Forgiveness

This meditation evokes imaginal parents for our inner child, helping us draw on qualities of compassion and acceptance so we can release past hurts. We will get in touch with our natural capacity to identify with others, understand ourselves, and experience forgiveness.

Transcript

Bring up the easy to love object.

This is likely a pet,

Animal,

Or a child under the age of five.

To bring them up in the mind's eye.

Now,

Go ahead and smile.

Now,

Feel the smile in the body.

And we can use a mantra here.

May you be safe and happy.

May you be safe and happy.

So,

Send this loving kindness and concern to the easy to love object.

May you be happy.

And the beloved sends back the same energy to you.

The beloved reciprocates.

You're looking each other in the eyes.

May you be safe and happy.

And now notice how there is a motivation you really wanna help.

Like at any moment,

You can feel how you could just jump into action to help the beloved.

And now,

Imagine a good quality about the beloved.

Something that you admire.

Something that some quality or characteristic of the beloveds that brings about happiness for them and for others.

Go ahead and see that now.

Now,

Notice how there's a big smile on your face.

What a delight.

How wonderful.

See how you rejoice in the good qualities of the beloved.

And see how the beloved knows that they are supported.

They see you supporting them.

And now,

See how this brings about a feeling of confidence in the beloved.

Confidence to keep exploring,

To keep growing,

To keep reinforcing these good traits.

This is sympathetic joy,

Appreciative joy.

And now,

Bring to mind the beloved suffering.

So,

See the beloved suffering.

And now,

Notice what the mind does.

The natural response when love sees suffering is compassion.

And you might even say to the beloved,

How can I help?

What can I do to help you move through this?

I want you to be well.

But now,

Imagine the scene.

You see the beloved suffering and you wanna let the beloved know that you understand.

You might lean in,

Tilt the head,

Say,

Oh,

What's wrong?

You might now also physically soothe the beloved.

Go ahead and see that scene now.

You could use a mantra here.

May you be free from suffering and the cause of the suffering.

May you be free from suffering and the cause of the suffering.

May you be free from suffering and the cause of the suffering.

And now,

Also notice how the body is activated.

You're really willing to help.

All the muscles in your body are about to fire and get you moving to help the beloved.

Notice that,

Feel that.

And now,

Imagine that the beloved is very,

Very upset.

And maybe even upset and angry in such a way that might even be triggering for you,

Might be difficult for you to handle.

But now,

Notice the spaciousness of mind.

Notice how your love,

Your attention,

Your willingness to help is totally undisturbed by this,

Let's say,

Troubling display on the part of the beloved.

Notice how you can take it all in.

It doesn't bother you and you're still totally motivated to help.

See that now.

Okay,

Good.

And now,

You as a child,

At the age of five or less,

Take the place of the beloved.

And then have imaginal parents take your place.

It can be one parent,

It can be both,

It can also be a kind of anthropomorphic figure that is not necessarily even a human.

And now,

Get this sense of total support and security with your imaginal parents.

Notice how the imaginal parents understand your mental state and attune to you.

They know exactly what's happening.

Notice how you feel so secure in the relationship.

And now,

Also notice how there is a trustworthy delight that they have towards you.

Just a natural,

Simple delight.

Notice how they see you and see your good qualities.

There's a natural support for these good qualities and a support for you.

See that now.

And now,

Also notice how,

Once again,

Their delight is totally trustworthy.

We keep the things safe that we love,

That we enjoy.

And now,

Notice how that helps you settle.

And now,

Just briefly bring up some suffering that has arisen for you in the past.

Something that's unsettled.

And now,

Have the imaginal parents really understand this.

They might lean in,

Tilt the head,

Say,

Oh what's happening?

Oh,

It looks like you're upset about this.

That's okay.

Of course,

You're upset.

And now,

Also have them move to comfort you,

To soothe you.

And they do so in just the right way.

Go ahead and develop that scene now.

That's right.

They might say,

How can I help?

What can I do?

Now also remember the visualization is important,

But the felt sense is more important than the visualization.

And now,

Imagine yourself presenting in a way that you might expect would not be taken in well.

Maybe you're really enraged,

Really upset.

Kind of in a very difficult mood.

And now,

Notice how the imaginal parents aren't put off by that at all.

They have this broadness of mind.

And the only thing that arises for them is concern,

Responsiveness,

And receptivity.

And they move to soothe you and help you work through this.

Develop that scene now.

And now,

Start noticing how you how you're feeling better now.

Okay,

Good.

And now,

Release that.

Okay,

So now we'll get into the forgiveness practice.

Okay.

So,

Go back to this triggering event.

And feel into the emotional truth of what you experienced.

And here you want to do this with no filters.

Don't have the intellectual mindset,

Oh no,

You shouldn't feel this way.

No,

No.

Bring up what was done to you.

Quite a lot of detail.

Reconstitute the scene.

And feel into the emotional truth of it.

Also,

Given this situation,

Given this way that you were treated poorly,

What beliefs come up about yourself?

What do you think about yourself?

What do you think about the world?

And what do you think about others?

When you're kind of believing the emotional truth of being treated poorly like this.

Like,

Oh,

I'm bad.

I deserve bad treatment and the world is an unsafe place.

Something like that.

Now,

Really let this be there.

Don't fight it.

Also,

Know that we're going to move through this fully.

And now welcome in any and all harsh feelings.

Welcome in the pain.

Welcome in the sense of,

Welcome in the grudges that you still hold,

The resentment.

