Self-Honesty Rules | The Wisdom Podcast | S2 E47

In our most recent session, this client had an epiphany, when she allowed herself to say out loud: "I'm not honest with myself." How many of us could or would admit this? This revelation of honesty was a huge ‘aha’ moment. Self-honesty for my client meant learning how to rewire herself to acknowledge when she was feeling anxious rather than ignore and attempt to suppress the symptoms.

Original release date: February 16th, 2021

Transcript

Hello,

This is Dorothy.

In addition to the weekly format of this podcast in which I offer practical and spiritual wisdom that I lovingly share with you each Sunday at 8 p.

M.

Eastern Standard Time,

I am so excited to offer a second format of amazing content.

It's called Ask Dorothy.

These episodes reveal the inner workings of what really happens inside a session of therapy and life coaching with me.

Here I dive into the richness of content that each client brings to our sessions and how we best navigate what insights,

Teachings,

Solutions,

And of course healing and wholeness abounds.

I know that listening will offer you much wisdom and guidance in the ways that bring to life what you need and also how to implement the best practices and teachings that I share to honor all of what you seek and all of what you are becoming.

In each of the Ask Dorothy episodes,

You will also hear my candid observations and commentary and the process for how we arrive in a place of harmony,

Relief,

Clarity,

Understanding,

And the true change that happens in each and every session because of a client's willingness to grow,

To evolve,

To move beyond their comfort zone and into the revelation of what they already know,

What they learn to be capable of,

And what they desire most for their life.

My job is always to support a client's progress and to provide the right tools and best therapeutic practices to ensure that each client will reach their goals,

Including to be all that they wish to become.

I hope you'll enjoy the Ask Dorothy series as an opportunity to have the knowledge and insight of what we can do together.

If you have a question that needs my love and helpful guidance,

Please write to me.

Alright,

So let's jump into this episode and Ask Dorothy.

There is a choice that we make at some early point in our developmental process that often goes undetected.

It is a point and space in time in which we distinctly forego some or much of our innate confidence and the pure knowing of who we are and what is important to us in trade for what we are being taught,

In the replete messages in the world and through our caregivers of how we are to be socially acceptable,

How we are to best fit in and to be approved of by others.

It is at this precipice that we put aside some of what we know to be true and begin a conversation in our mind that preempts what our heart is speaking.

If we continue to live here in the space and time of the world inside our mind and in the thoughts that we convincingly hold,

We may build a life largely influenced by what others have said and told us we must do rather than what truth and integrity we hold from witnessing our inner landscape and the intimate portrayal of honesty and integrity that rivals nothing.

We all know how to live in our truth.

We as a collective and as a human race have moved in various degrees away from this and some have dangerously ventured into a space that has been constructed in the mind that makes it okay to behave in ways that is self-governed in dishonest acts.

And yet there is always an inner honing device called consciousness that is resistant to what thoughts and convincing beliefs we may hold that allows us the inner integrity of conscience.

As parents,

We continue to model to our children what it means to live in our truth or to live in the tremendous pressure of society to model a perception that will be looked upon with approval.

At what age did you begin to compromise your truth to yourself by the thoughts that you told yourself and believed?

And perhaps the thoughts that were once the words and messages spoken by others.

At what time did you notice this and call it back to live in the honest truth of what is?

My client at the time of writing this is about to turn 17 and has just begun grade 12.

We had been working together as she and her parents sought my help for anxiety and panic attacks in relation to the amount of pressure that she places upon herself to succeed in sport and academics.

She is a high performer in every aspect of her life and excels in all of her courses as well as the games of basketball and soccer to which she plays at an elite level.

As well this client's anxiety was a lot bigger than she ever admitted to.

The stress of always needing to do her best in everything and to constantly compete with her peers in school and in sport took its toll on her body beyond what she was able to comprehend.

Recently she developed gastrointestinal problems that were exacerbated by years of intense and extreme anxiety.

She reported that she had recently been scheduled for surgery,

Surgery to repair the damage of her bleeding ulcer.

In our most recent session this client had an epiphany when she allowed herself to say out loud I'm not honest with myself.

How many of us could or would admit this?

The realization that she was not honest came out of her willingness to admit that she had learned how to push through her feelings of being overwhelmed and the constant worry that came with thinking that she needed to do better and for being unable to enjoy her successes because she never gave herself time to relish in a 97 on a test or a goal that she scored in soccer.

This revelation of honesty was a huge aha moment because when we justify our feelings or disavow them they don't go away.

We learn other coping mechanisms that make it possible for us to continue as best as we can all the while our anxiety is just below the surface.

At times triggered by another thought that we tell ourself even though it is not true.

Anxiety returns in full force yet like this client we choose to push past our feelings to deny and ignore them and hope that they will go away.

Think of it much like the sound of your infant child crying because they are hungry.

You can tolerate the crying for a while as you prepare their food but most parents are eager to feed their hungry children to care for their basic needs and to also relieve the crying that can be a stressor in and of itself.

Not addressing her anxiety made its symptoms that much worse to the point where the impact was now a physical manifestation of chronic pain that became debilitating thus no longer something that this client could ignore.

