How To Handle Arguments

In this episode, Glenn discusses arguments. Why does it seem like everyone is arguing now? What can we do about it? How can we practice self love, and respect others enough to give them space to be where they are?

Transcript

Welcome to life lessons and laughter with your host Glenn Ambrose.

Hello everyone.

Welcome to the podcast.

So today we are addressing all the arguing going on out there.

And there's tons of it.

And it's probably going to be going on for a while before everything settles and we live in this peaceful utopia of a world.

You think we're going to get there?

I'm hoping so.

We'll see.

So just to put it into perspective,

We're discussing this in the beginning of April of 2018.

So the biggest uproar at the moment is all the debate about guns and everything else after the Parkland,

Florida shootings.

So that's kind of spawned a whole outrage of people being on one side and people being on another side and all that stuff.

So the reason I want to talk about it is it's so in everybody's face and the people that I talk to that are having that are that are basically trying to look at this from a spiritual perspective or a healthy perspective or a perspective that can bring in change without just getting caught up into all the arguing.

Those people are still having a difficult job looking at it in a peaceful way because the arguing has such a strong pull towards it.

And I mean,

I've even had difficulty staying out of it because somebody says something and you're like,

Oh,

Well,

This is very easy.

I'll just explain my side and then everything will be wonderful.

And it just starts this huge argument.

And it's like,

Oh,

Wait a minute,

How the hell did I get in here?

You know,

How did I end up here?

So I've been discussing it more and more and really trying to use this as a learning opportunity for myself and others to really ground in what we believe spiritually about this type of stuff and the division and how we can change things in our world.

So it's basically energy.

You know,

Everything's energy.

So if we view it as energy,

I think that kind of gives us the clearest view.

So if you know,

If we have basically three types of people and we have people who see people who see when they are shown and people who won't see even if they're shown,

That kind of breaks up people into three categories.

And if you are on one side or the other,

Then you can switch positions whichever side you want to be on.

Like,

If you think you see the truth,

Then put yourself on that side.

People who see once they're shown,

Those are the people in the middle.

And then people who don't see even if they're shown are the people on the other side who just aren't interested in hearing what you have to say.

So what we have to remember is the people in the middle,

The people who will go to your side once it's explained to them,

Those are the people that we can change.

Those are the people who are interested in change.

They're interested in hearing different points of view and picking a side basically.

And that's what we need to focus on.

The way we focus on that is just showing them our side.

How do we show them our side?

Well,

We just speak it.

We just bring energy to it.

We show it.

We say,

Hey,

This is how I believe.

Out loud in front of people in different ways and just focus on expressing what you believe and why you believe it.

And then the people who are in the middle that are interested in picking a side that agree with you will head over to you.

And that's what we need to focus on.

That's what's going to change the world.

But instead what people are doing is they're getting caught up arguing with the opposition,

With the other side.

And that never gets anywhere because one side is not interested in hearing what the other side has to say.

They're not interested in changing their opinion.

So they're not going to change their opinion.

But that's what they do.

So one side argues with the other side,

Argues with the other side,

Argues with the other side.

And it's just,

But each side feels they're right.

So if you say,

Well,

You have to stop arguing,

You go,

Well,

Right.

I just have to get them to see that they're wrong because I'm right.

It's like,

No,

No,

That's not it.

We have to take our eyes off of the shiny thing in the corner that disagrees with us.

So disconnect because you're not going to change them.

And all you're doing is bringing more argument in.

So just share what you believe to be true.

And if a majority of people on the planet begin to agree with you,

Then it will pick up steam.

And if people are exposed to,

And I'm talking in general terms,

If there is one thing that is better for society and there is one thing that is worse for society,

There's an energetic pull to that.

And people are going to navigate towards the thing that's healthier for humanity just naturally.

It's just going to feel more right.

They might not even understand why they're navigating towards that or being pulled in that direction,

But they will.

