I Am That - Session 71 - Ch 25 Hold On To "I Am" - Part 1

Listen to Ektaji talk about Nisargadatta Maharaj's book I Am That. Nisargadatta Maharaj was a teacher who did not propound any ideology or religion, but gently unwrapped the mystery of the self. I Am That preserves his dialogs with the followers who came from around the world seeking guidance in destroying false identities.

Transcript

Chapter number 25.

Hold on to I am.

Questioner,

Are you ever glad or sad?

Do you know joy and sorrow?

Maharaj,

Call them as you please.

To me they are states of mind only and I am not the mind.

Questioner,

Is love a state of mind?

Maharaj says,

Again it depends what you mean by love.

Desire is of course a state of mind.

Highlight.

Desire is a state of mind.

So,

Till here what did he say?

Gladness is a state of mind.

Sadness is a state of mind.

Joy is a state of mind.

Sorrow is a state of mind.

And desire is a state of mind.

Clear?

And I am not the mind.

That clarity Maharaj has.

Desire is of course a state of mind.

But the realization of unity is beyond mind.

To me nothing exists by itself.

All is the self.

All is my self.

Do you see what he sees love as and what you see love as?

You see love with a particular object.

Love with a particular object in Maharaj's dictionary is called desire.

That is why all the beloved people,

Situations and things that we were working on since morning,

They are all desire.

That's not love.

The ego wants it to be love.

That's different.

But it is not love.

It is desire.

Maharaj is beyond the mind.

He says nothing exists other than me.

All is me.

So that sense of oneness with all,

That is what Maharaj terms as love.

So oneness is equal to love.

Desire is not love.

To see myself in everybody and everybody in myself,

Most certainly is love.

This you can write as your final goal.

You want to attain Ananda.

I cannot get to Ananda unless I see this is all me.

My projection is obviously me.

If the light is projecting light,

Can what is projected be anything other than light?

No.

So if all this is my projection,

It is all me.

There is no two.

When there is no other,

There is no question of not liking,

Not loving.

There is no question.

It is all oneness.

That is love.

When I attain that,

I am equanimous.

That is Ananda.

That is why Ananda and love is the same.

It is exactly identical.

Questioner is not there of course.

So he says,

When I see something pleasant,

I want it.

Who exactly wants it?

The self or the mind?

Maharaj says the question is wrongly put.

There is no who.

There is desire,

Fear,

Anger.

And the mind says this is me.

This is mine.

There is no thing which could be called me or mine.

Desire is a state of the mind,

Perceived and named by the mind.

Without the mind perceiving and naming,

Where is desire?

Very very clear?

So become very clear.

You cannot say this is someone,

The body.

Can you say this is somebody?

No.

Mind,

Can you call it someone?

Somebody?

No.

Is witness someone?

Someone.

Is it one individual?

No.

So there is no question of a who.

That question itself is wrong.

There is no who.

There is simply one thought after another feeling,

Another sensation,

Another perception.

Just waves,

Waves,

Waves,

Waves.

Nothing else.

Nothing else.

It is just mind that goes and labels and says mine.

So mamata comes up.

That's it.

Mamata is also a wave.

You notice it like a wave.

It arises like a wave.

You were just being a sakshi to it.

You saw it collapses.

It recedes.

It's gone.

It might come up again.

There is a repetitive wave of mamata.

It stays.

You remain as a sakshi and it collapses.

Desire is nothing but a wave and arising.

Fear is nothing but a wave and arising.

Anger is nothing but a wave and arising.

Everything is simply one arising after another.

There is no who who is making this happen.

You will not be able to find the who that has projected it.

You won't be able to find it.

Why?

That is concealed by the veiling power of Maya.

This also has been explained by Advaita Vedanta.

The now,

The nothingness of the now has a magical quality.

Moment to moment it has a poof.

It's gone.

And then there is a perception again.

And again it's gone.

And again there is a next sensation again.

Again that's gone.

And then there is a thought again.

That poof that is happening.

That's the veiling power of Maya.

We have done this in Dhritarashtra Viveka.

Those who have not watched those videos,

You can watch those.

I have explained at length.

So this moment to moment nothingness,

Moment to moment disappearance of the wave,

This conceals from me how projection is happening.

There is only perception of the waves.

Just perception of the waves.

Just perception of the waves.

And sometimes there is not even a proper perception of the wave.

That's where you say,

Oh,

I don't know how I missed that point.

You were here.

You were sitting when I was saying it.

Oh,

I don't know how I missed that.

Your keys are right there on the table.

You go all around the house and you come back.

I don't know how I missed saying this.

Moment to moment there is this no-thingness.

Moment to moment.

That no-thingness takes you away from the now.

Takes you away from the content of the now.

Its purpose is to take you to the space.

Yeah.

But because you don't remember that particular wave that arose,

You say,

Oh,

I'm becoming old.

I'm losing my memory.

Stories,

You create such lovely stories.

No,

It's not true.

