Emotional Reasons Why You May Have Clutter

During the past months, I have had the opportunity to help several individuals uncover very deep emotional trauma that was causing a LOT of clutter in their lives. I want to share some of these experiences and what we did to start healing them. Hopefully, it helps you in your journey.

Transcript

Emotional reasons of why you may have clutter.

I would like to share some real emotional reasons that you may relate with.

All these reasons are coming from people I have worked with in the past few months and they are real life scenarios and I want to share them because I think they will be very helpful for everybody who is watching or listening to this.

So the first reason is a tech client that we were helping.

She wanted us to help her declutter her entire home and she wanted to do a few sessions with us so we did three sessions in total and then we got started in the first session in the kitchen.

So we follow our process of decluttering and organizing and she helped us decide what stays,

What goes and at the end of the process when the kitchen was to the point that she thought she wanted it to be,

That is a kitchen that is functional,

A kitchen that doesn't have clutter and everything has a home,

She was feeling anxiety,

She wasn't feeling well,

She didn't like it.

So after doing some emotional processing,

After really digging deep into her emotions,

We discovered something interesting and that something interesting was that physical clutter for her was a way to rebel herself against her dad.

So basically we were doing some emotional processing and one of the things that came out from her mouth was,

Fuck you dad and sorry about the f-bomb but she said that with the finger like this and when she was little she said that she couldn't express herself,

That she couldn't be the person that she wanted to be.

She felt that she wasn't good enough for her dad and she was sharing how her dad was always controlling her,

Always like telling her to shut up,

Telling her to be correct,

Telling her to just be something that she didn't want to and the way that she learned when she was little on how to rebel against her dad was to create clutter because her dad loved organization,

He loved having everything in its place so a way for her to rebel against him was to create physical clutter.

30 years later she still is using the same strategy unconsciously of course she wasn't aware of this at the beginning but basically she was creating physical clutter everywhere in her home and it was an unconscious way for her to have the need of rebelling against her dad met.

He wanted to make sure that she could be herself,

That she could express herself but she was doing it in a way that is no longer serving her.

So this first reason,

Emotional reason why she was having clutter,

This specific person is because she had a controlling father and because she was not able to express herself as she needed.

She wasn't supported in the way that she needed so she created this strategy of rebelling against that by creating physical clutter.

Of course 30 years later this strategy is no longer serving her because she's facing a lot of physical clutter everywhere in her home and she's having difficulties living and taking care of the basics of life because of that physical clutter.

So we are learning together,

We are rediscovering different ways of covering those needs in a different way so that she can have a declutter home at the same time that she can find a way to express herself in a more healthy way.

So that is one,

The reason number one.

The reason number two,

This came up with another client that we were helping.

We did three sessions with her and in this session we did the first space that we did was the office.

We did her office space,

We put a note on the door that said what are the intentions for this space and she was feeling very empowered but one of the things that she was noticing that she didn't like is that she had her stuff was laying around the entire home for no reason.

There were office supplies,

Papers,

Different kinds of categories everywhere scattered with no structure whatsoever.

With this person I did some tapping.

I did some tapping that this is an emotional freedom technique,

EFT it's called,

And basically you tap in different areas in different points,

Energetic points,

While you are making statements.

What came out of that session of tapping after a few minutes is a wound that she had.

She went back to when she was three or four years old and at that point she was sharing how she had this deep feeling that I don't matter,

No one cares about me and it was a similar situation that number one it was that she didn't feel like she mattered,

She didn't get enough attention,

She didn't have space to express herself how she needed,

She wasn't allowed to have space physically speaking,

Mentally and emotionally speaking too.

It was very connected so at that time when she grew up she had that need inside of her that she needed to express,

That she needed to cover and unconsciously the way that she learned was to spread her things around her home.

As you can imagine when you are when you live alone that may be okay but when you are sharing a home with your husband,

With a partner,

With family members doing that strategy of spreading your things out so that you can express yourself and you can claim space it's no longer a good strategy.

So it was very powerful to uncover this need.

She was very emotional when she uncovered that need because she wasn't aware of it,

It was an unconscious need and she created an unconscious strategy to cover that need,

To meet that need of claiming space,

Expressing herself and be big emotionally and physically speaking because she didn't have that opportunity when she was little.

So in here we did the same exercise,

We reframe what can we do together,

What can you create so that you can express yourself,

So that you can claim space while you are honoring the need of respecting your partner and creating a home where everybody else can express themselves too.

And she was also suffering with having lack of clarity about systems,

Not finding things easily and she was very scattered so she needed to create different kinds of system strategies to cope with this emotional needs that she was facing.

So in here something that came up also was she was really afraid of oh my god what I have done all these years to my husband and all these emotions need to be processed,

They need to be accepted.

It's important to forgive ourselves for what we have done because deep inside it was unconscious,

We didn't make that intentional decision,

It just happened because we had a wound.

