was a freedom in owning the behavior and acknowledging the wrong.

And really there was a long time of living in,

And that was just one example,

Right?

It was a pretty big example,

But it was one example that we all have,

You know,

These unresolved things,

Whether it's so traumatizing that we couldn't look at it.

So we had to stash it away.

Sometimes that's skillful,

It's survival.

But from the Buddhist perspective,

We have to see it clearly and see it for what it is and not make it into something bigger than it is.

See it for what it actually is.

Hurt or mistreatment or ways in which we've acted unskillfully,

Not followed the precepts in some way,

You know,

And make it the right size.

And then to develop forgiveness also if it involved others.

Forgiveness to self,

Forgiveness to others.

That's what I talked about last week and how important that is.

And you know what's interesting is that it's not given a lot of attention in the kind of traditional,

Conical Buddhist teachings.

And I love that that's one of the things that this kind of new Western American Buddhist kind of flavor is really bringing in and kind of translating that the heart practice is that there's actually five.

And so it's loving kindness and compassion and this equanimity and this sympathetic or selfless joy and forgiveness.

Because so much of what happens in our hearts is this lack of forgiveness,

This kind of protection.

I think I mentioned it last week,

Protecting what?

What are we protecting exactly?

What is it that we're defended against or what are we defending?

I think it's just helpful when we're kind of doing this practice of opening the heart.

I've been really,

I don't know,

Let's see,

When did that start?

Maybe January or something?

There's been something that's kind of come over me in regards to really bringing in more loving kindness and compassion into my teachings.

It's been a part over the last ten years,

A part of my practice more.

The first ten years I didn't have much use for loving kindness and compassion because I was much more interested in the development of wisdom,

Thinking that was going to be enough.

And then realizing that that was not enough.

Actually it was causing a disservice to my own practice.

One of my teachers talks about how compassion is the appropriate response to suffering always.

Compassion is the appropriate response to suffering always.

And that means our own suffering,

The suffering in the world.

And however that manifests,

Right?

It manifests differently for different people.

I didn't always believe that.

You know,

Even eight,

Ten years at being,

You know,

Meditating and practicing meditation,

I didn't believe that was true.

Because there was this way in which some people deserve their suffering and fuck them.

I felt that way for a long time.

And then realized as I began to see a little more clearly in my own heart,

In my own practice,

In my own mind,

That what that was doing was causing these little scars in my mind.

You know,

What we call the mind.

Where I wasn't able to rest.

There was no peace and ease because of these,

The scar tissue of fuck them.

So I started to really see how this forgiveness practice and this compassion practice is actually really necessary in order to reach the goal.

I realize I've said that kind of twice tonight,

This idea of a goal.

Yes?

I actually really struggled with this one.

What I struggled with is if someone's suffering is hurtful to you personally and having compassion or showing compassion is more hurtful to you towards their suffering.

And I really struggled with that because I know that compassion,

I agree,

But then with that dynamic,

I struggle.

So good boundaries and saying never again and having compassion.

So good boundaries,

In other words,

If you're in an abusive relationship,

I'm just using this as an example,

And there's suffering involved in that.

To leave that relationship is maybe the kindest,

Most compassionate thing you can do for yourself.

And then to also hold compassion for the suffering that's spilling out and affecting others.

So like the child molester,

Compassion for the child molester,

Not for the molest.

Forgiveness for the molester,

But not the molest.

That's one of the most extreme things I could bring up in the room,

Right?

Yet it happens all the time.

So that's the way I kind of hold it.

Is that helpful at all?

That's the way I kind of hold it,

This idea of like,

And it may be a long time to get to the forgiveness place,

Of whatever the worst,

The most extreme kind of hurt or mistreatment.

Who in here hasn't been hurt or mistreated?

How do we work with it now?

And one of the other things is like,

And this is one of my favorite quotes by Jack Kornfield,

Forgiveness is giving up hope for a better past.

As if it could be anything other than it was.

Anything else out there?

My least knowledgeable topic.

No,

I'm just playing.

Go ahead.

Well,

One of the two elements I enjoyed about the talk last week was this notion of remorse and regret are good things.

Maybe I just didn't catch it last week,

But embedded in all of that was a call to action.

And that was good.

I had been sitting with some stuff going,

Oh,

You just got to get up your ass and do something.

There's people you can call.

You can tell them.

And I liked that.

