Raising Your Self-Worth: In Conversation With Fabienne
Join Fabienne in this conversation about raising your self-worth. Fabienne explains what self-worth is, how this differs to self-esteem, what happens when we have higher self-worth, and how to evaluate your self worth.
Transcript
Hello and welcome to In Conversation with me,
Fabienne Sandoval,
Life coach,
Author and speaker.
I talk way too much so I thought I'd put that skill to use by sharing with you this series of conversations designed to expound your awareness and knowledge of becoming secure and empowered in your self-worth.
Meet Sam,
My OBM,
Wingwoman and literal can't live without.
We tried to break up once and it didn't work.
I'll be here to ask the juicy questions and help extract some of these powerful insights from Fabienne.
So let's begin.
Today we're going to be talking about raising your self-worth.
So I guess I'm going to ask you to kind of elaborate a little bit more on that.
So how would you kind of identify where you're at with your self-worth before raising it?
Oh,
I like that question.
It's actually a really good question to ask,
Right?
Because like how,
Well,
Where am I before,
Before I even make any starts to improve it or to change it or to do anything else.
So in the title that I somehow came across and got given in terms of the type of coaching that I do was a self-worth coach because I feel like there's so many of us out there that are really struggling with our self-worth,
But maybe we don't know exactly what that is or what that looks like.
Typically when we're talking about self-worth,
I think of that in terms of how you value yourself.
So the way that the best way for you to decide like where's my self-worth is literally to just do on a scale of one to 10.
How,
How worthy do I feel?
How valuable do I feel?
And if you can answer that question honestly and say one to 10,
10 being highest,
One being lowest,
That's going to give you a good point in terms of where to start because Sorry,
How would you describe what being self-worth is?
Is it the part you play in society or are you looking at from a kind of emotional point of view or how would you define that for yourself?
Yeah,
So I think that a lot of the time self-worth and self-esteem gets mixed up because people think that they're kind of interchangeable or there's the same thing.
I don't personally see them as the same thing.
From my experience,
When we're talking about self-esteem,
We're talking about like the,
The need or the desire to feel good,
Like that's essentially what self-esteem is,
Right?
Do I,
Do I like my body?
Do I like the way that I look?
Do I,
It's very much like this kind of a feeling.
I would describe self-esteem as more kind of external in a way.
Self-worth is very internal.
It's that,
It's the moment,
Like it,
The only way that I can describe it well,
Which I think people should,
I get it,
Is it's that moment where you're going for the job and you're sitting there and you're going,
I think everybody else is way more qualified than me.
I think everybody else can do a way more better job than me.
I think that,
I think that,
I think that,
And not truly having that really strong belief in yourself,
Therefore not valuing yourself.
Because when we value ourself,
We go to,
For example,
A job interview and we say,
I know I'm a great person.
I know that I'm really qualified.
I know that I have all the skills.
I know that the skills that I don't have,
I'm going to learn.
I know that I'd be an asset to this team.
You know,
You show up in that way with that confidence about who you are internally and you usually get the job because you have that,
Because the other person can feel that kind of confidence coming from you in terms of the fact that,
Yeah,
You do deserve this job.
So that's like a basic example,
I guess.
That's great.
So that's brilliant.
Thank you.
So just going back,
You said that you would then,
As a starting point,
Just rate,
Just a simple scale of one to 10,
Where your self-worth is at the moment.
So that would be kind of a quite basic first step.
Where would you go from there?
So really,
And as I said,
You know,
This is like my speciality.
This is what I coach on,
Self-worth and how we've,
You know,
In terms of where did we lose it?
At what point did we lose it?
Or what point was it levered?
Or what point didn't it expand in the way that it needed to?
That's a really,
Really big question.
So I think the next part is like once you've actually gone,
Okay,
Where do I think my self-worth is right now?
I would then ask the question of like,
Well,
What was it that,
You know,
Contributed to the lack of my self-worth?
Was it from my childhood?
Was it from a romantic relationship that's kind of sucked the life and energy out of me and made me feel like I don't deserve any more or any better?
What was it?
Was it a job?
Was it like,
What was the scenario that's had me put me in a position where I've lowered my self-worth?
So that's where I would kind of go from there.
And then there's so much when it comes to self-worth because we're not just talking about,
Like I say,
With self-esteem,
It's like,
Okay,
Well,
Maybe I can buy a new wardrobe and feel better about myself,
Right?
You know,
But self-worth is like completely inside,
You know,
It's not even anything that people can feel it on the outside,
But it's not anything that anyone can visibly see necessarily,
But maybe energetically they will feel,
They can feel the difference between someone that really values themselves because it's that kind of quiet confidence that you're like,
Well,
What is it that they've got?
What is it that they've got?
I don't know what it is that they've got and it's their self-worth,
It's that they believe in themselves,
It's that they believe that they're valuable,
Believe that they're worthy of good things and they go after those good things.
