We're talking self-love.
I know we've talked about it so often.
I mention it almost daily,
But it's time to,
You know,
Check in a little bit.
You know,
Self-love is one element of life that I love to talk about and I love to teach.
And the reason is that I know what the act of loving myself did for me.
And I know what it has done for so many women that I've had the privilege to sit in the darkness with,
To hold their hands as they release the things that have caused them to feel stuck and broken.
And then I've watched their transformation really occur as they move through these growth periods that are sometimes trying,
Sometimes they're super quick,
And sometimes they are,
You know,
So revolutionary in their lives that they can't even imagine that they spent so much time living the way that they did.
It is such a beautiful thing.
And at the core of all of that is self-love.
It's no secret that life can be hard,
Right?
The experiences we have and how we connect to them can cause us to define who we are and what we value in ways that have never been meant to serve us.
You know,
Sometimes we connect and we pull in all the negatives and that becomes the rhythm of our lives.
But loving ourselves is always an option.
And when it comes to self-love,
You may have heard me say this before as well,
But it's not a one-off experience.
Meaning loving yourself comes from a collection of things.
You know,
Self-love is the vessel.
Think about it as the bowl that you're throwing all of these pieces in,
These ingredients that are going to be,
You know,
Put together so that you have this beautiful thing that feeds your soul.
So some of those ingredients are things like self-trust,
Self-respect,
Self-awareness,
Self-kindness,
Self-esteem,
You know,
All of these selves.
And sometimes loving ourselves is a radical act.
You know,
Sometimes it's a radical act of defiance of the past,
Of your inner critic,
Of the limits that you were taught and you've prescribed yourself to.
When you radically step into the wild of your life and take on whatever it is that you need to move you from this place that you feel stuck,
You know,
Whether that is healing or ending relationships or putting up boundaries or saying no or shifting everything that has felt upside down,
There's a process that happens.
And that process is learning.
Admittedly,
This week is a bit different.
Normally I give you some blueprint idea to heal or to create peace or be mindful,
Whatever it is that we're talking about.
And then I give you a practice to help you reach that space for your highest and greatest good.
But today I want to give you some check-in points so that you can really kind of gauge where you stand and perhaps you,
You know,
Have this place that you know what you need to pay a little bit more attention to.
And again,
A little different,
But it was sparked when one of my long-term ladies was sitting in session with me this week and she said,
You know,
I can see very clearly all of these things that have changed in my life over this past year.
And I've worked really hard,
But I still don't know if I can answer the question,
Whether I love myself or not.
And it dawned on me that as we're moving through all of these things,
We sort of sweep our experiences under the rug.
Okay,
Next that's been healed.
What are we going to do after that?
And we begin to sort of pile up all of these practices and habits and things that work for us,
But we don't actually stop and witness them.
And they really do have to be fully honored.
If we don't honor our lessons,
Again,
We're much more likely just to continue to knock things down,
But not really standing in a place of true discovery of knowing what is working in our favor and what's not.
And that's so necessary.
So again,
I want to talk about these sort of elements that are fairly universal,
That will help you have some evidence and some measurable scale,
Really,
As to how much self-love is in your life.
Now,
I want to lay this down on the table.
This is the warning right now.
So don't email me all triggered.
I'll always take your email,
But don't send me a nasty one.
Because remember,
Everyone is different.
And so I want you to realize that as I'm giving you this list,
As we have this conversation and time together,
There are going to be things that I say that do not resonate.
And that is okay.
Right?
Because we're all in different places in our journey.
And just because I say something does not mean that you do not love yourself if you do not have this on your ticker sheet of evidence.
Okay,
I want you to realize that I may say something that you haven't yet reached.
But it may be something that after you hear it,
You know that you need to put into practice.
So let's dive right in.
I want to give you this list.
There's about 30 of them.
And you know,
Listen to the podcast all the way through.
I know that you can mentally check,
You know,
Yes or no to things.
But then go back,
Listen to it again,
Take some notes,
Find out exactly where you are so that you can have an understanding of what's working for you,
What still needs to actually have a little bit more work and kind of gauge where you are in your journey.
So here we go,
In no particular order of importance,
Okay?
