The Daisy Diaries: Chapter One

This is the first chapter of my personal memoir, The Daisy Diaries: A true story of one woman's unusual journey through tragedy, transformation, and triumph.
Chapter One, May 2001: The Significantly Insignificant Beginning
Written (and spoken) with raw and relatable truth, The Daisy Diaries is an authentically messy road map from darkness to light, navigating through heartbreak and loss, spiritual awakening, and the discovery of radical self-love and fulfillment.

Transcript

Chapter 1 May 2001. The significantly insignificant beginning. Where I grew up in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. Twenty miles from the shores of Lake Superior, There is an annual tradition that local sixth graders spend three days and two nights at Camp Superior. Right alongside the greatest Great Lakes. The camping experience may be just as you imagine. Gatherings in the large recreation hall, Sleeping in tents, Nature hikes, Team building activities, And the greatly awaited ropes course. Two stories high in the trees, The ropes course was the final activity of camp to test her physical and mental ability to rough it in the woods. I attended the small Catholic grade school in my town, Which was grouped with the only other Catholic school in the surrounding area, Along with the smallest local public school about 15 miles away. We piled on the bus with our camping gear, Filled with excitement and anxiety for this unknown experience ahead. New kids to meet and new challenges to face. This was most every sixth graders dream and fear all bundled into one. As we picked up more kids from the other schools, The contagious excitement spread across the bus. My nerves faded quickly into the joyful chaos. We finally got to camp and rushed off the bus, Hauling our gear into the giant camp lodge. Kids buzzed around everywhere in chaotic bliss. The exuberant sounds of laughter and shouting echoed off the walls. Being slightly shy, I stuck close by my best friend, Since she was the outgoing and funny one who would break the ice and introduce us both to everyone. Yet I quickly realized that every new kid I encountered was just as nervous and excited as I was. And really nice. My anxiety melted away and I thought, I could get used to this. I looked across the vibrating energy of the room and something caught my eye. I met and locked eyes with the tall, Blonde-haired boy, As if we both looked up and directly at each other simultaneously from across the room. My heart skipped a beat, Sending tingles up my spine and down every limb. Whoa, What is this feeling? And who is that boy, I thought. I had never had a boyfriend. I'd certainly had many crushes by then, But this was different. This wasn't the feeling of tiny butterflies in my stomach. It felt more like an electric shock that closed a circuit between this mysterious boy and me. Who knows how long I stood lost in thought, Mesmerized by the stranger across the room, Before I realized I was still staring at him. Oh my god, Look away, I thought. Don't stare or look obvious. I snap my head like a whip to look away, Wearing a bashful smile. Yeah, Way to play it cool, Krista. Blushing, I return to my circle of old and new friends. My heart continued to pound as I kept a secret watch out for that boy. He's so cute, My heart fluttered. Will I get to meet him? Was he looking at me like I was looking at him? Crowds of kids shuffled around as we were ushered to our assigned cabins. The squeals continued as I gathered into my cabin, Thankfully with my best friend and some of the girls I had just met. We all picked our bunks and unloaded our bags, Dishing about who snuck in candy and where they hid it. I was only half paying attention at this point, In the back of my mind wondering, Where is that blonde boy? A few minutes later, We were called back out into the Great Hall to receive our group assignments for the next three days. My heart pounded in anticipation of who I might be grouped with. As my name was called, A rush of relief washed over me, Joining others from my class and some of the kids I had just met and made friends with. And then he was called over. Blonde boy is in my group. We locked eyes again as he walked over. I felt energy surge between us as he walked across the room. We both blushed and looked away. He did it too. I know he feels it, I thought. My sheer excitement for the next three days nearly blew me through the roof. Through the agonizingly long group introductions, I finally learned the blonde boy's name, Cody. Of course, What a perfect name. Okay, I was totally crushing at this point. My wildest, And unbeknownst until that very moment, Romantic camp dream was just beginning. Through every activity during camp, I couldn't keep my eyes off him, Though I pretended to play it cool. Yeah, I'm sure I really pulled that off well. Whenever I couldn't see him, I practiced fielding my energetic radar for his presence. I couldn't make sense of it. It just felt so good to be near this strange blonde boy I hardly knew. Finally, During downtime between activities, We got the chance to break the ice and get to talking. We first made small talk, Sharing our names and what schools we came from, While bashfully batting our eyes at one another. Butterflies danced