Hello dear one,
It's good to be spending time with you today.
I'm wondering where you're feeling that feeling of loneliness.
I know for myself,
Having had extensive neglect in my childhood,
It feels like a chasm inside me.
And the neediness is so great.
And it's not satiated when I reach out to friends because it's something that I need to tend to myself.
So I hope in this meditation to help you to start to tend to your chasm of loneliness.
This is a very sacred work we can do for these parts of ourselves which are suffering inside,
Which are exiled.
And these parts are young often and quite desperate.
Let's just try and get into our body.
Feel the place that you're sitting,
Feel your buttocks,
Contacting the chair or the bed or settee where you are.
If you're lying down,
Also your back.
Notice how your body and your skeletal frame is right in this moment.
Just take a moment to check in with your actual body.
And notice where that chasm might be.
Often for me it's in the front torso,
Maybe the abdomen,
One of the three brain centres of our system.
Maybe the heart,
Another brain centre maybe.
Less likely to be in the head.
That tends to be IFS managers operating through thoughts.
If you're feeling this loneliness,
Let's have some conversation with it.
Let's give it some appreciation that it's here today with us.
In IFS,
There are no bad parts.
All parts are welcome.
High part,
High chasm,
High chasm of loneliness.
I want to say thank you for coming here today.
And I want you to know that I am the adult person in this body.
Just remind your part how old you are in this moment.
Remind this part of all the work that you've done up until this time,
Working on yourself to heal and recover,
Validate and love and nurture and re-parent.
High part,
As you can see,
I've done a lot of work up until now.
And I'm dedicated and determined to keep helping and reaching out to you,
To take the time to be with you.
How does it feel,
Part,
To spend time hearing this right now?
How does it feel for you to hear this,
That I want to support you?
Just take a moment to listen to what this part wants to share with you about how it feels for them.
Sometimes these parts are wary that you're probably just saying that.
You might not mean it.
You might be saying that today,
But then you're going to ignore them,
Get back into your busy lives.
So much of our life is lived in the busy field in order to cover over these difficult and painful places.
The truth is,
These chasm,
Lonely parts of us are going to enhance our lives the more we love them and accept them and spend time getting to know them.
They can tell us so much important information about who we are,
Who our source and essence is within us.
Thank you,
Part.
I'd like to build a trusting relationship with you and I'm sorry.
It's time to just let you know how sorry I am that I've been too busy to or too scared even to spend time with you or too judging of you to spend time with you.
And I'm learning that you're precious.
Without you,
I can't be whole and I'm absolutely committed to working with you.
Just put your hand on the area where you feel that part,
That chasm,
That loneliness,
Whether it's your abdomen,
Your heart or another part of your body.
These parts can be pre-verbal.
They can be very lonely.
Six-month-old babies,
Nine-month-old babies,
Even in the womb.
If they lacked connection and love from their parents or other caregivers,
They would have been feeling these chasm,
Lonely feelings.
I'm really,
Really sorry there wasn't somebody there for you all that time ago and that there's been all these years where you've been struggling,
Exiled inside.
Ask them how it feels to have your hand contacting them in this part,
If it feels comforting for them to have that tactile contact.
It's important to respect the part.
If the part says yes,
You can offer more.
You can offer for it to be held in your arms or for it to climb onto your lap if it's a toddler part.
Or sit next to you and hold your hand if it's a young child.
Or just sit on the settee next to you if it's a teenager and doesn't want the contact,
Tactile contact,
But wants to be near.
Respect what it needs in terms of its own space.
Take some time to feel that connection with this special part of yourself.
The feelings won't kill you,
Even if they're quite bleak for you.
It really helps when you realise it's a little one inside you that wasn't able to develop properly.
Gradually you'll be able to build up to being able to give these parts hugs.
When that time comes,
You can use a happening technique.
Cross your arms,
Hold the opposite arm with your hand and squeeze.
Just hold.
And then you can move your arms from your shoulders down to your elbows gently.
This is called happening.
Let's give this part some affirmations that we're here for it.
The only part,
I absolutely love you.
I value you,
And I value your energy,
Your life-giving energy,
And I want to help to nurture you,
Give you the loving touch and attention that you need.
How does this feel for you,
Part,
To have these hugs?
If the part doesn't want hugs,
You can be doing this to yourself,
Modelling to this part for future times when they might be more trusting of you.
This is all great foundation work in building a healthy relationship.
Soothing,
Self-soothing is such an important technique when you've grown up with neglect.
Abuse of one form or another in your early years.
You deserve this,
You and your parts deserve this,
Deserve this nurture,
And even spending time to do this once a day,
Whether it's first thing in the morning or evening with this part of you,
Is going to bring amazing results in your life.
Gradually,
The self-energy will start to shine out.
You'll start to feel more hopeful,
More joyful,
More serene,
Calm,
And you'll be able to think more clearly.
You'll have courage,
You'll have that strong inner connection,
You won't be looking outside of yourself for validation anymore because you know who you are and you know that you can trust your inner family members.
It's time to finish this meditation now.
I'd like you to just give some time to affirm to this part how much you've enjoyed exploring with it.
Hi part,
Thank you so much for coming and showing yourself today.
I want you to know you don't need to be afraid to come forwards.
I'm here to hold you,
To love you,
And just to spend quality time with you.
I'm committed.
It takes some time also to thank yourself,
Your grown-up adult self,
For committing to this practice.
You're doing really well.
I'm super proud of you.
I'm super proud of your determination to become a whole and healthy functioning human.
You're birthright.
This is your birthright.
This is the beauty of the IFAS way.
Thank you,
Beautiful souls.
Please try to practice this meditation again tomorrow and for the next seven days.
Remember you are lovable,
Loving,
And loved.