Because what's important to you is going to be different than what's important to me.
So here we are.
Number one,
When you love yourself,
You realize that you have a voice.
This is one thing that I work hard with women on is that you really do have a voice.
And the act of self love means that you are actually using that voice.
So many of us spend way too much time afraid to ask for what we want and say what we don't.
You know,
We keep ourselves quiet in hopes that we have some sense of outward approval,
That we aren't the ones who rock the boat.
Or,
You know,
We try to fool ourselves into thinking that we are the ones who are problematic in our lives.
And sometimes we are,
Right?
Like sometimes we are,
We have to admit that.
But this allows us to say,
I have a voice,
I have a need,
I have the ability to use it.
And when we're using it,
We are actually engaging in self love.
If you've had a difficult childhood,
Or you've experienced abuse in later relationships,
We often move into a space of being seen,
But not heard.
And loving ourselves opens the door to our voice so that we can step into a new realm of self advocacy,
Meaning I can use my voice as I need,
Without the opinion of you,
And without the need to get validation to how I am using my voice.
When this element of self love is in place,
You allow yourself,
You give yourself permission to use your words in the terms of your empowerment,
Instead of the terms of any perceived lack.
Let me say that again.
When you have this element of self love in place,
You use your words in the terms of your empowerment,
Instead of the terms of your perceived lack.
What does that mean?
It means you stop people pleasing.
It means that you make your priorities,
Your true priority.
And you know that you have the ability to say what you need,
And that that need carries as much weight as everyone else's in the room.
Let's go a step further.
Your emotions,
Your thoughts,
Your experience are above anything else.
And that's not in a selfish way or an ego driven way,
But in a way that you allow yourself to take up space.
If you love yourself,
You use your voice.
Number two,
You stop giving chances to people who let you down.
And you look for new ways to make every relationship work in your favor.
The other word for this,
It's one that many people struggle with,
It's boundaries.
Right?
When I was younger,
My father would tell me,
Pay attention.
People tell you who they are,
Not by their words,
But by their actions.
That is so true.
I know that I have personally lived my life through that statement for as long as I can remember.
So I'll hand it over to you one more time.
Pay attention.
People tell you who they are,
Not through their words,
But by their actions.
When we put on our blinders and ignore when people hurt us,
Not only do we allow them to disrespect us,
But we disrespect ourselves.
We have to really get into the habit of not making allowances,
Excuses,
Stuffing our feelings down in the favor of someone else.
Because that's not self-love,
Right?
That is allowing people to use us as the doormat and wipe their feet on us.
We have to pay attention.
If you are in a real state of self-love,
You know where to draw the line between what serves you and what doesn't.
Your insight into your limits is how you put yourself first.
And this is a radical act of self-love.
When you stop giving people chances that they have not earned,
You find a new way to not only love yourself,
But to persevere in your life.
Those are big things.
One and two,
Right?
We're already off to the races.
How are you doing?
We're two actions in.
If you're questioning whether or not you are actively engaging in self-love,
That's okay.
Ask yourself,
What is it that I'm questioning?
What is it in my behavior that's making me doubt whether I love myself or not?
If you're raising your hand saying,
I've got those things,
I have mastered those things,
Then sis,
You are in a good place.
So let's go to number three.
All right,
This goes along with the first and second one,
But it is,
If you have moved or are in the act of moving out of toxic relationships,
You're actually loving yourself,
Even when it feels really dirty and messy.
You know,
Doing so is a very interesting experience.
Letting go is one of the most challenging and hard things that we do.
But when you start filtering your inner circle and the people who have deep access to your emotional,
Mental,
Physical,
Spiritual,
And even financial well-being,
You begin to really see that in order to love yourself,
You have to be healthy.
And if you are engaging with people and relationships that are not mentally,
Emotionally,
Spiritually,
Physically,
And even financially healthy,
That impacts you.
So if you're moving away from those kind of relationships,
You are in the act of radical self-love.
And I want you to remember right now that loving yourself or love as an experience itself,
Whether with yourself or someone else,
Is not a hurtful experience.
Yes,
We can have experiences that do not feel good,
But that doesn't mean that at the baseline of it,
That it's a negative experience.