And then that side is going to gain steam and more people and little by little.

So the stronger one side gets just by more people joining it,

That's how change actually happens.

If we look back in history,

That's how change has always happened.

Somebody just stood up and said,

No,

We believe this,

We believe this,

We believe this.

And then more people said,

Going,

Yeah,

You know what?

I think that is good.

I think that is good.

And then their side got big enough where all of a sudden the group of people on the other side that were against it just weren't really powerful enough to fight it anymore.

It's the tipping point that you've talked about.

Right.

So you hit that tipping point and then everything shifts.

And that's how large social change happens.

We constantly get caught up in this,

You know,

Yeah,

But I have to tell them to shut up.

No,

You don't have to tell them to shut up.

Let them speak their truth.

You know,

Just because you did.

That's what it is,

Is when we disagree with somebody,

We want to argue like so bad.

Right.

You want to shut them down.

You want to win.

Right.

And it's that's what it is.

It's people get focused on I want to win the argument.

I want to show them they're wrong.

It's like their our life is based on our perspectives.

Yeah,

They are not interested.

You know,

I've never won an argument by running up to somebody and saying you're wrong.

You shouldn't be looking at it this way.

You don't have a right to your opinion.

I'm right.

And you have to think like I think I've never won an argument like that.

Because people if they weren't shut down before you started talking,

When you say stuff like that,

They immediately shut down.

They're not hearing what you're saying.

What they're doing is they're trying to figure out how to defend what they think.

So they're just waiting for a counterpoint,

Looking for a counterpoint to whatever you're saying.

They're not open to hearing what you have to say.

So don't try to sway those people.

You know,

Those aren't the people that that are going to come over to your side and and help you win.

So there,

That's kind of what I want to talk about today.

So one of the things that you had originally talked about when we spoke about the idea of this episode was just giving people space to be where they are.

Right.

In an argument.

So like,

And by argument,

I don't mean like a shouting match between two people right now.

I mean,

Like,

You know,

If somebody sees something fundamentally different than you,

Then you're and they're one of those,

You know,

Type three people who will never see the other side no matter what you have to give them the space to be there to to you have to accept that.

Right.

Yeah,

Just give them the space to be where they are.

And everybody,

You know,

Panics and goes,

Yeah,

But no,

We have to change them because they're the problem.

Like,

No,

They're just a group of people.

I think a certain way.

They're not the problem.

And you don't have to change them.

In fact,

You can't change them.

And it's never worked in human history.

When that was somebody's focus.

As long as the focus is trying to change people who don't want to change.

Nobody has ever won that.

No big social change has ever been successful by going over and saying you need to see things the way we see things.

It's the opposite.

It's the time social change takes place is when even though there are people who are trying to hold others down and make them believe what they believe,

When those people refuse to be held down,

When they just stand there and go,

No,

Unacceptable.

What?

No,

You can't do that to me.

You know,

That's that's the whole basis of,

Of what Gandhi did of what Nelson Mandela did,

You know,

About what Martin Luther King Jr.

Did.

They didn't go in there and try to say you're wrong,

And we're going to beat it out of you.

No,

They just said,

No,

We don't agree with you.

And we're going to stand in that belief of disagreement with you.

We are standing in our truth.

We believe this to be true,

And we're standing in it,

No matter what you do.

And after a while,

The other side yells and yells and yells and yells and it never changes anybody.

And then they yell more and then they start panicking because they're not able to control the other side that's just standing in their truth.

And then the truth gains size,

Because more people go,

Oh my god,

You can stand in your truth.

I believe that to be true too.

And they just grow in numbers and energy,

And it just expands and gets bigger and bigger and bigger until those people yelling saying I'm going to control you don't have control anymore.

You know,

And then social change takes place.

So that's that's what's always worked.

And you know,

We we always say,

You know,

If we don't learn from the past,

Then we're doomed to repeat it.

It's like,

Well,

Let's learn from the past.

