Manipulation - L,L,&L W/ Glenn Ambrose
There are different forms of manipulation that people depend on in varying degrees in society. Some are severe, mild, aggressive and passive. It's helpful to understand them to navigate life and tricky situations. Often times children, alcoholics and addicts become professionals at these tactics but the average person using them regularly as well.
Transcript
Welcome to Life Lessons and Laughter with your host,
Glenn Ambrose.
Hello everybody.
Welcome.
Welcome.
I was just thinking,
You know,
Sometimes I do two recordings in a row if I'm feeling it.
And for those of you who watch consistently,
All you got to do is pay attention to my shirt.
You know,
If I've got the same shirt on,
Two recordings in a row,
There's a good chance or my hair looks the same.
There's a good chance that I'm doing two in a row that I am doing two in a row.
So I want to talk to you guys about manipulation because it runs rampant in the world and we all do it to some degree.
So it's,
You know,
Of course we have to look out for it.
But let's be careful not to judge too harshly because honestly we all do it.
So it's,
Um,
So I was thinking about this topic and,
And it,
It made me think of the Celestine Prophecy,
A great book,
Actually the first book I read when I woke up,
Which to me is interesting.
It's like,
I'm not much of a reader.
So I was,
When I woke up,
I'm like,
Oh,
I think I want to start reading and taking in information.
And I want it to be spiritual because that's everything.
And I can see that now.
But I don't think I want it to be like some educational self-help type book.
I think I want it to be a story,
You know,
So it kind of pulls me along through it and I learn as I go.
And,
And I had,
So I started going up to people and asking them because I had no idea where to begin.
And,
And I said things like that to a couple of people and they said,
Yeah,
That's Celestine Prophecy.
I was like,
Oh my God,
I didn't even know there was books like that out there.
So,
So yeah,
This was the first book I read and I really enjoyed it and it really helped me learn a lot.
You know,
This isn't,
It's not a factual book,
But the author was James.
I pulled it out so I have it handy.
James Redfield actually has a following that started with this book because this book makes so much sense in so many ways and explains so many dynamics and stuff in life that people were like,
Is this real?
You know,
They started wondering if it was fact based,
But it's not,
It's just very insightful.
So there are certain things that it helped me really put into place and this is one of them,
Understanding dynamics between people.
And there can be different versions of this,
Which,
Which I pulled out the part that I really like.
And basically what he does in this book is he explains four main types of manipulation.
And it's basically what he says is it's how we steal energy from each other,
How we get psychological boosts and stuff.
So I'm not going to go into that too much,
But the four,
The four main ways,
And there are variables or very variable degrees in these,
You know,
So I think that people can find manipulation tactics that are kind of based on these,
But are a little bit different in varying degrees,
You know,
So keep your mind open that it's not necessarily just these four,
But the four main ways that he describes in the book are,
Let's see,
You ever looking for something and the more you,
The harder you try,
Right?
So I had to relax and then I saw it.
So the order of dramas goes this way,
Intimidator,
Interrogator,
Aloof and poor me.
OK,
So those that's the four main things.
And a lot of times the way he he describes it is the intimidator kind of matches up with the poor me a lot where the interrogator matches up with the aloof more.
So an intimidator,
Of course,
Basically steals energy or gets what they want by intimidating people.
They're very aggressive and they're the easiest ones to pick out,
Right,
Because they manipulate through aggression.
Now,
So if they dominate somebody.
Then they,
You know,
They get a psychological boost or energy out of dominating.
So so that is one way.
Now,
The other side of that that people don't see as often,
But we're starting to see this more and more people are starting to become aware of the victim mentality,
Which is the poor me.
People that are playing the poor me,
Oh,
My God,
This person did this to me and all life did this to me and all that stuff,
The way they get a psychological boost is people feeling sorry for them.
It's less obvious,
But they get energy.
People freely give their energy.
Oh,
You poor thing.
