Actions Speak Louder Than Words

In this episode, we are talking about how what we do speaks louder than the things we say. It has been said many times that you can't think your way into better action, but you can act yourself into better thinking. Taking action is the only way to start any journey!

Transcript

Welcome to Life,

Lessons and Laughter with your host Glenn Ambrose.

Hey everybody,

Welcome to the show.

So today we are,

Well,

First we're going to greet Ben.

Hi Ben.

Hey everybody.

Scary staring into the camera phase.

Yes.

So today we're talking about actions speaking louder than words.

So that's what we're going to talk about.

So basically that's kind of like,

Don't say,

The angle that I want to come in on this is don't say no,

And then allow negative behavior to continue.

Oh snap.

Oh snap.

That's,

That's wonderful.

By the way,

I'm really excited about this and you've had it on the list of episodes that we were going to do for a couple of weeks now.

And I'm really excited about this.

One of my favorite songs is a Broadway show tune called Louder Than Words.

And they literally just repeat actions speak louder than words,

Actions speak louder.

Like it's,

It's like the big anthem from the show Tick Tick Boom,

Which by the way is going to be a movie directed by Lin-Manuel Miranda.

So people will like know what I'm talking about in a year and everybody will act like they're a fan of it.

But you know.

But they didn't know.

They didn't know.

I don't know.

Regardless though,

Actions speak louder than words is a fantastic topic.

And so how do we stop that?

Because we all do it.

We all say like enough is enough and we're not going to take it anymore.

Like the big network moment.

And then the next day we're back at the job or we're back with the boyfriend or girlfriend or wife or husband or you know.

Yeah.

And I mean like a lot of times that type of stuff is just out of frustration,

Which doesn't work very well anyway.

So that's,

I mean that type of stuff,

Honestly,

If you're just spouting out of frustration to blow off some steam,

That's fine.

You know,

You very well probably shouldn't be following that up with action anyway.

You should slow down and really,

You know,

Assess the situation and deal with it consciously out of self-love instead of out of frustration.

Which I think the door that I'm coming in on this,

It actually makes it a little bit easier to do than a lot of situations.

Because you're right,

It's not always easy to have your actions,

You know,

To follow up your words with your actions.

But the more conscious you are in what you're doing and why you're doing it,

The easier it is.

But we just have to be conscious that we still have to do it,

You know.

So it's a lot of times it's,

You know,

With kids this happens all the time.

You know,

Don't,

You know,

I'm not going to tell you to clean up your room again until five minutes from now.

Then I'm going to tell you to clean up your room again,

You know.

Like,

I mean,

And it's,

Kids are such a good example.

You know,

They're such good teachers because it's,

They will manipulate us like no other.

Oh,

Oh so much.

Yeah,

See,

You know,

You've been with a kid.

Is he five?

He's five,

Yep.

Yeah,

You know,

And I mean they start at every age.

So it's like,

It's,

You know,

It's very easy to see and I saw this very,

You know,

Young with my son and I was like,

There's no way.

Like,

I'm not going to make it.

He's not going to make it until his 18th birthday.

If I parent him by not following up with my actions,

There's just no way because I'm not that patient.

You know,

People think I have all these wonderful qualities and the reason that where I have success in my life is not because I have good qualities.

It's because I have bad qualities and I know that about myself.

So I don't have a ton of patience.

So I don't design a life where I need a ton of patience because I don't have it.

You know,

So I mean,

You know,

Of course my patience has gotten better in a lot of ways.

But like when he was little and he,

You know,

We'd go into a store and he'd be like,

Dad,

Can I have the candy bar?

Dad,

Dad,

Dad,

Can I have the candy bar?

And I would try,

You know,

I taught myself,

Don't like react.

Like I never got a candy bar.

I don't even think I asked because it wasn't happening ever.

And I didn't want the,

You know,

We all don't want the same as our childhood a lot of times.

So I was like,

Okay,

I want to be a little more flexible.

I want to have a sometimes yes.

