Listeners Question: The Happiness Trap

This episode features a listener's question. How can I have a happy life? Happiness seems to be a magical word for the last 50 plus years or so. Every person should be happy and must find ways to become a happy person. Let us first look at the phenomena of happiness, what is it?

Transcript

The happiness trap.

Hi,

This is Kathy.

I've been following your podcast a while.

They are really helpful.

I wish to learn more about life.

I'm wondering how to live a happy life without regrets.

Are there magical tips to follow?

Thank you.

Happiness seems to be the magical world for the last 50 years or so.

Since the 60s the people are talking about it day and night.

They search for many ways to find the ultimate happiness.

And every person should be happy and must find ways to become a happy person.

But we first look at the phenomena of happiness.

What really is it?

Happiness may be considered a feeling that creates a state of carefree enjoyment of the moment.

At such moment the world does not bother you.

All your problems are gone.

You feel no pain,

No sorry and the body is completely comfortable.

Happiness shows in smiling,

Laughing and all other ways to express a form of freedom like dancing and other movements.

Most people combine happiness with moving which increases the period you are able to feel the happiness.

One of the main reasons is that endorphins in the brain and body are released and stimulating the neural system to relax.

Happiness comes in moments and never take long.

Just moments,

Seconds,

Minutes,

Sometimes hours.

The longest possible time of happiness is when you fall deeply in love and that must be answered.

Because falling in love alone seems not really enough.

But falling in love can last on so six months to a year and seldom longer.

If you desperately seek happiness for long period of time you should seek falling in love as a strong alternative.

That implies that you will have to fall in love,

Fall out of love,

Again search for the new partner,

Fall in love,

Fall out of love and so on.

A very tiring process for the rest of your life and if that makes you happy that's very very doubtful.

Most people take drugs as they think that they experience moments of happiness but in fact these experiences are detachment of reality.

They experience a complete disconnection of their body and environment for the period of the effectiveness of the drugs.

In short I can say that we can experience happy moments but not a happy life.

In this case Buddha was right.

Life is suffering and he was not only referring to the human life.

Look around you and start to observe your environment without judgment.

Look all plants and animals look carefully.

Are they happy and how do you know they are happy?

Do they live in a state of happiness?

Surely not.

Animals must find their food every day again and should struggle with their peers.

Strangers and most of all live in fear to be killed by predators.

Plants long for sun and water and have to adjust their metabolism if that does not come enough.

The reasons for plant to be happy is something even more doubtful.

Living a happy life without regrets is only possible when you learn two major important factors.

First of all learn to accept that happiness comes in moments and never take a long time.

It flashes by,

Disappears without you being able to cling on to it.

When you accept that part of life all becomes already much easier.

The second part are the regrets many people have.

You create regrets when you wanted to try something but did not do it or you did try something and it turned out to be something stupid or things went wrong.

Regrets are directly connected with your actions.

Each action creates a reaction.

This is what you find back in nearly every podcast of mine.

Action always must be taken before a reaction will follow.

If you did not take an action nothing will happen.

If nothing happens your life has ended before you actually started.

Then why do you regret some actions or not taking some actions?

This all depends on the judgment of the environment and your personal situation.

Let me look again.

Regrets are created by judgment of a situation not by acceptation.

You create regrets by first of all by blaming and then repeating of past situations or lack of knowledge or understanding but also not able to change or correct something.

And the last thing is often a feeling of helplessness.

When we look very careful to the personal life of every person on earth we can find that everybody has some regrets.

The fact is that many people are bothered by their regrets and by doing so they limit their life and capacity of happiness.

The more regrets you have the lesser chance to become happy.

Regrets must be understood,

Spoken out and communicated with trusted people.

Most regrets are not reasonable and based on tunnel judgment.

The owner of the regret develops a limited observation,

Mental restrictions and even a fear of new situations.

Yes,

Regrets are directly linked with fear.

Fear is an emotion which shows several degrees of power in a person.

Fear directly influences a person's actions.

Most of the time it is possible to treat fear by confrontation the cause of the fear.

When we know the source of the regret and able to communicate this with the person it is possible to find the fear behind it.

In most cases keep in mind that this is not a full list and it doesn't count for all cases.

It is just certain suggestions.

The rule of losing something,

Someone is very important and can be very fearful.

Or not having the guts of doing something,

Really that is very important.

Fear of mistakes and judgments,

That is what you get already as a kid and that can really last a lifetime.

And also the fear of personal capacities are factors behind most of the regrets.

The magical tool behind all this is the solution of acceptance of who you are and the situation that you are facing during life.

It is acceptance that you are not perfect,

That you make mistakes,

That you are not as pretty as you want to be.

And that you did not reach the goals that you have set in your mind or that you do not have the friends that you really wanted to have.

All these factors and maybe more will help you to reduce the amount of regrets and let the regrets do not have power over your daily life.

When you dare to accept your personal faith in life and able to take a chance or face a situation without the fear of regrets,

It is very likely you may have happy moments in your life without the bitter sorrows of regrets.

This is my advice and I think that it might be good to have talks,

Perform hobbies,

Get interests,

Sports.

Because sport is really helpful and it helps you to feel better,

Make your health better.

When you have a better health you can meet more people.

It is not easy in a time like this when communication is far from direct,

Difficult to meet people and you have to use all kinds of apps and communication methods to find the right person.

And when you think you find that right person after all you may regret it.

But why should you?

Why should you regret your adventures?

You are trying.

If you do that it is like you never start a business because you regret that you will fail and failing is a part of business.

Normally it is 10 tries,

9 failures,

1 success.

And if you believe the programs on TV like Dragon's Den and all the others you are surprised that people are cut down,

Kicked away and be drawn in negative comments.

People get influenced by the daily news,

By the daily programs.

A lot of things that you watch on TV,

News in general is negative.

So that is what you learn.

You learn to review life with a negative vision.

That must stop.

You should not let yourself be influenced by this.

All negative ideas of people who know things better than you,

At least that is what they pretend to do because they are out there and telling you what to do.

That is not the right way.

I learn the hard way myself personally.

I fall down a thousand times,

Stand up again and move down.

Because I try,

I learn,

I experience.

I have been all the places.

And when I look back I can say,

Yes,

I had a happy life.

I had a good life,

Full of things with bad moments.

So that I changed my vision of life itself.

You can live a happy life if you turn the bad parts in moments instead of the happy parts.

Then you will understand that a happy life without regrets is a life lived in full and just with the acceptation of who you are,

What you want and so on with bad moments.

Yes,

Just moments.

If you want to connect with me then send an email to Arnoldwere at outlook.

Com and you can comment,

You can leave your questions like listener and you are very welcome to do that.

You need to interact more,

Become a community.

Send me your questions.

Do it please,

Vocally.

You don't have to mention your name.

You don't have to mention anything else.

Just a question.

You are welcome.

Arnold,

You spell it.

A R N A U D V E R E at outlook.

Com.

Be well.

Reviews

Beautiful. Thank you 🙏