It's not true.

It's just that no-thingness,

That now,

That new now,

The new now,

That took your attention away.

Yeah.

Experiment with this.

Again,

Don't believe me blindly.

This will happen so many times.

While I'm talking,

This will happen.

While you're walking back to the room,

It'll happen.

Oh,

I was supposed to bring the book with me.

I left it there.

Or I was supposed to take the shawl.

Oh,

I forgot the shawl there.

Something.

Yeah.

So it happens every now and then.

You'll get a glimpse when you become quieter and quieter.

And as the mind slows down,

You will notice that you can actually see a perception arising,

Going.

And there is the no-thingness.

It becomes slower.

It becomes very visible.

Yes.

It becomes absolutely clear.

Aha,

This is what hides how projection happens for me.

From my subtle thought.

There is no who.

There is no who.

There is automatic subtle thought and there is automatic gross manifestation depending on the weightage of the subtle thought.

There is no who really doing it here.

There is no I.

There is no I.

So then that whole burden of,

Oh,

I am doing this.

I have to take care of this.

I am experiencing this.

That whole burden drops away.

There is a sense of relief as if you were a prisoner of life and you had only locked yourself in that prison.

And suddenly you realize,

Oh,

The key is in my hand.

You open and you get out.

You were never really locked.

The key was always in your hand.

Like that you get out of it.

Yeah.

So there is no who.

Tonight's number one homework.

I have to keep contemplating on this.

There is no who.

There is no one.

There is no person.

There is simply a sensation inside an image and I label it as my body.

There is simply thoughts arising one after the other and feelings arising.

I label it as my mind.

There's nothing personal here.

There is no person.

How can there be something personal?

Do you see that?

There is nothing personal here.

This is what we learn on the Buddha's path also.

It's not personal.

Just see it like mind moments.

And it's not my mind or your mind.

It's just a collective common ground.

Common platform of consciousness.

You jump in and you claim ownership and you say mine.

That is momata.

You're suffering because you claimed ownership.

If you don't claim ownership,

There is no suffering.

It's that simple.

So that's what Maharaj says.

There is desire,

Fear,

Anger and the mind says this is me,

This is mine.

There is no thing which could be called me or mine.

Desire is a state of the mind perceived and named by the mind.

Without the mind perceiving and naming it,

There is desire.

Very very clear?

There is nothing like desire also,

He says.

I have perceived it and I've labeled it.

See,

My desire.

Who said it's mine?

Is there a person for which this thought that arose would be personal?

When there is no who,

No person,

How can this thought be his or hers?

This is something I need to really dive deep into tonight.

Take my inquiry one level deeper.

It's just pure consciousness,

No things.

That is the space,

This space.

This space,

The quality of this space is dead,

Inert.

Now just imagine if this space had the quality of being alive and conscious.

The alive quality,

The conscious quality also means knowing quality,

Knowledge quality,

Having the ability to have knowledge in it.

That's all there is.

That is the common platform of knowledge.

Knowledge is jumping up and down,

Bouncing up and down.

You are saying this is thought.

Then you are saying this is my thought.

It is just knowledge jumping up and down like a wave in the ocean because the ocean is made of waves.

This ocean of awareness or consciousness is made of waves of knowledge.

It's an ocean of knowingness.

That's the common base of it.

Like H2O is the base of the ocean water.

Like that the base of this ocean is knowingness,

Knowledge.

That's the meaning of its conscious.

That's the meaning of awareness.

Is this very clear?

So it's like knowledge wave jumps up and falls down.

Another knowledge wave says,

Oh,

This is thought.

Oh,

This is my thought and creates a story.

That's all there is here.

That's all there is here.

And that wave doesn't even last long enough.

It has to go back into the nothingness.

Absolute poof!

You see that poof.

But no,

Now I have claimed ownership,

No?

Now how can I go back on it?

So the ego holds on to it.

This holding on,

Creating a story out of it,

Is suffering.

The moment you let go and see everything is simply knowledge.

It's simply knowledge.

There is nothing here.

There is nothing else here.

I cannot touch,

Taste,

Smell,

See and hear and prove that there is matter.

My own recognition of witnessing the waking,

Dreaming and deep sleep proves that this is just momentary wave.

And this wave itself is made up of small,

Small,

Small,

Small waves.

There's no thingness there.

That same no-thingness I see in the deep sleep state.

Oh!

This is just knowledge.

It's like watching a movie so long that you forget that you're watching a movie and you become a part of the movie.

You know like those 3D holograms?

Have you seen?

At least in movies you've seen 3D holograms.

They project light in such a way from all sides,

All angles.

It appears there's a person standing here.

The person is made of light.

Yeah?

The light is projected in such a form that you'll see his blue shirt,

His grey pants.

They are projected in that way and it looks like a 3D person,

Real person standing there.

You go and touch it.

Oh!

It's light.

There is no person there.

Hologram.

It's called a 3D hologram.