You know,

If it's the situation's okay.

So I so then I was doing that,

But that complicated things because now sometimes it's yes,

Sometimes it's no.

So now,

You know,

I just opened up the room for manipulation.

So I was like,

I have to figure this out really clearly,

Very quickly.

And I was like,

Okay,

I'll,

I'll pause for a moment and I'll give a thoughtful answer.

And then whatever that thoughtful answer is,

I'm sticking with no matter what.

So if I said yes,

No problem.

If I said no,

If I said no,

I had to stick with that.

And I taught my son that very early on.

He'd be like,

Can I have a candy bar?

And I'd be like,

Well,

Let me think.

No,

We're going to be going to eat and it's not a good time or no,

You know,

And you,

A lot of times I try to give them a reason why.

So,

You know,

It wasn't just me being a jerk.

And I'd say no.

And then him,

Like every other little kid,

You go,

Please,

Can I please,

Please can I?

And I was like,

And I looked at him and I did this to him a couple of times.

I looked at him and I said,

No,

I can't say yes now.

And he's like,

Well,

Sure you can.

And I'm like,

No,

I can't.

I literally,

I cannot say yes now because if I say,

If I say no to you and then you keep bugging me and then I cave and I say yes,

You're going to always bug me and I'm not living like that.

I was like,

So now even if I change my mind,

I'm sticking with the no.

No matter what,

No matter what happens,

It's going to be a no because I'm not going to have you bugging me for candy bars for the rest of my life.

And after I said it a couple of times,

He got it and he was little and he was like,

No.

And he fed that back to me a couple of times.

That's amazing.

I love that so much.

I'm going to try to steal that.

He just told his friends,

Like sometimes we'd be out with his friends and his friends would start and he'd look at him.

He'd go,

Don't even bother.

They'd be like,

What?

Like they didn't even know what he was talking about.

And he'd explain to him,

He goes,

No,

Don't even bother.

Well,

If he says no,

Then it's no.

And nothing's going to flip that.

So don't even waste your time.

He'd explain it to his friends.

You know who,

Dave is the best at that in our house.

He's just so straightforward.

He told a story the other day about we were really late for nap.

So it had to be kind of quick.

And Braden brought over this book that was,

It's an airplane book with a flashlight and you look behind the page and it takes like 30 minutes to go through.

And Dave was like,

No,

We're not reading that book.

It's been too long.

So he goes,

Fine.

Okay.

And he walks over and he grabs this huge book called Five Minute Snuggle Stories and he brings it back.

And Dave goes,

Okay,

So you're mad at me because I said no to the airplane book.

So you brought this bigger book to try to prove your point.

It's not happening.

Go pick a small book or you're going straight to bed.

And like,

It was so funny.

Like he just called him on it and the kid was like,

Okay,

Fine.

You know?

Yeah.

Well,

That's,

You know,

That's it.

And it's helpful to not get emotional about it.

It's just stick to the,

You know,

And call it for what it is.

Like kids,

Sometimes kids are playing games and I don't think they're fully conscious of what they're doing.

And sometimes they are fully conscious of what they're doing.

And sometimes it's spiteful and sometimes it's passive aggressive and they do all that type of stuff too.

It's just,

It's not personal,

You know?

So if we just stick to our guns and boom,

You know,

And follow it up with our actions,

Then,

And so this is,

You know,

This is a very clear way to see it with children.

But,

You know,

We can bring this into our lives too.

It's,

You know,

We come to,

We come to these conclusions thinking about,

So let's just,

You know,

Try to bring it into life.

You know,

How many times do we sit down and,

You know,

We get still or something's bothering us and we,

Sometimes we talk it out with somebody else.

Sometimes we're just contemplating our life and we look at it and there's something that needs to change.

And we're like,

You know,

We get real clear and we're like,

Okay,

You know,

I really need to do this.

And then,

And then we just don't,

We just don't.

And see,

The problem with that is it's the same,

It's the same energy and the same dynamic as with a child.