You know,

We've learned so much from the past,

You hear that I hear that statement all the time.

I hear I hear that statement in the arguing that's going on.

Everybody's pointing and using the past as examples of how this works and how that works and how this works and how that works.

But nobody is pointing at the past going like,

Okay,

How has large social change taken place?

And can we mimic that?

You know,

I mean,

Some people are,

Thank God,

But I mean,

It's it's just,

And,

You know,

I get it,

It's hard.

I've had to pull myself out of several arguments,

And I generally don't get into arguments.

And but this has such a strong emotional pole and there's so much energy around it,

That it's like I found myself leaning into it.

And you know,

Thankfully,

I didn't let it get to the point where it got ugly or anything.

But I did catch myself going back and forth a little bit.

And I was like,

Whoa,

Whoa,

Whoa,

Get out of the back and forth.

And really just stay in whatever you believe in,

You know,

Just stand in it.

That is causing everything right now to feel like an argument.

Almost everything,

Like,

Obviously,

Not literally everything,

But almost everything right now feels like an argument.

Or not everything.

So many things.

Yeah,

And that's that's,

You know,

That's where we are.

And I think this is we are heading.

We are.

We are heading to a better place.

We're heading to the place that I'm talking about.

And we're going to experience change,

Whether we like it or not.

So this is something I find whenever I'm working with a client.

And of course,

This happens a little bit.

It's a little more apparent when I'm working with a new client.

But I even see it with existing clients.

A lot of times what we end up talking about in a life coaching session,

They've already begun to work on.

And that happens all the time.

And it's because we naturally are heading in the right direction.

It's just what a life coach does is in my perspective,

It helps people get there in record time because you have somebody to help you navigate,

Explain things and stuff and give you different perspectives.

So you could you can actuate change in three months.

That could take you three years because of that.

But eventually,

If you stay open,

You're going to continue evolving and changing.

So I think that that is what's going on with everything being such an argument right now is that we're going to change.

Things are going to be pushed to because we just can't.

We can't continue on like we are.

So we're being pushed to change.

And what happens is pain pushes us until pleasure pulls us.

So all the arguing is because people are being pushed to change,

But people aren't embracing it yet.

So everything's turning into an argument.

But as soon as we embrace it,

Then the change will be easier and quicker and there'll be less arguing.

But either way,

Change is coming.

You know,

It's going to come.

We are either going to just completely like literally blow ourselves up and no longer exist or we're going to change and become better.

Those are the only two options.

So it's just a matter of what's going to happen first.

I can't wait to find out.

I'm on the edge of my seat.

I hope it's the latter.

Yeah,

Well,

I hope we change too.

But like,

You know,

I'm not really.

.

.

I vote for that.

If I have a vote,

I vote for not blowing ourselves up.

Me too.

I would love to see it.

I'd love to be a part of it.

And we are being a part of it up until now.

You know,

We're ushering in the change.

People who are stepping away from arguing and looking at things different and working on themselves first because there is no way you're going to not argue if you haven't done any work on yourself.

It's just not going to happen.

You know,

All the change.

.

.

Be the change you wish to see in the world.

You need to work on yourself first to get yourself even into a place because we've got,

You know,

Thousands of years of history of being ruled by our egos and arguing and all that stuff behind us.

So to disconnect from that and to stand in a healthy space,

That's,

You know,

That takes spiritual warriors.

That takes people who have the courage to look within and do the difficult changes that are necessary to exist in a different way,

A more evolved way.

You know,

So we need people to do that and the people that are doing that are helping usher in the change in a healthy way.

And you know,

I mean,

I have hope,

But at the end.

.

.

I heard Tole say it originally.

He was like,

Yeah,

You know,

We're either going to die off as a species if we go in a negative way or we need to evolve into a healthier way of being.

And he was just very matter of fact about it.

And it caught my attention,

Like,

You know,

We'll either evolve or die.

