Selfgentleness Step 9 Finding Joy

This is the recording of Femke's monthly Selfgentleness Live of 11 October 2024. In this talk, Femke's explains how Selfgentleness can help you find a life with more joy. After the talk, she guides you in a meditation to experience for your self how you can apply selfgentleness and feel joy from within. Questions from participants are answered, like always. If you want to know more about selfgentleness, try Femke's Insight Timer course ' Start being Selfgentle Today'

Transcript

Hello everyone,

Welcome to my monthly self-gentleness live.

My name is Femke Bakker and I am a self-gentleness teacher here on the Insight Timer.

And today we are going to speak about self-gentleness step 9,

Finding joy.

But I will tell you more in a minute.

Let's just take some minutes to let people come in,

Join us.

So if you're here,

Let me know who you are,

Where you are in the world and especially what does joy mean to you.

So hi Jean,

Welcome from Chicago,

Hi Cherry,

Lovely to see you,

Hi Mona,

Hi Stephanie,

Hi Luanne,

Luanne has a son,

You have joy in your life,

Right Luanne?

Lovely to see you.

Hi Peterbroek,

Lovely good morning to you from Australia,

Right?

So hi Annemiek,

Thank you so much for being here.

Hi Kirsten,

Lovely that you are here.

Hi Jay,

Joining from sunny Los Angeles in California,

Oh that's so lovely,

I love California.

Hi Kazban,

Welcome,

Lovely that you are here.

Okay,

So let me,

Hi Stephanie,

You're in South Carolina,

Also really beautiful,

I hope you are okay,

That you didn't have too much troubles with the hurricane lately,

Because I understood it was kind of rough there,

Right?

Okay,

So before I start,

I just wanted to say something to you and that is that I have organized three special lives,

So separate from my monthly Selvgentenous life,

Every second Friday of the month.

I am organizing three lives on the 30th of October,

31st of October and the 1st of November.

And these are of course about Selvgentenous,

But it is about easing into election season.

So I was inspired to do this because I have this course here on Inside Timer,

It's called How to Deal with Challenging Behaviors and Opinions,

Which is a course which will help you to deal with challenging opinions and behaviors,

Especially when it comes to being in a polarized society.

And I realize that I have a lot of followers and people joining me on lives from the US and I know that with the elections coming up,

A lot of people have feeling stress about it,

Having problems maybe with people that they love,

That might have different ideas about whom to elect for and things like that.

So I've organized these three sessions,

Which are a few days before the actual elections,

And don't worry,

We will not speak about politics.

I will not tell you what is right or wrong,

I will not tell you who to vote for,

Who not to vote for.

That's not up to me,

That's completely up to you.

What I will do there is to discuss with you how you can help yourself with self-gentleness to navigate those times if they're challenging for you,

Because they might be challenging.

So that's coming up,

That's by the end of this month,

But I wanted to mention you already that you know this,

Because normally you might just expect me to be here back in a month,

Which I will be also on the 8th of November with step 10,

And then we will speak about finding ease.

But today we are speaking about finding joy.

Oh yeah,

One thing before I forget it,

I do not know if Violet is here,

But in a few hours I will also join Ask Your Guides.

I don't know,

My fellow teacher here on Insight Timer,

Violet 108,

She's organizing these beautiful lives where she brings teachers together from Insight Timer to discuss certain topics.

So today at 1am my time,

I'm Central European time,

Which is 7pm at Eastern time in the US,

And it must be 4pm Pacific time,

And I don't know exactly what will be the time in Australia and New Zealand,

But it will be in a few hours.

And today there will be a live about returning to love,

And she has kindly asked me to join,

Which I will do in a few hours.

So if you're still up by then,

It might be difficult when you're in Europe,

But if you're in the Americas or down under,

You might want to join us later on.

And Violet,

If you are here,

I don't mind if you would put up the link for the live later on,

So people can copy it and come to check.

Yes,

I mean Violet 108,

That's not Blossom Violet,

That's another teacher who is also in the same group,

Very often organizing these things,

So,

Okay.

So that's about all the announcement,

Let me just check who else joined today,

More.

.

.

Jay says it's so great to catch her live,

It's been a while since I've been able to attend one of my lives.

Thank you so much for being here,

Thank you,

And I'm really happy that you're happy with my work.

Hi Peace,

Hi Kirsten,

Cherry says,

We have elections this Sunday,

But thanks of the meditations,

I have calmness about the elections,

Peace and honor that I may vote,

And joy,

Yes,

That's really great,

Cherry.

And as I remember,

Cherry,

You also followed the course about political tolerance,

Right?

So if you want to get a hang of that already,

You can always check out my courses here on Insight Timer,

After the live,

You can go to my profile under the tab courses,

And there you will find how to deal with challenging behaviors and opinions,

And there are now almost 7,

500 people who did this course,

It's ranked a 4.

8,

And it's not to brag,

But it's mainly to say that most people who do it are really,

Really loving it,

Are really giving me back that it's actually helping them to navigate the sometimes difficulties within their society,

Within their community,

Within their families,

Within their circles of friends when it comes to having different opinions on politics.

