Release Stress - LIVE Talk & Practice 03/25/22

This talk & guided practice is a recording of Femke's Friday Weekly Live, recorded on 25 March 2022. In this session, we explore why & how we experience stress and Femke let's your experience how you can start to release it by yourself. The guided practice runs between 14:20 and 44:20. Femke closes the session by answering participants' questions.
Femke welcomes you to join her other Lives, take a look in her profile for the variety of topics.

Transcript

Hi everyone,

Welcome to my Friday life.

Lovely that you are here joining me and the theme of this week is releasing stress.

Let's get into this topic.

So in general,

Stress is not a really bad thing.

Because what is stress is a response from our body warning us that there is something exciting going on and there is something going on that needs our attention.

So there is a situation in our life and if we just look back at our biological functions of our body,

We are standing eye to eye with danger.

Once it were tigers,

Bears,

Wolves,

Maybe enemies and the moment that we saw them we knew that we either had to fight or to flight.

And everything in our body,

Our nerve system responds to this.

It starts to give us hormones that make sure that all the functions of our body that we need when we have to fight or to flight,

Like run and stuff like that,

That those bodily functions are closed off.

So the digesting doesn't get any attention anymore,

The resting doesn't get any attention anymore,

The hormones make sure that our heart starts to beat faster because if we need to fight or flight,

We need a strong heart that can give us enough oxygen so that we have the power to do these things.

So all in itself,

Really good and normal response.

But these days,

Our dangers are not so much real in the sense that we have life threatening dangers right in front of us.

Well sometimes we might get unfortunately in such a situation but way less than it once was.

And that is also good to have this response of course.

But in general we respond on things that we are thinking.

Thinking about worries,

Thinking about our future,

Things that might happen,

Things that we are afraid of or we are thinking of our past.

And that did happen and are still bugging us,

Still hurting us,

Still making us anxious or afraid that it will happen again.

And then our bodies also respond with that stress response.

So and you might notice from yourself that a little bit of stress is not so bad for you.

If you have to do something at your work or you have to perform at a certain level or something is expected from you or you have to hold a talk or give a presentation or really get into a deal that you have to make or you know or you have to have a talk with your boss and also outside of work relations you know.

We sometimes notice that a little bit of stress,

A little bit of those hormones gives us something good,

Gives us this focus,

Helps us even.

So when you look at science they tell us that stress can help us to perform and you have to take perform in the broader sense of the word,

Not just you know performance in front of an audience but just you know to get to a goal,

To get to do something that you really want to do.

And a little bit of stress can really help you because you get a clear focus,

You get a stronger idea,

All your senses are focused on that what you have to do.

But there comes a certain moment then the stress gets too much and when it then increases your performance then decreases.

So we call this an inverted U-curve,

It goes like this and like this.

So with which I want to say a little bit stress in your life it's not so bad but you know you just described some situations in your life that can be really stressful and these are also situations that are unpleasant that are not about you doing what you want to do.

No these are more about you solving problems of others,

Solving problems of yourself,

Having worries about your future,

Having worries about your now maybe even.

So and about this I want to speak with you today.

How can you start to release this?

Now one of the things that is really important that you start to learn to listen to your body.

What is your body telling you about the stress levels?

Because very often we're not so aware of all the things that we're thinking,

The things that we're worrying about or maybe we are aware of this but we neglect to feel what the impact of those thoughts are on our body.

What is the actual response in our body?

And then when we are way too far into the stress,

The release of the stress hormones then we suddenly realize that our breath is really shallow for instance or that we have this wasps in our belly or in our stomach or that we are making tension in our shoulders or maybe in our forehead clenching the jaws you know things like that that we are either really wanting to just run away or we want to fight or we freeze because in our bariological functions when we want to fight or flight we could do that very often you know there was a tiger so you either would fight it or you would flight.

But now we very often cannot do something with this response with the emotions that come with it because we are also trained by society,

Our teachers,

Our parents,

Our friends and everyone with the best intentions that you keep your cool,

That you stay calm,

That you don't just burst out in tears if you feel like it because you know what will other people think.

