AN 4.32 - Sangaha Sutta - Sustaining [Book Of The Fours]

Ektaji explains the 'AN 4.32 - Sangaha Sutta - Sustaining [Book Of The Fours]' from Anguttara Nikaya (The Numerical Discourses of the Buddha: A Complete Translation of the Anguttara Nikaya by Bhikkhu Bodhi) Book of the Fours Sutta 32.

These suttas, originally in Pali language, are at the heart of Buddha's teachings. Ektaji uses some Pali words so that the meaning and importance of the sutta is not lost in translation and interpretation.

Transcript

Salaam.

Salaam.

Salaam.

Welcome to Buddha Sangha.

Today's sutta is on relationships.

Not only relationships in the family,

But relationships at work,

Relationships in a social circle.

This sutta can be applied in all of them.

How to sustain a relationship?

The sutta is from Anguttara Nikaya,

The book of the fours.

And the sutta number is 32.

So it is 4.

32.

Sustaining.

Because there are these four means of sustaining a favourable relationship.

What for?

One,

Giving.

Two,

Enduring speech.

Three,

Beneficent conduct.

And four,

Impartiality.

These are the four means of sustaining a favourable relationship.

Let's look at them.

The first is giving.

Most of our relationships are based on what will I get from this person.

Or how will I benefit from my association with that organisation.

Or how will I benefit by my association with this particular social circle.

Our tendency of the ego is to look for receiving rather than giving.

Who work number one for you?

Do a thorough examination.

Do you see this truth?

It is a part of everybody's ego so there is no need for self-blame.

It is the nature of the ego.

The ego is designed on this particular principle of receiving,

Taking,

Grabbing,

Getting.

Do you recognise this?

And secondly,

Do you recognise that you have given power to the ego to continue to do this?

Do a thorough self-examination and check what the Buddha is saying.

You do not have to believe him blindly.

He never advocated blind belief.

He always said you experiment with your own mind.

So you experiment and see.

Examine every relationship that you have.

Whether family members,

Friends,

Colleagues in office,

People in your spiritual circle,

People in your social circle.

Check one by one each and every relationship.

And see,

Do you find the ego only looking to receive in that relationship?

It is only looking for profit.

And you will notice that when the ego just wants to take,

Take,

Snatch,

Then neither are you happy nor is the other person happy in that relationship.

What makes a relationship thrive?

Giving,

Generosity.

When you are ready to give.

It's not about giving money.

Your friends,

Your relatives really don't care for your money.

It's not about giving any material gifts either.

It is about letting go of your ego and giving love,

Giving kindness,

Giving virtuous behaviour.

Letting go of fault finding.

Letting go of criticism.

This is the meaning of giving.

So homework number one for you.

Examine your relationships and turn that receiving attitude to a giving attitude.

When you have a receiving attitude,

You are like this,

You are like a beggar.

You have a begging bowl in your hand.

How will you find happiness?

You are living in a sense of lack.

One who lives in a sense of lack cannot be happy and cannot make his relationships happy.

Change this receiving attitude to giving attitude.

When you give,

There is contentment within.

Don't believe me.

You experiment with this and arrive at your own truth.

The second important factor for a favourable relationship is endearing speech.

We all know this.

The only thing we lack is self-control.

Whenever anger comes up,

Jealousy comes up,

We have given free reigns to the lips to go on saying whatever they want to say.

We do not have a control on the verbal output and that destroys relationships.

Anything you want to convey can be said firmly yet in endearing words.

Even if you want to say no,

You can say,

I will not be able to do this.

Please forgive me.

You have conveyed that you don't want to be a party to whatever was proposed.

At the same time,

You did not use abusive speech,

Harsh speech,

Malicious words.

It does not matter if the other person follows the same dharma as you or not.

It is not about his personal spiritual journey.

It is about my personal spiritual journey.

So if I want to follow the dharma,

I should refrain from harsh speech,

Malicious speech,

Idle chitter chatter.

The third is,

Beneficent conduct.

Beneficent is important here.

That which benefits the others.

The tendency of the ego is to just look for that which benefits me.

And it says it doesn't matter if it does not benefit the other person.

I don't care about the others,

But it benefits me.

So I will do this.

So you have to see in every action,

Whether verbal or physical action or action at the level of the thought.

Is this beneficial to all?

In the long run,

Is this beneficial to all the others as well as me?

Then only should a particular action be done.

That is the meaning of beneficial conduct.

When you have such a beneficial conduct,

People would swarm to you like bees,

Would love being with you.

