If you consider the family you were born into and the environment in which you grew up.
If you were a tree growing up like that,
What kind of tree would you be?
Were you a tree that stand out in a crowd or one that blends in?
Or perhaps somewhat of a loner tree?
Was the soil you grew up in rich and fertile?
And were you frequently watered and nourished?
Were you consistently touched by the warmth of the sun?
And were you sheltered from the storms by the other trees?
Just try and imagine what kind of tree you grew up to be.
What adaptations were important for you to make it?
Don't worry if you're not quite sure or whether your image of your tree changes or adjusts.
Just notice what comes up and stay with however that feels.
Let's take a couple of minutes in silence and try to find something that feels right.
Okay?
So Now,
Use whatever image you have of yourself as a tree and visualize that tree in you.
And if you feel undecided or confused or in disagreement with yourself about what tree you are,
Don't worry,
Then use that kind of a tree right now.
A tree that's in a fog,
That is not quite sure about which direction to grow or about when to sprout or shed leaves.
Realize that the trunk of the tree is your spine.
And the branches and foliage,
Your way of appearing to the world.
Visualize your roots growing down from the base of your spine and into the ground,
Representing the connections to your land,
To your family and friends,
And to your existence as you.
Notice what you feel for the tree that you see.
Take a couple of minutes just to visualize your life as that tree,
Where it grew up,
The challenges it faced,
What you had to do or not to do in order to get through.
And visualize the consequences that had on your future growth,
Your self-image and place in the world.
We might not like everything about our tree and that's okay.
What we try is to see our faults and blemishes for what they are,
Natural ways in which humans grow,
Just like that.
Growing up and down,
Your tree has lived through,
Grown.
See if you can sense what important needs your tree has,
Perhaps that have been or still are unlit.
It can be such as being taken care of or protected or closeness or belongingness or acknowledgement to be listened to or believed in.
Just try and feel for what you need.
What do you miss?
Seeing if you can imagine yourself giving just that to the tree inside you,
Whether it's shelter or encouragement or touch,
Whatever helps.
Finally,
If you feel some sort of self-compassion or at least have some thoughts of care and concern for yourself,
Imagine that as a root growing down from the base of your spine,
Anchoring you to the world and providing nourishment to the core of your tree that you can feel in your heart or belly.
Even if you find it very difficult to feel any love towards yourself,
Just the intention of trying,
That is the very seed that eventually will blossom into felt self-compassion.
Most of my life,
I thought I was a person with lots of self-compassion.
But what I've realized is that much of my self-compassion was towards my future self,
Towards the one I was aspiring to become.
And I was in fact quite satisfied with who I wanted to be and identified myself with that ideal.
Who I actually was in the present,
However,
Was constantly subject to prodding,
Disappointment and mild contempt for my inner voice.
I always felt like I should become someone better,
Wiser,
More successful.
I thought the goal of the practice was several steps ahead of where I was.
Only when I realized that the goal of the practice is here,
Is now,
Is in just being,
Only then,
When I stopped trying to become someone more worthy,
Did I find real peace.
What I am really saying is that you don't need to do anything.
Because if you see yourself in the correct way,
You are all as much an extraordinary phenomenon of nature as trees,
As clouds,
The patterns in running water,
The flickering of fire,
The arrangement of the stars,
The form of a galaxy.
You are all like that.
And there is nothing wrong with you at all.
Does this mean that we'll stagnate,
Or even worse,
Run out of control and become some sort of monster?
Not at all.
The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am,
Then I can change.
I can,
With a hand on my heart,
Say that just this has been the greatest source of transformation in my life.