So I want you to think about that.
When we move away from the toxic,
We actually put our best interest into action,
And we stop betraying ourselves.
Because,
You know,
Honestly,
Betraying ourselves is far harder than allowing someone else to betray us.
And when we get into this space that we let go of what is not serving us,
Especially relationships,
It's this decoration,
Not only to ourselves,
But to everyone around us,
That we will not shrink in order for someone else to be in our lives.
And that is a definite sign of self-love.
Let's move to number four.
And that is when the voices in your head are a lot kinder and more supportive than they used to be.
The inner voice,
It's a struggle for so many.
You know,
I'm going to be honest,
At times it's a struggle for me too.
We're all human.
We have times where we feel negative when we are telling ourselves stories that aren't true.
And a lot of women will really discredit their worth when they talk to themselves in this manner.
And,
You know,
It's one of the things that I always say is,
You know,
Can we listen to our voice and ask ourselves,
You know,
Why is it that I'm speaking to myself in a way that is harmful and damaging?
I wouldn't speak to my kids this way.
I wouldn't speak to my spouse or my best friend this way.
Why is it that I am turning this negativity and nasty inner critic on myself?
And when we begin to love ourselves,
We begin to actually see ourselves.
We begin to be our own friend.
And we begin to speak to ourselves in the manner that we would speak to someone else in love,
In kindness,
In peace,
In harmony,
In true intention and true words.
Right.
I will often ask women,
You know,
If you met yourself today,
Would you hang out with the girl that you are?
Would you have that girl's back?
Right.
Because if you would,
Then you definitely know that you can speak a lot kinder to yourself and that you can be more supportive to yourself.
And if you wouldn't,
If you wouldn't hang out with yourself,
Then you can really know that self-love is not in action.
I can't say at all,
But certainly not within your inner voice.
When you change the negative statements from I'm a mess to I am learning or I'm not good enough to I am still working to become my best self or whatever it is that you say,
You know that you are speaking words of kindness.
And this is a great measure of where you are.
If your inner voice is far more positive than negative,
You have more self-love in place and you're moving in the right direction.
Will you mess up?
Absolutely.
You will.
But if you can gauge,
I speak kinder to myself 80% of the time than I used to.
You are in a good place with your self-love.
All right,
Number five,
Not everything needs a reaction and you understand your emotions enough to name what they are when they come up.
This is a huge thing.
Knowing yourself is to know yourself completely.
And that includes understanding your emotions.
So many of us have no idea what our personal definitions of our emotions are.
You've heard me talk about what I believe love is is different than what you believe love is.
The same goes for fear and anger and joy and contentment.
What I know as my definitions are different than yours.
So what are your definitions?
When we're not living in a state of love,
We're often living in a state of ego.
So what is the ego?
It's the sense of self or self-importance.
It's the part of your mind that really mediates between your conscious and subconscious,
And it's responsible for reality testing.
Is this true?
And often when we are not living the most authentic life,
It's what gives us our personal identity.
And when the ego is in control,
It helps your brain out to keep you safe.
You know,
It defines,
It helps.
It goes on the lookout to claim faults on everyone else,
But it doesn't engage in self-love.
If we're constantly reacting instead of pausing and saying,
You know,
What am I feeling?
We're living in a state of ego.
And if you can name your emotions as they come up instead of jumping or trying to push away whatever it is that arises,
Know that you have a great level of emotional intelligence and self-love in place.
So name your emotions.
What are they?
Go to the show notes and print out the emotional scale so that you can have an understanding of what emotions you're working with.
And that will help you get into a place that you can engage in a deeper,
Truer form of self-love.
All right.
Number six,
You believe in yourself and you know that you are capable of achieving anything you truly desire.
When we're doing our growth work,
It is important to believe in ourselves because if we don't believe it,
We can't affirm it.
And so get into a space where you actually trust what you're doing for yourself.
You know,
When I was doing my own growth work,
I used two affirmations every single day that helped me level up my sense of capability.
And I'm going to hand those over to you now.
Make them yours.
Use them if you need them.
If you need to really up level when it comes to the confidence in doing what you need for yourself,
Use them.