You would have flourishing relationships in life because you care for others.

But if you have an intention of harming others,

People would run away from you.

Even your own family members do not want to be with you.

If your conduct is not beneficial.

So this is your next homework.

Check is your conduct with friends and family,

With your colleagues,

With your social circle,

Beneficial or not?

And for this impartiality,

This is something that has been ignored by most scriptures.

Impartial behavior.

Many times in a family or in a friend circle,

You tend to become partial towards one person.

This creates turbulence in other people's minds.

So every time you are with people,

You must always keep that awareness that,

Am I hurting somebody through my particular conduct?

The way I am speaking to person A might seem partial to person B standing there.

Yes,

Of course it is his karma if he wants to think wrong.

That is really his karma.

But from my side,

I should not have partial behavior towards one or the other.

This must be implemented everywhere.

In most families when there are problems,

These problems are because the family members experience this partiality.

A child comes to mom and says,

Mom you are very partial to the younger son or the younger daughter.

The mom says,

No I am not.

Because the mom is not aware how her conduct is being perceived by the child.

Yes?

So if you are really interested in maintaining a pure environment within and letting that pure environment reflect outside in your life,

Then you must pay extra attention to this,

That is my conduct appearing partial to somebody else who is watching this.

Protect other people's minds and you will have the most flourishing relationships in life.

We will turn the page.

Giving endearing speech,

Beneficent conduct and impartiality under diverse worldly conditions as is suitable to fit each case.

These means of sustaining a favorable relationship are like the linchpin of a rolling chariot.

This is very interesting.

The linchpin is that which holds the wheels of the chariot to the body of the chariot.

So the linchpin is that which goes in the middle of the wheel and holds it secure.

If you want to secure your relationships,

These four are very important.

What for?

Giving endearing speech,

Beneficent conduct and impartiality even under diverse conditions.

Even if everything is not hunky-dory in life,

When there are turbulent situations around you and turbulent minds around you,

Even in that situation,

Your conduct should be such that it is impartial.

If there were no such means of sustaining a favorable relationship,

Neither mother nor father would be able to obtain esteem and veneration from their children.

In the second paragraph,

He has spoken about if there was no such means,

Then even a mother and father would not have a relationship where they obtain esteem and veneration from their own children.

You check.

Most of the times,

The most successful mother and child relationships are where you will see these four qualities.

Giving,

Endearing speech,

Beneficent conduct and impartiality.

But since there exist these means of sustaining a favorable relationship,

Wise people respect them.

Thus,

They attain to greatness and are highly praised.

So obviously,

Those who have these beautiful qualities are highly praised.

But you should not have these qualities because you want to be highly praised.

You should have these qualities just so that your own inner environment remains pure.

The moment there is a little impurity of jealousy,

Hatred,

Anger,

Harsh speech,

What happens?

Inside,

You're not feeling good.

It becomes restless.

There's a little agitation.

That agitation increases and then only do you speak harshly.

Do you hurt through your speech or through physical action?

Observe that there is agitation first in me.

I have not learned to maintain my environment pure.

So how to keep this environment pure?

Very simple.

Recognize that it becomes impure because of my attachment,

Because of my own craving.

I crave for you to do this in a relationship and I crave for you to not do this in this relationship.

My own expectation becomes my own obstacle on my way of happiness.

So recognize this.

It is only my little craving.

And drop,

Let go.

It's okay.

You are free to do what you choose to do.

And I will maintain my inner environment pure.

Clean.

This is the law of Dhamma.

If you maintain your inner environment impure,

You are going to be agitated and you will not find peace.

How many ever silence courses you do?

How many ever meditative practices you learn?

If you maintain your inner environment impure,

You will not find peace.

If you maintain a pure inner environment,

Come what may.

Let go of anything that is troubling the inner stillness.

Drop expectations.

Let go of craving.

Let go of aversion.

Be with what is content.

And in this moment,

When you make an effort from your side,

Then nobody can take your peace away.

Then you don't need any silence course.

Then you don't need to run from one technique to another.

Then you yourself are silence personified.

Finally,

You give what you have.

If you are silence personified,

You will give peace to others in your relationships.

But on the contrary,

If you are agitation personified,

You know what you will spread because you can give only what you have.

Do not believe me.

Do not believe the Buddha.

You experiment on your own mind and arrive at your own truth.

Be your own light.

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Reviews

Amazing!

Beautiful teaching on the Dharma. Thank you.

Thank you. You have a lovely voice and a very clear way of explaining the teachings.