What happens if you don't stick to your guns with a child?

They stop respecting you.

What if you don't stick to your guns with yourself?

You stop respecting you.

You know,

The relationship we have with ourselves is foundational.

It's every other relationship in our lives is based off of that.

And we walk through life,

You know,

Telling ourselves lies and don't backing and we don't take any action on it.

And then we wonder why we don't really love ourselves and why we have self-esteem issues and why things aren't going that well.

It's because we're not acting on what we know is healthy for us.

We sit there and we go,

Well,

You know,

Yes,

I,

I definitely,

I,

I'm,

I definitely need to be doing this.

And so here,

You know,

I just saw the ego popping in with all its excuses.

So just to be clear,

To quiet your egos down,

I don't mean that we have to take action on every single thing as soon as we think it.

That's not what I'm saying because that's what your ego wants to give you an excuse for.

Well,

I can't,

You know,

Just every time I have a good idea,

I can't just throw my whole life aside and just,

No,

I'm,

I'm not saying that.

You can sit there and go,

You know what?

I think I should probably make a job change and you don't have to do it the next day.

You know,

You can start researching it or something,

But don't sit there and whine about it and then wonder why you're and not take any action.

And one wonder why you're still there a year later.

You know,

It's well,

Because you didn't take any action.

That's why,

You know,

It's not your boss's fault.

Can you believe my boss said that?

Yeah.

You told me it was a jerk a year ago.

Like I,

I can't believe you're still there.

That's why I can't believe,

You know?

So like if we don't have to take action every single time we have a thought,

But when we slow down and we look at something,

We should come to some sort of conclusion with our thoughts.

Like,

Is it time to take action on this now?

Or should I put it on the back burner and,

And look at this again,

You know,

A few months down the road?

Or should I just start taking some action by researching things,

But not actually quitting yet to gather information so I'll know what to do?

You know,

So I have options when the time comes,

But it's,

It's,

It's living on purpose.

And actually living,

It's not thinking on purpose,

It's living on purpose,

Living,

You know,

Living implies action,

Which is what we're talking about,

Taking action,

You know?

So,

So when you're,

You know,

If you're talking,

Make sure your mouth and your feet are heading in the same direction.

You know,

I hate,

I hate my job,

Oh,

My boss treats me like this,

I don't make enough money and my coworkers suck.

Okay,

Well,

The way you're talking,

You should be looking for another job.

And if you're not,

Then there's something wrong with you.

It's not your boss's fault,

It's not your coworkers fault,

It's not the pay structures fault,

It's your fault.

You know?

So stop looking.

Well,

There's nothing out there.

There's always something out there.

There's a,

There's a weird sense that I feel like people don't put a lot of stock into the fact that actions get results and thinking about taking action gets you nowhere.

You know,

Like,

You have to,

You have to actually,

You know,

I saw a quote the other day that was like,

You can't read about pushups and expect anything to happen.

Like,

You can't,

And that's just,

It's true about everything.

Like,

There are so many things that we think about and want to do,

And so many people that are,

You know,

Doing the things,

They're buying the courses,

They're doing the self-help stuff.

And,

But if you don't put in the action,

Nothing's going to happen.

Right.

And that's one of the,

I think that,

You know,

There's a huge spiritual awakening happening on the planet.

And I think,

You know,

This is one of the roadblocks that we've come into with,

Of course,

This learning curve with anything new.

So there's learning curves here.

And I think that that's one of the biggest learning curves,

And I think we're on,

I'm starting to see holes being poked in it.

So I think we're starting,

We're at the beginning part of transcending this learning curve.

Me too.

And I think it's that people were getting addicted to learning about spirituality and then wondering why their life wasn't changing.

You have to implement it.

You know,

I think there's one of the,

I think one of the most often used examples that this comes up in is in relationships.

So,

So many times,

You know,

Like,

Well,

I'll talk with somebody about a relationship that they're having.

We'll just use romantic relationships for this example,

But it can be any.

