Decision Making - L,L,&L W/Glenn Ambrose

When we're learning to interact with life in a healthy way, we must do it consciously. Just because something is "good" doesn't mean it should be done right now. There is a time and place to do things and we must think them through before taking action and causing more problems.

Transcript

Welcome to Life Lessons and Laughter with your host Glenn Ambrose. Hey welcome, Welcome people. Happy Monday for you. It's Wednesday today, I'm recording this. So yeah, I decided to do this, I made a decision to do a podcast about making decisions. Because this is something I see pretty common working with people and just out in life. It seems like a lot of times when people are making decisions about things, They only look at it one way and it's usually the doorway that they've come in. And they don't look at it from other perspectives. They don't contemplate the repercussions from their decisions a lot of times. So when we're making decisions about our lives, Those of you listening, Really what we're doing is learning to interact with life in a new way. So it's new. So it takes practice. We have to look at it more than just one way. So like, I think, Let me see, Where am I going to start with this? Well I'll start with the basic common pitfall. So like when people are changing their lives, A lot of times they're looking to do better things with their time and their energy. So this could be, I'm going to make a career change. This could be, I'm going to deal with my finances that I've been putting on the back burner. I'm going to take a certification for a course. There's lots of different things that people decide to do. And a lot of times people just go, OK, Is this good? Is this the direction that I want to head towards in my life? Is this the direction I want to go? And if the answer is yes, Then they just go do it. And the problem with that is that there's other things to consider. There's a whole life going on around us that we just simply haven't taken into consideration really in any way when we just look at it from that perspective. So years ago, My version of this was I was working a job full time that I really didn't like. I was raising my son. He was still young. He was probably like eight or nine, I think. And I was with him, I think, Four days a week. And I was in a relationship. And I decided that I couldn't continue on working my job. So I needed to put energy into a career change. So I re-upped my personal training certification and I started training in the mornings and in the afternoons whenever I didn't need to be there with my son. So in the mornings before my 40-hour job and then in the afternoons after. And then I was very much into spirituality. So there was this science of mind church nearby that I liked a lot of their philosophies around spirituality. So they were running a course to become a practitioner or something one night a week. So I started doing that. And finally, My girlfriend at the time was like, Hey, What are you doing? I'm like, What? I was just, You know, I just kept leaning towards the life that I want that wanted. That was my perspective. But I wasn't taking anything else into consideration. So, You know, I was sleeping like four and a half hours a week. I couldn't wind down. I had I didn't have enough downtime. I was just go, Go, Go all the time. And I, You know, Oftentimes when you get caught up in that pattern, You don't even know you're caught up in that pattern because it's just you don't have time to think about a pattern. You're just going to the next thing. Right. Well, There's my mind bell going off. Mute that. So so, Yeah, You know, I was just and I'm like, What? Like, I mean, I'm just I'm. These are good things. And my girlfriend was like, Yes, They're they're good things. But do you have to do them all at once? You know, And that was really a good wake up call for me because I realized that, You know, This is changing your life is it isn't done over the weekend and bringing new things into your life is a wonderful thing, But you can't do them all at once. It's like I just looked at it and was like, Oh, Is this good? Is this the direction I want to head? Yes. Then I'll do that. OK. Is this the direction I want to head? Yes. And I'll do that. Like, Thank God people didn't bring in four or five more things for me to do to head towards the life that I want, Because I would have probably thrown those on my plate, Too. And it's just what that does is it sets us up for failure because, One, We're not conscious. You can't be conscious moving that fast. You know, That's one of the biggest. Setbacks in our our enlightenment or our advancement or our spiritual path is we're just too damn busy like we just, You know, Slow down, You can't like you can't be present if you're constantly moving, You know, So. So I had to realize, You know, So I cut back on the training and I and I dropped out of the course and it was a good move. But, You know, I was setting myself up for failure because it was. You know, I was going to get overwhelmed. I mean, When you're just going, Going, Going and your energy is scattered into five different areas and it's just like you're not putting enough energy into any one of them, You know, To really make a go of it, You're