045: Four Qualities of Good Leadership

Listen to Tudor's insightful discussion on Four key qualities he deems necessary for good leadership. These qualities include the ability to "generate" a creative or peaceful environment, the second, having rigorous "organisational skills," the third, the ability to acquire "balance" and lastly a strong sense of "awareness."

Transcript

You're listening to the 7 Transformations podcast with your host,

Tudor Alexander.

For the show notes to this episode,

Stay connected at the7transformations.

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Transformation is an ongoing journey,

And it is good that we don't have to walk that path alone.

My name is Tudor Alexander,

And this is my weekly podcast where I share my life lessons on and off the competitive floor with a few stories in between.

Thank you for joining me on this journey,

And now let's create a life we love.

Well,

Hello and thank you for joining me.

My name is Tudor Alexander,

And this is the 7 Transformations podcast.

Today we are talking leadership for qualities of a good leader,

How to spot them,

How to create them in your own life and in the things that you are up to,

Whether that's being a good leader in your family,

In your business,

In your relationships with others.

Leadership is something that we are always developing.

I know for myself personally it is an ongoing skill,

An ongoing talent,

An ongoing area of improvement that we are continually exploring because the more you want out of life,

The more you will have to improve your leadership skills.

Life is never short on situations to test those skills.

So we are in the process of continually evolving our leadership.

So that is something that is a beautiful part of life because what would life be if you could just master something right away and then that's it.

So you know the beauty is in the journey as they say.

So here we go.

You know these examples and these things are from what I teach.

They are from my workshops and from my lessons,

My own career.

I don't think you need to be a professional dancer or even have set foot on the dance floor to understand these concepts,

To apply them to your own life.

You know dancing to me ultimately is the fundamental expression of the laws of the universe.

You have two forces that are opposite but complementary to one another moving in unison to create something and this is very important because ultimately dancing is a creative aspect.

When you are dancing in the conversation with somebody your goal is to create something.

You know when you are dancing in the business with somebody your goal is to create something.

You know we look at something like martial arts which is employing the same principles of dynamics and timing and all these things that dancing does but the end is very different.

The end is to return to homeostasis.

You know to return to nothing.

You don't want the conflict anymore.

You want to remove it from the situation to eliminate the interaction and dancing is very generative,

Is very creative in the sense that we are trying to do and make something bigger than ourselves and with that it sets a lot of precedence for how a leader needs to act.

How he needs to act with other people,

How he needs to cooperate,

How he needs to be empathetic,

Adaptable,

All these types of things because your end goal is to create something.

You know and that leads to the first point which is a good quality of a leader.

The first one is that he or she is generative and what I say,

What I mean by generative is as a source,

Ultimately that person is a source of whatever with its energy or creativity,

Ideas,

You know.

He can even be a source of peace.

You know they say that person is my rock or he is the rock of the family or things like that.

So a leader is a source for others to count on,

To rely on.

You know in dancing a good exercise would be if you stand in front of somebody and you both hold each other's hands and you both kind of start to sit back in the sense that if you were to let go you would both fall.

This is a very simple and easy trust exercise that many people are familiar with but it paints the picture very well because you can look at that situation as a perfect example of creating something with someone else based on trust,

Based on support that you wouldn't be able to do on your own.

You wouldn't be able to be off balance and that is the whole point of a leader is a source of balance or like for example again the picture that I have on my thumbnail.

I love that picture because it exemplifies this idea.

You know my partner is going off balance.

She's reaching for the stars.

She wouldn't be able to do that on her own if I wasn't holding her and that's really cool because it shows that whole concept in dancing that we say the lady is the picture you know and the man is the frame and what that old saying is basically you know it doesn't have to be always lady and man obviously because actually at a really high level we are constantly changing those roles.

You know sometimes the man will do something that will you know take the attention and the woman is more in a supportive role so it's not you know gender biased in that sense but the point is that you have a grounding force and you have a force that creates something.

You know they're working together and that is the key,

One of the keys of partnership when you are a leader is understanding okay how do I cooperate you know with other people.

