5 Ways To Stop Second-Guessing Yourself: A Mindset Reset

Uncertainty does a number on all of us, even the most mindful. It makes us question ourselves, our experiences, and how we navigate the world. It’s almost a given for many that once uncertainty settles within their thought process, second-guessing every thought that comes after every possible solution takes over and runs rampant. This mindset reset was inspired by the question: "How can we stop second-guessing ourselves?

Transcript

Uncertainty does a number on all of us,

Even the most mindful.

It makes us question ourselves,

Our experience,

And how we're navigating the world.

It's almost a given for many that once uncertainty settles within the thought process,

Second-guessing,

Every little thought that comes after,

Even possible solutions,

Takes over and runs rampant.

This week's question comes from a personal friend of mine.

She sent me a text and said,

D.

I've been thinking about what you said to me the other day about second-guessing myself.

You said,

Second-guessing yourself delays the decision and never changes the ultimate outcome.

When you release the need to try to figure out everything at once,

You open your mind,

Allow for actual possibilities and solutions,

And you break the need to stress a problem to death.

I've been thinking about these words.

They've hit me,

And I know you're right,

But you didn't tell me how to stop second-guessing.

I know you know,

So spill it,

My friend.

Alright,

I am happy to spill it,

But to answer the question,

Really it was within my original words.

So let's break it down for her and you if second-guessing is a real issue.

And let's face it,

It's a real issue for many of us a lot of the times.

So let's get some facts on the table first because with these locked into our mindset,

Into our thinking,

We can offer ourselves some serious grace,

Which is generally lacking when it comes to second-guessing ourselves.

So first fact on the table,

You're never gonna know everything,

Right?

Can you give yourself a little bit of space and grace,

Please?

In fact,

It's pretty much a given in life that you're not gonna know everything.

And you know what's so interesting is we spend a great deal of our time trying to gather all of the information,

Trying to get everything together so that we can make the ultimate decision,

And so much of the time that is a waste of time.

I am NOT saying don't pause.

Don't think things through.

You know that's always what I teach,

But what I am saying is if you delay yourself in second-guessing because you aren't sure or you don't have enough understanding or information after you spend a great deal of time thinking,

You're wasting your time,

Right?

You're wasting time that you could already be creating something in this powerful movement by simply making a decision.

You are always going to face unknowns.

Fact number two on the table,

There's not too many decisions that you're gonna make that aren't reversible.

Some things are forever.

That's a fact,

Right?

But most things literally are not.

Even that tattoo that you got in a drunken moment is reversible,

Girl.

Okay,

I kid,

But most of the time we have the ability to adjust.

Since that is the truth,

Isn't second-guessing truly really not necessary?

Fact three,

We can go a step further and say that very few of your decisions are actually catastrophic.

The next truth,

The next fact on the table,

Is not making a decision is often worse than making the wrong decision,

Right?

It's harder to live through this wishy-washy,

Haphazardly movement of your life or even getting into decision paralysis than making a choice because your choices can be shifted,

Remember?

Let's be fair.

Making decisions aren't always easy.

I'm gonna give you that,

Right?

I know that.

We all know that.

But what's even harder is second-guessing the decision after it's made.

How many times have you said,

Did I really just say that?

Or did I just do that?

Let's talk about what second-guessing actually is before I give you some quick tips to get out of it.

So second-guessing means that you criticize or question the decision before or after it's made.

Let me give you a few examples.

I know you know this already,

But I always like to,

You know,

Bring it all in.

Let's say you applied for a new job and you landed it after you killed the interview.

But then as it's time to leave your current job,

You begin to,

You know,

Second-guess your choices.

Another example would be that you make the choice to end a relationship.

You go through the process and you have the discomfort of the breakup.

And then you begin to wonder if you made a mistake.

And with all of the second-guessing,

You start to beat yourself up.

Whatever the reason,

We've all been there.

So let's go back to my friend's original question.

How do we get out of this?

How do we stop it?

And the first thing that we do is to offer ourselves permission.

Permission to do what's right for us,

No one else,

But the best version of what's right for you.

Not everyone is going to make the same decisions that you will or have or do.

There's more than one right decision for all of us,

Right?

So if you allow someone else's voice to be stronger or more important than your own,

You will always be second-guessing yourself because the choice you're making is not about you.

This is the biggest thing.

A lot of times we people please our way into choices and then we second-guess them because we haven't made a choice for ourselves.

Okay?

That's the biggest one.

Next,

You have to work to be confident in your decisions.

As confident as you can.

Not the BS of fake it until you make it.

That's not at all what I'm saying.

This is about the connection to your choice.

