Short Talk: Brains Are Not Designed For Happiness

Our brains evolved for survival, not joy. In this short talk, I explain how the mind distorts reality in subtle ways and how mindfulness, gratitude, and self-compassion can help us reconnect with ourselves and find genuine, lasting happiness.

Transcript

So what are some of the ways that the mind deludes us in order to help us survive?

If you do 50% of the dishes at home and your romantic partner does exactly 50% of the dishes,

At the end of the day,

You'll think that they do less dishes and you do more.

That's just how the mind works.

The mind is made to look for threats,

Overestimate any level of threat,

And underestimate your level of resource.

Welcome to this video on why your human brain isn't designed for happiness and what you can do about it.

Our minds were created to look for threats.

When humans had to compete against lots and lots of animals in the jungle,

Human beings were not the fastest.

We were definitely not the strongest.

We couldn't swim very well.

We couldn't fly.

We didn't have that much going for us.

What we had going for us was that we had these brains that were perfectly designed to see threats everywhere.

The brains would see threats where there are threats,

But the brain would also see threats where there are no threats whatsoever.

If you imagine there's a tiger in the bushes,

Even if there's no tiger in the bushes,

If you come to that assumption and run,

Let's say one times out of 200,

You'll be safer than you were.

The mind was created to underestimate our level of resource and overestimate the level of threat in all situations.

So what's our main resource?

Your number one resource is yourself.

Your number one resource,

Your skills,

Your intelligence,

How hardworking you are,

How much other people support you.

That's where the inner critic comes in.

The inner critic tells you you're not good enough.

You're not doing enough.

It's that original threat-based way of thinking.

The other biggest resource we have are our loved ones,

Our mentors,

Our colleagues who support us,

Our teammates,

The people in your life who are there for you.

And the mind will also underestimate that resource.

So you might have at a certain point had a thought like,

No one cares.

No one loves me.

No one is interested in what I'm doing.

What I'm doing is pointless.

That's your mind underestimating your level of resource.

So for example,

If you're on a team and there's some annoying task you need to do on a team and you do 50% and your coworker does 50%,

Your mind is always going to tell you that you do more because it's always underestimating the level of resource that you have in terms of other people.

That is how we survived.

That is a mind trap that you should not fall into.

Listening to your inner critic tell you that you have no self-worth,

That's a delusion of the mind.

That's a cognitive error.

We practice self-compassion to balance against that because we have brains that do not evaluate reality accurately.

Another example,

The promise of reward gets us more pleasure than the reward itself.

So we get more pleasure from looking at that chocolate croissant in the bakery window and contemplating biting into it than when we actually eat it.

We get more pleasure out of thinking what will happen when we reach that milestone,

Or we get that amazing promotion at work than when it actually happens.

That also sets human beings up for immense disappointment.

You get a bigger rush of dopamine before a reward than after.

So our minds are constantly over-promising how amazing something will feel.

As a result,

Human beings might end up feeling disillusioned.

That's just the state of affairs in our lives of where we are in evolution because evolution wanted us to keep trying,

Keep fighting,

So it would always make that reward seem more shiny to our brain than it actually is.

The point I want to make is that our minds confuse us all the time.

And to be happy,

Healthy,

And successful,

You need to know in what ways the mind confuses you and what practices you can do on a daily basis to undo that.

Because the untrained mind gives us a skewed version of the universe.

The mind will tell you that if you eat just one more greasy pizza slice,

That's when you have bliss.

That if you have one more chip,

That last chip will give you satisfaction and happiness.

That's the promise of reward.

And yet,

As you keep eating croissants or donuts or cake,

You get less and less pleasure out of it.

People say that as they get more and more big paychecks,

They get less and less pleasure out of every individual paycheck.

Or let's say,

Simple example,

You get the new iPhone and the screen is all shiny and it works so well and the camera is so great.

Within two weeks,

You feel like,

Oh,

This is perfectly normal.

This is called hedonic adaptation.

According to Barbara Fredrickson research,

Anything that gives us pleasure,

We will feel neutral about eventually.

Sometimes when you first start dating a person,

You think,

This is the most amazing person in the world.

And if I could only be with this person,

I'll be happy forever.

And then 10 years later,

If it's your romantic partner,

You don't get that same rush of happiness,

Although you might have deep love,

Deep friendship.

The cool part about Barbara Fredrickson research is that if we feel gratitude for our experience,

We still get the rush of pleasure from it.

So if you eat that croissant and you feel grateful,

Or if you feel grateful that you can be doing the work you're doing,

Or if you feel gratitude that you get to work with the people you work with or live with your romantic partner,

If you practice appreciation,

You don't get the effects of hedonic adaptation.

You still get the rush of pleasure from experience,

Thanks to your gratitude practice.

This is why I recommend doing a mindfulness practice daily and a heart practice daily.

The mindfulness practice is tuning into reality as it is in the present moment,

Rather than as you're projecting it.

The way we imagine reality to be can have stereotypes and cognitive biases.

Mindfulness lets you tune into the moment as it is.

And practicing gratitude,

Or compassion,

Or self-compassion,

Because it allows you to get that happiness from experience.

These are ancient Buddhist teachings that have been tested in the lab,

And they support our happiness,

Our immune system,

And our health in so many ways.

I wish you so much happiness,

So much health,

So much compassion,

And so much gratitude for everyone who's around you,

So that you don't fall into those mind traps that evolution has set for you.

I'll see you soon.

I'll see you later.

Reviews

Five stars for the content. Rushing through the material and having a staccato stream of music detracts from one’s ability to fully enjoy it or even learn as much from it.