While this response of your body when you start to freeze because you cannot really go getting really angry or just run away or start to shout at someone you know to just release that stress that is in your body to do something we put it inside and we freeze and this is where we start to store this stress in our body which can be really really unpleasant especially if you are doing this over a longer time and you don't take moments to actually release that stress.

So one of the good things is that when you start to meditate and you might have experienced it already that you become more sensitive to stress.

You might even think wow I started to meditate so I can release stress I hear from everyone it's good to release stress hormones to feel better but what happens I feel even more stressed I don't know if any one of you had this experience but what is happening is not that you are gaining more stress but you are becoming more aware of the stress that is in your body and you are becoming more aware of the stress response when it happens.

So you can suddenly just sit in the morning having a cup of tea or coffee and suddenly feel I feel these butterflies in my but unpleasant butterflies in my stomach I have a stress response for what basically I'm just sitting here having a cup of tea or coffee why is this happening to me.

So and that's good but that's a good thing because the why is not so important the most important part is that it is happening that you are becoming aware of how it feels in your body.

So if this has been your experience that you becoming more aware of that stress response then you're tuning yourself in to listen better to your body.

So that's the very first step but the most important step is also that you start to honour your body to honour those feelings to honour what's going on and to help yourself to start release that stress because if you don't if you keep pushing forward if you try to push it down to ignore it to to think oh but you know I just have to go on then you are storing even more stress in your body and this can you know over a long longer period of time lead to really you know some problems having a burnout or getting into anxiety problems or just really having a lot of tension in your body which can then affect you know other bodily functions that you can pains in your back and your shoulders and your head migraines you know all kind of things.

So the second part is that it takes a willingness to first recognise what is going on and then a willingness to accept that it's there and that it is time to listen to what your body is telling you and to start to release and how you can then release well there are many ways and you are a unique individual like everyone else and it's really important that you find out what can help you.

So meditation is a good option but which one?

So many different meditation techniques so it's good to find one that resonates with you that you feel comfortable with that you feel that it helps you to release stress.

One really good and that's something what I will do with you soon now is that you can use your own breath to help yourself to release that stress because your breath is connected to your nerve system and our breath is beautiful because it's just functioning yeah you don't have to steer it you don't have to do anything if you want to stop breathing it's impossible because your body will force you to breathe but you can also still manage it control it do something with it so I will soon give you an exercise where you will use your breath to de-stress to really cue your body to start releasing stress and then I will guide you in a meditation that is generally experienced as a really great one to start to release stress but let me just get back to the comments because I see there are a lot here.

Let's see where I mean I've suffered from anxiety for many years and sometimes I cannot identify where the stress is coming from.

This seems silly but causes me to stress further.

Yeah I can see that so I would like you to differentiate between where you are feeling it in your body and what has been the trigger because sometimes you don't even know what the trigger is because besides your thoughts that you are consciously having which are really just a few there are so many more things going on in your head on a subconscious and even unconscious level that these could have triggered it could just have been a smell it could just have been a sound something that triggered it but I think the second point which I said that you start to honor what is going on it is going to your body rather than your head by explaining what it must be because I know I understand I also have it we all want to understand what is happening why it's happening whatever happened we want to connect it to the stories of our life stories things that are already going on but you're not really helping yourself by connecting these stressors back to you know the stories that are already going on so as my advice to you it would be try not to find out what was triggering it but start to honor what your body is telling you and start to listen what your body is needing to start to release that stress and because that will give you a focus on self-care being gentle for yourself listening to what your heart needs what your soul needs and sometimes it's really simple it can be as simple as go lie down and take a nap because that is what you need to do right now to let go of this stress right and if you would get into oh yeah and this memory and you know you're going to tell yourself those stories which will only increase the stress so try to separate separate those things I think that would be an advice for you.