And,

You know,

Okay,

Well,

I'm going to talk to my husband about this because it's bothering me in a relationship.

And then they go talk to their husband and then like,

You know,

A week later,

Two weeks later,

Three weeks later,

Everything's back to the same thing.

Or a lot of times it's the next day,

Everything's back to the same way it was.

And I go,

Well,

What was the conclusion of the conversation?

And they're like,

Well,

What do you mean?

Like,

Well,

You talked about stuff.

Like,

What was the point of your conversation?

If there was no conclusion,

Then why did you have the conversation?

Like,

You know,

So if you're looking to change things in a relationship,

There has to be some sort of conclusion about action.

You know,

What we're talking about.

So,

You know,

Like if the,

You know,

Well,

You agreed that you were going to take out the trash and I've had to do it for the last month.

So could you please take out the trash?

That's not a conversation because there's no conclusion.

That's an expression of what you want to happen.

So like there has to be some sort of conclusion,

Like,

And it can be difficult with adults because you can't just slap consequences on like a child,

You know.

So like a lot of times you have to come about it like,

Hey,

How,

You know,

You agreed to do the take the trash out.

Are you still agreeing to that?

Yes.

Okay,

Well,

You're not doing it.

So what do you need in order,

What would help you get this done?

I don't know.

Maybe I could set a reminder on my phone,

Like every night at seven to check the trash to see if it needs to go out.

Wow,

Wonderful idea.

Okay.

And then set that alarm now,

You know.

So,

You know,

You have to come to an actual conclusion instead of just discussing,

Hey,

I would like you to do this.

Hey,

You know,

What would make me feel good is if you do this.

But people are habitual.

We just live our lives habitually.

So there needs to be actually concrete take trash out.

It's literally,

It's literally for the video people,

I literally have what he's saying.

Well,

See,

Maybe that's why I use that example.

So,

But it,

You know,

It can be anything and there needs to be a plan of action.

Discussing things.

I feel this way.

I feel that way.

I mean,

It's nice,

But there has to be a conclusion also of action to take.

I,

You know,

I'd like to go out on a date.

I'd like to,

You know,

We never spend any one on one time together.

I'd like to date.

I'd like to go out somewhere once a week.

Oh,

Wow.

Yeah,

I see what you mean.

That'd be nice.

It probably would enhance our relationship.

Okay.

Yeah,

Let's do that.

We'll go.

Okay,

We're going to go out once a week.

Okay,

Great.

And then you guys split and there's no plan made.

That is not going to happen most likely.

I mean,

Some people in really good relationships,

It will,

But for,

You know,

75% of the situations,

You can bank that nothing's going to change because you have no course of action set in place.

Who's going to ask?

When are you going to go out?

What day?

Who's in charge of making the reservations?

What,

You know,

Like you actually have to,

Because you have to break over that hump of habitual ways of living your life until you find a way to implement the new way of being.

Yeah.

I mean,

I always think of the actions speak louder than words thing reminds me of the most overused,

Most famous sports quote maybe of all time,

Which is Wayne Gretzky,

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

And,

You know,

As far as like relationships go,

I remember having a conversation with Dave a couple months ago talking about like,

I think I was like feeling sorry for myself or something in regards to relationships and an overall lack of them in the last several years and talking specifically about specific people.

And we sort of lined them all up and he went,

You realize that none of those people said no to you,

Right?

You never asked.

You never actually did anything.

Like you never said,

You talked about it,

But you never took any action whatsoever.

This is 100% on you.

All of those situations are on you just not doing anything.

And I was like,

Oh,

I'm an idiot.

Yeah.

And that's an awesome example because it's,

You know,

We all do that in certain situations.

And until we slow down and look at it,

We don't see it.

And once we do,

It's like,

Oh,

Now I get it.

You and I had a conversation two weeks ago about business stuff and I was like,

You know,

The strangest thing happens.

You make these plans for business and they're wonderful plans and then they don't come to fruition necessarily all the time.