So let's see who else is here,

Tiffany from New Orleans,

First time here,

Well,

Welcome Tiffany,

Lovely that you are here,

Hi Laurie from Tavannes,

And alright,

So let's get to my life of today,

Finding joy.

So if you've been here the last months,

Actually since January,

You've seen that every month I had a different topic,

We started about the self-gentleness journey,

What it is,

So for everyone who is new here,

And just to repeat for everyone who already knows,

My definition of self-gentleness,

The concept that I put up here is radically accepting yourself as the most important person to consistently deserve your own gentleness.

Shall I say it again?

Radically accepting yourself as the most important person to consistently deserve your own gentleness.

So what does this mean actually?

It means that we all know these moments when we are gentle with ourselves,

Because we do something right,

Or because someone tells us that they are proud of us,

Or someone thanks us for a contribution,

Or all those things where we can feel good about ourselves.

In that moment we are gentle with ourselves,

So we can all have these moments,

Whether they are sometimes or often,

Whether they are about small things or big things,

We know how to be gentle with ourselves.

Radically being gentle with yourself is that you are also gentle with yourself when you do something that you are not so satisfied with,

When you do something that you are not so proud of,

Something that you did wrong,

Something because you made a mistake,

Or maybe because someone else told you that you did something wrong or not right.

That is a radical part in this.

Can you also extend yourself that gentleness when you fall down and you cannot get up immediately,

Or when you fall down and you can get up,

But you are blaming yourself for not being able to just be on your feet and not to fall.

And that's tricky for many people,

Because we all,

Including myself,

Have this inner critic that is going on in our head about the things that we are not so happy with,

That we do not approve of,

Things like that.

And to actually deal with that inner critic,

That's not so easy.

And for this,

Self-gentleness offers really great tools to help you to deal with that inner critic when it comes up.

So then you have noticed that within my definition there is also the word consistently.

And I always apply that for the interactions with others,

Because it's not always so easy to be gentle with yourself when you have critical people around you.

And even when the critique might be right,

Because yes,

Sometimes we are all human,

Sometimes we do things wrong,

When people criticize us for whatever reason,

Whether they are right or not,

We want to take that blame upon ourselves.

And even when someone says,

OK,

I didn't like it,

But OK,

OK,

I forget about it or I forgive you,

Then still we continue to beat ourselves up.

So radically and consistently knowing,

Applying,

Knowing,

Acting,

Behaving like you are the most important person to deserve your own gentleness.

That is what all my teachings are about.

So since January,

I took you on this path of speaking about this as a journey.

Becoming self-gentle is not something that you learn and then you've got it for the rest of your life.

No,

It is a lifelong work-in-progress process.

It's something that you have to continually work on,

However,

You get better and better at it.

It's like peeling an onion.

And why will it be a lifelong process?

Because you are living your life.

You are encountering new things,

You're learning new things,

You're meeting new people,

You're getting new jobs,

You're going.

There's so many new things in your life that might dig into those old feelings where the inner critic might pop up and start again.

But that's okay because we're human and the beauty of self-gentleness is that you can always apply these tools to become self-gentle again.

So I sometimes joke to say I'm a master of self-gentleness,

But that doesn't mean that I'm self-gentle all the time because also I have this inner critic as I might have spoken about before.

I'm a previous perfectionist,

I used to be someone who was really a perfectionist,

I'm not anymore,

But I'm calling myself a previous perfectionist because I also know that I can always get back to that need to be perfect.

So this happens sometimes when I do something wrong or maybe when I do something wrong to someone else or someone is criticizing me or someone is judging me because they don't like who I am or how I behave or what kind of ideas I have,

What kind of opinions I have.

And in those moments,

Sometimes it's really hard to be gentle for me,

To remember that it is okay to be who I am with words and all,

With the beautiful things and with the not so beautiful things,

That I'm human and that we as humans are what denotes human beingness is by just being here and trying to do our best but also failing sometimes.

And that is okay because it doesn't take away the core fact that we are all worthy.

We are all so very worthy.

Every being,

I'm not just speaking about human beings,

I'm speaking about all beings,

We are all worthy,

We are all lovable,

But in certain moments we tend to forget that about ourselves and that's where self-gentleness comes in and that's why it's a lifelong process that you will just have to keep at going.

So again,

I said I'm the master of self-gentleness even though I'm not self-gentle all the time.

Why am I a master of self-gentleness?

Because when I notice that I'm not gentle with myself and that noticing generally comes pretty,

Pretty quick,

I know now it is my task to become gentle again.

And sometimes that realization is enough to just get back there and sometimes it takes me a few hours,

A few days,

Maybe even sometimes a few weeks.

There are always these topics in life where it remains hard to be self-gentle.

So over the course of last year up till today,

October we are now,

I spoke about the power of tuning in because this is the core element of my self-gentleness teachings where I teach you to tune in with yourself so that you start to recognize what is going on within you,

What it is that you need right now and to honor that need even if you cannot fulfill the need right now,

But that you will understand that this is something you need now or that you can work towards so you can fulfill this need at a later moment.

And this tuning in,

Best is every evening,

Every morning and at least once or maybe more often during the day.