Let that be there entirely.

Speak from this emotional part of the mind.

Now,

What does this feel like in the body?

What does it feel like in the heart,

The stomach,

The face,

The neck,

The shoulders?

And give lots of space for all of this.

All of this is fine.

All of this is natural.

You might feel hatred,

Confusion,

A sense of being stuck.

And now see how these emotions and these thoughts relate back to what was done to you.

And now just for a minute bring in the imaginal parents.

Have them soothe you,

Reassure you,

See exactly what happened,

And see how upset you are.

Go ahead and develop that scene now.

So that's right.

Keep developing the scene.

Keep taking in this soothing and acknowledgement and achievement.

And also these parents are not put off by any emotional expression like anger,

Shame,

Sadness,

Etc.

Take your time with this.

So and now what is beneath all this?

Are there any emotions that are there at even a deeper level?

Underneath the anger,

Underneath the shame.

So and now give that space.

Put words to that.

Now have the imaginal parents see that.

So now what can the imaginal parents say to you now to help you get soothed around this,

To help you make sense of this?

Have them do that now.

So that's right.

Keep developing the scene in such a way to meet your needs.

That's right.

And now you and these imaginal parents float back to this original scene where you were treated poorly by this other person.

And now this other person or other people are small and not scary.

You and the imaginal parents are big and strong and vivid.

And now go ahead and tell this other person about what they did and how it hurt you.

Really explain this in a lot of detail and have them understand and listen.

Why was this wrong?

Why did this hurt you?

Go ahead and explain that.

Also feel free to let the other person know why they were at fault.

This wasn't a nice thing to do.

Go ahead and explain that now.

And now have this clear sense that you're supported by these imaginal parents.

Also have this other person or other people that treated you poorly.

Have them really understand why you're upset.

They might say,

Oh I see now.

This was really unjust of me.

I see that this hurt you.

This was really inconsiderate on my part.

And now have them apologize.

They might also say,

Oh you know at the time I was stressed.

I was not thinking clearly.

I didn't actually understand the harm that I was doing to you.

I am really sorry.

It was ignorant of me.

And now have the imaginal parents see this happen.

See you be vindicated.

And now also touch into this quality of broadness of mind.

There's something spacious about the mind.

And now notice how you can see their apology.

You can see this old hurt.

You can see it in a broader context.

And that doesn't make it not hurt,

But you just have you understand it more deeply.

And now this might seem a little bit weird.

But notice how these same,

Let's say,

Problematic mental states or problematic emotions or ignorance that drove this other person to hurt you,

That in some form,

And it might be a very different form,

Those same qualities are also in you.

Which is not to shame you.

It's just to understand.

And we're not blaming you whatsoever.

But this same ability to not think of others,

To be a little bit impulsive or whatever it is,

That that is also in you like it is in all beings.

So now see that.

You might say the words,

Yes,

Me too.

This is also in me.

And now there's a sadness and grief of seeing that in ourselves.

And again,

We're not blaming ourselves whatsoever.

We're just understanding.

See how you may have treated others the same way.

And that's okay.

It was the best you could do at the time.

And now go back to this original hurt.

Is it still there?

And it's totally okay if it is.

We're not trying to get rid of it.

If it's there,

Have the imaginal parents come and soothe you again.

Now shape and reshape the scene in such a way so that your needs get met.

Do these other people,

The person or people that hurt you need to come back and apologize again?

If so,

Do that.

And now start noticing how you can take this in in such a way that you understand the context.

You understand how being hurt,

Hurting others is part of our shared experience.

And see how it causes real suffering.

Okay,

Good.

And now this next step is also a bit weird.

But reflect on what good came from this mistreatment that you experienced.

And we are not denying that it hurt,

But also some good things came from this.

And it might just be that you have a deeper understanding of suffering.

But go ahead and reflect on what good things came from this mistreatment.

See if you can list out three good things.

The bar is very low here.

So that's right,

Keep developing.

Good.

Now once again notice this broadness of mind,

This ability to take it all in at the same time,

To see the good and the bad in such a way that you don't deny any part of your experience.

Also just notice the causation.

Notice how there were certain dynamics in this other person's life that made them act this way,

That hurt you.

And now notice how when you've hurt others,

It was causal in that same way.

There were certain conditions in your life that made it such that you hurt another.

This is part of what it's like to be a human.

And now we're coming to the end,

But let's do a little bit of compassion practice.

So go back and one last time reflect on the hurt that was caused in this old scene.

It really hurt you.

It really hurt you.

And now reflect.

This type of hurt is very common.

So many others feel the same way,

Have experienced the same type of hurt.

Hurt.

And now on the in-breath reflect on that,

Reflect on that suffering.

And then on the out-breath send all these beings that have hurt in the same way,

Loving kindness and a desire that their suffering diminish.

So again on the in-breath reflecting on their suffering that you know so well.

And on the out-breath sending them a hope that they're suffering,

Diminishing,

That they're well.

Okay good.

So now the meditation is coming to an end,

But before we end it,

Once again make the mind very broad and open and look back.

What was this like for you?

What did you learn with you?

Good.

So we'll go ahead and wrap up the meditation.

Bring your attention to the rising and falling of the abdomen.

Now open up the eyes halfway but keep following the rising and falling of the abdomen.

And now open up the eyes and let the meditation go entirely and come back to the room.

Reviews

Beautiful. Seeing the situation through multiple perspectives brings freedom and joy. I’m grateful.