When I asked my client where did she learn how to ignore or deny her physical symptoms of not listening to how her body was reacting to her feelings and thoughts and from where did this idea of not being honest with herself come from.

My clients words everyone does this.

She is right our early socialization together with the learned social mores and the conditioning of our formal education instills the notion of comparison and competition and of how appearing different or weaker means that we are less than.

As coping mechanisms even though they are not entirely effective holding secrets attempting to be what others value highly and being careful so as not to reveal too much of one's vulnerabilities all rooted in the fear of what others may think or say has the impact of creating anxiety and a facade that keeps us removed from ourself.

My client admitted that feeling overwhelmed had become a normative part of life even though this was not ideal and anxiety robbed her of many moments that could instead have been lived in the present and in the enjoyment of her many successes and achievements.

Your ability to be self-honest is actually your default setting.

It is what you were born to do.

These instinctively cry when hungry or if they have a fever they don't pretend everything is okay.

The physical and psychological symptoms of anxiety rapid heart rate increased breathing nausea stomach upset dizziness distorted thinking difficulty focusing and the like act in a similar way to a smoke alarm that is sounding off loud and annoying and difficult to ignore.

Anxiety is also a reminder that something needs your attention that something is perhaps wrong that something is out of balance.

You want to become skilled at attending to your inner smoke alarm so that you can address what is needed circumvent a problem and put out any metaphorical fires before they become unmanageable.

Self-honesty for my client meant learning how to rewire herself to acknowledge when she was feeling anxious rather than ignore and attempt to suppress the symptoms.

The plan we discussed was for her to pause whenever she noticed symptoms of anxiety including and especially the pains in her stomach and to intervene using one of the several techniques that we practice together to help her address the situation and the cause of her anxiety in a healthy and productive way.

One of her strategies was to determine if the intrusive thoughts were accurate and real or thoughts of worry that were unrealistic as she focused on a worst case scenario or an untrue or irrational thought or fear.

Honesty means that you have to look inward first to examine the thoughts that you tell yourself because what you tell yourself you believe.

It may take a bit of practice to rewrite the thoughts that you convincingly tell yourself but in the end it means that you seek to be self-honest as a virtue and also as an enlightened way of being which then makes it easier for you to live your truth.

I'm going to leave a link here for a best practice to help you challenge and change the thoughts you hold so that your thoughts reflect what is accurate and true.

This will help you to change how you feel first as you ensure that your thoughts are based in truth.

Honesty builds confidence because when you are willing to acknowledge and examine what is true even as you may not be happy with this situation or experience you now have the power to do something to affect what change you want.

Truth even in the face of disappointment defeat and adversity is something that you can work with you can mobilize yourself to take action to help you make a desired change to see what is as an opportunity for growth and learning and sometimes the truth helps you to find an alternative means of achieving your heart's desire.

Honesty is your inner compass your ability to be truthful with yourself first and foremost is one of the most important ways to build confidence to know yourself best and to improve and transform because of what you learn and in the opportunities replete for personal growth.

With the confidence of being self honest you can much more easily practice honesty with others you no longer have to be afraid of being judged or deemed not good enough because through honesty you witness your authentic self.

This is how you become empowered.

Be willing to use your voice in honesty first directed within to be a witness to what is and to what your mind and body reveal so that you can confidently take the right steps to help yourself best to walk your path and to make the choices that will always align you with what is most important and right for you.

This is how you awaken to the brilliance of what you are.

My client relearned how to read her body's cues especially the anxiety symptoms that she experienced as rapid breathing and the pangs and knots in her stomach and how to calm herself with deep breaths with positive visualization and a willingness to examine and challenge her anxiety ridden thoughts in the moments when she felt worried and overwhelmed.

This allowed her to approach situations in which she was overloading her schedule overthinking a play in sport where she made a mistake rather than focus on how she would make the play better next time and to use the self-soothing and reassuring words that would help her to feel better rather than berating herself which only diminished her confidence and perpetuated the anxiety felt so prominently in her body.

If there is a situation that you continue to feel anxious about ask yourself how could I be completely honest with myself in this situation?

Hear your inner voice offer the truth and then problem-solve the situation based on what you know you need to do.

Your inner wisdom is that wise and helpful to guide you to what you need whether that is to take action on something to make a change in how you think and live or to learn and practice a new behavior or habit.

In this way your anxiety becomes the catalyst for change and growth and the opportunity to learn what you need.

Then you can give this to yourself.

It happens with your honesty first.

Thank you so much for listening.

This is Dorothy.

Namaste.

Thank you so much for joining me in this episode of the Wisdom Podcast.

To hear more please check out the other episodes here as well as my guided meditations including my signature prose meditations and I am mantras and as well the meditations to guide you into a deep and restorative sleep.

Please also visit me on social media and say hello and a special thank you to Insight Timer for this beautiful space to share all of my love.

Allow yourself to go within to access your inner wisdom and to live this.

Awaken your authentic power.

Live your truth and be love.

Namaste.