There are a lot of tracks in my profile here on Insight Timer as well,

Free tracks as also premium tracks about self-gentleness that can teach you to deal with that or even better,

I have this course in Insight Timer,

It's called Start to Be Self-Gentle Today.

It's an English course of four days with teachings and then three bonus tracks to start doing these every day.

Three bonus tracks of each three minutes to help you navigate through the time and when you start doing these for at least,

You know,

Let's say 30 days,

Which is like three times three minutes a day,

Nine minutes a day for 30 days and in one month you will really feel that you start becoming more self-gentle,

That you start becoming more sensitive to what is actually going on in your mind,

In your heart,

In your body,

In your soul.

And sometimes that's hard to become sensitive to our needs because we have busy lives,

Life is going so fast and with all the digital age,

Social media,

The expectations of people around us,

Our own expectations,

It's sometimes really hard to take that moment and actually experience what is going on within you,

What it is that you need.

And the beauty is that you will start to recognize that sometimes you need quietness and rest and tenderness and sometimes you just need some action and energy.

So becoming sensitive to what is going on within you is so important.

So tuning in,

We spoke about that and it's a recurring theme in every self-gentleness life because it's the core of my self-gentleness teachings.

We spoke about the power of daily practices.

We spoke about expectations of others and ourselves.

We spoke about healthy boundaries.

We spoke about dealing with difficult emotions.

We spoke about self-care and last month we spoke about actually allowing yourself to receive help and love from others,

Which is also not always so easy.

So now we are here and the title is Finding Joy.

And you know what,

I really love that because finding joy is in the end,

In my book,

A beautiful outcome of becoming self-gentle.

When you are more self-gentle,

You will find more joy.

And let me tell you a little secret.

If you ask me what is the overarching purpose of human beings on earth,

Then I think this is finding joy.

So what is joy for you?

I just asked you that and I do not know if people already let us know.

Thank you,

Cherry,

For all your recommendations from my courses.

Thank you so much.

That's really,

Really kind.

So let me just be here.

What is joy for you?

When do you experience joy?

Really curious to hear from you guys.

Let me start by telling you what joy is for me.

I find joy in many things and I especially feel it when I am able to be with myself,

To feel okay with myself,

To be satisfied with where I am right now,

To have the time to be aware of what is going on in my environment as well through my senses,

As being aware of where I am at at the moment.

And when I can tune in and feel what it is that I need,

That I can actually allow myself to receive that in the moment.

And when I allow myself that,

Then I find joy.

So let's see,

Lori says a sense of peace and wonder in the day-to-day,

That's beautiful.

Peter Brook,

Being creative without pressure,

Oh yeah,

That's a beautiful one,

Without pressure.

That's not always that easy,

I love that one.

Mona says joy is peace and contentment,

Yeah,

I agree.

Stephanie says peace and calmness from within and in the environment,

I mean,

That's also really beautiful.

Anamik says a micro-moment,

When my little kitten is purring on my lap,

Oh yeah,

Oh yes,

Our animals,

Our pets,

They can help us really find that joy,

Right,

Their unconditional love,

Connecting with us,

Beautiful.

Joe also says spending time with my pet kitty,

That's really lovely.

Dora,

Being in nature in silence,

Walking away from people and having unexpected wildlife encounters.

Oh,

That's beautiful.

And hi,

Dora,

So happy that you're here,

That's beautiful.

Cherry says joy means playing Lego,

I don't know how you pronounce it,

Lego,

Lego,

Right?

And feeling my inner child,

Discovering my creativity and losing time and glowing from inside and smiling with a big smile.

Cherry,

When I read your comments here,

Your comments in my meditation self-gentleness group here on Insight Timer,

I have the impression that you always find a lot of joy in your life.

Thank you for sharing that.

Mary says being in nature,

Yeah,

Beautiful.

Robert says I find joy in drumming or dancing in play with others in group gatherings.

Oh,

That's nice,

Yeah.

Sometimes finding a moment of awe in nature,

Observing surprising magical things,

Yeah.

I love that a lot of you guys are mentioning nature,

Being in nature,

Being,

You know,

Peaceful within with yourself.

Tiffany says warm,

Genuine hugs and letting myself off the hook and nature.

Oh,

That's also really beautiful.

Finding joy in warm,

Genuine hugs because,

Yeah,

Other people can give us a lot of joy,

Right?

Not always.

And you're also not responsible for bringing us joy.

But when you are connecting,

It can be so joyful,

Really beautiful.

Yes,

I agree.

Cherry is joy.

A good fun pet book.

Mary says 100% loving and taking care of a dog,

A cat.

That's also really,

Really beautiful.

Dora says animals are always in the moment.

They don't look back in anger or into the future with fear.

They live in the now and savor every moment.

Yes,

I agree.

That's beautiful.

We can learn a lot from that.

I can learn a lot when it's about joy and especially also finding ease,

The topic for next month.

I can learn a lot from watching my cat,

How she just finds that ease and enjoys that with everything she's got in her.

Yeah,

Lovely,

Lovely.

Thank you,

Dora,

For that.

Jay says for me,

Joy is waking up in the morning and feeling a sense of calm,

Which is not often,

But when it happens,

I acknowledge it with gratitude.