Liz says doctor surgeons we have noted have hobbies or focused activities they deal with high stress situations where emotions need to be felt more medical people aren't coping in a modern world they're humans after all yeah absolutely I think that goes for a lot of people who are have to deal with high stress situations especially where lives of others are threatened and when there is a lot of stress going on it's especially for those people through really important to to take a moment when they're outside of the stress stress moments to be aware of what kind of the stress is still in their body and how they can to start to release it yes let's do some practices today so I will first want to make a small practice that you can do in any moment where you connect with your body and you really start to try to feel where you might feel some stress and stress can also sometimes just be a slight tension or or maybe it's really obvious so but I can explain you it's better that you experience for yourself let's start so whenever you're doing this like now make sure that you're really sitting comfortable so make it easy for yourself you can lean against the back of your chair you can lean against the wall you can even lie down if you like if that's more comfortable for you you might fall asleep but there is no better way to release stress than sleeping you might know that because when you have a lot of stress sleeping is sometimes hard so when you're sitting like this or lying down just take a moment to sigh sigh it out and gently close your eyes and let's just briefly take a moment to skim our body to feel if there might be any stress at a certain point we will start on the top of your head today and just imagine that there is some really lovely liquid or light or you know your favorite cake batter whatever it is that is slowly dripping over you from the crown of your head and while this is dripping over you it slowly slowly takes all the tension you might have so it's dripping over your forehead and while it's going down you feel how it takes the tension you might have your eyebrows are sinking a little bit and if you find cake batter too disgusting then just make it some light or lovely liquid or just a warm shower pouring over you and you're becoming aware how the warm water is flowing over your skin it's touching now your cheeks you can feel if maybe your jaws are a little bit clenched and if so then let this lovely warm water liquid light cake batter take the tension away so it relaxes now it slides over your neck the back of your hand and now it folds all over your shoulders and our shoulders are this really favorite place to store some tension or to hold on stress so with this liquid light flowing over it you feel how your shoulders soften and relax a little bit more and you can feel this on your arms who are laying in your lap really gentle really soft just hanging from your shoulders and how you feel the warm water and the liquid light the cake batter slowly dripping down over your chest where you become aware of your lungs or taking in air and how your lungs are guiding that air even more down to your body take a moment to just acknowledge how the air flows in and down and if you feel the air remains more in your lungs then don't worry it's okay you can see if you can release your belly a little bit we very often used to pull in our belly muscles but it's okay you can let go now you're sitting comfortable you can even you know caress your belly a little bit to help it to relax to invite the air in there bring now your attention to the warm water liquid light cake batter going all over your back from the top of your back slowly dripping down over your shoulder blades your ribs your lower back all the way down over your buttocks it has a softening quality to just feel yourself covered with something that feels so nice and so good so gentle and if you feel any tension at any place then just send some more of the light or that warm water there and ask it to help you release even more now feel how it's slowly going down over your thighs your buttocks the back of your thighs sometimes we have some tension in our legs too just let it go over your knees slowly down to your calves and shins going down all over your feet and this really beautiful calming soothing feeling of the warm water or the cake batter or the liquid light it's paying especially attention to your toes we sometimes have more stress and tension in your toes than you might know and then relax all right now take a moment to acknowledge how this simple exercise of a few moments has significantly changed the feeling in your body relative to how it was it doesn't mean that you're now fully relaxed it doesn't mean that you have released all tension all stress but you do feel difference because you have put your attention just on your body and not just on your body but you have allowed yourself to cover your body with something soothing something caring something light and gentle which slowly takes away the tension and that in itself is a really good thing to do and this is something you can do any moment you know when you're in the restroom just take one or two minutes extra to just treat yourself a little bit with this gentle soothing feeling so now your body is significantly more relaxed than before take a moment to notice if there is a place in your body where you feel tension where you feel still a response on stress it might be that you don't feel it and then don't look for it you don't have to look for it if it's not there it's not there enjoy then the gentleness but if you do feel tension somewhere then put your hands on this place a lot of people feel this tension in their stomach or