Normally that wound came from when we were little and at that time we didn't have the capacity to create a different strategy,

We just created what we could with the awareness that we had at that time and with the power that we had at that time.

This is what's called childhood trauma,

This is what's called inner child work,

It's looking at those wounds,

Looking at those strategies that we created,

At those beliefs,

The story that we learn about ourselves,

The story that we learn about the world around us and how we express and the strategies that we choose to implement to keep us safe,

To be able to be the persons that we want to be.

But of course if you take those strategies 30 years later,

20 years later,

40 years later,

They no longer apply,

They no longer serve us in the same way.

That's why it's so important to really uncover them,

Accept them,

Be really gentle,

Very empathetic,

Very compassionate with yourself and with everybody around you and then relearn how to do this in a different way.

You have to learn something new and that it's scary,

That that's uncomfortable but this is so connected with physical clutter in these two scenarios as you can see.

Scenario number three,

Many times I work with people and deep inside they want to have a declutter home but they are afraid of having a declutter home,

They are afraid of having a declutter home because they will not have any more excuses to do what they really want to be doing.

Many times we are afraid of being able to start doing something that is new,

Something that is scary,

Something that we are not sure if we are going to be able to do,

If we're going to know how to do it.

It's scary.

So sometimes we choose to self-sabotage ourselves in some way so that we can have an excuse not to show up,

Not to do what we want to be doing and for many people that self-sabotage happens in the form of creating physical clutter so that you always have something to do,

So that you always have an excuse not to do what you really want to do because you have clutter,

Because you have to declutter,

You have to organize,

You have to clean and the space is not ready and you are busy doing that but you are afraid of finishing that because when you finish that then you have to confront that thing that you are afraid of,

That thing that you truly want to do but it's scary and that is a really big reason for many people,

For myself included in some areas of my life.

I am a professional organizer and sometimes I find myself choosing that strategy because I am afraid of taking action.

This is showing up right now with a water sport that I am learning.

I am afraid of getting in the water and practicing because I don't know how to do it,

It's so hard.

So I choose to say no the equipment is not ready,

No I don't know how to carry to the beach,

No I don't have anyone to help me,

I'm making all these excuses because I don't want to show up for myself because I am afraid and this is just one example of many.

So that is another reason,

Being afraid of what comes after you declutter.

So you want to stay safe,

You want to stay in a familiar situation that you understand,

That you control because once you finish that you don't know what's going to happen next.

So that was reason number three,

Being afraid of what's going to come after.

The reason number four,

The emotional reason of why you may have clutter,

It's when a big life event happens.

A big life events can be having an accident,

Can be having a baby,

Can be getting a divorce,

Can be moving homes,

Can be having a family member passed away and you are grieving,

Can be having some mental health difficulties like depression,

Not having energy.

Anytime we are not feeling well physically speaking,

Mentally speaking,

Emotionally speaking,

One of the first things that we are going to neglect is taking care of our physical surroundings because we don't have the energy,

We don't have the capacity to do it.

We want to rest,

We want to avoid everything and that's when majority of the people that we help,

That's what happens to them.

A big life event happened and they didn't have time to react,

They didn't have time to overcome those changes and adjust and sometimes adjusting alone is very difficult and you need help and sometimes we have a really hard time asking for that help.

We don't even know what help we need so that is a huge reason of why you may have clutter.

This is a huge reason why many people have clutter.

This is a huge reason why sometimes I have clutter and I neglect my environment because I am tired,

Because I'm feeling not energetic and then I neglect doing the basics of life because I don't have that energy.

So that is reason number four.

A big life event has happened and you didn't have the time to adjust and it's okay to ask for help,

It is okay to don't feel okay and it is okay to prioritize yourself rather than everything else around you until you feel well.

Reason number five is not knowing how to do it.

For many they feel that they should know how to organize.

This is such a simple task,

I should know how to declare and organize my hope.

It is embarrassing that I cannot do it.

I don't want anyone else to know that I am not able to do this.

There is a lot of stigma around that but just think about one example.

If something breaks in your home,

For example,

If your tap breaks and you don't know how to fix a tap,

Do you feel guilty calling the plumber to fix it?

You just call a plumber and they will come,

They will fix it for you because you don't need to know how to do it.

If something electricity wise goes and breaks,

You just call the electrician.

So many times if something is happening around an organization and you need to create a system,

It is okay if you don't know how to do it.

Many of the people that we help,

That I help,

Are people that they didn't have the opportunity to have someone else showing them how to do this.

They didn't have a person modeling to them how it looks like to be organized,

How it looks like to create a system,

How it looks like to create a home for things,

How it looks like to think about your intentions and the activities that you want to be doing and then look at your surroundings physically speaking and create a space that supports you,

That facilitates the activities that you want to do,

That you have chosen to do.

Many times people are growing up in environments that are not like that.