So the first one was,
I can outgrow old versions of myself.
I loved that one because it gave me permission to change.
It gave me permission to up level my life.
And when that became sort of old hat,
When I knew that I was allowed to do what I needed for myself,
I changed it.
And I said,
I am outgrowing old versions of myself.
These two statements are extremely powerful because they point to our ability to achieve.
So I hope that you'll use those.
But if you know that you are capable of doing anything that you so desire,
That is an act of self-love.
Okay,
Girls,
We're going to move through the rest of this list pretty actively and quickly.
Those top six are really important ones,
And they tend to be the ones that most people get hung up on.
And that's why there's a little bit more explanation around them.
Just remember that nothing has to be in order.
You know,
It's about what is the importance to you.
And you may find that the rest of the list has more connectivity for you.
And that maybe those top six are still things that you're working on.
Again,
Totally fine.
So let's move to number seven.
If you are actively honing your talents and your strengths,
And you do not need external motivation to keep you going,
You are living in a state of self-love.
When we're first doing a lot of growth work,
Or we're healing,
Or we're working to,
You know,
Shift at all,
A lot of times we will say that we need an accountability partner,
Right?
We need somebody to keep us on the straight and narrow.
But there will become a time where you turn that sense of outward motivation inward,
And you begin to start doing these things for yourself without asking for permission or an attagirl or anything else from anybody else.
Number eight,
You're actively taking care of your body,
Not for everyone else,
But for yourself.
This is important.
You've heard me talk about the five pillars of our lives,
Financial,
Spiritual,
Physical,
Mental,
Emotional,
Not in any particular order,
Just like this list.
But when we are actively taking care of ourselves,
Not for an outward appearance,
But for an inner state of aligned,
Feeling good,
Guess what?
That's self-love.
All right,
Let's move to number nine.
You're spending more time doing things that you're passionate about instead of doing things that drain you.
Self-love is an act as much as it is a feeling.
So are you supporting your energy?
Are you giving yourself what you need in order to up level the frequency in which you're living in?
Everything is energy.
Are you draining your battery or are you building resiliency and knowing that you are capable of doing all things and that you are willing to put yourself first and be passionate about what drives you forward?
If you are,
You're living in self-love.
All right,
Number 10,
This is a big one too,
And it could have gone up with the top ones that most people struggle with,
But let's put it in here.
Number 10,
You allow yourself grace and are working on forgiveness for anything that you need to extract a lesson from.
That is a big one.
That's probably a podcast all in of itself.
In fact,
It is.
But I want you to realize that grace means I know that I've had experiences that I maybe didn't show up the way that I wanted to,
Or I've had experiences that haven't felt good,
And I know that I can offer grace and some understanding.
I can offer this ability to say,
Wow,
That must have been for me to learn something from it.
When you allow yourself to be human,
When you allow yourself to let go of the perfectionism and to really own the fact that this life does not have a very straightforward blueprint for every experience,
Then you allow yourself grace.
And this is a huge part of self-love.
All right,
Number 11,
10 and 11,
They kind of go together.
So you are not afraid of saying,
I'm sorry,
Or apologizing when you mess up.
Again,
We all mess up.
In our process of self-love,
We have to be willing to see both sides of the situation.
When you go into an experience,
It's not just how you perceive the moment.
It's also about how someone else involved sees the experience or how the environment changes the experience.
And sometimes we need to say,
You know what,
I was wrong.
Sometimes you need to say,
I am sorry.
Sometimes you need to apologize in a big way because you have messed up.
And again,
That's where grace comes back into action.
But if you're willing to say,
You know what,
I screwed that up.
I hurt your feelings.
I,
You know,
Did something wrong.
That is self-love in action.
It's knowing that perfection is not the rhythm in which you live your life.
And therefore,
Sometimes we can hurt people.
And loving ourselves means again,
That we see all of ourselves,
The dark side,
The shadow side,
The hard side,
And the light.
Number 12,
You don't take rejection personally,
And you understand that it's a part of life.
I look at rejection as this stop sign that says,
Hey,
My friend,
Guess what?
This is not right for you.