just doing everything that you think might be good. And it's like we have to be a little bit more calculated than that. You know, We have to ask ourselves questions like how much energy do I have? Like what is on my plate already? You know, Like if I'm looking if I'm trying to create somewhat of a balanced life, You know, We don't have to be perfectly balanced. We can push ourselves a little bit at certain times in our lives, Especially if we want to achieve something. But there's got to be some sort of semblance of balance. Like we can't we can't just completely put ourselves on the back burner and go 90 miles an hour, You know, And and expect it to turn out well, Because usually it's not, You know, And it is part of it is that was spraying our energy everywhere. God knows I've done this. You know, You just put 10 percent of your energy here and 30 percent here and 10 percent here and 10 percent here and 10 percent there. And then you wonder why, Like nothing actually ever manifests or culminates into anything. It's like, Well, I'm doing all the things. It's like, Well, You're doing too much like you know, You're like the way things come into being. You know, Some people call it manifesting is like if you're walking in the direction of those things. A lot of times. I mean, Sometimes we we actually manifest by forgetting about them. But but like if we're just putting, You know, Like, Oh, I want to be I want to get back into personal training, OK, Let's let's start putting some energy into there and the universe will come support. And then it's like, OK, Well, I got to go to my day job. Oh, He he wants to work this job. OK. Oh, I got to go be a father. Oh, He wants to do that. That's his priority. OK. We'll put energy into that. Oh, Well, I got to go back to the training thing. Oh, Well, He wants to put some energy towards that. Oh, I want to go to my spiritual teaching class. Oh, OK. Well, He's going to do that now. Like there's no judgment in the universe, But it's like if you're just spraying bits of energy everywhere, It's never enough to culminate into anything, You know. So it actually can be a way to help us stay stuck and or we can get very overwhelmed. So and like I said, There's this we do this in a lot of areas. It's not just that it's like when we're, You know, Like I said, You know, As a life coach, I'm trying to teach people new ways of interacting with their life. So it's very this path is very empowering. Like that's one of the main things that comes out of it. You start understanding what you're capable of, Which is an exciting thing. So it's like, Oh, OK, I'm capable of stuff. Oh, My God, This is wonderful. Oh, What? I can go after what I want. Oh, My God, This is wonderful. So that's very empowering. But we have to be in control of it. We can't let just that. We can't just run randomly in a direction of things. We have to pay attention to what we're doing. You know, Remember, This path is mindfulness. It's consciousness. That means that we need to be mindful of the decisions that we're making and why we're making them. We have to be conscious of what we're doing and why we're doing it. So like it defeats the purpose to try to interact with your life in a new, Healthy way if you're not really conscious of what you're doing. You know, We're bringing this old unconsciousness into our new conscious life and then wondering why it's not working. It's like, Well, You're not conscious of what you're doing. Well, It's I'm doing good. I'm going after my new career. It's like, OK, That sounds nice. Have you thought it through? Like what? You know, Oh, Well, I got I went and got three certifications. OK, Well, What are you going to do with those certifications? Oh, I don't I don't know. Well, Maybe you should have thought of that before you went and got three certifications. Just go. Oh, I'm Reiki attuned. I do this. I do that. I do that. What are you going to do with all that stuff like you just throw it? You know, It's just behaving unconsciously towards consciousness. It's not going to work. So slow down and think about this stuff. Is the time right? What else do I have on my plate? Can I fit this or should I, You know, Should I take this certification because it's one day and it's not that much money I can afford it and I can fit it into my schedule. And then maybe on the back end, I'll start creating my own business. So I'll just in my spare time, I'll start creating a website. And so I'll you know, That'll help me develop my business plan and what I want it to look like, Because I have to come up with an about page. I have to come up with things that I'm going to offer to people. So this can give me an idea of what I'm going to do. And then once I shape that a little bit, Then I can look at the other two certifications and be like, Okay, So really now that I do a business plan, Like I'm not going to open up some huge business where I have like a bunch of space to do events. I'm not going to do that. So, So there's really no sense in getting that certification because I would, That would require me to have a big space to do events. So I'll get these other two certifications and I'll just do them out of the back room at my house or, Or I will get this certification and I will do events. But what I'm