That's really,

Really beautiful.

You know what,

Dear Jay,

I think that really digs into what I was just saying about doing these daily self-gentleness practices.

In my free tracks on Insight Timer,

I have two morning tracks.

One is waking,

A morning practice to start the morning without worries,

And the other one is a self-gentleness practice,

Waking up,

Oh,

I always forget mine,

With a loving feeling.

Cherry,

You know the title,

Right?

I always forget the titles.

I have so many tracks,

And then when I submit them,

I think of these wonderful names,

And then I want to repeat them here,

And I remember what it's about,

But the actual title.

So,

Sorry,

Get back to that.

There's this morning practice,

Wake up with a loving morning practice,

That's the title.

So what you do when you wake up is that before you even open your eyes,

You greet yourself,

You just say,

Good morning,

Darling,

And how are you?

And you can even caress yourself,

You know,

To greet yourself.

And then you ask yourself,

How are you doing,

Darling?

And then you answer yourself.

And it is okay,

You don't have to be joyful,

You don't have to be full of energy.

Whatever's going on,

This is what you will answer yourself.

And then you greet that with gentleness,

Because whatever's going on,

If you say,

Oh,

I feel so calm and joyful,

Then you can say,

Oh,

Lovely,

How,

That's so wonderful,

I love you so much for feeling that,

I'm so happy for you.

But if the answer would be,

Oh,

I'm really tired,

And I really wish I could go back to sleep,

Then you can also tell yourself,

Oh,

Good morning,

Darling,

Oh,

I'm so sorry that you didn't get enough sleep,

Or your sleep was not deep enough,

And you know what,

Let's see if maybe we can sneak in a few more minutes now,

And if not,

You know what,

Let's see later today if we can get an extra moment where you can rest,

And you know what,

Let's cancel that dinner date tonight so you can go to bed early.

And allowing yourself such a moment to feel whatever's going on,

What it is that you need,

And that you honor that need right now,

Or you promise yourself to honor it later on,

That creates an openness and calmness.

And if you do that often enough,

And preferably every day for a certain amount of time so that it becomes a really loving habit of starting a day with self-gentleness,

Then you will start to notice that waking up in calmness and joy also for you becomes easier and easier.

It is always paired with an evening practice where you set yourself up for the next morning.

So if you do my INSIGHT AMA course,

Start being self-gentle right now,

Today,

Then you will learn about these techniques,

These tools to help you with that.

All right,

So Tanya says,

Glimmers,

They put me in higher vibes,

Oh I love that,

That's really,

Really great.

Yeah,

People are giving her praise for the work that Dora does,

Dora is a volunteer,

She's helping foxes in need,

And I see a lot of people are giving her praise for the beautiful profile picture,

But also the work that she's doing,

And I agree,

Dora's doing really,

Really beautiful work,

So I'm happy that other people are recognizing that also.

And Jerry refers to this morning meditation,

That he does it every single day as his first thing in the morning,

And you start your day with a smile,

That's beautiful.

Jean says,

Whenever I notice that I'm being harsh to myself,

And course correcting myself turning myself towards self-love and gentleness,

Then you experience joy.

Yeah,

Absolutely,

That's the connection that you make with yourself,

Who you are.

So I explained to you what finding joy is for me,

And in the end that is basically when you get to that place where you allow yourself that gentleness,

And this boils down to being okay with who you are,

How you are,

In every moment in time,

Whatever is going on,

No matter what,

Being okay with that.

Maybe even being more than okay with that,

Allowing yourself also to not be okay,

Allowing yourself to experience emotions that are maybe not pleasant,

But you know that you have to process this,

Being okay with all of that.

Then there comes this peacefulness,

This calmness,

This softness,

This gentleness within,

And by definition that will bring you joy.

So joy,

A lot of people when you would ask,

What is joy for you,

They might mention,

You know,

The bigger things,

The big events,

The lovely surprises,

Being in a party,

Having a lot of energy flowing,

Having a win,

And of course these are joyful moments,

But these are joyful moments for which we need an external thing to happen.

Other people,

Achieving things,

The need for success,

And I'm not saying that these things are wrong,

I'm not saying that these things are not something to want,

Because that's great,

If that's your desire,

Go for it.

But you can find joy within,

Without first having your environment and the people around it having to do something for you,

Finding the joy.

And that's why it is today the topic,

Finding joy,

Because this is the beautiful spillover effect when you become gentle with yourself.

So on next month we will speak about finding ease,

Which is another side effect,

Which we can actually also help ourselves with,

With different tools that we might use,

But the Dora,

Dora,

I'm reading Dora,

But the joy,

The joyful Dora,

The joy,

That is something that you can also experience within.

So let's meditate together and find some joy within,

All right?

I'm just,

I have a vest on,

And I feel it's a bit warm,

So I'm going to take it off,

All right,

So.

So first of all,

Make sure that you're comfortable,

You can lie down if you like,

You can sit up,

And just sit in a way or lie in a way that is really comfortable to you.

So lean against the back of the chair that's comfortable for you,

You can put your feet on the ground,

Just be aware of your connection with the earth,

This beautiful earth that is supporting you,

Put your hands in your lap,

Relaxed,

You can put your palms open to the sky,

For me that's always a way to feel I'm more open to receiving,

And now gently close your eyes.