And I was like,

Huh,

Isn't that interesting?

Look at how.

.

.

Why is he so calm about that?

You know,

And then knowing his teachings and how he looks at things,

It's like,

Well,

You know,

We're eternal.

So it's really not that big of a deal.

I mean,

If we like just completely no longer exist on planet Earth,

Well,

We'll still exist somewhere else.

So it's really not that big of a deal.

But I am rooting for the change because I think it'd be a neat experiment to see come out in a good way.

So what do you think about the argument that.

.

.

See what I did there?

I did not mean to,

But the suggestion that arguing and fighting about stuff is pleasurable,

Right?

Like it is because it's not and it's painful and it sucks and nobody wants to do it.

But to dig in your heels and be one of those type three people who are not going to,

You know,

You know,

Or you consider yourself because I imagine that the type three people all consider themselves type one person who just knows the truth.

So that's the thing.

It's really that middle ground that's like,

That's a person that's in flux because I guarantee everybody thinks they're a type one person is a type three person to somebody else.

But there's like a dopamine response for digging in your heels and being like,

No,

I'm right.

I'm right.

You're wrong.

What's wrong with you?

You know,

You get that like self.

.

.

Well it's fulfilling to stand in your truth.

So like you can do that without arguing though.

Like you can get the same basic sensation that you're looking for only on a deeper level.

If you just stand in your truth without arguing.

Because then that's spiritual warrior stuff.

That's courage.

That's standing in it and not allowing yourself to be moved even though people are telling you to.

So that's actual courage.

But where people confuse it is in arguing.

That's not spiritual warrior.

That's not courage.

What that is is arguing,

You know,

So and that's an ego stroke.

So all you're doing is,

You know,

You're by trying to prove somebody else wrong,

You're making yourself feel better.

So therefore you get an ego stroke and then you feel better about yourself.

So the more you increase the separation,

That's what the ego likes to do is increase separation between you and others.

Because the bigger the separation,

The better you feel about yourself on an egoic level.

And because the worse they are.

But the problem is that never works because we always have to put down others.

And people see it in a business perspective and you go,

Look at that jerk over there who like he climbed the corporate ladder and he stepped on everybody every step of the way and he doesn't care about anybody but himself and he's a jerk.

And everybody points a finger at him going,

You know,

Isn't that a bad person?

Isn't that a bad person?

And then they go home and they do the exact same thing in their lives,

You know,

Except they don't call it that and they're not conscious of it.

They're not sitting there going,

Oh,

I'm going to step on them.

But they unconsciously are actually doing the exact same thing.

Unconsciously they're putting somebody else down to make themselves feel better.

You know,

So they're just pushing down on others to raise themselves up.

And the problem with that is there is a pleasurable feeling that is released by your ego.

And most people,

That's all they ever know about feeling good about themselves is just feeling good about themselves egoically.

So every time they get an ego stroke,

They feel this little release of pleasure from their ego and they go,

Oh,

That feels good.

The problem is,

Is it's not sustaining.

Like you always have to do that.

You have this gaping hole in your heart because you don't love yourself and you keep putting a bandaid of egoic stroke over it.

And go,

Oh,

That feels better.

And then,

Oh,

But there's that gaping hole.

So I'll have to put down somebody else so I feel better about myself again.

Oh,

That feels better.

Oh,

There's a gaping hole again.

So it's you,

You'll do that for the rest of your life and you'll never feel good about yourself truly.

The other way is to let go of that and understand that that's all ego and it never really amounts to anything and actually love yourself.

That's why I was saying to be able to do this effectively,

You need to work on yourself first.

So you need to go within and really learn to love yourself and sit there and be like,

Okay,

I am good enough.

I love myself.

And once you start loving yourself for who you are,

Then all of a sudden you can stand in your truth and get the real positive feedback.

Like wow,

This is me.

I don't have to prove anyone else wrong.

This is just what I believe in my soul and I am standing in it.