How do I empower others you know a good leader empowers other leaders around them and understands that leadership is a group phenomenon.

It's not a one person thing you know traditionally we think of leadership as like the leader is the alpha male in a competitive sense in the sense that that person is the strongest he has the biggest teeth you know that kind of thing but really mankind evolved as a social creature.

We didn't evolve like tigers or anything else we evolved in groups and the person that could support the group and create that cohesion is really the alpha male in our species that is the that is the true leader role right there.

It's a supportive generative grounding role so first quality of a good leader is that they are generative.

They are the source so understand that what you want out of people you have to be willing to give it so if I want you know my partner to be excited and to you know be really motivated it has to start with me to create that energy that that space that environment you are a space for what you want if people around you are miserable all the time then you know that's something to look at to see what is your what is your approach to creating the space that people are entering in around you so what are you generating.

So number two a leader has to be organized you know this is obviously is pretty important you know life the definition of life is something that has a low level of entropy if you know what entropy is it is the state of disarray in a particular system it's how you know organized or disorganized it is the thermal energy you know there's a lot of definitions about it but basically it's the high the more organized something is the less entropy it has and if you look at life and intelligent life specifically the more complicated something is the more energy it takes for it to stay that way you know it's a natural pull of the universe to bring back everything down to nothing to this void to to homeostasis where everything is even steven you know so life in general is is this fighting force it is this energy that that coalesces and organizes itself despite that pull to nothing and in that in that sense you know you look at nature it is a very organized and structured force it is a quote from the tau I believe it says like you know nature never hurries yet everything is accomplished and it's a beautiful quote because nature is extremely organized there's nothing wasted and a leader to be a good quality leader you have to think systemically that's what this is about there's two modes of thinking that I talk about which is systemically and systematically and we'll get to them in this episode but the first one is to think systemically meaning you have to be structured in your thinking you have to understand you know the principle of timing everything in life goes according to a time and a timing you know in dancing this is obvious because we coordinate you know a million and one things to the music you know the music being representative of the pace of life the the movement of things around you the music of your day you know you've got a schedule you've got a job you've got your responsibilities those may not sound musical to you but look at it from the perspective that it is the beat that demands you to move and you have to move to it so ultimately your understanding of how much you can fit within a given beat to create beauty in your life just like a dancer would is the key to being organized you have to think systemically or systematically and be good with your time management some people don't believe in time management I don't really think you can control time but the sense of you can control your energy and what you do with time your attention you know you're always going to have times where you have not as busy and sometimes when you are as busy but what you can control is your response to your energy levels through your attention time and energy you don't you know time you have no control over energy you can somewhat control and attention you can control so think about it this way you know if you have all three this is really when you've mastered your systemic thinking when you can apply your time your energy and your attention in a very organized fashion if you have a lot of your time and your energy but no attention you're going to be disorganized if time and attention are there but no energy then it's going to look stale you know just like if you imagine let's say you saw somebody dancing but there's no passion in their dancing or somebody performing anything and they're just going through the motions it's stale they're either very organized their attentions there but there's no energy you know and of course if your attention and your energy are there and you're all over the place but there's no sense of organized timing or no you're rushing around all over the place then it's just reckless so you need all three and a lot of a lot of this also comes down to your sense of control and how you are balancing control in your life control is not something negative or positive it's just there but it can be detrimental to you if you're trying to control what you cannot control a good leader understands what they can control and what they cannot that is one of the key to the keys to being organized if you are trying to control things outside of your control that is poor management and that makes you disorganized and eventually makes you burn out or makes the people around you get burned out a good leader controls himself you know in the ways that they can and applies their energy in the areas where it's going to be most effective and what that takes is systematic thinking it requires a structured approach and being smart being you know wise as well and being organized and efficient so number two is being organized number three is a good leader is balanced you know this is going to be an interesting one because probably the most relevant to all the dancing talk that I have been given point number one with this ultimately when we have balance is a