going to do is I'm going to go around to all the yoga studios and all the spiritual centers or whatever, And I'm going to rent space at those places. And I'm going to go around and ask them first, Hey, Could I rent space here to do an event at your location and maybe give you 25, 30% of the take of whoever shows up? Oh yes, This place does that, This place does that, This place does that. Okay. Could I do one once a month at each place? Okay. That's this amount of income. Right. Okay. Now it makes sense that I can go get that certification because I can actually use it. I have an idea of what I'm going to do with it. Now it might change, It might evolve, But at least you have some sort of idea. You see what I mean? So it's about just stopping and thinking things through. What am I going to do with this? What does this look like in the real world? You know? So we have to think everything through like that when we're going to dive into our finances. Like you can dive into your finances and explore them. You can do that because usually there's no harm exploring, Gathering information. But then you might, Like one time I made a mistake, Like when I was going for custody and a single parent and starting my business, Like I leaned on some credit cards for a while. So I was in some debt and I decided I'm going to try to get out of debt. So I save a little bit of money and I start reaching out to these company, The credit card companies. And I'm like, Hey, You know, I want to make a deal with you and pay off, You know, A percentage and you guys don't crash my credit and stuff. And they're like, Yeah, Okay. I did that with a couple. And as soon as I did that with one or two, A couple other companies came in and set side demanding money right then that I didn't have. And I was like, Whoa, Wait a minute. Like I don't have that. And they're like, Well, We're going to sue you. I'm like, Well, Wait a minute here. Like work with me. I'm literally trying to pay all you guys back and I'm making deals and I'm doing it like, But I can't do everybody all at once. And they're like, Well, No, You're paying people off and we don't want to be left out in the cold. So we're coming after you now. So it's like, Oh, Okay. Now I see, Like, I didn't have that thought through, I didn't look into it enough. So then, You know, I had to navigate that and it caused some difficulty. So it's like when we're finance, When we're dealing with our finances, We have to look into these things. If we have been living a particular way for 10 years, And like a particular situation with our children, Let's say, You know, Children, One thing that children do is they get older, Right? So they go through different stages of life. So like, Let's say, Let's say your kids, I guess the easiest example is if your kids are in college, Right? If your kids are in college, And you've been like making it by for, You know, Let's say there's multiple kids, Multiple college, And so you've been dealing with this for six, Eight, 10 years or something. And now all of a sudden, You've got six months or a year before the last one graduates. You might not want to change anything with what you've been doing. Because it might cause more problems. Like if you've done everything a particular way for eight years or five and a half years or three and a half years or something, And there's only six months left, And you're going to get through and that chapter is going to be over. Then leave it alone. I mean, Sometimes, Sometimes you there are changes that need to be made in that situation. But what I'm saying is look into it and find out the pros and the cons. Should I be doing this right now? Not just Oh, Straining out my finances is good. So I'm going to go and everywhere that I wasn't perfect with my finances, I'm going to go fix it all tomorrow. Like no, Slow down, Do it mindfully. Do it consciously being control of what your actions are. You know, A lot of this stuff, Like I don't know if I could have foreseen that the other credit card was card companies were going to come after me like they did. I mean, Of course, If I would have gathered enough information, I would have stumbled across that at some point. But let's be realistic, We can I mean, I look into things fairly well, I looked into that and I didn't see that. So mistakes are going to be made. And you're going to navigate them on the fly, Which I did with that situation. And it worked out fine. But what we want to do is minimize those by looking into it, Because otherwise, We're just creating more problems for ourselves in. And it's with the idea of fixing our lives, Like, Oh, I'm going to do the right thing, I'm going to fix my life, I'm going to, I'm going to take care of all the things that I've been putting aside and not doing and not paying attention to that really feed my soul. And then we go 90 miles an hour at it. And lots of mistakes are made. No, No, It's it's not what you do. It's how you do it. You have to do it mindfully. You have to think things through. You don't want to start a fight with your ex spouse, If you're if everything's going to be done dealing with your ex spouse in six months. Like maybe you should just leave things as they are instead of because what is going to like if you like let's say your