They are growing up in environments that are decluttered,

Maybe the family members didn't have the opportunity either to learn from their parents or from the people that raised them and this is a victim of a victim of a victim and someone needs to break that cycle.

Someone needs to accept I didn't have the opportunity to learn this.

This is a skill that I can learn anytime in my life.

It's never too late to learn how to be organized.

It's never too late to learn too late to learn how to declutter and you don't need to know how to do this.

It's okay if you don't know how to do this because maybe you didn't have the opportunity to learn it from anyone.

No one has modeled this for you.

This is why it's so important especially for parents.

I am a father,

So important for us parents,

Fathers,

Mothers,

Parents in general,

Grandparents,

Anyone who is around kids to really model what that looks like for them but if you don't know how to do it,

If no one shows that to you,

Then you will have a hard time modeling that for them.

That's why it's your time to learn.

It's your time to get help.

It's your time to watch videos like this one,

To listen to audios like this one,

To read books that you are inspired about,

To hire an organizer,

To do whatever you need to do in however way you can receive this information best and it's okay if you don't know how to do it.

No judgments here.

I can tell you that in the last 10 years I have helped a lot of people in all backgrounds,

In all income levels,

In all family sizes and it's amazing to see how many people didn't have the opportunity to learn this.

Very successful people that have run businesses,

Sometimes you go into the into the homes and they don't know how to maintain a home,

They don't know how to create systems,

They don't know how to declare their homes because they never learned and that doesn't mean that they are bad people,

That doesn't mean that they are that's a chronic disease.

It's not.

It's a skill that you can learn anytime you choose to but you need to choose to learn it.

It is your responsibility to own what you need and to express it.

Okay and the reason number six,

Emotional reason that you may have clutter is when you are living with others.

You are sharing the physical space with other people,

With your partner,

With your children,

With your parents,

With flatmates,

With co-workers,

With whoever.

Someone lives in the space and you have to share it and there are different styles of organization.

There are different styles of dealing with physical belongings.

There are different routines on how to do things,

Different routines on when to eat,

When to clean,

What cleaning looks like and sometimes that communication is difficult.

Conflicts arise and it's sometimes very uncomfortable to be in that situation to really be able to express yourself while being respectful,

While being connected with your heart and saying things with love.

I am guilty of that.

I have a hard time expressing what I need to other people that stay with me in my home sometimes because I am afraid that I'm gonna hurt them.

I am afraid that I don't know how to tell them what bothers me.

I don't know how to tell them what I need from them.

Maybe they need something different than what I need and then I want to avoid that conflict.

So that is a huge reason,

An emotional reason of why you may have clutter.

Why clutter may exist in your home because several people are living there and they all have different personality styles when it comes to organization and clutter and expectations are different and maybe so someone needs to do the dishes right away when they eat,

Someone they don't need and they don't bother them but maybe you go bananas when you see dishes,

Dirty dishes on the sink but the other person is not bothered by that so maybe you always end up doing the dishes because that bothers you and that's your expectation but then you are frustrated and then you end up not doing them and then physical clutter starts appearing in the kitchen and then everywhere else.

So that's a very normal scenario of why clutter may appear.

So that was the six reason,

Emotional reason why you may have clutter.

So I hope that you found some value in this.

If you want to learn more,

Expand more in any of these topics,

Please I invite you to check one of my courses.

I have courses about creating your clutter-free home.

I have a course about time management.

I have a course about self-care and self-love,

One about minimalism and one about executive functioning skills that if you don't know what they are,

They are really really powerful and they will help you understand your relationship with your brain,

Your relationship with your emotions and your relationship with how you do things,

How you act and it will allow you to learn how to reflect more,

How to self-regulate more the emotions and how to understand how to initiate a task,

How to complete a task,

How to prioritize.

All those skills are really really important and very connected with our physical clutter and emotional and mental well-being.

Thank you so much for listening,

Thank you so much for watching,

Thank you so much for your presence.

I will see you in the next one.

Okay,

Adios.

Reviews

This was beautiful … it helped me understand why I have clutter, but I hide it.. I will keep this track for myself and my clients ty so much

Oh, my. I finally am starting to understand. Before, hearing this I just wondered why sometimes things were different. There are many reasons why. Taking the time, having the ability to see there is an issue is my first step.

Insightful, compassionate, applicable wisdom. Gracias!

So glad to hear someone speak about a obtainable solution to my problems relating to clutter. Thank you for sharing your expertise With out judgement.

Thank you, this has given me some ideas on how to help a friend who is a clutterer to the point of hoarding. Now I think I understand him better. You can’t practice what you don’t learn and don’t know, right?

Emilio goes beyond a simple list of emotions —he explains each and gives relatable examples that connect them to some of our behaviors. TY🙏🏼❤️

Outstanding. Very helpful. You kindly approach is encouraging. 🙏🏻💞