matter of alignment you know what is what is alignment alignment at least in dancing it is the position of all your body parts in relation to an axis right here your spine and whether you're back weighted or forward weighted or you're kind of off is something's off balance you're falling to the right whatever it is at least you have an axis that's perpendicular to the floor well in life your alignment you have way more axes in life than just up and down you know and this relates to your vision your direction in life what you know the axis is the one thing that you center everything around so that is your more core value system your what do you believe what is your direction your future plan what are you aligning with as a leader because if you're aligning with something that is maybe not productive that is going to contribute to your balance your sense of balance as you approach situations as you approach your relationships as you approach your life so you have to evaluate what are you aligned with and correct any misalignments in accordance through you know misalignments mean okay if I this goes back to the whole vision goals and actions episode I had to eat a couple weeks ago vision is your main direction and your goals and actions are what support that so if you're having a goal that doesn't align with your vision it's going to cause a misalignment you know it's going to cause resistance and friction and stress and you're going to feel it and the people around you are going to feel it especially if you're leading a company or family or whatever else those misalignments cause stress and a good leader who's balanced has also very good alignment in the things that they do and in their relationships in consistency right that's another important part of having alignment is having consistency you know one of the things with creating a good brand or whatever anything really is consistency if you if you're consistent across all areas that is good alignment I mean things are aligned point number two of this with with being balanced is understanding duality and oppositions these things I learned from dancing but I'll explain them really quick you know this is an easy easy idea so if I'm walking you naturally have opposition in your body when you're walking I've talked about this before if my if I'm walking my right arm is going to go forward and my left leg is going to go forward that's an opposition it swings to and fro you know and you look at any sports illustrated magazine look at any athlete they're always twisting their body and employing you know a duality of energies one thing is going this way the other thing is going that way to really create power and speed and all these things and you know it doesn't I don't need to break it down here it's not a dance lesson but the point is is that an effective athlete an effective dancer utilizes oppositions opposing forces to create a very dynamic approach to their to their craft and what that comes down to is really understanding both sides of something you know in in this case in the physical realm of dancing it's relaxation and action when do I push when do I not when do I relax when do I stop when do I contract when do I you know let go and if you look at that in your life that is the ultimate question isn't it whenever you're faced with a situation that's stressful or you have to make a decision the question always comes back down to you know do I push this or do I let it go you know that's something I constantly ask myself and everything I do and there is no right answer the the only answer is that you go with one of them and you see what the universe has in store for you either way you're going to learn if you fail then you learn from that failure if you succeed then don't think that that's your default answer to everything because let's say if you push all the time that's not going to be always successful if you let go of all the time that's not as successful too because sometimes you have to push sometimes you have to do the opposite so learning to balance these two to develop your sense of duality and opposition is a huge part of being a balanced leader the other part which is related to this is the point number three it is again going back to systemic and systematic thinking this is the systematic thinking part it is seeing the relationships between things outside of you seeing the bigger picture a balanced leader is someone that is adaptable that is patient that has courage where do I get that from you know if you look at a competition for example I'm going to use a dance competition you're on the floor with multiple couples dancing around you it's very chaotic there's judges that you need to have them see you you know there's your audience that you want to entertain you know and and there's your partner that you have to take care of and make sure that you know they're not going to be hit or anything like that so all these things are things that apply directly to your life because let's say you're in a business you've got you know your clients you've got your employees that are looking out for you you've got other business competitors on the floor right of the greater floor of of the market that you're in and your floor craft your ability to navigate the situations the movements of others and seeing how you can accomplish your results strategically between satisfying your clients satisfying your investors satisfying your employees and seeing the relationships between all the all these things you know that's what creates a balanced leader somebody that sees relationships between things and that makes somebody who's adaptable because the things are always changing relationships are always moving around and it makes somebody who's patient somebody who's able to see these movements and sometimes again going back to the previous point about when to push and when to let go you know learning to be patient allows you to make a clearer decision because there's no way you can just act on first impulse all the time you know you to be a good leader to