Now first let's bring our attention to the here and now with using our senses.

So you start with bringing your attention to whatever you are hearing right now.

So you hear my voice probably,

So you hear that,

But can you hear also other sounds?

Can you hear other prominent sounds in your environment?

Maybe you hear a car outside,

Maybe you hear the neighbors,

Airplanes flying over.

Can you bring your attention now to the more distant sounds,

Further away?

Maybe there are birds outside,

Maybe you hear voices in the distance.

Try to probe with your ears the farthest sound that you can hear,

And now bring your attention to the more subtle sounds in your environment,

Like your own breath,

Or your heartbeat,

Your clothes shifting on your skin.

Now bring your attention to whatever you see with your eyes closed.

Yes,

You can see with your eyes closed,

Just pay attention.

Maybe you see some moving spots behind your eyes,

Maybe it's just black,

Dark.

Maybe you see the light shimmering through your eyelids,

Or colored dots,

Swirling colors.

Whatever it is,

You don't have to change it.

Just observe whatever you see with your eyes closed.

Now bring your attention to your sense of touch.

So the most prominent feelings you might have in your body is you sitting on the seat,

Your buttocks on the cushion of the chair,

Your feet touching the ground.

You feel how your hands are laying in your lap.

But can you feel also a little bit more subtle touch,

Like your socks sitting on your ankles,

Your shirt on your skin?

Can you feel the air on your cheeks?

Your hair is in the back of your neck,

Or on your face if you have a beard.

Now bring your attention to whatever you are smelling.

First you smell the more prominent smells,

Like your own smell of your soap,

Or perfume,

Or aftershave.

Maybe you smell the coffee you just drank.

But can you smell also more subtle smells?

Maybe there are flowers in the room,

Or you can smell the fabric of your clothes,

Wooden floor,

The quality of the air.

Now bring your attention to your sense of taste.

What do you taste?

There's always some kind of taste.

Maybe it's just the taste of a dry mouth,

Or a bit acidity,

Or something you just ate or drank,

Maybe you had a mint in your mouth.

What is it that you taste?

Now let's see if we can stack that together.

Bring your attention again to whatever you are hearing.

And while you keep your attention on what you are hearing,

You bring your attention also to what you are seeing with your eyes closed.

While you keep your attention on your hearing and your seeing,

You also bring your attention to whatever you are feeling with your sense of touch with your body,

Your skin.

While you keep your attention on your hearing,

Your seeing,

Your touch,

You bring your attention also to whatever you are smelling right now.

And while you keep your attention on your hearing,

Your seeing,

Your touch,

Your smell,

You also bring your attention to your taste.

And if you don't manage to keep your attention on all your five senses,

That's okay.

Just focus on one that is getting easy,

That is easy for you to do,

That's okay.

You can experience the richness of being in connection with the here and now,

Right now,

You as you are right now.

This already brings a sense of calmness,

Quietness.

All right,

I want to take you on a small trip.

And for this,

I'm going to guide you in a visualization.

So you can follow my words and use your own fantasy to make this visualization real for you.

So for some people that might be seeing images,

For others that might be just knowing where you are,

Feeling where you are,

Using words where you are,

It is all okay.

If you use your fantasy like you do for yourself when you fantasize,

Then you are doing it exactly right,

All right.

Now before us,

There is an elevator door and there is this button in a heart,

In the shape of a heart.

So let's press this button and we see that the door is open,

So let's get in.

In this elevator,

There is again a button with the shape of a heart.

It's so appealing to push it,

So let's push it.

And you feel that the elevator is moving downwards.

And while it's moving,

You get this sense that you are relaxing even more.

It is as if this elevator is guiding you within yourself.

It is as if this elevator is helping you to descend,

To go into your own heart,

Into your own soul,

Getting deeper within.

So the elevator stops and the doors open and you get out.

And you see that you are in a beautiful garden,

A really,

Really beautiful garden.

The grass is greener and such a beautiful color that it's the most beautiful green color that you ever,

Ever saw.

And while you're walking into this garden,

You see these beautiful,

Big trees,

Rustling leaves and there are these beautiful,

Gorgeous birds with all kinds of colors are sitting and singing.

You feel the sun on your cheeks and it's exactly right.

It's not too hot,

It's not too cold,

It is exactly as you like it.

There's also a small breeze,

Very gentle.

It's almost as if the wind is caressing your skin with love,

Letting you know that you are so welcome.

And when you look around,

You see beautiful flowers and all kinds of colors and it's so touching your heart.

This is the garden which you would visit in your dreams.

This is the garden that you would design,

If you would design your garden.

This is like a dream garden.

So when you continue to walk,

You might see these really beautiful animals.

You might see some foxes,

You might see some kittens,

You might see some dogs,

Some horses,

But maybe also other animals,

Whatever you like.

Everything is there,

Living together peacefully,

Gently resting in the grass,

Enjoying the sun and the breeze.

Now when we continue to walk,

We see that there is this little campfire and it's so appealing to come and sit there and when you approach the campfire,

You also see that there is this little little stool and you know that this stool is for you because when you look on it,

You see your name written on it.