kid is going to turn 18 and they're not in college or whatever, Whatever your particular situation. I think it might vary by state, Like and you're divorced and you know, Like you've had this you've been struggling through this problem with your ex. And now all of a sudden there's six months left and there it's done, Man. Like it's done. You don't have to deal with them anymore. Your kids of age, There's no more child support, There's no more nothing. Then quite often you probably want to let that stuff go. Now there can be also other situations where you want to, There's a specific reason why you need to handle it before your kid turns 18. Okay, Well then fine. But my point is to do it mindfully, Look into it. Because the other thing that we often don't look into is the emotional tax that it plays on us, You know. And of course I'm using some examples of my own life and you know, Experiences that I've come across and people that I've worked with and all this stuff. But there's a lot of different things. No matter what you're trying to change in your life, Take what I'm saying and try to apply it there. How does it apply to my situation, Right? So like this, There's a lot of situations where we're trying to fix our lives, But we're not doing it mindfully. We're just throwing it on our plate. So that's what I was going to say, The emotional, There is, You know, A lot of people don't realize this, Like physical, The way we burn energy as human beings is we burn energy physically, We burn the least energy. Mentally, We burn more energy mentally than we do physically. And we burn the most energy emotionally. So like I went through a healing yesterday that I won't get into at this moment. But it was immensely emotionally taxing. And I felt like I've had an emotional hangover all day today. My energy was just drained, Man. It was like, I took the dogs for a walk, And I was just like, I had to lay down when I got back. I mean, I've just been exhausted. And it's like an emotional hangover. So when we're opening up these things, We can't run around opening bags of emotions and have them pouring out all over the place and then wonder why we got like overwhelmed. So like I said, If you're dealing with a long standing situation with an ex spouse or something, That could be a very emotional thing. Make sure you kind of have your ducks in a row, Or it's mandatory. Like if there's a time squeeze on that particular thing, See if you can put some other things on the back burner and focus on that one. Or if it's going to be emotionally taxing, And you've already got enough going on, And it isn't time sensitive. See, This is the other thing is people think everything is time sensitive. It's not. It's not. Oh, Yeah, But this is because like, Like, Everybody acts like things are time sensitive, Because that's how the world keeps its pace up, You know. But that's, Again, Another version of unconsciousness. We can't bring unconsciousness into consciousness and expect it to work. So so like, Most things are not time sensitive. Very few things are and we have to be able to be mindful enough and conscious enough to determine that. Like if, If somebody like somebody was asking me a question last week, And I said, Well, It's not really time sensitive. Because this has been going on for a while. So what's the difference if you just hold off and you just deal with it next month when when the timing is more appropriate? And they said, Well, No, It is time sensitive, Because this person asked me for something. This person said they needed to know, Like, So that that doesn't make it time sensitive, Just because somebody says they need to know doesn't mean they actually need to know. Have they been? Have they been behaving this way for the last eight years? Yeah, It's so they always think it's time sensitive. So whatever, Like, Just say, Well, I'm sorry, I can't help you right now. And then deal with it next month. You know, It's not actually time sensitive, Just because somebody says this is time sensitive. You know, That's, We, Again, This is part of our consciousness. We're so I know, This is, I know, This is weird, But I'm gonna, I'm gonna ask you guys to do something for a moment. And the more you can do this, The more I think it's going to help is slow down, And disconnect and think things through, Like, I know, That's what I'm what I'm talking about anyway. What I mean by this is, Like, We rationalize our behavior all the time. Our situation is different. Well, You don't understand Glenn. I love that one. It's like, No, That what I teach is dynamics, The way things work, How to and it simplifies life. Like, The reason that I teach that is because when you're trying to deal with things on the surface, It doesn't work well. Why? Because everything looks different on the surface. Like in life, There looks like this 300 billion different circumstances that we need to deal with. And how are we going to figure out how to deal with all of them? It's overwhelming, Right? When you simplify and you look underneath the specifics, And you do this by slowing down and dissecting the particular situation and asking yourself follow up questions. Don't interact with life just the way it comes at you. Because that's just it comes at you 300 billion different