And people are trying to move me and I just cannot be moved because this is what I know to be true.

And that's like a billion times more powerful than 150,

000 arguments all rolled up into one.

So I don't want to,

Oh man,

I have a story that I want to tell but I don't want to put myself on the back.

Like I don't want to sound like I'm patting myself on the back with it.

It's okay if this self-love is okay.

But recently,

Hopefully you'll recall this because it was very recently,

I had a situation that could have led to a huge argument where someone had done something and I was completely in the right.

In your eyes?

I mean it's pretty objectively.

Well yeah,

If you talk to 100,

000 people,

Probably most of them would think you were in the right.

But it's still just your perspective.

We don't want to deem anyone else wrong,

Remember?

So I just spoke my truth to that and then later when the argument started to happen,

I shut it down and I was like,

I'm not interested in talking about this.

It's okay.

Whatever happened happened,

That's fine.

This is just the only thing that I have to say about it.

This is my truth that I'm going to tell you right now and you can agree with that or not agree with that,

It doesn't matter.

We're not having an argument.

I love you.

I forgive you.

It's fine.

It's cool.

Everything's fine.

But these are what I perceive to be the facts and I'm just going to leave it.

Yeah,

That's such an important part.

You're not waiting for people to agree with you.

That's a little thing that we have to pay attention to.

When we say something out of self-love,

We're not waiting for the other person to agree with us because it doesn't matter if they agree with us because it has nothing to do with them.

It just has to do with us.

This is my truth.

This is what I believe and I'm standing in it.

Whoa,

Whoa,

Whoa.

Not concerned if you agree,

Not concerned if what your side of the story is,

Not concerned in any of it,

Not concerned with arguing about it.

No,

I'm just letting you know this is my truth and this is what I'm standing in,

Period.

If you want to walk away kicking your feet going,

Glenn's a moron and he said something wrong,

Well then fine.

I'll give you the space to do that.

You can think that I am the biggest idiot on the planet if you so choose.

It has nothing to do with what I'm talking about.

I'm just talking about this as my truth and I'm standing in it,

Period.

I remember you said,

After I told you about that,

You said,

Wow,

That was like three years coming and I was like,

That was like 30 years coming.

That sort of conviction and not uncertainty.

Yeah,

And that's what it feels like.

And again,

That's why we need to work on ourselves.

If we're going to be able to stand in this type of stuff,

We need to work on ourselves and our self-love and as we work,

We have to stop reacting to things out of frustration and start reacting to them out of self-love.

And that looks completely different.

Everyone argues self-love just states a point and doesn't wait for the other side to agree with it or not.

It doesn't matter.

It just has,

You know,

It just doesn't matter if the other side agrees that that's not the point,

You know?

And that's what we need to start doing with,

You know,

I think with the hopefully the political system in this country is going to start heading that direction.

Hopefully,

You know,

There's going to be something's going to happen where we just stop arguing because that's all politics is right now is it's just one side trying to get power over the other side.

So they just argue and there is no solution and argument,

You know,

When somebody if the two sides ever got together and decided that they were going to solve a problem,

There would be no stopping them.

But they're just not interested in that.

They're interested in arguing and everybody,

You know,

In society is not only is society caught right up in it as well,

But they're pointing the fingers up at the political system saying isn't look isn't this horrible?

Look at these morons in office.

And you know what?

They're a perfect reflection of who we are as a society.

If if we were a bunch of peaceful people who did not argue,

We would not have lunatics who did argue representing us.

That's right.

You know,

We it wouldn't it can't literally can't happen like energetically.

It can't.

You know what?

Something that I always I constantly think about every every time somebody talks about like infrastructure,

You know,

Like roads and bridges and and all of that stuff.

And people are like,

Oh,

You can't do that.

Like you can't make a big change.

You know,

There's there's an argument.

It's going to take years and you can't do this stuff.

And I always just try to think about the fact that like a hundred years ago,

Like most of the stuff that we have was not around.