And I don't know always the right way to move something out of a remorse regret place.

I'm sure there's skillful and unskillful ways to go about doing that,

But I thought it was helpful.

Put it into a good perspective.

Yes,

When I used to work in the jails with the alternative to prison population,

I would bring that in all the time.

If there's something that could be done about a situation,

Because they'd be pissed off about the food or their treatment or their canteen or their tiny,

There's some little thing that's out of balance in their situation of being in jail,

Right?

And I would just bring in that if there's something that could be done about a situation,

Why be upset?

Why ruin your whole day?

If there's something that can be done,

Do what can be done.

If there's nothing that can be done,

Why be upset?

Why ruin your whole day?

And some of them would get it.

But it's that idea of engaged,

Be engaged.

And that there's also this equanimity piece around that I believe this kind of statement is pointing to.

The equanimity piece is that all beings are heir to their own karma.

And so my wish for people to be happy,

For you to be happy and free from suffering is good for me,

Actually,

And not helping you very much,

Because your actions alone is the cause of your own happiness,

Right?

Or lack thereof.

So that's where that kind of,

You know,

Can we,

If we can,

But can we act in a way that's compassion that might be helpful without taking the work from you?

Is there a way that I can help you without taking the work from you because I'm not going to take it on?

I've got enough suffering to deal with,

Right?

I don't need any of yours.

I can have your suffering.

But will I help you?

Sure.

So that's what I hear you're saying.

And there might be also that piece of,

You know,

So maybe,

Yeah,

To relieve some of my own suffering to make the call.

And maybe it's an act of compassion to somebody else or a way of finding some freedom.

Or just quit dragging the rock around because you don't want to make a phone call.

Right.

Exactly right.

They've eaten at me for weeks.

I just pick up the phone and get some food.

Yeah.

And it will just keep rotating,

Right,

In your brain.

It will just rotate.

Oh yeah,

Remember that call you didn't make?

A little more guilt.

A little more regret.

Just builds.

Kind of snowballs.

It's so interesting.

I really like this idea when I first heard about this kind of like ethical behavior and then meditation.

That really the beginning is generosity,

Right?

Starts with generosity.

A learning to kind of soften the heart with generosity.

Because if we're closed,

Right,

And living in a miserly kind of scarcity way,

Whether it's emotionally or literally physically or financially or whatever,

If we're living in that kind of out of scarcity,

Then we're protecting,

We're defending.

And we're not letting in.

And we're not opening.

So this idea of starting with generosity,

The Buddha,

This is the first instructions for lay people from the Buddha.

Then,

Out of that kind of acting in generosity,

Right,

Giving to the monks every morning,

Or you know,

So that they can have sustenance,

So that they can survive.

This was the very,

This was necessary,

Right?

So many of the,

You know,

The first kind of layer of monks that I don't know about all of it,

But the class,

The Buddha spoke a lot to the rich,

The famous.

And having heard the truth and knowing that all of the riches in the land didn't actually relieve their suffering,

Would renounce it all and join the Buddha.

That's interesting,

You know,

It's just kind of interesting to see that,

Right?

And so then it's kind of the encouragement of generosity for those who didn't do that.

To help,

You know,

Kind of don't hold on to it so tightly,

It's not actually happiness.

It's fleeting pleasure.

So this idea of generosity and then cultivating that into the ethical behavior.

And then once you've learned to kind of soften the heart a little bit,

And then live in a way where your suffering isn't actually spilling over on everyone else,

Then you can start meditating,

You know?

Then you're,

It's like you've built a nice foundation,

Or at least you've cleared the ground and flattened all the,

And moved all the big rocks so that you can now start a foundation,

You know?

He was pretty smart,

That Buddha guy.

He had some things together.

I remember being in Bodh Gaya,

And I met this Indian guy,

He was,

What was his name?

Ravi.

And young,

You know,

He was like 19 or something.

We struck a deal,

He was going to take me to this cave where supposedly the Buddha,

You know,

Almost died and,

You know,

Something happened there that was really important.

But really I think he just wanted me to give him some money and he was going to take him.

And it was just cool,

I did.

We ended up walking,

Which I paid him to guide me,

And then we walked across this desert place.

But anyway,

He had introduced me,

So I could have very easily just walked myself.

But whatever,

It was fine.

And it was nice to,

He was a street kid,

Right?

