Whether you realize it or not,
You set the tone of how others will and do interact with you.
When you respect yourself,
It's obvious.
And most of the time,
Others show up with their respect for you on point.
But what happens when you don't trust yourself?
When you don't have any self-respect?
It's pretty apparent that's when trouble ensues,
Right?
Let's jump in because everyone deserves to be treated with respect but also to respect themselves.
So what is self-respect?
Self-respect is an admiration for the self in the terms of what you're capable of,
Who you are,
And what you can achieve.
It means honoring your principles before anyone else or anything else.
It means trusting yourself to say and do what feels true and honors those core values that you have,
Your needs,
Your emotions,
And your grounded thoughts.
It's developed and grown through listening to that voice and respecting it at all times,
Especially when it's hard,
Especially when you're fearful,
Reluctant,
Or unsettled.
It's this humble pride and confidence in yourself that is grounded in dignity,
Resilience,
And strength.
It's prioritizing yourself.
If you refuse or fail to operate your daily life through self-respect,
Some pretty undesirable experiences occur,
Right?
People find their way into your life that are not any good or you have experiences that don't feel good.
And it doesn't matter if you've had big traumas or your life is pretty great.
The truth is if you don't hold a healthy amount of self-regard,
You're going to spend a great deal of time undermining your worth.
You'll end up putting everyone above you.
You're going to toss those boundaries to the side of your life.
You're going to people-please.
You're going to struggle with balance.
And most importantly,
You will 100% struggle with belonging,
Self-belonging and belonging in the places that you most frequent,
Your relationships,
Your experiences.
So yes,
Let's look at those signs.
Let's look at what it looks like to not have self-respect.
And the big first one is that you are a doormat.
You know,
Do you always give and get nothing back?
If so,
My friend,
You're a doormat.
I hate that term,
But it's so true.
Every relationship has to have a reciprocal balance.
Does that mean that within everything that you do,
You get something in return?
Absolutely not.
It means if you're saying yes to the things that you don't want to do,
Or you're always left to pick up the pieces of everyone else's mess,
Or you are,
You know,
Showing that you can be the one who will take the nasty end of everything,
You're going to be riddled with negative self-talk.
You're going to not like the way that your life is going,
And you will allow this lack of self-worth to kill your boundaries.
Without boundaries,
People are going to walk all over you.
And when they walk all over you,
You drown in that why me.
So that's your first major sign.
The second one is that you lose yourself in relationships,
Whether that's romantically or just in friendships.
You are a chameleon,
And that's the person that will blend into everything and take on other people's joys,
And their needs,
And their hobbies,
And their fun in order to fit in.
If you find yourself forgetting who you are,
And really choosing not to be yourself in order to be liked,
You do not have self-respect.
It's not present.
This next one happens more often than you think.
And you probably know someone that you've actually said these words about,
But if you can think about that one person,
And it may actually be you,
That will do anything for attention,
They're lacking self-respect.
If your self-esteem is low and you need a boost from others,
So you do things that,
As my daughter loves to say,
Are out of pocket,
You are trying to be the center of attention.
You stir the pot amongst your family,
Your friends,
Or coworkers,
Or you spread yourself too thin.
Guess what?
You are really in a space of not finding true self-respect.
Let's keep going,
Right?
Let's keep going into some other signs.
The next one is that your self-respect is diminished or completely absent because you lean into bad habits in excess.
You rely on drinking,
Drugs,
Self-harm,
Overeating,
Shopping,
Punishing yourself at the gym,
Whatever it is,
In order to find the sense of calm,
Right?
To calm your feelings.
This is a very unhealthy way to handle your life.
If you don't love yourself,
You can't care for yourself.
If you can't care for yourself,
You sure as hell don't respect yourself.
So what are you doing?
What are you putting into place so that you don't have self-respect?
You have to look at those things.
The next is that you tolerate things in your life that you simply do not deserve.
Nasty people love easy targets.
It sounds like a really terrible thing to say,
But it's true.
It goes back to that doormat thing.
But the truth is,
If you're willing to move every mountain for everyone and never give yourself a chance to climb that mountain,
You don't respect yourself.
There are many,
Many other behaviors,
But let's stop right there.
Let's put some stopgaps in place for everyone,
Whether it's Samantha or you.
That needs to remember who you are,
What strength feels and looks like,
And have this ability to change your story.
Let's get into the how.
Because the love we often give up first in our lives is the love of ourselves.
