Chapter 2 Understanding Our Patterns If we're not aware of our emotions or the patterns in our lives,
We will likely continue to react to life in the same old unconscious ways that we always have.
When these patterns were first forming,
We were perhaps only children,
Reacting to some fear or unmet need within us.
At that time,
We may have behaved in a myriad of ways,
By withdrawing or lashing out,
For example,
Strategies designed to protect us from the outside world and the perceived dangers it held.
Unfortunately,
At that time,
We may also have been unable to accept and integrate the powerful emotions we were feeling,
And now,
As adults,
Are still affected by these same wounds,
Our lives constantly influenced by their hidden presence.
Ruled to some degree by the past,
We are never truly in the present.
Not trusting life or the wisdom of the emotions within us,
We live separate from ourselves and from others.
And yet,
It is entirely possible to begin learning from our emotions and patterns and start responding to life,
To interact with it,
Instead of simply hiding from it or pushing it away.
To do this,
We just have to begin embracing the present moment and those feelings and sensations that we have,
For so long,
Chosen to avoid.
So the next time you find yourself becoming uncomfortable in a difficult situation and want to react in ways that might cause you or another person pain,
Remember that there can be another way.
The first step you can take to begin responding to life and freeing yourself from your old dysfunctional patterns is to simply bring your attention to your body as it begins the process of reacting.
Silently become aware of the tightening and the speeding up inside.
Patiently watch the resistance and discomfort grow.
Do your best to just take note of any thoughts that arise and keep in mind that it is easy to become debilitated by overthinking yourself into a state of despair.
Simply observe yourself and try to understand what is happening.
Notice how your old pattern is trying to trap you and how you are reacting to it and remember that you can respond to any situation from a place of greater balance and clarity.
It just takes practice to be able to do this.
Over time,
You'll begin to feel more comfortable responding in this way.
So that we can better see how our unconscious reactions to our emotions can leave us in patterns that are not always in our best interest,
We should also do our best to figure out why we're doing something.
There are many more internal forces and motivators at work than we're aware of,
So we should be careful not to make decisions until we have considered all of the reasons behind our choices.
Hasty decisions often lead to unnecessary discomfort in the future.
As we question why we are doing something,
We should look to see what emotional factors might be motivating our decision.
Is it from an old fear that we are running or hiding?
Are we feeling small,
Scared and alone and not wanting to acknowledge it?
Are we running from the imagined pain in this or a future moment?
Rather than just blindly putting ourselves into a situation,
We should instead first run to ourselves.
We should check in and ask,
How will this serve me and how will it hurt me?
Remember,
We are very precious beings and are always being supported by life.
We should always try to look for ways that feel right and follow them.
We also have to understand that these feelings are often hiding behind a fear of change.
It is important to respect when we are feeling scared and understand that this is a natural reaction to growing and moving in new directions.
And again,
We have to remember to run to ourselves.
We must do our best to hold and accept our fear within our awareness and listen to our spirit calling from behind the voice of fear,
To the wise man or woman inside who is urging us on through our fear.
To change our unhealthy patterns,
We have to begin listening inside and growing from our experiences,
From our successes and our mistakes.
And we have to work with our lives as they are,
As we find them in each moment,
For that is ultimately all that we can do.
We can practice constantly checking in with ourselves to see how we are feeling and ponder the answers that we hear rising up from the wealth of truth that we are.
By doing this,
We can begin learning from every situation and let our inner truths help us determine how best to make changes in our lives.
Until we are able to face ourselves,
Our patterns and our fears,
Life will continue to give us the same lessons over and over.
In order to learn from them and move beyond them,
We have to remain dedicated to changing and growing despite any outside forces that may make us want to remain small and hidden.
We must keep pushing forward gently within ourselves.
Even when we are around people that we imagine make it difficult for us to change,
We have to be firm in our commitment to realizing our potential.
The societal pressures that are influencing us can take many forms and be very strong.
To overcome them,
We must commit to embracing change and to better understanding ourselves.
We must not let others' perceptions of who we are and who we might become limit us from growing and changing our patterns.
This is a dangerous roadblock,
For it's often very subtle and stems from a lifetime of living in fear and seeking approval.
We must be a light unto ourselves and do our best to not let others' limited behaviors keep us limited.
We have to grow.
We must change.
It is the natural way of life.