be a balanced leader you have to employ patience because you don't know what the right choice is and maybe by a little observation and looking at it you'll know okay I'm gonna let go of this or you know what now I am actually gonna push here so you know and then courage that's the last one is adaptability patience and courage to handle these these moving situations all the time and courage is really just having the courage to act to put yourself into action and to to manage these things you know as a professional as I was growing up so to speak there was a very big difference between when I first started competing as a pro on the floor with other people who were way more experienced than me and and now you know and and there's always way more to go you know so the point is is that your your courage comes by practicing it here so the better you get at whatever it is you're gonna have more courage and then it's gonna open you up to even harder situations and so on so the more you act regardless of the outcome you're going to practice acting and and taking action so point number three a good leader is balanced they have good alignment with their vision they understand opposing forces and opposing viewpoints and how to balance those and they think system systemically men always get those things mixed up they think systemically they are able to see the relationships of the outside world and how those things are moving around them and navigate them with adaptability patience and courage and the fourth one last but not least is they are aware a good leader is aware and what do I mean by that there's there's several important things here and the first one is that in general information is the source of action so what do I what do I mean by that well think about it this way let's say you have a general and a bunch of soldiers a soldier is not expected to know very much they're just expected to be in action to be out there in the trenches as you go through the ranks you you do less of the action part and you handle more of the informational world so what that means is that the greater leader you are you are spending less of your time and attention being in the trenches and more of it observing and listening and managing information before you decide because your decisions have greater impact your decisions have way more impact on everybody else than let's say a soldier does so you have to be well informed you have to be listening a lot more so the first one point of that it is that listening is that patience the beginning of any business takes a lot of energy but once it's self-sustaining it's more about listening and looking at for okay opportunities now what do I need to do to grow and then yeah you go back into a growth stage so there's stages to everything there's a stage to to the creative cycle and once you get through the first stage which is all about energy and growth you know it needs a different kind of leadership which is more listening observation and taking it in and consideration and thinking about okay what is the next step planning that kind of thing and point number two here is one about empathy you know to be aware is is really to be empathic of the people you are trying to lead and why I say that specifically because again there's many leadership styles but they all come down to two there is a one that you can dance with the situation and dance with your partners or the second one which is you know I'm the alpha male I'm the the king I'm going to take everything and force everybody that's it there's only two ways love or fear right and if I'm trying to dance with somebody my goal isn't to make them do as many turns as possible or to get them to that beat as quickly as possible my goal is to create something with that person create a connection create an experience for both of us that's satisfying create some fun create beauty you're trying to create something together so with that it totally changes the reference point of of the leadership style it changes it to a point of empathy I have to understand what do I want out of that person okay and then what do I need to do to create that in that person that is a integral part to leading it is an integral part because you understand the other person's shoes and what you want from them before you do the leading a lot of times we think of leading as this forceful thing but it's very much not good leading employs something what I call non-obvious power which is really the power of gravity I was talking to one of my friends about this I've talked about this many times but you know recently I was talking to one of them about the power of gravity in your life and you know you can employ this very simple this is an awesome concept to put in your life so let's say I'm chasing girls or guys whatever you're trying to find somebody that likes you that is an external use of your energy and regardless it's going to burn through your resources your emotional resource financial time whatever well think about it from a point of attracting or creating that situation through a different different effort by building your gravity building your attraction potential what is gravity gravity increases with the more dense an object is so when I build more muscle when I build more money in my bank account and wealth let's put it that way wealth is better word than money when I build more wealth when I build more information in my mind by learning and literally you know cutting my mind up with new neurons and increasing its density you know these types of things they do increase your density and on an astronomical level your gravity is probably not very you know huge but what if what if it did make a difference what if that change in your density though all those things that we talked about what if it follows that universal law and it seems to because you know the more muscle you get the better you look the more wealth you've acquired the more you know things you learn and grow and develop in yourself you do develop that magnetic potential people start to come to