through my belly as we chatted. Oh my god, Cody's so cute, I kept thinking to myself. Forget Taylor Hanson, I suddenly had a brand new crush right here in person. Before the end of the first day of camp, Boys and girls that had just met from different schools were paired up as boyfriends and girlfriends. You know, As seriously as sixth grade relationships can go. I can't remember who orchestrated this assignment, But lo and behold, Cody and I were paired together in this magical nonsense. Yes, My campground fantasy was unraveling before my eyes. The magic continued over the next few days, Through group hikes to the lake, Doing the truss fall and other team building activities, And finally the ropes course. Our camp counselors had us line up in alternating girl-boy order to start the course, And I was thrilled to get right behind Cody. I watched in admiration as he effortlessly made his way across each obstacle, And I followed in excitement, And some nerves, To get across each section just as gracefully. At one point, A boy further ahead got himself stuck on an obstacle. Being behind him, We had nowhere to go. But being stuck in the trees next to my adorable blonde crush, I could have stayed there all day. For about an hour or so, We sat up in the trees, Singing songs and encouraging our poor friend ahead to untangle himself and continue the course. By the time we got moving again, We were almost to the last and best obstacle, The zip line. Cody zoomed down the line like a blonde Tarzan ahead of me, And I couldn't wait to follow. Once it was my turn, My heart jumped with me off the platform as I flew through the trees. And at the end of the line, Cody was standing on the ground looking up at me. My heart fluttered as I was lowered to the ground in front of him. He smiled at me before bending down and picking a wild daisy from the ground. Here, This is for you, He said bashfully, Handing me the bright little flower. Oh, Thank you, I replied. I could feel my cheeks turn red. How sweet, I thought. My young little heart was head over heels in love. As we approached the end of the sweet escape of camp, I started sensing a rough edge around Cody that I couldn't quite understand, Nor find the guts to ask him about. I mean, We'd only known each other for a whole three days. Plus, He was so cool and made me so nervous. I ignored the mild pang in my gut and settled back into the warm electricity between us. On the bus ride home from camp, We sat together. We even held hands. I sat feeling light and bubbly at his side until I suddenly wondered, Wait, Are my palms sweaty? Almost as quickly as that disturbing thought popped into my mind, I felt a shift in energy, Like Cody was vacuuming in his radiant, Warm energy. He grew quieter as the bus drove closer to his school, Yet his mesmerizing deep blue eyes seemed to hold stories of a thousand lifetimes. Painful ones, It felt. My heart sank as the bus stopped. Cody gave me a quick, Awkward hug. I felt the electric circuit between us break as he turned and got up, Walking off the bus. I suddenly fell back to earth from my romantic camp cloud. He lived 15 miles away from my home. The odds of us seeing each other again anytime soon were very slim. I mean, Unless we became avid bike riders. As the rest of his classmates shuffled off the bus, One of them paused to tell me, Oh, By the way, Cody had a girlfriend in the eighth grade, But I think he still totally likes you. I was crushed like someone had dropped a brick on my chest. This is my first official heartbreak. Ugh. He has a girlfriend? How stupid could I be? No wonder his energy changed so much. Of course he didn't actually like me. Within a mere three days, My little 12-year-old heart had experienced its first dose of love and heartbreak. I was utterly swept away by this mysterious blonde boy and had been dumped by him already. For the next few days after camp, I listened to sad 90s pop rock hits on my Walkman CD player, Sulking in the devastation of my lost hope of love with the blonde boy from Camp Superior. Though the next few weeks felt like middle school misery, It didn't take me long to recover from my crushing romantic camp crusade with Cody. I mean, I was already a master of boy crushes by the time I went to camp. Growing up through the pubescent. Through pubescence in the days of JTT, NSYNC, And Hansen. I had already married Justin Timberlake and Taylor Hanson in my mind hundreds of times. That fall, I entered the seventh grade in my first real relationship with another cute blonde boy. I quickly fell head over heels all over again and experienced my first kiss and cuddles. We gained super middle school couple status by the end of spring and enjoyed a summer of fun with friends and my family. Though we seemed to be perfect together, By summer's end, I suddenly found myself questioning how young we were and how serious our relationship was. Was this really it? Already? I was only 13, After all. Plus, The new school year was approaching, And it would be completely different. My boyfriend was entering high school, And I was still in middle school. We knew we would be far more separated than the year before. My picture-perfect, Teeny bopper relationship slowly faded away. And I was about to be served surprising news at the dinner table.