Right.

You know,

Like the highway system that is everywhere in the United States,

That every single person in the United almost every single person in the United States uses the highway system probably on a daily or weekly basis was not here,

Just not here,

You know.

But yeah,

But they needed it.

And they,

You know,

People came together and decided and worked together to do something and big things like that happen.

Yeah.

And then you look back and nothing,

You know,

It was like,

Oh,

Yeah,

That was a big deal.

No,

It wasn't a big deal.

Like they just knew that it had to happen and that happens.

And that's why big things people think like when people work together,

That's why hospitals can be built in a week.

The you know,

In war country in war torn countries where they need something like that.

Right.

Yeah.

And that's what happens is,

You know,

It's if we believe it's going to take forever,

Then we say it's going to take forever.

But it's that's just an excuse not to do anything.

You know,

There have been major laws passed in certain in very short periods of time because enough people stood up and said this needs to happen,

Needs to happen now.

And then it happens.

Or we can sit around discussing it for another 20 years,

You know,

And it's,

You know,

And say,

Well,

These things take time.

No,

They really don't.

You know,

The things that that's one of the reasons why I stay out of politics because like when I was younger,

I kind of got I dabbled with it discussion wise and stuff like that.

And then after I woke up,

I looked at the the political conversations.

I was like,

Well,

I'm awake now.

I look at things differently.

Maybe I'll look at the political system.

Who knows?

Maybe I'll end up getting involved or something.

And I looked at it and I went,

Oh,

My God,

Like that in 20 years,

People are discussing the exact same issues.

And sometimes it's even the same people in office that are arguing with each other about the exact same issue as 20 years ago.

Literally,

In certain situations,

Nothing had changed in 20 years.

Same topic,

Same players,

Same argument.

And I was like,

Oh,

My God,

No,

I'm not getting involved in that.

I just don't have the patience for that.

You know,

I mean,

You know,

I've I've evolved spiritually in a lot of ways,

But,

You know,

There's certain things that I'm just not made for.

And that's one of them.

So all right.

So I think if I can sum this up,

There are three types of people,

People who see the truth,

People who see things when they're shown to them and people who will never see no matter what.

Do yourself a favor.

Don't argue with people.

See the truth.

Be somebody who can be changed by facts and let go of people who can't.

Yeah,

Let go of the argument.

Let go of the argument and just stand in what you believe to be true.

And you know,

And you can you can get off Facebook.

I mean,

I like Facebook for a lot of things,

But it's gotten a little out of it's getting a lot out of control.

You know,

Go,

You know,

Send send a letter to your congressman or congresswoman or or go,

You know,

Just sign a petition or,

You know,

Send an email or or join a group and march with them peacefully for something that you want or something,

You know,

Put energy towards whatever you believe the solution is to be.

And then that will put energy towards what you want the solution to be.

And it will expand.

But stop trying to fight the other side because all you're doing is literally building up energy on the other side.

If you know,

I don't know how many times I've said this,

But Mother Teresa,

You know,

It's like,

Will you go to a anti-war rally?

No,

But I'll go to a pro-peace rally.

You know,

She understands you can't fight against something because that just gives it energy.

So stop fighting,

You're actually giving energy to what you want to die off.

You're actually feeding it energy and keeping it alive and expanding it by arguing against it.

So stop arguing against it and start putting energy towards what you believe to be the solution.

So there that being said,

If you are on Facebook,

Give us a like at Glenn Ambrose Life Coaching and check out Glenn Ambrose dot com and don't post and don't post anything political for this podcast and our other podcast,

What's Right with the World,

Which comes out every Wednesday.

And you can find all the links for stuff there and you can contact Glenn.

And that's my plug.

We will talk at you soon.

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Com.

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Good points as always, thanks guys 💜x

Literally talking about the exact same things whilst having a father's Day lunch with my parents. You guys are amazing 😍😍😍