That's amazing.

There's this beautiful garden and this beautiful campfire with this gorgeous smell of burning wood in just that really cozy way that reminds you from the time that you were a kid and your parents or your friends or your grandparents made this fire so you could be warm and you take the stool with your name on it and you sit on it next to the fire and you're watching the fire,

The flames,

The lovely sounds of the wood burning and while you're sitting here relaxing,

Watching the fire,

I'm going to ask you a question and I don't want you to think about this question because the answer that will pop up in your mind,

That will be your answer,

That will be the answer from your subconsciousness and that's okay because that's what we want and if no answer comes,

That's also okay.

It will come at a different time.

So what commonly stands in your way to experience joy?

What commonly stands in your way to experience joy?

There it is,

The first thing that pops up.

It might be lack of time,

It might be having to take care of others,

It might be my own critical thoughts,

It might be your job,

It might be anything,

Whatever it is,

It is okay.

Just whatever popped up,

Be aware that this is a thing from which you believe it stands in your way of experiencing joy and I'm here to tell you that that is not true.

It is you believing that this stands in your way and let's work with that right now because I would love for you to experience that you can feel joy whenever you want it,

No matter what.

So you have this answer,

You know what?

Let's put your hands out in front of you and let that answer rest there.

Maybe it's the thought in a sentence that is there,

Maybe it's an item,

Maybe it's a person which is small right now,

Just see this element that stands in your way is now in your hands and we are going to,

You can guess maybe already,

We are going to put this in the fire now.

So you can throw it,

You can gently put it,

You can put it as ever you like,

You don't have to be afraid,

The fire will never burn you,

This fire is completely benign to you.

You can even put your hands in the fire and gently drop it in the middle and see what happens.

Alright go ahead if you didn't do already.

So this element from which you believe it stands in the way of joy is now in the fire and something magical is happening because you see from it comes this beautiful green sparks,

They are going up and up and the flames become bigger and higher and it's still very safe to be here because we are in your fantasy and everything is safe there.

But it's so beautiful because when you look up it's like,

It's almost like a beautiful firework.

So this element that was bothering you is transforming itself in something that is so beautiful.

And when you look into the fire now,

You can see yourself having joy.

How does that look,

You experiencing joy?

And also here don't overthink it,

If you do not see anything that's okay.

It's also okay to feel something,

To know something.

It's also okay to hear your favorite song and maybe even you feel the spark of joy within you already.

Alright let's get back to ourselves again.

Is there anything else that you hold on to that might stand in your way to experience joy?

Okay,

Let's find the most critical thought that is bugging you on a frequent basis and that stands in your way to experience joy.

Yes,

That thought that popped up now.

That is a thought with which you like to whip yourself.

This is a thought that you like to tell yourself when things are not going your way.

This is a thing that you are telling yourself when you feel that you are not good enough.

And you know what?

Let's put it on your hands again and put it as a token,

Put it as a word,

See it as a little monster,

Whatever is there,

Take it out of yourself.

You can even pull it out of yourself if you like in your fantasy.

You put it in your hands and then into the fire.

That feels so good.

When you feel how good it feels to release that thought,

To put it in the fire,

It doesn't mean that it will never come back,

But that's okay because now you know what to do with it.

The moment it pops up,

You decide to put it in the fire and not just to burn it,

No,

It's to transform it because also now you see these beautiful colors mingling in the fire,

Creating this beautiful big flame with sparkles all over the air.

And if you put your hands on your heart with me,

Put your hands on your heart for a moment.

You suddenly feel a little bit more room to be gentle to yourself.

It might be small,

It might be just a millimeter,

It might be a centimeter,

It might be large,

But it's okay.

You created a little bit more room to allow that joy that comes with self-gentleness in your heart.

Maybe there's another thought that you want to put in the fire.

Maybe there is some worries about something.

Maybe there is something that you've been chewing on.

Maybe there's a problem that is keeping you from moving on.

Whatever it is,

Again,

Let it come out of you in your hands and then drop it in the fire.

Feel the release from that.

Feel how good it feels to let go of that and see the transformation in this beautiful fire and just know that by letting go,

Releasing,

Releasing into this fire that you allow yourself to experience more joy,

More gentleness.

See how it transmutes into something that you find gorgeous.

Beautiful colors.

Maybe it smells really great.

It's a gift for yourself,

You know,

This transmutation that you see in front of you.

All right,

Now,

Let's get up from the fire and let's take a small walk together.

You might be aware that we are here with many other meditators from all over the world and that's really,

Really great because we are all together in this and we are now all sitting around this same fire.

Can you imagine that?

With all these beautiful souls who've just released so many things.

Let's take a walk together.

Let's walk there.

There is a little brook.

Let's walk next to that brook and see the flow of the water running by.

It's moving me to see this and when you take a good look in the water,

You see there little baskets floating by.

You know what?

If there's still something that is making you heavy,

Something that is making you sad,

Something that is making you frustrated,

Something that is making you think all the time instead of just being who you are,

Then let's put it in that basket again.

Let's let it come out of you.

See it as a token.