their belly or their heart but you can have it at any place because everyone is unique and everyone has a different way to feel it so put your hands on the place and now just imagine that there is a light there a beautiful warming soothing light and i would ask you to give this light the color that you like a color that you like to calm yourself down a color that you love to see and it reminds you of relaxing times maybe it's the color of the sun maybe it's the cold blue of the ocean maybe it's the green of the forests maybe it is black because you so love black whatever it is give this light that color and now ask this light to take care of this tension to melt it away a little bit you don't have to do anything for this that's the most special thing when you ask this light within you to help you release this stress you can mentally lay back and just let it happen allow the stress to go all right so we don't put our attention on this now we don't have to see this at work it is just happening well i'm going to teach you a breathing exercise that will support your body to help you let go of any stress response so it's a very simple trick a very simple key i have to say when you make your out breath twice as long as your in breath you are actively actively queuing your body to start to release stress you just need a few moments before you start to feel this so most important is that you are counting your breath and that you're using a count that feels comfortable for you so i will do it with you and i will count breathing in on two and breathing out on four but if that's too slow for you then breathe in on one and breathe out on two and if it is too fast for you then breathe in on three and breathe out on six or maybe even four and eight but pick the pace that is comfortable for you all right let's start breathe in on two and breathe out on four breathing on two one two and out one two three four in one two out one two three four breathe in and out in and out in and out in on two out on four now continue in your own rhythm and if you like to make it three and six that's perfectly fine as long as it feels comfortable let's breathe in and out all right finish your round and then let the attention go of your breath for a moment and check in again in your body especially in a place where you felt some tension can you feel a difference if not that's okay you know i just introduced this practice to you it's a good practice to do a few times in a day one two three minutes and then when you practice yourself to cue your body to start to relax then the moment your body starts to recognize it you can start to apply it in actual stress response situations where you feel the response and then you're using your breath to let go all right i would love to take you now to another practice it's a meditation practice that helps you to really sink into yourself to calm your mind and because everything becomes really silent within you start to release stress and this is just while you're meditating you don't have to experience this but you give your body a deep rest so you really help it to start to release it's always good to first start with tuning in into your body then to do this prolonged breath and then to get into this meditation practice so i assume that you are settled and relaxed you have your eyes closed and we're going now together start to repeat a word a mantra and the mantra that we're going to use is the word aham aham is Sanskrit and it means i am but the meaning is not so much important most important is that you're going to listen to the sound of this repetition all right let's start i will say the mantra and you repeat after me you can repeat it out loud or internally just within your mind if there are people around you you don't want to use your voice all right i will say it and you repeat ah um good again ah um ah um ah um all right now let's say it together ah um ah um ah um all right let's now start to say it more gentle more softly ah um ah um maybe we can even whisper it ah um ah um ah um i would like you now to keep repeating the sound mentally internally without moving your lips or tongue and just keep repeating this mantra but if you feel that you want to slow it down a little bit that's okay i want you to repeat mentally and when your mind wanders onto thought or other distractions that's okay the moment you notice you gently favor thinking the mantra now see if you can let yourself sink into the gaps between the repetition of the mantra let's see if the silences feel good to prolong them to let the mantra slowly fade out like an echo and if a thought pops up then just keep repeating the mantra again and let yourself slowly sink back into the silences again ah um um you.

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If you notice any thoughts,

Gently favour thinking of the mantra.

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You can gently let go of the mantra.

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Reviews

Thank you so much for your stress relief talks. I have a chronic illness which leaves me with anxiety and stress. Practicing and being consciously aware of the need to relax I listen to your talks on dealing with stressful behaviour.

What great tips for relaxing. Thank you 🙏🏻
I really like the cake batter exercise...it would be nice if it were available in a separate meditation. I think it would be lovely to fall asleep by (head down instead of toes up). 🥰

I felt so relaxed after listening to this. I really noticed the before/after difference. Thank you!

Thank you Femke, I think the simple sound of your voice can always relieve my stress but great to have this selection of techniques to come back to 🙏💛