And anyway,

So I,

On the way back,

We got a ride back by one of his buddies,

Which was great,

It was such a cool experience.

And on the way back,

I got invited to this dinner for some people that were just there,

Just opening this restaurant where they didn't have any electricity,

But they made some pretty good food.

And in the conversation,

And the guy,

You know,

It was like,

There was some other Westerners there,

And they were like,

What are you doing here?

And I was like,

Well,

I'm on the footsteps of the Buddha,

You know,

I'm kind of doing this pilgrimage.

And then he had these things,

And he said,

Oh,

The Buddha.

He was like,

The Buddha,

You know,

He just had common sense.

He just had common,

Like he was kind of putting it down a little bit,

Right?

And I thought to myself,

Yeah,

The Buddha had common sense,

Good sense,

You know,

Common sense,

Coming to our senses.

But at first it was like,

It was just an interesting thing.

Common sense.

Don't hurt other people.

Be generous with what you have to the ability that you can.

Don't carry all your luggage with you everywhere you go.

It gets tiring,

Causes your back to hurt.

Kabir has this,

Is it Kabir or Hafiz?

Kabir has this poem,

And it goes,

I'm trying to recall it right now.

Oh,

This mind you carry on your back.

Your actions are like a heavy sack.

Strains enough to break your neck.

So drop that stupid load.

This is the last stop on the road.

Stay.

Be love's guest.

Drop that stupid load.

This is the last stop on the road.

Stay.

Be love's guest.

I can't remember how long ago I heard that,

But it just instantly imprinted in my brain.

You know?

Just instantly imprinted,

And it makes so much sense to me.

That line,

Drop that stupid load.

Who translated a 13th century Sufi poet?

And I wanted to meet that guy,

Right?

But it makes sense.

Drop that stupid load.

In some ways,

That's what Robert Bly is talking about.

Let the sack go.

Stop carrying the stones around.

What good is it actually doing you?

What good is it doing you?

To carry the hatred or the anger from when you were 10 or 12 or 25 or yesterday.

What good is it really?

I thought I had some really good ideas for why I carried shit around.

You know?

I had some really,

Never again is someone going to get that close to harm me.

Whether it was physically or emotionally or sexually or,

You know?

Never again.

I can never forget.

Just not helpful at some point.

Forgiveness is giving up hope for a better past.

I'm going to read that poem again.

Maybe this is,

Maybe it fits.

Let it go.

Let go of the ways you thought life would unfold.

The holding of plans or dreams or expectations.

Let it all go.

Save your strength to swim with the tide.

The choice to fight what is here before you now will only result in struggle,

Fear,

And desperate attempts to flee from the very energy you long for.

Let go.

Let it all go and flow with the grace that washes through your days,

Whether you receive it gently or with all your quills raised to defend against invaders.

Take this on faith.

The mind may never find the explanations that it seeks,

But you will move forward nonetheless.

Let go.

The waves crest will carry you to unknown shores beyond your wildest dreams or destinations.

Let it all go and find the place of rest and peace and certain transformation.

Let it go.

Just be comfortable.

Allow the eyes to close.

Breathing into that heart space,

Through the defense,

Through the armor,

Through the layers of never again.

Breathing into that heart space,

May I feel safe.

May I be peaceful.

May I be free from suffering and the causes of suffering.

May I feel safe.

May I be peaceful.

May I be free from suffering and the causes of suffering.

In this way that harm and mistreatment,

The ways in which we all have acted unskillfully today,

Yesterday,

Ten years ago.

Start with forgiving ourselves.

I forgive myself for ways in which I've caused harm.

Please forgive me.

I forgive you.

I forgive myself.

Just repeating these simple three phrases.

Please forgive me.

I forgive you.

I forgive myself.

Start small.

Envisioning the heart.

Warming.

Allowing the ice or the armor around the heart to soften,

To relax.

Like ice turns to water and water turns to mist.

Please forgive me.

I forgive you.

I forgive myself.

GONG

Reviews

Priceless. I was looking for something to feed my soul while making breakfast in isolation... thanks!

Appreciate your experience and knowledge. I feel I have come to these epiphanies and understanding! It has felt like a large spirit beyond my flesh yearning to be free and it has finally expelled from captivity. Thank you for expressing what I feel and think. Patience and gentleness have been my mantra for the year. Love and light!

Wow! Thanks, perfect timing.🙏😊

Great insights. Thank you💕