Second guessing resides in your thoughts.

If you're not advertising your concerns or questions,

Guess what?

No one can question your questioning of you.

Be okay with what you decide.

Go with it and pivot if you need to.

That speaks to trust.

Trust what you do.

Who cares if you made a mistake in the past?

Did you learn?

Did you do something that really can be extracted and the lesson be owned?

Have you dug deep enough to know if the decision that you made was actually wrong after you looked at the big picture or did you not commit to the action and therefore it felt wrong?

Have you really looked at the big picture?

Even the worst decision has a good high point in it.

It has a lesson that's really working to guide you.

You have to look at it and you have to remember that some missteps are meant for you.

They're meant to help you but you actually can't get to that space if you don't make a choice or you fall apart because of the choices you make.

Trust.

Be confident in your choices so that ultimately you can be confident in your choices without all of the head games that you play with yourself.

The next thing that I really want you to do is to look at the long-term effect of your short-term decisions.

What does that mean?

It means if you spend a lot of time second-guessing yourself,

It puts a strain on your mind.

That strain puts a strain on your body.

You then feel tension.

Your immune system is impacted.

Maybe your sleep becomes dysregulated.

Your health is impacted.

Your self-confidence is rocked.

Everything is really shaken and from there you start this spin cycle that is really hard to get out of.

So think about what happens in the long-term and the short-term.

I love to tell people look at your decisions from the front to the back,

Back to front,

And keep yourself looking at the long-term and short-term gains and losses so that you can begin to formulate the best plan for yourself.

That will also take you out of the second-guessing because you actually know what may occur.

Does that mean it always occurs that way?

No,

But it does at least give you some space to get out of that strain and it gives you some understanding of how you can pivot if necessary.

The next piece is something that people who have a lot of trauma really struggle with and I really want you to,

You know,

Figure out where you land in all of this,

But I want you to become more accustomed to making quicker decisions.

Again,

You can always adjust.

I tend,

Me personally,

In my personal life,

I tend to live by the let's see how this goes philosophy and really that leaves the door open to change.

So give it a try.

Let's see how this goes.

If it doesn't work out,

We stop it before it gets too far gone and we give ourselves that space,

Ability,

Trust,

Respect to pivot.

Some of the best things I've done have come from this thinking space.

Some of the best ideas have been born from mistakes.

Some of the best things that I've done have been leaps and I mean big leaps that I wasn't sure how it would turn out and yet because I made a quick decision,

I didn't second-guess it,

I didn't ruminate on it,

I was able to,

You know,

Let it unfold,

Which is missing when we second-guess.

Now the last piece is really being kind to yourself.

I know that it's very hard when we screw things up,

When we feel like we don't make really solid decisions,

But second-guessing is one of those things that takes us into that negativity,

Which means,

Like I said before,

We beat ourselves up.

Be good to yourself.

It's okay that you messed up,

Messing up as a part of life.

You don't have to punish yourself every time something doesn't unfold the way you want it to.

If you're forgiving of others and you don't lean heavily into judgment,

Try not to do that for yourself.

Essentially,

What this comes down to is be willing to leap,

Be willing to make mistakes,

Be willing to get out of the past,

Be willing to look at yourself and really take home the impacts of the long-term and the short-term.

Make the decisions that you need to make because guess what?

Nobody is getting out of making decisions in their life.

No one is.

So instead of creating more problems for yourself,

Stop.

Pause.

Give yourself space.

Long-term to short-term,

Front to back,

Being accustomed to leaping,

To making quick decisions,

To being confident and just doing it.

It seems very simple but it's really not.

It really isn't when you look at how much effort it takes to stop this cycle.

And so you have to be willing to say good or bad.

When choices are made,

I have room to move through the outcome and the consequences.

I know that there's always room for improvement even when things do work out for me.

I know that there's space.

I know that there's new change.

I know that there's something in everything for me and therefore I can make my decisions,

Good or bad,

And live through them.

Not because of them,

Not in spite of them,

But through them.

Through the things that you create.

I hope this helps you understand why it's important to stop second-guessing everything and gives you a few ideas to,

You know,

Stop it in its tracks.

Because long-term,

It's not really worth it.

I want to thank my dear friend for sending me this text and obviously the beautiful conversation that we had prior to it.

And I hope that it helped you to simply challenge yourself.

Make decisions.

It is essential to our growth and of course getting our life together.

Thank you for taking the time to listen to this episode which originally aired on the Get Your Life Together Girl podcast.

Please take the time to review this conversation and follow me here on Insight Timer for more courses,

Meditations,

And additional conversations.

Until next time,

Be kind to yourself and others.