See it as a word.

See it as a person.

See it as something.

It doesn't matter what it is and you can just put it in that basket and see it float away.

And if you have more,

There are so many baskets for everyone,

There are enough baskets here.

Just keep on putting whatever you want to release right now.

And when we look to your right and you walk a little bit further,

You realize that you are on the top of a mountain and you look over the valley,

You look over the world.

There is still this lovely sun on your cheeks,

Nice breeze.

You feel light and lighthearted.

You left behind a lot of things that were in your way.

You're connected with the earth,

You feel your feet in the grass,

On the earth.

And you realize,

I'm okay.

I am okay.

I am here just as I am.

I let go of a few things that were in my way and I'm pretty sure that tomorrow there might be new things that come in my way,

But then I know a little bit better how to deal with that.

I know a little bit better how I can let go of that and you know what,

I'm just okay.

It's a good feeling to be okay.

Can you feel that?

You can even say it out loud.

I am okay.

I am okay.

You can say it with me either mentally or out loud.

I am okay.

I am okay.

You know what?

It's even more than that.

You can say it with me mentally if there are people around you,

But if you are alone you can say it out loud.

I am worthy.

I am worthy.

I am worthy.

I deserve to experience joy.

I deserve to be whoever I am.

I deserve to be human.

I deserve to be just as I am.

I don't have to be perfect.

I don't have to be beautiful.

I don't have to have success.

All I need to do is just be me because I am worthy beyond means.

I am worthy.

I am lovable.

You can say this with me.

I am lovable.

I am lovable.

And if you notice any feeling that might contradict whatever you are saying right now,

And that's okay when that happens because you might have been practicing non-self-gentleness for a long time and when you become self-gentle it's sometimes hard and you just need to release some feelings around it and just hug yourself.

Put your arms around yourself.

Caress yourself and say it's okay,

My dear,

It's okay.

It's okay to feel like that,

It's okay.

Because however you feel,

You are still worthy,

You're so worthy,

You're so lovable and you know what?

You are okay.

You are okay.

So let's spread the joy a little bit.

While you're sitting or standing you can put your arms wide next to you and you tilt your head a little bit up to the sun and you feel this beautiful sun shining on you and you notice that the sunlight,

And it's not too hot actually,

It's exactly right for you,

It's trickling down on you.

It's pouring its liquid love into the crown of your head and it's filling your head,

It's filling your throat,

It's filling your shoulders,

Your arms,

Your chest,

Your belly,

Your buttocks,

The whole pelvis,

Your thighs,

Your knees,

Your calves and your feet.

And it's shooting out of your feet into the ground.

And it's shooting all the way down to the core of the earth where it mixes with this fiery core of the earth,

The love of Mother Earth and it returns together mixed with the earth energies going back,

All the way back into your feet,

Your calves,

Your knees,

Your thighs,

Your buttocks,

Your pelvis,

Your belly,

Your chest,

Your shoulders,

Your arms,

It's shooting out of your fingers as if your fingers are fountains,

It gets into your neck,

Into your head and it sprays out of your head as if you have a fountain on your head.

It feels so good to allow yourself to feel this light,

This energy,

This love,

This love of nature for you,

The love of the earth,

The love of the sun.

And again I want to remind you that we are here with many,

Many people worldwide.

I think there were more than 200 people who would sign up,

I don't know if everyone showed up but let's say we're here with about 200 people from Australia,

New Zealand,

Europe,

And Americas,

From all over the world.

And we're all experiencing this knowing that we are okay,

We are lovable,

We are worthy,

We are supported by the earth,

We are loved by the sun and we are loved by nature.

We are experiencing joy right now.

Knowing that you are lovable,

That is joyful.

And again if you have any feeling or emotion about it,

That's okay,

Be kind to yourself because you deserve to feel all the joy in the world and the more often you allow yourself to feel joy,

The more often you will actually experience that joy and it will be easier and easier to allow it.

I see our planet now as if I am at a distance and I see you all in these beautiful,

Beautiful lights that are connected.

It's like when you see a star sign where stars are shining and there are lines drawn to act actually create the figure of that star sign and I just see us all together,

Connected like that,

In that gentleness,

In that knowing that we are all together in this,

That we are all so worthy,

That we are all so lovable and it really moves me to realize that,

It really touches me to feel you all,

That you are all here,

It's so beautiful.

Thank you all so much for being here,

I'm so grateful for you,

I'm so very grateful for all of you and I just want you to know every moment of every day that you are worthy,

That you are lovable,

Just like you are.

Just take a moment to enjoy this connection,

To feel how you are connected,

To feel the joy that comes with being able to connect with yourself.

Alright,

Now,

You can put your hands again on your heart and just know that by moving your hands to your heart you bring this beautiful connection with yourself,

With other people,

With the inner knowing that you are lovable and worthy,

Into your heart.

And it's there now and it will not go away anymore.

And every time you find that critical voice within,

This knowledge will be there to help you navigate back to feeling joy,

Feeling gentleness,

Feeling how lovable you are.

Alright,

Now,

For those who feel like partying at the grass there,

I see a lot of folks dancing,

You could go there and dance with them.