And if you want greatness to flow through you and to you,
You must love,
Honor,
And most certainly respect yourself.
So how?
How do we do that?
Let's talk about some very small shifts.
The first one is to set boundaries.
I said small shifts,
Not massive action.
You can set boundaries for yourself without them having to be these big,
Huge things.
You don't have to fall into the trap of letting others convince you that their needs are more important than yours.
You don't have to say yes when it doesn't work.
You don't have to do somebody else's work.
You don't have to do somebody else's work.
What you have to do is set aside what is acceptable to you and stick to it.
Is it easy?
No,
It's not.
But the minute you show someone that you're accommodating is the minute that they're going to hand over their needs because they know that you are going to do it for them.
And I'm not saying don't serve others because please do.
That's the basis of my personal life,
Right?
But I'm saying make sure that it works for you.
Make sure that you're doing it for the right reason.
You can remember that no is also a complete sentence.
You don't have to explain everything away what works for you.
The next piece is to stop putting yourself down.
If you're constantly putting yourself down with mean-spirited remarks or self-deprecation,
You're not practicing self-respect.
In fact,
You're so far away from it,
It's likely going to be a struggle for you to find your way back without someone to guide you.
Is it true that you're not a good person?
Or do you have pieces of yourself that you need to learn to love?
Is it that you're really not good enough?
Or is it that you're not good enough at one particular thing and you just need to accelerate what you do or how you do it?
Actively try to get a hold of this thought process.
Write down the negative thoughts for a week straight and see what's spinning in your mind.
And when you're doing that,
You need to learn to manage your emotions.
You can't respect yourself if your emotions are not well-regulated.
Hell,
You can't do much if your emotions are not being managed.
If they're getting the best of you,
Things are really hard.
If you react to every emotion you feel,
You're going to overwhelm yourself.
So be patient.
Practice the pause.
Emotions are fleeting.
They come and they go.
You don't have to lose self-control because you need to react.
Go back to those questions I ask all the time.
What do I need?
What do I want?
How will I get there?
How do I want to feel along the way?
These are just a couple things to help you get started in the journey,
Right?
And another piece to that is to learn to stand up for yourself.
Don't let people push you around in your life.
Go back to that doormat thing.
Don't tolerate people putting you down.
Don't engage in pointless conversations or agreements or disagreements.
Stand up for yourself by walking away.
In everything that you do,
You have to do what's right.
And that's the next piece.
When you have self-respect,
You will likely always try to do the right thing,
The right thing for you.
Does that mean that you're going to be perfect or that you're a perfectionist?
No.
It means that you're aiming for good habits and values that is of value.
It is of a trustworthy person.
And that's who you are.
You tell people the truth when things aren't right.
You even make moral choices when things are hard,
Even if there's harsh consequences.
Doing the right thing means that you are consistent,
That you have a reliable character.
People earn respect by consistently behaving in the same way.
And that's also how they lose respect.
Try to have self-respect,
Right?
Do what's best for you.
And the last one,
At least for today,
Is to be yourself,
To march to your own beat.
We lose ourselves when we try to be something that we're not.
We lose ourselves when we downgrade ourselves to fit in,
To be liked,
To be seen.
You are accepted.
You are acceptable as you are.
You are loved as you are.
You're seen in a totally different light than perhaps you even see yourself.
Being yourself is a vital part of self-respect.
If you are constantly offending the people that you are around,
If it's not about your behavior,
Maybe you're in the wrong crowd.
If it makes others uncomfortable,
Find something that makes sense with others.
Sometimes it is about us,
And other times it's not.
If you're questioning your authenticity,
You need to look,
Is this me or is this the environment in which I am living?
Respecting yourself is far more important than any opinion,
Right?
It's far more important than the opinions of a bunch of people who don't know your heart and soul.
And I personally don't have to know you to know that you're amazing,
Because we all are.
Clear the junk out of your head and start caring about yourself.
You deserve to stop holding your worth hostage.
I hope this helps you see where you may have respect or where you may not.
If you're not lacking,
Wonderful,
You can move on.
If you are,
Then perhaps some of these small shifts will help you create big wins.
Ask yourself,
What do I need?
What do I want?
How am I going to get there?
How do I want to feel?
Don't we all need a shift sometimes?
The answer is yes.
And I challenge each of you to up-level your self-respect.
It may just be that one piece that unlocks the door to everything else.