Oh,
That's giving them the energy.
Oh,
You poor thing.
Oh,
Yes,
It's not your fault.
Oh,
That shouldn't have happened to you.
Oh,
They're bad and you're good.
So so we feed them and that's how they get their energy.
You know,
People only do what works.
So even if it's the victim mentality,
Now,
I'm not saying that we can't have some compassion for people who have been victimized in certain situations,
But my point is,
Is that giving them their energy and if they continue to do that,
That's going to be how they get energy and they're not going to stop being victimized.
Because they figured out a way how to be victimized and still get energy,
Still get still get.
Psychological boost.
It's just a pattern that they're falling into.
This is so so that's that's one.
So then the interrogator and the aloof are a little bit they're not as obvious like the interrogator will continue asking you questions and pushing.
I think they might have a.
Explanation in here,
I don't know if I'm going to go into their explanation or not,
Though.
They're more subtle with their aggression,
Finding fault and slowly undermining your world in order to get your energy like.
So so like,
You know,
You just kind of almost feel guilty around them a little like and you're not sure why,
You know,
You feel a little intimidated by them,
Maybe,
And you're not sure why.
It's because they're always interrogating.
They're always like,
Oh,
Really,
Really?
You you think that way?
Huh.
Interesting.
Hmm.
And so they won't come out and specifically tell you you're wrong,
They'll just kind of make you feel like you're wrong.
Right.
So that really matches up nicely with the person that's aloof and you can see like the interrogator and or the intimidator and the poor me are very,
Very different.
But then as you come into closer degrees,
There's less less difference between these people.
So,
You know,
So that's it's not black and white.
There's a bunch of gray area in between here.
Right.
And as you get mixed in the gray there,
There's actually similarities to both sides.
So the the the interrogator just never quite.
Says that you're wrong,
Just almost implies it energetically.
Or just keeps asking questions like they don't quite believe you or something,
Right,
So there's that type of stuff.
And then the aloof is the other side of that,
So they they just never quite commit to anything.
They're just standoffish,
You know,
Do lots of people do this nowadays with making plans.
Do you want to go tomorrow?
Do you want to go to a beach tomorrow?
Maybe,
Maybe.
And then,
Well,
It'll be fun.
Yeah,
Sometimes the beach can be fun.
You know,
It's sometimes you track that sand all the way home now.
Well,
Yeah,
But but the oceans right there and you see how they're almost pulling you in by their aloofness.
So this is so these these are ways to understand how people kind of get energy from each other and stuff,
And they can use these tactics to get what they want.
So I kind of want to start off there explaining that stuff and.
You know,
And The Celestine Prophecy is a great book.
I highly recommend reading it,
The movie was the movie was good for me,
It was it wasn't great,
You know,
Like for me,
The shack,
The book,
The shack,
Really,
Really good book,
The movie loved it,
Loved that movie.
This one,
Like most situations,
I think it's fair to say that probably 90% of the time,
The book's going to be better,
You know.
More detailed stuff like that.
But anyway,
I wanted to kind of lead off with that when we're talking about manipulation,
Just to understand that it happens like in life.
And if we understand it,
We can navigate it a little bit better,
You know,
But manipulation,
I think I've said this before,
I think the two people that manipulate the most on this planet are children and alcoholics or addicts.
Right.
I mean,
Those two groups of people are like master manipulators.
You have to be,
You know,
As children,
Like when you're in,
Especially nowadays,
Where especially nowadays,
Where there's the last couple generations,
There's not the constant presence of physical consequences.
Right.
I mean,
For a hundred thousand years,
People just beat their kids,
Just shut up,
Whack,
You know,
And that was the end of it as a general rule,
You know,
That's kind of how things went.
So now that we're getting away from that,
People aren't really replacing it with consequences in other ways,
As much as they should.
I mean,
I agree you shouldn't beat your children,
But I do agree that there should be consequences.