But what I think people really underestimate is just doing the thing that you talked about doing.

If you actually do the thing you just talked about doing,

Something is going to happen.

You know,

With no action,

You're not walking towards anything.

You can stumble,

You can fall,

You can change directions.

But if you're not actually taking action on any of the things that you're talking about or thinking about or planning or wanting,

Then you're not going towards anything as you like to often say.

Yeah,

Which I think I probably got from my friend Brian Reed,

You know,

Going towards.

And it's,

You know,

The other thing that as you were talking,

I was like,

Yes,

And this is all,

You know,

The relationship thing keeps kind of popping up.

And another way to look at this,

And of course,

Just because we're talking about relationships,

You can do it in other ways.

But like,

You know,

Looking for a relationship,

It's,

You know,

I mean,

I'm 51 and I'm single.

So like,

I don't think you're going to find anybody that's 25 that doesn't have baggage.

You know,

Like,

I mean,

Everybody's got baggage and if you're 51,

You're certainly going to find it.

And I've,

You know,

For many years,

I've always said,

I'm not looking for somebody that's free of baggage.

I'm just looking for somebody who will deal with their stuff when it comes up.

That's it,

You know,

Like,

Because we all have and stuff's always going to come up and there's going to be issues in life.

You know,

There's going every area of our life has issues.

Sometimes it comes up as past baggage.

Sometimes it comes up with difficult scenarios that we're in at the present moment.

Sometimes,

You know,

And a lot of times when we're dating,

We're looking at somebody and going,

Do they have qualities that I want?

Are they attractive to me?

Are they kind to other people?

Do I feel good around them?

Do I and all those things are kind of nice,

But they're not as important,

I think,

As how somebody deals with difficulty.

Because,

You know,

That's really telling because that's when I'm dating somebody,

How they deal with difficulty tells me the most.

Because some people shut down when they deal with difficulty.

Some people run.

Some people get very angry and lashed out.

Some people work through it.

And now don't get me wrong,

Sometimes shutting down briefly or,

You know,

Or walking away or even lashing out,

Sometimes that can be an initial reaction.

We all have our initial reactions,

But I'm talking overall.

Like at the end of the day,

Like let's say an issue comes up in their life.

Do they have that same issue a month later?

Have they dealt with it?

Because if they have,

If they have,

That's good.

Because then when issues come up,

They work through it and move on past it and get beyond it and grow as a person.

If they don't,

Red flags,

That's when the red flags really start going up,

Because I can't be with somebody that's not willing to work through their problems.

If you're willing to work through it,

We can get through anything.

I mean,

I don't give a crap what the past brings up,

What the present brings up,

What issue happens.

We have a possibility at a happy future because you're willing to do the work to get through it.

But if I'm dating somebody that refuses to do any work on themselves and refuses to do what it takes to transcend the problem,

Now that's a deal breaker because there's no opportunity.

There's no hope for a happy future.

I mean,

Because they're not willing to work towards it.

So I think this is something that is,

Like I said,

We can always come in different doors with all this stuff.

So action speaking louder than words,

It has a lot of different doors.

Absolutely.

Before we move on from the relationship thing,

Also,

I just want to say,

Because I'm a huge nerd and it ties in with the stupid song quote that I did at the beginning,

I've got baggage,

I've got baggage too,

I'm looking for baggage that goes with mine,

Is a quote from a love song from Rent by Jonathan Larson who also wrote Tick,

Tick,

Boom.

Anyway,

I'd like to cover one more aspect of this and send your hate mail to me,

Ben Barber.

I feel fine.

I can take it.

Yes,

Please do.

But I'd like to put in one more aspect of action speak louder than words,

Which is what do you think about the thing?

There's a lot of people that say that if you talk about something too much,

It gives you the feeling of having accomplished it,

And then you don't implement it the way that you should.

You don't have to,

Because you already told people,

You've already talked about,

I'm going to be a millionaire,

I'm going to go do this,

And talking about it gives you that little bit of a feeling like it's happened already or like it's happening like you live in that moment for a minute because you're telling other people your dreams,

And then you don't take the action to follow through on it because you already get that momentary satisfaction of it.