ways. You have to stop and look at this, Ask yourself some questions is, Okay, This feels time sensitive. Is that true? That's one of my favorite questions is that this feels time sensitive. I feel like I have to do this right now. Is that true? 90% of the time, It's not like, Oh, Oh, Okay, Well, That changes everything. Okay, So so if this isn't time sensitive, Even though it was shown to me as if it were, Okay, Cool. All right, No, No harm, No foul. So I understand that it's not time sensitive. Okay. Do I have the bandwidth to put it on my plate right now? Oh, My God, No, I'm completely overwhelmed. And it's a financial thing. And I don't have the money to do it anyway. Oh, Okay, Well, Then what if I just tell them that I'll, I'll, We'll deal with this next month? Well, They're not going to like it. Okay. What? We can't expect to live our lives, Making sure nobody gets irritated with us, And then expect to have control over our lives. Right? So if your reasoning for doing something is that if I don't do it, Somebody is going to be irritated with me, You're going to have to work through that. You're going to have to let that go. Because that's your choice. Are you going to live your life for other people? Or are you going to live your life for yourself? If you want to live life for other people, Then by all means, Go for it. Go ahead. Just, But don't pretend that you're working on yourself, Because it's going to be very frustrating. If you're making decisions based on what makes other people happy, And you say you're working on yourself, It's not going to go well, And you're going to get frustrated. And then you're going to be like, Oh, My God, I can't believe this isn't working. I'm putting so much effort into working on myself, And I just, I just, I'm just never good enough. I just can't do it. It's like, Yeah, That's because you're not actually living your life for you, Which is kind of paramount. If you're going to fix your own life. You can't fix your life by living for other people. It's impossible. But see, You gain clarity and empowerment out of this stuff. When you sit there and you go, When you stop letting other people's disappointment control what you're going to do, And you're just matter of fact with them, And you just go, I'm sorry, I just literally can't do this right now. I just don't have the bandwidth. I have too much going on. I'm sorry, I can't help. We have to normalize that. And the people who are so selfish that they can't understand why you won't damage your own life to take care of them, Oftentimes this is children. You know, Let's be honest. They don't really look at parents as adults. I think my son, I, You know, This, I don't know. I love my kid. You know, We all do. I think my kid does a pretty good job of a lot of this stuff, But I've been teaching him this stuff his whole life. So but it's not perfect. I know his perception of me is his perception of me, Right? Like it's, I'm still, You know, There can be a lot of people that listen to the stuff that I say and resonate and go, Oh my God, Glenn, It must be so wonderful having you as a father. I don't know if my son would agree. I mean, A lot of times, You know, I mean, We've had a wonderful life being his father's was the biggest joy of my life thus far. It's, You know, It's wonderful. I love him to death. I think he's an amazing person and all that stuff, But, You know, I know, And he's honest with me, Which I appreciate. I taught him to be honest with me. So he tells me, You know, He'll be like, Dad, You annoy me when you do this. That bothers me. It annoys me. And you know, I have to not get defensive to the best of my ability and go, Oh, Okay. Yeah. I don't take it personally. I don't think he thinks I'm a bad person, But just some of the things that I do, Just that he's always been around for the last 23 years, Annoys him sometimes. Yeah. It happens, Right? So, But the point is, Is he's okay with that. Like he knows I still love him. Even if he says to me, Dad, You're annoying me, Please stop doing that. And he knows I'm not going to take it personally. Also I don't take it personally. So I don't think that when he says, Dad, You're annoying me. Or if I do something that upsets him, I know that that doesn't mean he doesn't love me anymore. Right. Because we have that honesty back and forth. A lot of people don't have that, You know, That kid is like, You know, I mean, My son doesn't say I hate you, But I mean, He did when he was little a few times. But like, You know, Some people that their kids say something really hurtful to them and they take it to heart. And it's like, You can't parent from guilt. You know, Like if your main goal is that your kid likes you, You're going to have some serious problems. If your main goal is that you want anybody to like you, Including your children, You're going to have some serious problems. That cannot be your main goal. Your main goal has to be to live your life to the best of your ability. You can take other people into consideration. I think I do that quite a bit. Consider other people's feelings. I'm sure when I step on people's feet, When I can't give them what they want, They might disagree in that particular moment. And they have the right to, You know, But I can't live my life for