So like if you're not going to beat your children,
You have to replace it with something,
You know,
Why?
Because they will manipulate you to death if you don't.
And they'll go out in life attempting to manipulate.
And people who don't care about them,
Like you care about them,
Aren't going to put up with their manipulation techniques like,
You know,
A lot of times,
A lot of times the bosses,
You know,
If you're not doing your job,
You'll get fired.
It doesn't matter what manipulation technique you come in.
At some point in business,
They're just going to fire you,
You know,
Even if you're really good at manipulating.
I can testify that to that,
Too,
As being an alcoholic for 20 years because I got very good at manipulating situations and,
You know,
I could talk myself out of anything.
And like,
You know,
And I was a good worker when I was there,
But so people would try to keep me on.
But at some point it was like,
Glenn,
I mean,
There's nothing I can do.
You know,
You just didn't show up or you hung over every day or,
You know,
At some point it just you can't manipulate your way out of it and you just end up losing the job.
You know,
I used to but I didn't want to like most times I could feel that coming on.
So I would just.
Either quit and say I didn't like it or I would start a fight with the boss and storm out and say I quit,
You know,
Just because I knew I was going to get fired anyway on some sometimes conscious,
Sometimes unconscious level.
So I would just be a little more assertive because I didn't I didn't I never liked playing the victim.
So like I would just be like,
Screw them,
Although although,
You know,
I did play the victim.
I was a good manipulator.
I was an alcoholic.
So I played like you can't stick to one tactic to be a master manipulator.
Because people figure you out,
Right,
So this is an aspect of manipulation.
So to be aware,
Especially if you're dealing with children or addicts and alcoholics,
But anyway,
Anybody,
You got to pay attention to this stuff when they change tactics.
If you're if you're concerned somebody is manipulating you,
Just listen to this podcast and it's you're going to be able to see what they're doing pretty clearly.
I think that's the whole point of this podcast.
So so like I said,
They change tactics.
And when do they change tactics?
It's when they need to.
It's when it's felt it's when see,
Like we all read energy better than we we think we do.
So when you're manipulating somebody and you're making like,
Let's say the manipulation technique is to make excuses for your behavior.
Oh,
Yeah.
But you don't understand.
It wasn't my fault.
You know,
My car broke down.
Like,
What do you want me to do?
Like,
You know,
Bring bring you the bill from the mechanic.
I mean,
OK,
You know,
And hell,
I even go get a bill from a mechanic,
A fake one,
You know,
Or make one myself,
Whatever.
But my point is,
Is if somebody is making excuses,
Well,
You don't understand.
Yeah,
But it's not my fault.
At some point that starts.
Running out of steam like you can only make so many excuses for your behavior.
Until people get sick of your excuses.
Right.
So when when you can sense they're starting to get sick of your excuses,
It's not too hard to tell.
All you got to do is pay attention to their reaction,
You know,
And how they treat you after like.
You're if their initial reaction is,
Oh,
Yeah,
I get it,
Don't worry about it,
Glenn.
Well,
Then they're buying it.
Right.
But then after you've done it a bunch of times and their reaction is kind of like,
Oh,
Glenn,
You know,
They'll give you warnings like that,
Like,
Oh,
Glenn,
Come on,
Man,
This happens too much.
They'll like literally even tell you like that,
You know,
So you just pay and sometimes you can just read their energy.
But.
But like once you've made so many excuses,
Well,
Then it's time to change tactics.
You know,
Then you can't do excuses anymore,
So then maybe you fall into victim mode.
Then it's like.
You know,
You're you're you're hurt or you're sick,
Something that it has to be something that's not your fault.
OK,
Like it has to be something that's not your fault,
You have to make up a story where you're the victim.
Because then how can they be mad at you,
You're you're the victim in this situation,
That's not allowed socially to get mad at the victim.
So so that's you know,
So you can change tactics and you can feed off off their sympathy.