Now,

If you spend time in a hall full of 3D holograms,

After some time you start feeling Oh!

This is all real.

This looks so real.

That person is real.

With the light they can make a whole rainforest background on the walls.

Make it look like a rainforest.

Make it look like there's a tiger there.

There are really people there.

Make it look like there's a river.

But it's only a room full of light.

Have you ever been to a place like that?

Many artists have created such things.

So,

These 3D holograms,

When you enter there,

You feel that this is all real.

You become a part of it.

You forget that this is not a hologram.

You start feeling one with the other holograms.

They move,

Talk.

The birds are chirping.

You'll actually see movement everywhere.

But it's not real.

It just appears to be real.

So real that I forget myself there.

Exactly same thing has happened.

Exactly same thing.

This samsara just appears to be real.

I am just the witness of this body-mind that is a part of this samsara.

It's a hologram.

It's not even real.

This hologram disappears at the end of the waking state.

Isn't this your own experience?

Did you do that?

Did you find a waker and the dreamer together?

If you were this waker,

This waker should have been there seeing the dreamer and the dream world.

But you never have that experience.

This waker should have been there seeing the deep sleeper and the darkness of deep sleep.

But that never happens.

Oh,

That means I'm not this hologram.

It's limited to the waking state.

I am beyond and I can sense it even right now,

Right here.

Can you sense it?

Yes?

It's simply like a witnessing space.

In you there is that body that you think is you and the other bodies and Ikta,

This whole meditation hall.

This retreat is in you.

You are not at the retreat.

That is why you have to practice Swapna Nidranya Sadhana every day.

So every day you recognize I exit it.

I exit it.

If I'm constantly in it that is when the mistake happens.

When I recognize I exit it.

I am the witness of the dream.

I am the witness of the deep sleep.

Oh!

Now I'm entering it in the waking state.

That's when it becomes clearer and clearer and it opens up.

Aha!

I am not Ikta.

Ikta is only limited to the waking state.

I am not that.

I am not that.

Just a hologram.

I got lost in this beautiful color sparkly,

Bright.

Attracted me so much I forgot myself.

Just recognizing this.

There is no person here.

Simply awareness.

I'm just awareness.

That's why witness is not a person and you recognize it,

Right?

Can you witness your body sitting there with the notebook in hand,

The pen there,

The movement?

Yeah.

Can you see the body nodding?

Can you recognize the witness is not like one dot over here or the form of a body over here.

No,

It's like a space.

Are you recognizing?

It's formless.

I am formless.

There is no who.

There is no person there.

I want you to dive deeper into this.

Dive deeper and deeper and deeper.

If we had longer than 10 days,

I would tell you that this witness who is witnessing the waker,

The dreamer,

The deep sleeper,

This witness has to now,

Instead of focusing there,

Focus on itself.

What is it?

What is it made of?

Does it have a form?

Can you recognize it's just formless?

Can you see in that ocean of formlessness,

The form,

In the form of that hologram appears and you call it the waking state.

Another hologram appears,

You call it the dream state and then the hologram just shuts off and you call it deep sleep.

That is the next level,

How you go ahead.

So see if you can do some things at home.

If you cannot,

Doesn't matter.

Come back for the next retreat.

Don't take pressure.

It doesn't happen in pressure.

Just relaxed,

In a relaxed way.

Can I simply be the witness and then can I witness the witness?

That's it.

Witnessing the witness,

The attention inwards,

Not on the waker,

Not on the dreamer,

Not on the deep sleeper.

So Swapna Nidranayan Sadhana is vast.

You've just dipped your little hand in it in these 10 days.

The first is the formlessness,

The borderlessness,

That recognition is there.

Not only in waking,

While witnessing the dream.

It's just like,

There's lots of ideas,

Concepts,

Desires that are making your vision very blurry right now.

But as you've gone quieter and quieter in the past 7 days and started doing your Samadhi practice,

You started getting glimpses,

No?

Little bit clarity happens here,

Then little bit here,

Little bit here.

As you go deeper and deeper into Swapna Nidranayan Sadhana,

It becomes clearer and clearer and then absolutely clear,

HD.

It takes time.

It takes that much interest.

It takes that much love for the self.

Not self-love.

Love for the self.

Yeah?

So I've given you a few hints on how to work on this.

Go deep into this.

There is no who over here.

There is no person.

Yeah?

It's nothing but ideas stringed together.

All ideas about Ikta was born here,

Then she grew up here,

Then this happened,

Then that happened,

Then that happened,

That happened.

A number of ideas strewn together on a string,

On a thread of memory.

And this is what I call Ikta,

My life.

The person.

They're just ideas.

Trash.

What's left?

There is no person.

The body is not me.

The mind is not me.

The witness cannot be individual,

Personal,

Finite.

It's formless.

It's borderless.

It's infinite.

Where is the person?

Yeah?

Go deep into the self inquiry.

Very deep.

This is already homework for tomorrow.

Yeah?

You have to go deep into this.

There is no person here.

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