them. You know, Like a lot of my clients, I tell my clients like reach out if there's something you don't understand that you need clarity on, Reach out. Or if there's something time sensitive, Reach out. I would rather straighten it out in 10 minutes than have you behave in a way that creates more problems down the road. Right. I'd rather prevent a fire than try putting it out after it started. So like, I'll tell them that. And then, You know, Probably the majority of my clients at some point have told me that they were going through something and they didn't reach out. And I'd say, Why? And they say, Well, I didn't want to bother you. And I always say the same thing. Let me live my life. Let me be in control of my life. I don't want you trying to control my life. So reach out, Shoot me a text. If I can't, If I'm out, You know, When I used to say when my son was younger, If I'm out with my son and I can't respond right now, Then I won't respond right now. If it's an emergency, Then put 911 in the text. And I might be able to step away for a few minutes of whatever I'm doing. And I might be able to help. Maybe I can't. And if I can't, That's my decision to make. I have to set my priorities. If I'm at a soccer game when, You know, Again, When my son was younger, Watching him play soccer and that's where I chose to put my attention for the two hours or whatever it was like, And that's what I was going to do, Well, Then I would mute my phone. Or if I did happen to look at it, I would put it back and go, No, I'm not dealing with that right now because my life is my responsibility. And I'm choosing to put my attention on my son's soccer game right now because that's my priority in my life. But that's, That helps me take control over my life, Making these decisions. You know, So I always tell people like, Don't, You know, Well, I didn't want to, I didn't want to bother you. It's like, Well, That's not your decision to make, Like I'm the life coach. I told you to reach out if you had a problem because it's helpful to prevent forest fires. I'm smoky the bear now, Uh, Instead of put them out after this started. And then now I'll say, And you took what I asked you to do as part of our agreement and you threw it right in the trash and you went and started a fire. And then now we have to go try to put this fire out, Which is 10 times more work because you didn't want to bother me. Let me make that decision. If I look at the, The, The text and I go, Oh my God, I could solve this in 10 minutes and it's time sensitive and I can prevent this fire. And I'm not doing anything at this particular moment that requires my attention. I'm going to go do that. And then I do it right. But I need to be able to make that decision. It's funny with the, With this, The, The spiritual path, I've said this to many people, A lot of times it can be boiled down to stop trying to control everybody else and start trying to control you. We don't take responsibility for anything that's going on in our lives, But we try to manage and control everybody else and make sure nobody's upset and everybody's getting what they want and no one's inconvenienced. That's because we're big hearted people. You know, The people on this path are, Are very loving people. So they worry about everybody else except themselves. And then they wonder why their life is, You know, Going down the tubes. That's why, Because you're worried about everybody else. Stop worrying about everybody else. Stop worrying about you. So I think I'm probably going to wrap up now. It's, It's, You know, We got to set ourselves up for success, Not failure, Especially by overwhelm where we're, You know, Just putting too much on our plate and is too much, Or we open up a can of worms or, You know, Those, You open up that can and that snake jumps out, Scares the crap out of you. You don't want to do that with emotional situations unless you're prepared. Like this is, You know, For me and my personal experience, A lot of this had to do with the next spouse. It's like, Like I said, If, If things are time sensitive and you've got a bunch of stuff going on and you know that like, Something's going to take a ton of emotional energy out of you for like a few months to navigate this. Like as soon as you open that can of worms, Your ex spouse is going to explode most likely and flip because you're challenging something that's been in place for a while or something, You know, Like you need to think of that. Don't just go do it because you think, Oh, Well I'm going to get my life in order. I'm going to, This is something I can fix. I'm going to go fix it. Like, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Slow down. You know, I saw this in recovery all the time. Like I used to say, Like one of the biggest things I did in recovery was pull people back. Slow down, Slow down because it's like everybody, Once they start like going through the steps, They would stop feeling better and they would stop feeling empowered. And then they'd look back on their life and they want to go run and make amends to everyone. And it's like, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, You, You, You don't even like, You don't, You're not capable of making amends because you don't understand what an amends truly is because