Right.
So so these are different manipulation techniques.
So whatever somebody is doing,
If they change tactics after a while,
Like that's to throw throw people off.
So there you're kind of aware.
So so they'll have to go into a different direction,
You know,
And usually it's it's you know.
Usually it's aggressive.
Don't judge me.
And then like once that starts getting old,
Then they'll go into the soft energies.
Oh,
My God,
It's not my fault,
But I'm the victim here.
Don't you love me?
They'll stop playing on your sympathies because the aggression isn't working.
Right.
And if they're being.
If they're being sympathetic,
If they're playing on your sympathies first,
Well,
Then they'll flip to the aggression.
Right,
So if they're if they're more their standard is more of the aloof,
More of the victim mode,
Oh,
Poor me,
It's like you don't understand,
Don't judge me,
It's not my fault,
All that type of stuff.
Right.
If that's kind of how they usually play it.
And then all of a sudden that stops working,
You just stop feeling sorry for them after a while and you're like,
Oh,
Man,
You know,
But everything and nothing's ever your fault.
Well,
Then it's time to get aggressive.
So whatever if one is more passive,
Then you switch to a more aggressive mode.
If it's aggressive,
Then you switch to a more passive mode.
That's how you change techniques.
You keep them varying and it keeps people off balance.
Right.
Like,
I mean,
I don't do I,
I know this stuff because,
One,
I did it when I was doing it,
Like I was unconscious that I was doing it.
You know,
People don't really know they're doing it.
They actually a lot of times,
Like on some levels,
They do on some levels.
They don't.
It's it's but they're busy rationalizing their life.
Like so it doesn't really matter if they're aware of it or they're not aware of it.
So it's usually a blend.
They're kind of aware,
But they're kind of not.
But they've rationalized why it's OK for them to manipulate.
So whether they're clear that they're manipulating or whether they don't know that they're manipulating,
They just kind of bask in that middle area where they're a little bit aware of it and they're to some degree not aware of it.
And then sometimes they just drop completely unconscious and they're not aware of it at all.
That happens if they believe their own BS enough,
Because if you're if you're really going to live like this,
Like really manipulating.
You have to believe that it's necessary.
You have to believe that it's not your fault.
You have to believe that this is how life is.
This is what you need to do because life is unfair and it's not your fault.
Like so you rationalized why you're doing it.
This is and everybody does that.
Everybody does that.
You know,
It sounds horrible when you're talking about manipulation,
That's this blatant like I'm talking about,
But most people walk around doing it on an unconscious level in less blatant ways.
And they rationalize their behavior,
Why it's necessary,
You know,
I mean,
Really,
To some degree,
Like everybody does this,
You know,
Like like I'm going back to the the intimidator,
Poor me,
Interrogator,
Aloof type stuff.
Like everybody basically does versions of that fairly consistently,
Everybody's trying to get what they want.
You know,
And the more conscious you are,
Of course,
The less you do it.
But.
In the regular world,
Like,
You know,
The people that aren't working on themselves,
The whatever,
75 percent of the population or something like.
People are completely unaware of of why they're doing what they're doing.
Like it's just they're just looking out for themselves,
Trying to make their life look like the way they want to make their life look,
And they have to interact in certain ways.
And it's just unfortunately,
This is just society.
So don't don't get too freaked out about it.
A lot of this stuff is just normal.
I'm focusing on manipulation,
Which is kind of a more extreme version of what I just said.
You know,
Most people do this type of stuff to some degree all the time.
And it's that's it's socially acceptable.
This is just how people run around in life,
Stealing energy from each other and getting emotional.
We are we are addicted to this type of stuff.
This is basically what it you know,
There's different ways you can phrase it.
Like it's you can call it stealing energy,
You can call it getting a psychological boost,
Whatever you want.
It's it's egoic based because it's it never really solves a problem.
Like it's it's not.
It's not a healthy way to go through life,
It never actually you never actually.
