Chapter 11,
Three exercises to develop forgiveness in your everyday life.
Exercise one,
Morning kindness.
Allow me to remind you that compassion is your ability to recognize and act when someone needs your help.
As you awake each morning,
You will have time to think about your day,
Perhaps only a few minutes,
But that is all this exercise will take.
I would like you to introduce a simple focus on compassion,
On developing a caring nature towards yourself and others.
This should be a daily practice,
So only focus on one day at a time.
Each morning,
Use the following three affirmations,
Or even better,
Develop your own.
Just for today,
I will show a random act of kindness to a stranger and tell no one.
Just for today,
I will look for opportunities to help another person unconditionally and expect nothing in return.
Just for today,
I will go easy on my supposed faults,
Choosing to focus instead on what I have done for others.
And that's it,
A gentle,
Quiet commitment to yourself and the universe each morning that seemingly takes you out of the equation and puts your focus on what you can give rather than what you can take.
Exercise number two,
Within your heart.
This very simple but powerful exercise will give you the opportunity to forgive and free yourself from specific people or issues.
Please remember that forgiveness begins with your ability to forgive and show compassion towards yourself.
And for this reason,
There are two exercises one to work on self-forgiveness and the other to develop forgiveness towards others.
There needs to be a depth to your approach here.
I suggest that you begin each session with the following.
Once you have chosen the person you wish to forgive,
Attempt to find something however small or seemingly insignificant about them that reminds you that they are very,
Very,
Very,
Very vulnerable.
And then there's the person that reminds you that they are vulnerable,
That just like you and I,
They make mistakes.
And sometimes we are simply a part of that mistake.
Now look to introduce the following into the exercise.
Intention,
You honestly want to forgive and move on from this issue.
Genuinely wish to relieve the suffering for yourself and those involved.
It is now time for you to liberate and free yourself.
You may be feeling apprehensive,
It's natural.
You have spent your life believing that forgiveness is a difficult option,
That this stuff has to stay with us.
Once you have gone through this exercise a few times and realized its life-changing benefits,
Your apprehension will quickly be replaced by an eagerness to do the work.
Forgiving yourself.
Take a plain piece of paper and at the top of the page in the center I would like you to write your own name with an inverted commas.
Below your name,
Again,
In inverted commas,
Write the reason or the issue that requires your forgiveness.
Look to simplify this to a phrase or short sentence.
Now in the center of the page,
Draw a big heart.
For most of us,
The image of a heart signifies love and compassion and therefore contains the contents in a safe and supportive space.
Within the heart,
Begin to write down words or phrases that explain possible reasons that may have caused this issue.
Go easy on yourself.
This is an opportunity for you to gently go beyond your actions and explore what may have brought them about.
Simply write down anything that comes to you,
No matter how irrelevant it may seem.
Once you feel that you have exhausted the process,
Take a few moments to review what you have placed within your heart.
One word or phrase will usually begin to grow stronger.
It may have meant very little when written,
But now will appear to make the others seem less significant.
Focus on the chosen word or words,
Perhaps draw a line around them.
More often than not,
This will be the underlying cause of your discomfort.
Now begin to understand that this one reason has been at the root of your unease.
You have suffered enough and it is time to let it go.
It is now time for you to affirm your act of forgiveness,
To truly release yourself from whatever was attaching you to this subject so you can finally free yourself from it.
Look again at the page.
You should be proud of what you have achieved.
You have taken something that was buried and faced it.
You have made a commitment to yourself and to the universe that enough is enough and it's time to move on.
As you review your work,
Begin to feel a sense of gratitude and relief.
Quietly give thanks that the time has finally come to forgive.
Count your blessings,
Take your pen,
And write at the bottom of the page in the centre,
And again in inverted commas,
I forgive you.
Finally with gratitude,
An increasing sense of relief and from your heart,
Say I forgive you,
Together with your own name slowly,
Three times.
Forgiving others.
As with the self-forgiveness exercise,
Take a plain piece of paper.
At the top of the page in the centre,
I would like you to write the name of the person you wish to forgive.
Place the name within inverted commas.
Below the name,
Again in inverted commas,
Write the reason or the issue that requires your forgiveness.
Look to simplify this to a phrase or short sentence.
Before you begin,
Ask yourself the following.
Have I ever done this?
Have I ever considered or been responsible for a similar action or situation for which I now hold another guilty?
Be honest with yourself,
As this is a significant part of the forgiveness process.
This question alone will dilute the effect of the issue that you are working on.
Next,
As with the self-forgiveness exercise,
Draw a big heart in the middle of the page.
Now,
I would like you to draw a horizontal line within your heart,
So you divide it in half from left to right.
In the bottom half,
Begin to look at reasons why this person may have acted this way.
Look beyond the act.
That has gone forever.
Allow yourself to acknowledge that this isn't the person's true nature,
And on some level,
They will have acted out of fear.
Be absolute in the knowledge that their true self would never have wished you any harm.
Write within the segment simple phrases or words that begin to help you understand why this took place.
Now,
Working above the line within your heart,
I would like you to think about how this process that you have initiated will benefit you.
What will your compassion bring to you?
What effect will your simple virtuous act have on you as you move forward in life?
And write it down.
For this particular section,
You may wish to keep your writing a little smaller,
As there's lots to cram in.
When complete,
Take a moment to look at the page.
At the top in the centre is the name of the person who you wish to forgive.
Just below,
You have written the issue or reason for you taking the time to work through this.
Below that,
You have your big heart,
Once empty but now full.
It is now time for you to affirm your act of forgiveness,
To truly release yourself from whatever was attaching you to the subject,
So you can finally free yourself from it.
Look at the page.
Once again,
You should be proud of what you have achieved.
You have taken something that was buried and faced it.
You have made a commitment to yourself and to the universe that enough is enough,
And it's time to move on.
As you review your work,
Begin to feel a sense of gratitude and relief.
Quietly give thanks that the time has finally come to forgive.
Count your blessings.
Take your pen and write at the bottom of the page,
In the centre,
And again in inverted commas,
I forgive you.
Finally,
With gratitude,
An increasing sense of relief,
And from your heart,
Say I forgive you,
Together with the name of the person,
Slowly,
Three times.
There is a wonderful knock-on effect to this approach to forgiveness.
Even though the other person may have no idea of your intention,
Their higher or inner self does.
Very often you will notice a positive shift in your relationship,
Or whenever you interact with them.
I have many examples of how the other person's approach to me seemingly changed for the better,
After I had chosen to release myself from a negative connection to them.
Forgiveness enables you to once again look at people in a positive light,
And as we get back what we give out,
So will they.
Exercise three,
Evening reflection.
In every moment,
Your life brings to you endless opportunities to offer a kind,
Caring approach towards yourself and others.
Take time at the end of each day to revisit your three morning kindness affirmations.
Change them slightly in order for you to reflect on how your day went.
Just for today,
Did I show a random act of kindness to a stranger and tell no one?
Just for today,
Was I able to look for opportunities to help another person unconditionally and expect nothing in return?
Just for today,
Have I gone easy on my supposed faults,
Choosing to focus instead on what I have done for others?
Quite often in those quiet moments,
Just after we're awake or before we go to sleep,
We let our ego mind take over and we start and finish our day worried or anxious.
Just a few minutes spent with the above each day enables you to fall asleep at peace and safe in the knowledge that when you awake,
Your early morning thoughts will be kind and compassionate.
A short guided meditation that will further enhance this chapter can be found at www.
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