I don't look at rejection as I'm not good enough,
Or man,
Things are not working in my favor.
Instead,
I look at it as that is favor.
So stop looking at your life as if it's a full stop moment and start looking at it as guess what?
That is not for me.
This lesson really does fall under that ability to be mindful and present and say,
You know what,
Everything is working in my favor.
And when something is right,
It will unfold.
It's stopping the resistance to everything and just saying,
Yeah,
Okay,
That wasn't right for me.
And I'm okay with that.
That's a big part of self-love.
Number 13,
If you're truly engaging and enjoying your life,
You know that there are things to be grateful for.
Gratitude is a major player in self-love.
And that is gratitude for both good and bad.
It is knowing that there is something good in every experience.
And if you can see it,
Then you are loving yourself.
That's a big one.
Gratitude every single day for every experience,
Both hard and good.
And knowing that you didn't come here to have really hard experiences all the time and not find joy and peace and love and all of the beautiful things that I'm always trying to tell you to look towards,
That everything in your life is trying to tell you to look towards.
So find gratitude.
And if you've already been experiencing that,
If that is sort of the rhythm of your life every single day,
Babe,
That's self-love.
All right.
Number 14,
You don't save things for special occasions or for certain people.
You want to feel good all the time because your life is a special occasion.
I remember my grandmother once telling me,
You know,
Get up,
Be the sharpest dressed person in the room,
You know,
Get up,
Do your hair,
Do your makeup or whatever it is that makes you feel your best.
But make sure that you are taking care of yourself because your life is a grand celebration all the time.
And when we live that way,
We are loving ourselves.
Number 15,
You are genuinely happy for other people and you don't live your life by competing for your worth based on how someone else is living their life.
When we compete for our worth based on what someone else has and we don't,
We live in a state of lack and lack is never involved in love.
Did you hear that?
Lack is never involved in love.
So when you are genuinely happy for someone else's wins,
For the way that they're showing up,
For the things that are coming into their lives,
You are in a state of love.
Let's check in again.
How are you doing?
Do you have a lot of these in your life?
You know,
I hope that you're finding that you do have some sense of self love and maybe you just didn't realize that that was already there for you.
So let's move through the rest of the list.
I hope again that you are taking mental note.
Yes,
That's in place.
No,
That is not.
And that you know what you need to do to level up even more.
So let's go to number 16.
When you become more spiritual,
And I'm not talking religious,
I'm talking spiritual,
And you trust that everything is working out for your greatest need,
Want and desire.
Guess what?
You are moving through self love.
Having something that you believe in is so important.
And I don't want to get into a conversation about,
You know,
What you should be believing in,
Because everybody has a different experience in their life.
But if you believe in something bigger than yourself,
And that you trust that there's something out there for you,
That is a radical form of self love.
All right,
Number 17.
You allow yourself to begin again,
Because there's no one way to any destination.
This is so big.
A lot of times we get stuck in it has to be this way.
We put expectations around our needs and our wants and our desires.
And we say if it doesn't look like this,
I don't want it.
And when we say that,
Again,
That is a form of lack.
When you know that you can mess up and you allow yourself grace,
And that you can begin again,
No matter where you are,
This becomes an act of self love.
When you don't give up on yourself,
When you don't give up on your life,
You are loving you.
Number 18.
You wake up every single day,
Ready to do something wonderful.
I love that.
I love doing that in my personal daily expression of what I'm looking for,
What I want to create,
How I want to support someone else.
But most importantly,
How I want to support myself.
You know,
Do you wake up ready to create something beautiful?
And it doesn't have to be something that is massive.
I'm talking about,
I just want to show someone that I'm there,
That I've got their back.
I want to show myself that I've got my back.
I want to do something that makes some beauty in my world,
In my experience.
Do you wake up ready to do something wonderful?
If you do,
That's loving you.
Number 19.
This is a big one,
And one of the biggest indicators for the majority of people.
So I hope that you really,
You know,
Key into this.
And it is that you are calmer,
And you stop letting the small things get to you.
This is not only an act of self-love,
It is an act of present awareness.
It's an act of mindfulness.
It's an act of knowing that there's always going to be sort of outside noise that impacts you.