So when we,
You know,
When our self-worth is lower,
Whatever reason,
You know,
Whether that's through that difficult romantic relationship,
Whether that's through a painful childhood,
Et cetera,
A lot of the time our self-worth can really be lowered if we've had the loss of a parent.
So,
And usually for some sort of abandonment,
Which we've obviously covered that subject before,
But that actually can stop or prevent our self-worth from developing in a positive way.
So that's a really,
Really big kind of key to look for.
Usually,
Typically,
People that have a low sense of self-worth typically have some kind of abandonment going on as well.
So you,
You've got scale and we've identified maybe where it's that kind of low self-worth has come from.
So what are the kind of building blocks from there to raise your self-worth?
Yeah,
Really good question.
So the first thing,
You know,
With any journey that we're going to take when it comes to,
You know,
Growth and self-development,
It's really about,
You know,
The starting point of really discovering like,
Where am I at and where did this come from?
Because the more that we have a deeper understanding of where did this come from,
The more that we're going to be able to work on actually healing that and moving beyond that.
Then I would say,
Once we've done that kind of back,
Back history work or that historic work of like,
Where is this coming from?
It's a case of really identifying what all those limiting beliefs are,
Because the likely,
The likelihood is going to be a ton of different limiting beliefs where you just have a story that you've,
You know,
Put into your mind around your self-worth.
So writing down what all of those are,
What are all the things that are limiting you right now?
What are you telling yourself over and over again in your mind?
So starting with that and to which we would then,
You know,
A lot of the process we do in coaching is identifying those and then rewriting those so they become something different.
So they become something supportive of that healing journey and that future you that you're wishing to be.
We would also,
So not only looking at limiting beliefs and wanting to rewrite stories and heal them,
We would also look at,
You know,
What we're going to add in positively.
So when we rewrite that story,
That's a great step,
But then what are we going to add in?
So is it a case that I need to listen to affirmations to build my self-worth each day?
That's going to retrain your mind,
That's going to retrain you to believe in all of the good things.
So I actually have over here on the timer,
Affirmations for self-worth specifically.
So it's designed to build your self-worth.
If you listen to them day after day,
They will help you improve that,
Which is a really,
Really important piece as well.
And also getting to know yourself.
So again,
When it comes to self-worth,
A lot of the time we don't actually know who we are or what we want.
We typically might be putting everybody else's needs before ours because we don't think we're worthy of anything,
Right?
So everybody else wins and we don't because,
Well,
I'm not worthy of that.
So I shouldn't get that job or I shouldn't have that relationship or I shouldn't whatever,
Or like I shouldn't get to choose my preference because of course,
Well,
I'm not valuable,
Right?
So I don't have a preference.
So a lot of this piece around,
You know,
Desires and needs being met is,
You know,
Usually kind of not,
Not been fully grown in a way that is supportive of you and where you want to be.
So really digging into,
Okay,
What is it that I need?
What are my preferences?
And being able to start to assert yourself with those along with adding in boundaries as well.
There's like a list of about 300 things that I could probably tell you to do,
But that's a really good starting point.
It just feels like the kind of raising your own self-worth is like the core to a lot of things,
That it has a knock-on effect with your relationships,
With your own kind of,
From a work point of view and from a romantic point of view,
And family.
It just feels like that this is the root core to everything.
Definitely.
Yeah,
Because again,
Even even subjects like we've covered off and attachment styles,
When you have an insecure attachment style,
Well,
What does that bring?
That brings either avoidance or anxiousness that also affects our self-worth.
So it really is the self-worth is kind of one of the things that depending on what's been going on in our life,
We can get we can very easily like devalue ourselves and not even realize it.
So if there was one thing that you could give somebody today,
As a kind of,
I mean,
I'm not saying it would,
It would cure all but something that you could give somebody today out of your toolbox to help them with their self-worth,
What would it be?
Well,
On Insight Timer,
I do have a course around raising yourself to do to raise your self-worth.
It takes you for a number of really great days,
It takes you through being able to kind of understand exactly what it is that you need to do step by step.
So the things like limiting beliefs,
The things like exploring your self-worth,
All of that stuff gets covered.
And all of that stuff we go through step by step,
Day by day.
So that would be the best tool that I can give you because,
Like I say,
It is,
You know,
An interesting process to raise your self-worth.
And for me,
That would be the one,
You know,
I created it so that I can help people to raise their self-worth and do it in a straightforward,
Easy way.
It's about 10,
10-ish minutes each day that you need to listen to with a variety of resources,
Journaling prompts,
Things like that,
That are going to help you really grow that self-worth in a short space of time.
That's great.
I really appreciate that,
That you've got that all there and that's the kind of coach you are,
A self-worth coach.
So thank you again for sharing with us and thank you for sharing your Insight Timer course as well.
Absolutely,
No worries at all.