you haven't done steps four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight. You haven't done that. So you haven't become the person yet that can do a good job at step nine. You know, I was told the steps are in order and I believe that, You know, You do them in order for a reason. Because when I, When I went and did my amends, When I got sober, Like, Oh my God, It went so well, It went so well. And I can attribute it to the exact energy I was in when I went and made them. Like I understood that it wasn't just an apology. I understood what I was, What I was saying and why I was saying it. I was, I was coming from a place of clearing my side of the street and empowerment of myself. So really whatever their reaction was, Even if it was negative, I was ready for that. Which I don't, I mean, I, You know, One or two negative reactions, But nothing major. But if they did go in that direction, I could handle it because like, I wasn't groveling. I wasn't in the energy of, I'm so sorry that I did this. No, I was standing up with pride, Owning what I did and saying, This is what I did. Do you need to tell me how any of that hurt you? Because I'm here to listen. Is there anything that I can do to make things right for what I did? Because I'm completely open to hearing what you have to say and doing it if I'm capable. But it was a place of pride. And I had to do the other work before that to get to that. So there's a lot of holding back in recovery until people are ready to do it the right way, In my opinion. But I see the same thing in life coaching. You know, The recovery just trained me. It was like trial by fire for life coaching because it was just life coaching on steroids. It's the same stuff. It was just more obvious and the repercussions were more dangerous. When an alcoholic or an addict breaks left, They can destroy their life in a night and other people's too, Whereas most non-alcoholics and addicts often don't do that. If they make a mistake, It's usually a little bit easier fix. Don't go running into a building on fire and then try to figure out what you're doing once you're there. Pay attention. Ask yourself, Is this the right time to do this? What is this going to entail? If I breach this topic with my ex-spouse, Is this going to create a volcano? Well, I don't know for sure, But looking at past experiences, There's about a 75% to 90% chance that this blows up like a volcano and it's going to turn into a complete nightmare that I'm going to have to navigate. Oh, Okay. Well, Have you been through nightmares before? Yes. Tremendous amounts of energy, Right? So what do you have on your plate? Oh my God, My plate is chock full. What will your plate look like a month and a half from now? Oh, Well, I'll have all that taken care of and I'll be settled by then. Okay, Well, Maybe you should do it then, Right? So pay attention to what are the possible, Like I said, You've got to research this and think things through. There's no way you're going to think of absolutely everything. So there's going to be stuff that you need to navigate and manage along the way that are surprises or you didn't foresee. And you know what? Those are manageable. We can handle those. The problem is when we don't think of any of this stuff and we just run into a building on fire, Then it's just that the problems are endless and they're avoidable and we shouldn't have done it in the first place, Right? So that's what I'm talking about. Minimize the turmoil in your life by looking into this stuff and asking yourself these follow-up questions. Do I have too much on my plate? Is this necessary to be done right now? Would it be better if I did it later? Do I have too much on my plate now or can I take something off my plate to make room for this? Is my vision realistic? A lot of people, Like I said, They get this empowerment and they're like, Oh, I'm going to change my whole, I hate my job so I have to be out of it in six months and have my new career going. It's like, Really? So you've done the same thing for 30 years and you're just going to snap your fingers, Like have all the training for a new career, Understand how to start a business, Understand how to do the marketing, Understand how to do all the accounting, Know how to do it all yourself and do it all yourself while you're working this job so you can quit your job when your money gets high enough and you're going to accomplish all this in six months? Slow down. Believe it or not, It's actually much easier to stay at a job that you don't like once you start working on yourself because then you've got the light at the end of the tunnel. You know it's not forever. It's just temporary. And as you're working towards this stuff, You're like, Yeah, I got to go do that thing, But I've been doing it for 30 years. It doesn't require that much energy. I really know how to do it well. So actually, I think this might have been worse. Just changing the lighting. So yeah, So a lot of times it's easier to stay in the job that you're at and just make peace with it and shift your perspective on it the way you're looking at it. Look at it as a means to an end. Look at it as a support system to create what you actually do want and then hang in there for a little bit longer because it's giving you