For those who want to sit around the fire,

You know,

Go ahead,

Maybe you want to put some stuff in.

I see some people swimming in the brook,

That's also a possibility.

I see some people taking a book,

Reading a bit.

I see some people lying in the grass,

Looking at the clouds.

I see some people playing with the animals,

Petting them,

Feeding them.

I see some people falling asleep.

I see people enjoying themselves,

Relaxing,

Finding ease,

Finding joy,

Having this really,

Really great party.

So whatever you're doing in this fantasy right now,

Keep on doing that.

I'm going to close off the visualization and I will come back to you here.

But feel free to just keep on relaxing and doing whatever you do here.

Or you can join me in coming back into your body,

Knowing that this is a place within you that you can visit whenever you want.

Whatever you're going to do,

Thank you so much for being here.

I just love you all so much.

Okay,

If you want to come back with me,

Then just take a deep sigh.

Let's walk to the elevator.

Push that heart-shaped button on the outside.

Step into the elevator and push that heart-shaped button on the inside.

And while the elevator is moving up,

Can you feel the light-heartedness that you got?

How you left many things behind and how you did it all by yourself?

How proud you can be of yourself for supporting yourself,

Allowing yourself to feel joy and gentleness?

I hope you do because I am proud of you.

Now the doors open and we get out.

And you're sitting back in your chair and you can bring your body back.

You keep your eyes closed still by moving your hands,

Your fingers and toes,

Pulling up your shoulders a bit,

Stretching your spine.

Maybe you want to yawn.

Whatever you do,

It's fine.

Just get back in your body.

And really take the time to open your eyes.

It's a kind of a transition,

So don't do it too fast.

And then I will be here for a few more minutes to close off and say goodbye.

I see that Denzel joined also.

Welcome Denzel.

Noen asks if I'm Dutch.

Ja,

Noen,

Ik ben Nederlands.

Yes,

I am Dutch.

You heard it right.

Belinda,

Happy that you are here and I'm happy that you like the guided meditation.

Yes,

I am recording this live and it will be published later in some time on my profile here on Inside Timer.

Yes,

You're most welcome Annemiek.

Yes,

You missed a piece.

Yes,

The recording will be shared.

This week I had a new track published in my free tracks.

It's really beautiful.

So as you know,

I mentioned before Violet 108.

She's organizing this beautiful Ask Your Guides lives where she gathers beautiful teachers from Inside Timer to talk about different topics.

I will be there today at 1 a.

M.

Central European Time,

7 p.

M.

Still on Friday at Eastern Standard Time.

And what did I want to say about that,

That I will be there?

Yes,

So teachers start to work together on Inside Timer and then James Anthony Walker,

Who is also a teacher here,

Is also composing music.

He created this beautiful track about floating.

And several teachers then created a meditation,

A guided meditation to go with the music.

I also did so.

It's called Self-Gentle Floating.

It was published this week.

I really love for you to listen to it,

To review it if you like it,

To give it stars if you like it,

To share it with others as I really would love you to do with all my work here.

My Start Being Self-Gentle Today course,

It's still running great.

7,

500 people almost are taking it now.

But I also have this course,

How to Deal with Challenging Behaviors and Opinions.

And I think really in this day and age with a lot of polarization going on,

Elections coming up,

It can be really helpful to take this course.

We'll have these lives on 30th,

31st of October and the 1st of November,

Easing into election season,

Where we will speak about how you can help yourself dealing with election anxiety and stress that goes with it.

We will not speak about the actual politics.

We will just speak about how you can empower yourself to deal with this in a way that you feel good,

That you are self-gentle and you can still experience joy no matter what.

It's becoming more and more important for our teachers on Insight Timer,

For our followers to listen to our tracks,

To come back every day,

To share our tracks with others,

To let the algorithm of Insight Timer also know that you like my work,

That you want to share it.

So the best way for me to exist on Insight Timer and to keep creating things that I love to create for you guys,

Like these lives,

Like the meditation,

Like the courses,

I really need your help in supporting my work,

In sharing my work,

In telling others about my work,

Sharing it within Insight Timer,

Sharing it outside of Insight Timer.

So if you love my work,

Then please help me with that because that's what's making me grow bigger and the bigger I grow,

The more time I can also actually spend on creating things for Insight Timer.

So having that said,

Thank you all so much for being here,

Supporting me,

Loving me,

Meditating with me.

Thank you Dora for your donation.

Thank you so much.

Really kind.

So I hope to see you on my election season lives.

And if not,

Then I hope to see you on the 8th of November for Step 10,

Self Gentleness Step 10,

Finding Ease,

Where we will get into some practices that you can do on a daily basis to find ease.

So thank you so much for being here.

Have a lovely weekend.

If you're still up in two hours and 15 minutes,

I will be live with Violet 108 and a few other beautiful teachers in Ask Your Guide's Return to Love.

Thank you,

Thierry.

Yes,

I will put the links in the meditation group from the new meditation for sure.

I will.

Yes.

Thank you,

Peace.

4 p.

M.

Pacific time.

So maybe,

Peace,

You can join us as well.

Thank you so much.

Sending you so much love and have a joyful weekend.

Bye bye.