But I don't have to allow all of the small things to get to me every day.
And when I don't,
Inner peace is found.
So are you calmer now than you were,
Say,
Six months ago?
Or are you more dysregulated than you were six months ago?
And if you kind of gauge where you are,
You know if self-love is a part of that or not.
Loving yourself means that you don't have to have a reaction to every single thing.
Number 20.
You want to learn more and are always looking for new ways to be a better person.
Right?
Again,
I said at the very beginning,
Self-love is a journey.
It's a lifelong journey.
And when we look to,
You know,
Develop and to know ourselves better,
To know what we want and desire,
We are saying yes to ourself.
And yes equals love.
Yes,
I do want to do this for myself because I love myself enough to show up.
It is a form of self-love.
Number 21.
You do not chase people,
Experiences,
Or love or anything for that matter that downgrades your worth or your mental,
Emotional,
Spiritual,
Physical,
Or financial well-being.
A lot of times when we don't love ourselves,
We chase what we think will make us happy.
We chase these experiences in hopes that it will fill the gap of what we're not willing to work on to fill for ourselves.
So if you've stopped chasing things and you allow things to occur where you actually give of yourself instead of running at it,
You have self-love.
Number 22.
It needs a little bit of explanation,
But it is that you smile more than you cry.
Really what I mean is that you are engaging in more positive experiences than negative.
Tears are nothing more than an expression of your emotions.
And some people cry when they're happy.
Some people cry when they're angry.
Some when they're sad.
Tears aren't really the gauge of your happiness.
I want you to know that.
But what I'm saying is that you have a sense of positivity over negativity.
And if you do,
Then that is an act of self-love.
Number 23.
You like or you're working on liking and loving the reflection in the mirror.
There is so much that we can talk about around this.
And you know,
It is normal for us to not like parts of our body or to downgrade how we feel based on the reflection.
However,
When we do that,
We are not loving ourselves.
We're tearing ourselves apart in hopes that maybe we can build ourselves up into something better.
Yeah.
Always start where you are.
You know,
What is it that you love about yourself?
What is it that you can see in the mirror that actually helps support your dreams and your desires?
You know,
Are you one that can look at yourself and say,
You know what?
I absolutely love how beautiful my eyes are.
If you can look in the mirror or if you're working to look in the mirror and say,
You know what?
I really like that girl.
I really love that girl.
You are working in self-love.
Number 24.
You know the importance of pushing through,
But you also know the importance of pause and pacing yourself.
You know,
Self-love does not mean that we run headfirst or headlong into everything.
You know,
Loving yourself is to know yourself.
I've said it over and over again,
But to know that I need to pause.
I need to wait.
I need to pace myself.
I know that I need to push through right now.
The only way to know that is to understand your emotions,
To understand what the intention and goal is,
And to have self-love in place.
I love myself to push.
I love myself to pause.
I love myself to pace myself towards my goals.
Do you know that?
Do you have that in action?
If you don't,
That is one thing that can really change your relationship with yourself.
Number 25.
You engage in something every day that helps you stay grounded and well.
I mean this physically,
Mentally,
Emotionally,
Spiritually,
And financially,
Right?
What is the one thing that you do that helps you stay well?
For some,
It's meditation.
For some,
It's exercise.
For some,
It is breath work.
For some,
It is engaging in religious experiences.
For others,
It is doing acts of kindness and service.
What is that one thing for you and are you engaging in it daily?
Remember that engaging can just mean that you're thinking about it,
That you're planning.
If you're doing that,
Then you are engaging in self-love.
Number 26.
We just have a few more to go.
It's a big one.
It is that you trust your own process.
A lot of times when we are moving through growth,
We don't trust ourselves.
We don't trust the process.
We don't believe that we deserve the best and we allow the process to consume us.
If you can trust your own process,
If you can trust yourself to make grounded decisions for yourself,
You know that you actually are loving yourself through every experience.
It goes back to number 24.
When you know when to push,
You know when to pause,
And you know when to pace yourself.
I want you to really ask yourself a question.
Do I trust myself in making decisions?
Do I trust myself to be who I am,
Not only just in my thoughts,
But outside too?