Find peace doing this type of stuff,
Right,
So one way to explain that is if you believe in energy,
Right,
I hope people believe in energy,
But but we'll use the energy.
So like,
Let's just say this is versions of stealing energy,
Right?
So you manipulate to steal energy from from people.
Well,
One that can be explained in a way where the reason that we have to steal energy is because we're not connected to source.
And source is our source of energy.
So it's it's it's kind of like life force flowing through us,
And it's a you know,
When we're open and the flow,
You know,
You know,
When you're really in good space and you're open,
And it just feels like you get extra energy,
Like when you fall in love,
You know,
When you fall in love and you just get extra energy,
You just hop out of bed in the morning and you just can't wait to start your day because everything's wonderful because you're in love,
You know,
That type of stuff,
Like all that energy is coming from you,
Right?
Like if we if we were tapped into the theory is that if you're tapped into source.
God,
Like then you have a direct pipeline to energy and you don't have to steal it from other people.
But since most people aren't connected,
Not in a way that they they actually derive energy from their source,
You know,
They might go to church every week or something,
But that they're not actually living their lives as though God is a source of energy.
So they're not really connected to it.
So then we just go around kind of just getting a little this way and getting a little that way and getting a little but it's not actually a steady source.
So it's kind of like a Band-Aid on a gaping hole,
You know,
We get a little bit,
But then we have to do it again and get a little more and then we have to do it again and get a little more because it's,
You know,
It's just a finite amount.
So we become addicted to to this type of behavior,
Getting more,
Getting more,
Getting more.
This is why we people are addicted to complaining.
Complaining is another form of this.
So because complaining,
It gives you an ego stroke,
It gives you a little psychological boost every time we complain,
Because,
You know,
Tole explained this masterfully,
I believe.
And,
You know,
He said complaining is.
An ego stroke,
Because basically on an unconscious level,
It's implying that if it were up to you,
Whatever you're complaining about,
If it were up to you,
It wouldn't be happening that way.
Right,
So like if we complain about a president,
Well,
If I what you're implying on an unconscious level to your ego is that if you were the president,
You wouldn't do it that way.
Right,
So like he he explains it with ordering soup,
So if the soup is cold and it's supposed to be hot and you complain,
Why is the soup cold?
Who serves soup cold when it's supposed to be hot?
This is ridiculous.
This is it shouldn't be like this.
That's implying if you were the chef,
You wouldn't have served it that way.
Therefore,
You're better.
And the person who served it cold is is lower than you.
So that's an ego stroke.
Right.
Whereas dealing with the actual situation.
Is not complaining like by saying,
Excuse me,
The this soup is cold,
But it's supposed to be hot.
Could I get this heated up,
Please?
See,
That addresses the problem without complaining.
So there's no ego stroke,
You just address the problem.
Right.
So when you complain,
That is just stroking the ego.
So this is why people get addicted to that,
Is because we need those ego strokes because we don't feel good about ourselves,
We're not connected to our source to have that unconditional love in a way that we need it,
Or we're not conscious that we are whatever,
There's some work to do there.
Right.
So we're not.
And there's some work to do on our own self love.
So then complaining makes us feel just a little bit better about ourselves.
But then we have to do it again and again and again and again,
Because it's fleeting,
It just it only makes us feel good for the for the time that we're doing it,
Then it's gone,
Then we feel like crap again.
So this is what's happening on a deeper level.
So this manipulation is just it's you know,
It's embedded into our society in so many ways.
I'm just trying to explain some obvious ways so that we can get to the bottom of it.
So this is what's happening on a deeper level,
It's you know,
It's embedded into our society in so many obvious ways so that we can look out for them and see it for what it is.
And a lot of times it's to prevent enabling,
Because that's that's what happens a lot of times with our children,
With with people that are going through difficult times.
The reason that people you know,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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I know a lot of times it can look like adult children,
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