you opportunities start to come to you you are creating this pull towards you rather than you having to expend your resources and chase you are creating the power of gravity around you and leading with a non-obvious power that's why I call it non-obvious because it's not obvious you know when I when I dance with somebody when you dance with somebody and dancing we lead by opening the door assuming the person is skilled enough to dance with you sometimes you have to force the situation but assuming the person is skilled enough to dance with you at a minimum level you don't have to force anything I lift the hand that's your signal will turn you know lightly and you go under and boom it's very effortless it's very easy and fun and that's that's what leading with non-obvious power is I don't have to force the situation so that requires awareness because awareness gives you awareness of the situation allows you to develop your empathy and your partnership skills and allows you to develop your patience as a leader so for good qualities of leadership number one let's review them generating meaning you are a source whether that's a source for creativity a source for peace for others you are the source of that which you want to create number two you are organized a good leader understands their systematic thinking man I got I almost got that wrong again there it understands their systematic thinking principle of timing and how to use their energy and their time in an organized and structured way they understand efficiency and how to have discipline and control over the things that they can control number three a good leader is balanced they have good alignment with their vision they're consistent to their execution of everything around them they understand duality and opposition of different viewpoints and how to balance those two in their actions they're not just one-sided about everything and also they understand the the relationship of everything else around them and how those things move over time they think systemically they see how things are related whether it's you know the pieces of the puzzle in their their business scheme or their employees or their family members or their social intelligence all those things fall into play there you know number four is aware a good leader is aware they are patient they are empathic so they're able to understand another person and their position they understand what they want from that person and from their perspective so that they can create the request and create the right actions to lead that person to do what they need from them and they employ non-obvious power which is in alignment with this last thing that we just said about empathy ultimately you will have to force some situations sometimes it just happens but that should not be your norm you know that's that's an emergency situation most the time we try to lead with non-obvious power try to lead by example try to lead by suggestion try to lead by invitation all these things are non-obvious power by focusing the power where it needs to go which is on yourself and developing your skills and all of that stuff so anyway just a couple of nice good solid points from the dance floor so to speak and I hope that they have contributed to your life these things I've talked about all the time I find them very fascinating it's really cool obviously to do it in a workshop setting and and do demonstrations and have people do activities but I think you can you can get this in your own life you know even if you've never stepped foot in a dance floor this is something I think a lot of people can relate to and visualize and and use to create their dance of life as I say you know dance through the situation remember that dancing is about having fun it is about creating something with someone else and if you can use that word in other areas like if I want to dance through this conversation I want to dance through a conversation with somebody it means I'm not trying to put them down I'm not trying to be inauthentic I'm trying to actually create something so so let your life be a dance let your family be a dance let your you know business be a dance because it is creative and generative and that's what life is all about so thank you so much for listening I hope you've enjoyed this episode I hope it adds value to your life if you like this show a lot if it contributes you can feel free to check out my website we have a patreon and paypal account there I also just released my new piano album which I'm super stoked about I'm going to be promoting that a couple times here this month it's it's a very cool project to me I'm super thankful to have it out there you can check it out on bandcamp I also have it on the show notes of the last episode I posted so feel free to check that out it's a bunch of my piano music with some in it like ambient nature sounds in the background very relaxing very cool good gift for anybody's birthday obviously and I should have those CDs up there by now but if I don't feel free to message me if you listen to this show and you want an autographed copy feel free to message me through the website would love to send you one and that'll just be you know my little my little gift to you obviously was tough to pay for it but that'll be something I'd love to do for you guys so anyway I'm rambling on now enjoy the rest of your week thank you so much for listening and we'll see you guys on Friday you're listening to the seven transformations podcast with your host tutor Alexander for more episodes like these subscribe or stay connected at the seven transformations.

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Reviews

Just what I need to get myself ready for a big day. Thank you!

Got a great understanding of basic leadership qualities. The comparison to dancing really helped drive home the explanation and understanding of major leadership points.

Excellent snapshot of leadership that I will use with empowering my leaders, thank you!

This was so good! So informative. One of my favorites. Thank you!