Yes,

That's bad.

Do you think that that happens?

Oh,

Yes.

Okay.

Absolutely.

It happens a lot.

It happens just like we said,

There's many doors.

Actually,

That could be a whole show.

There's many doors that that comes in too.

I'm feeling okay.

I'm feeling okay with what I'm about to say.

I had to check myself for a minute because I am a talker,

Man.

I've always been a talker.

I will always be a talker,

I would imagine.

It's my nature.

You talk for a living.

I do.

That was something I noticed very early on.

Most people that talk too much don't act.

It was the bullies.

That was when I really first saw the thing.

When I got sick of being bullied and I started standing up for myself and I wasn't scared anymore,

All of a sudden I realized that I thought I was going to be getting in fights all the time because I was like,

Oh my God,

I'm going to have to stand up to these tough bullies.

They're going to hit me.

I was scared,

But I was too sick of feeling that fear anymore,

So I risked it.

What I found out real quickly was that most of them were just talk.

When I held them to it,

They weren't going to act.

I was shocked.

I found out that that's true.

Most of the people threatening you and saying that this and that,

That,

That,

That,

When it comes down to it,

They're not going to act.

It just makes them feel like they're that person.

It makes them feel like in this scenario,

It makes them feel better than you,

Or as more like the situation you were talking about,

It makes them feel like they accomplished something.

It makes them feel like they're one who does this.

If you see that within yourself or you see that within somebody else,

You've got to start taking action.

You've got to have your mouth and your feet heading in the same direction because you don't get anywhere.

We have to take action.

I had a friend do the nicest thing in the world that anyone's ever done in regards to this for me this morning.

I finished writing a script a couple of days ago for the first episode of a TV show that I have been writing.

It's really good.

Everybody that I've sent it to right now thinks that it's good,

And I'm super excited and happy about it.

It's something I've wanted to do for a long time.

I finished the synopsis for the rest of the seven episodes for this first season.

I finished writing the synopsis today,

And I was really excited.

I said to this friend,

Do you want to see it?

She said no.

I said because it spoils the story.

She said no because people who need to explain their writing and want to give it away first tend to not do the writing.

If you want me to know the story,

You're going to have to finish all eight episodes and then send me the scripts.

Nice.

I was like,

Okay,

Thank you.

Yeah,

See,

That's quality right there.

That is,

Yeah.

I can't even expand on that.

That's divine perfection right there.

That's exactly how we need to live.

That,

I loved how you even set it up.

Somebody did something for me that was very kind,

And that's exactly what it is.

That's what kindness looks like.

That's what friendship looks like,

Is somebody who does stuff like that.

We're so used to just coddling our friends and saying whatever is going to make them feel better.

That,

I don't think,

Is true friendship.

Maybe that's why I don't have that many friends.

I mean,

I have friends,

But I don't have that many close friends.

It's just you.

I think friendship is really based on honesty and helping both sides become a better version of themselves,

Which is exactly what that little exercise is guiding you towards,

So that's beautiful.

Yeah.

I mean,

I didn't have anything to do with it really except for accepting it,

So thanks.

But I mean,

Completely.

You recognized it.

You recognized it exactly,

Like energetically,

What that was,

What it did,

What it was pushing you towards.

That's life,

Man.

You know what?

I'm not arguing with you.

Bravo.

Thanks,

Man.

Hey,

You helped me get there through lots of years of life coaching.

I can peace out now.

Send us home.

All right.

Yeah,

Go check it all out,

What he said.

Thanks for listening,

Everybody.

Talk with you soon.

Reviews

This talk was superbly helpful and relatively it brings to light what I can work on. I can't wait to implement these new strategies. Thanks 🙏

Great! Thank you!

Good chat. thanks guys. Love and blessings 💖 x

Awesome topic and please, please have another one digging deeper into this.
Love you both!