This is a big one.
If you can trust yourself in the process of your life,
You do love yourself.
All right.
Number 27.
You know that everyone cannot stay and that not everyone will leave.
This is a hard one,
Right?
It goes back to breaking cycles.
It goes back to knowing that sometimes the people that we think should be in our lives are actually the very reason why we feel the way that we do.
When we love ourselves,
We know that everything changes.
We know that not everyone is meant to stay for the lifetime.
We have to give ourselves space to understand this.
In the same time,
We have to know that not everyone's going to leave just because we change.
And so if you know those things,
You do know self-love.
Number 28.
You face your fears even when it's uncomfortable.
That goes back to using your voice.
It goes back to knowing when to push and when to pause.
It's knowing that discomfort is going to be there whether you push or you don't,
Right?
It's the same energy.
It's a matter of how are you going to use it.
So if I know that I can face my fears,
Even if it feels nasty for a short time,
I know that I love myself to make myself a priority.
I love myself enough to build what I need and want regardless of how it looks and feels.
If you know that,
If you engage in that,
That is self-love.
All right,
We have two more left,
29 and 30.
And 29 is you value slowing down.
This is a hard one for many people.
I know it's a hard one for me.
I am a go,
Go,
Go,
Knock it down kind of girl.
But I do know when I have to slow down.
And I do mean slowing down mentally,
Emotionally,
Physically,
Spiritually,
And financially.
I mean slowing down when it is the hardest.
It's giving yourself permission.
So many people hate that word,
But it's true.
It's giving yourself permission to be when you need to be.
It's sometimes clearing the schedule when things are too much.
It's sometimes taking a nap because you need to recharge.
It's sometimes saying,
I don't need to rush towards this decision.
I need to figure things out and put things in place.
It's just valuing the ability to stop,
Pause,
And say,
I'm going to slow down right now.
If you know how to do that,
If you're actively doing it,
That is self-love.
All right,
Our last one,
Right?
And this is a big one.
You can actually say,
I love myself and know it's the truth.
It's a big one.
Some people can't say it.
Some people have a hard time actually hearing those words come out of their mouth.
But sometimes we just have to practice them until they do become our truth.
And if you can say,
I love who I am.
I love my life.
I love my ability to show up and to be.
Guess what?
You do love yourself.
We are not trying to gauge how much we love ourselves.
We're trying to gauge if it's actually a part of our existence.
Do you love yourself?
If you do,
You invest in yourself.
You feel your emotions.
You follow your passions.
You choose happiness.
You find joy.
You know,
You do the things that make you feel fulfilled in your life.
Of course,
There are many other examples of self-love and there's many different ways that we can show up in our lives and take actions.
But these are really the top ones that I see most unfold in the women that I work with,
In your letters to me,
In your DMs,
And in the things that you seem to be working on most.
I know they are the things that I work on every single day too.
But like I said at the very beginning,
You know,
If you're not sure,
Start over.
Go to number one on this list and simply grab a piece of paper and write down one through 30 and write yes or no next to each number on the list.
And if it's a no,
Pause,
Write it down,
And then look at it.
What is it that I'm not engaging in in this experience that would help me get to a greater sense of self-love?
This is a check-in point,
Like I said,
And it is evidence that self-love is already in your experience.
So many of us think,
Well,
I don't love myself because I'm not doing this one thing.
But if you're doing 50 other things,
Guess what?
You do love yourself.
You're just kind of stuck in the thought process of just this one piece.
The biggest truth out of all of this is that you do deserve to love yourself.
It doesn't matter what's happened.
It doesn't matter how you've shown up.
It doesn't matter the experiences,
The trauma,
The past,
The healing that you've gone through,
The things that you refuse to see.
You deserve to love yourself.
So just go deeper.
Just go just a bit deeper.
Examine where you are and find a new rhythm.
Loving yourself is a beautiful experience.
Thank you for taking the time to listen to this episode,
Which originally aired on the Get Your Life Together Girl podcast.
Please take the time to review this conversation and follow me here on Insight Timer for more courses,
Meditations,
And additional conversations.
Until next time,
Be kind to yourself and others.
