You you Waking up to who you are requires letting go of who you imagine yourself to be Who do I imagine myself to be?
That's an interesting question to investigate First invite your mind to settle in the present moment Just welcome all that is right now oh oh oh Noticing that some of these experiences you probably don't regard as you Such as the sound of my voice Or the objects you see if you open your eyes Noticing that other experiences do quite naturally get regarded as I or me Such as the sensations in the body Recognizing the tendency to assume that the body is one unit or entity And the assumption that that is what I am Although When just sensing the body directly It feels more like a shimmering flow of quite different sensations Pressure Temperature Movement Flowing tingling energies To me it feels more like a sort of shapeless northern light made of countless individual fuzzy sensations arising changing and passing away Than a solid concrete object that I normally assume it to be oh Noticing how I can say the body as if I'm referring to a single object But that I can't find such a single object in my direct experience Recognizing that the assumption that I am the body Comes with an expectation that I am in control of the body It is quite clear however that for the most part it most definitely isn't under my control I can't will the heart to stop beating or the nerves to stop transmitting signals from my senses I can't make it stop aging.
I can't prevent it from getting sick or dying However Recognizing that in some ways I do appear to be able to exert control Such as thinking that I'll hold my breath And observing that the body obeys If it would obey the thought until the point of death by suffocation I'm not sure about that But the thoughts do seem to influence the body somewhat at least So becoming aware of the identification with the thinking Recognizing the assumption that I am the thinker of the thoughts Noticing again the preconception that I am in control over the thoughts It's the one thing meditation has taught me more often than anything else is how erroneous that idea is Trying not to think about anything Or trying to not think about fluorescent polar bears These are great demonstrations of that But it feels so compelling doesn't it?
It really feels like we are the ones directing and producing the train of thoughts But Can we really think a simple and simple way of thinking about the thoughts?
But Can we really think a single thought which is truly created by us with no prior influence or condition?
I cannot find any such thought Recognizing how this identification with thoughts give rise to this idea of a thinker And how that again gives rise to identification with several frequently reoccurring opinions and values Becoming aware of the quite complex mental construction that is my identity How I typically feel about things,
My memories,
The story of my life,
The various roles and positions I have in relations and in different social contexts My temperament and my personality Recognizing how all those identifications are constructions in my mind The reality of all is nothing else than what it is,
But my mind labels and appropriates and take control,
Independence and continuity for granted Becoming aware that I can't seem to find anything amongst all the phenomena that I have,
But my mind labels and appropriates and takes control,
Independence and continuity for granted Becoming aware that I can't seem to find anything amongst all the phenomena I can be aware of that isn't conditioned,
Bound by cause and effect,
Impermanent and fleeting Yet there is this rather strong assumption that I am the body,
The thinker,
The doer and the knower Whenever there is identification it feels like a contraction,
A distinction from or even an alienation from parts of what is By contrast,
When letting it all be,
It feels open,
Boundless,
Peaceful The path of awakening is not about becoming who you are,
Rather it is about unbecoming who you are not Exploring how these various identifications are tightly bound up with suffering Identifying with the body forming the foundation for the suffering of I'm not tall enough,
I'm not good looking enough,
I'm afraid that I'll get sick or old and so on Identifying with thoughts,
Views and opinions leading to the suffering of I'm so ashamed of thinking like this Feeling attacked and threatened when someone is arguing against my view Thinking about whether free will existing or not,
Making me afraid that I don't really exist Identifying with memories,
With the narrative of my life led to suffering such as if I'm not your boyfriend anymore,
Who the hell am I?
Or the angst of realising how little of my life I actually can remember,
Making me feel like I'm dwindling away of no real substance Identifying with feelings,
Making me feel like I'm an inherently weak,
Immature and even perverse person Or with personality,
Making me feel like I was too much or too little Identifying with volition,
Giving me the impression that I'm personally responsible for all of my shortcomings,
For all my weaknesses,
For all my weird thoughts and wild emotions And that if I had actually been a good,
Righteous person,
I could have just decided to be the ideal that I should have been And identifying with the consciousness of phenomena,
Making me afraid of dying Ah,
And this is by no means exhaustive Look at your own mind,
Investigate your sufferings in life and its relation to the process of identification Ah,
And this is by no means exhaustive I find it quite fascinating to just observe these various aspects of the mind And how they collaborate to create this intricate sense of an independent,
Autonomous being that at the same time is intimately connected to the world and to other beings How it conjures up the sense of consistency,
Stability and permanence of I,
While at the same time allowing for all the various,
Ever-changing parts of me Why do we do this kind of contemplation?
To reveal how identification make us constantly discontented,
Making us always try to add or subtract from our experience,
From nature We contemplate like this because waking up to who you are requires letting go of who you imagine yourself to be Ah,
And this is by no means exhaustive Ah,
And this is by no means exhaustive We use the words I,
Me and mine as if it's completely obvious and self-explanatory what we're referring to But it's not so clear,
Is it?
Investigate,
What are you actually referring to when you say I?
What am I really?
What's the essence?
When all masks are taken off and all the accessories discarded,
What is left?
What is the nature of now?
It's like this Ah,
And this is by no means exhaustive Ah,
And this is by no means exhaustive Ah,
And this is by no means exhaustive You are afraid that meditating like this will make you lose some essential aspect of yourself Don't worry,
You can never lose your true nature All that can be lost is that which hides that All we're trying to do is to see things the way they are Ah,
And this is by no means exhaustive Anyone can build a house of wood and bricks But the Buddha taught us that sort of home is not our real home It's a home in the world and it follows the ways of the world Our real home is inner peace Ah,
Ah,
Ah,
Ah,
Ah Ah,
Ah,
Ah,
Ah,
Ah.
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