what you need to create what you want. I'm telling you, If you do it the right way, Taking a year to do something instead of six months is usually much better because we try to accomplish whatever we want to accomplish as fast as humanly possible, And that's the worst thing we can do. I don't like where I am, So I have to change it as fast as humanly possible. Slow down, Slow. This is what I mean by pulling people back. It's like what life is, What happens when we're busy doing other things. And one of the reasons that we messed up our lives is because we were living unconsciously. So don't live unconsciously to try to fix it. Live consciously. Be aware of what you're doing and why you're doing it. So and shift your perspective. So if you shift your perspectives and you understand that your boss can't really demean you anymore, They just walk out of his office and if he fires you, You were planning on leaving. Anyway, You know, There's variables in this situation, Obviously. So if this doesn't apply to you. Just try to get the point that I'm trying to make. My point is, Is that you can shift your perspectives in your workplace to make them more manageable and still have that money coming in to support you in your life while you're creating your next. Which makes a heck of a lot more sense instead of running around lighting bridges on fire and burning everything around you and then wondering why you're on an island. You know, This is what a lot of people do. They just well. My kids weren't treating me nice, So I'll yell at them and tell them to cut the crap. And my ex spouse did something. So I'm going to stop paying for this. And my boss wasn't nice to me. So I'm going to tell him to go screw and I'm going to stop my own business because this is ridiculous, Me doing something I don't want. And now all of a sudden you just burned every bridge around you. You're sitting on an island overwhelmed with your whole life destroyed. And then you go to a life coach and say, Hey, Can you fix this for me? Like, Uh, Yeah, It's going to take a while. And you're probably going to have to go get a job that you don't like just to support yourself for a little while while we do some damage control. Right, So this is what I'm saying, Be conscious with what you're deciding to do. Make conscious decisions, Look into other things, Talk it out with other people. Hey, I'm thinking about doing this stuff, You know, Like. And I'll finish with this, Like we get very defensive when talking to people, Right, And we've got to stop doing that. Like we could actually I've even talked to people and said, Hey, Could you do me a favor and play devil's advocate for me? People are usually like, What, Really, You know, Like. And then I have other people in my life that are very good at devil's advocate, So sometimes I'll just go right to them. Like my father is very good at looking into things and researching things. So so like. I'll go to him for some things and my son goes to him for some things, Too, Because because he's not me, So it's more comfortable for my son to go to him sometimes. And he's really good at talking things out. And as he says, Like shining the flashlight in all the corners to see if there's anything we're overlooking and not taking into consideration, Then you can make conscious decisions moving forward. Right. So. It's good, You know, So just prepare yourself and just be like, Hey, You know, I want to talk some stuff out from a person that's not you. Different perspectives are very valuable. You know, We're supposed to be leaning on them. We're not supposed to be doing everything ourselves. This is where our lack of community in today's society is a major problem. We're supposed to be talking things out because, You know, Like Einstein said, We can't fix a problem with the consciousness that created it. So oftentimes we are looking at our problems from the perspective that created the problem in the first place and then we wonder why we have difficulty fixing it. Well, We can't fix the problem from the same perspective, The same consciousness, The same way of looking at it that actually caused the problem in the first place, Because if we're looking at it correctly, It wouldn't be a problem, Right? There's obviously some adjustments that need to be made. So looking at it from other. Hey, Can you say can you see any reason why I shouldn't do this? That's a good question to ask. And they might come up with three different things and you might be like, No, That one that that's fine. That doesn't apply in this situation. That one now that's just there. Them being fear based, Really? That's not a problem. And then this one. I just happen to disagree with them, I'm not. OK. That's fine, Like somebody can give you three reasons not to do something and you can still go do it just because they gave you three reasons not to doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. It's those three reasons not to do it are different ways of looking at things and they should be looked at because there might be something there. If there's not, Then just push it aside. If there is, Then bring it up to the forefront. That's how we make conscious decisions. All right, Peeps, I hope you enjoyed it. Good luck. Let me know if I can help and peace.