Empaths: Who We’re Attracted To & Who’s Attracted To Us

Empaths are healers and givers by nature. Though this is a wonderful quality, we can often find ourselves in dysfunctional, toxic relationships because of it. To avoid this, we need to be aware of the type of people we’re attracted to and the type of people attracted to us.

Welcome to our Spiritual Psychology Support Group with Dr. Traci Moreno, Licensed Psychologist, and Pasquale Naccarata, Spiritual Coach, Intuitive Guide, Astrologer, and Crystal Reiki Master. This Support Group is for anyone on a Journey of Spiritual, Emotional, and Physical Healing & Growth. Follow us now to help, support & encourage each other on this amazing yet challenging journey. Dr Traci and Pasquale talk about the parts of this journey that no one wants to talk about- the difficulties & the struggles. Supporting each other through these challenges is essential to our success.

Transcript

It's Pasquale.

Dr.

Tracy.

So today we're here to talk about the most amazing topic of empaths in relationships.

It's totally a headline.

I see it like on the news.

But you could like intro pretty much any topic and try to make it sound like really exciting.

This is real exciting because relationships is the number one thing that people are always either asking about,

Wanting,

Have issue,

Like relationships,

Right?

It's a big thing.

It's a lot more difficult for empaths I think because you know generally speaking of course and all of this will be very all of the information given will be on you know we're talking very generally and kind of what's common or stereotypical.

What we see.

Right exactly.

So you know with that said it's a lot of times with empaths just in in our nature we're more givers,

Right?

So naturally we're usually more attracted to the ones people we can fix.

People in need.

People in need,

Yeah.

People that we can help,

You know.

I just thought of the phrase Captain Save-A-Ho.

I don't even know what that is.

You've never heard that phrase?

No.

I'm a lot younger than you.

That would be for like men who like would get like the the woman that needed you know helping,

Saving,

Yeah.

And they would call them well you know I guess Lancelot,

Captain Save-A-Ho.

Whatever,

Whatever works.

I never heard that one.

We're gonna jazz hands that one.

Okay,

Sorry.

So anyway you know but just by nature you know we're attracted to people that need need help in some way and this could be friends,

This could be partners,

You know pretty much anything.

And so and then but also the difficult part is is the people who are generally attracted to empaths are usually people who are,

This sounds you know kind of blatant and may sound rude,

But you know like users.

You know generally speaking there's users in this world and there's take and there's and users and takers and then there's there's givers and helpers.

And so you know and those two find them find their way to each other you know beautifully.

It's like a perfect match.

Well it's a team.

Right.

If you really think about it,

You're completing each other.

Right,

Exactly.

And you know although it is unhealthy,

Codependent,

Can be toxic,

You know it is and it's a it creates an unequal relationship where you know one person might have more control,

Power,

Authority over the other person you know and and it just keeps the other person down and kind of codependent and things like that.

And so it is very it is a it is one-sided and it is toxic and you know ideally the most the most healthy relationship for an empath would be to find more of an equal.

But that could seem very uncomfortable at first.

It's hard and and so I will because I again we're talking in generalities,

But I think that I think that there's a few different factors in it right.

I think that an empath who goes into a relationship without clearing the energy of what they're picking up is prone to fall into that trap.

Right,

Like I think that's the key.

Well what I'm talking about if we could back up and I should have prefaced this it's like this is for we're talking about people who haven't done the work you know on kind of feeling you know and managing being able to manage that and so most of us are just going about our day-to-day life on a very unconscious level and it's just what we're attracted to you know and that's it and you know it's like what you know what is you know there could be a list of you know 50 reasons why you shouldn't be with this person or even be friends with this person and then you go but they're fun but I love them but I you know and that one thing and it's like it's this unexplainable attraction on fun right right and actually that's you know well that's another topic but but I think it's important but even the love part my point it like doesn't make sense because you have to analyze if that's really love or like more of like an obsession passion you know something else it's like because we're attracted to things that aren't necessarily good for us and I don't think people and people don't most of us don't take the time to really process that and realize what is happening you know I totally agree but I think it's important to kind of because because I do see that you want to go into a relationship with someone who is more equal and someone who's kind of connecting to you right but but a common theme that I've seen especially with intuitive people is is that the intuitive person is so up here that they need someone more stabilizing and sometimes that is the person who kind of fits that user characteristic right and I think sometimes it can fall that way right and so like to me it's like I want to just kind of preface by saying like if you're if you're in like on a date and you're on this date and we're having fun and you're laughing and you're starting to pick up their energy right which is outside of who you are so like I'm feeling this extra passion and I'm normally a pretty chill person right like you can be like okay I'm picking up someone else's energy and you push it away right if you do that you're going to be more in tune to what that person is really like okay right like you can you'll start to like level it out so it's not I'm looking at the person speaking to the person right right so it's like you're kind of preventing transference from happening exactly we're because the minute that you don't acknowledge that energy right that person is your world right right and because you're almost feel it you know it because you're taking it right you're almost projecting what you want on to this other person which is why you don't see the signs right and so that's why like I have to say like you have to like yeah just let it go for a second what are you really seeing that's true because a lot of times especially you know on that you know on those beginning dates you get so caught up in just the excitement that you might have somebody who you know has a job and doesn't live with their parents that you're like no offense well that's the stereotype I know there's reasons it's true it's true it's true but you know I mean like you get so excited you know and then and then that and then it spins you know or or it could even be like you know you you're so excited because the person that you're going on a date with is opening the door for you and like letting you sit and you start to like that and they start to feel that but you're not noticing that they just drank the whole bar and then they're stumbling out because you're so excited because they held the door for you and that energy I know it sounds very one-sided but if you really pull yourself back it's a common theme oh yes I know with empaths I mean it's just a fact right you fall into the passion of it that you don't see the signs of it right but what that's a really good point because like just we talk a lot about you know attaching to the more painful emotions like you know the anger or anxiety or things like that or depressed you know sadness and grief and but you don't think of it in the other way so just as much as you can you know attach to that and and make it your own and kind of roll into that you can roll into it like with excitement and happiness and fun and joy and things like that so that's and that's not necessarily healthy it feels good but long term it's not healthy yeah who doesn't want to feel loved right I mean I do you do I mean my dogs do everyone wants to feel loved right but like don't miss the signs after right like there's other things that always can kind of come and I think that's just part of an empath being in a relationship recognize those things right and so I think it's really important for empaths to just make sure that you're in like a mutually risk you know respectful relationship the giving yeah that's a good way to say it and you know and when I say equals it doesn't have to look the same you can give in different ways you know you can receive in different ways it doesn't have to you know so when I talk about equal I just mean like making sure that they're that you're both helping each other in some way yeah right even you know one could be you know financially another could be you know emotionally or you know or one is like physically there and one can help more on an emotional level or you know you know it's it's completing the picture right and completing the picture means we work together as a team right to make things happen yeah right that's how you know it's a mutually beneficial relationship if if you're always doing everything that's energetically not gonna feel good and well you know we kind of trick ourselves into because we are getting something out of it because our you know our goal our intention is to is to be helpful right and so it's it's a little bit of a mind tease yeah so for lack of a better phrase okay remember we all want to be in love yeah right and and like that is that's our first vibration is love but I think we should qualify that with I want to be in love with the right person that's what you need to be adding to the intention right because it's if we just say I want to be in love that's where we leave ourselves open to you know filling that void with the wrong person for us a hundred percent that but that's where the intention comes in right like I will tell you as an empath every time I went on a date I always made it a point to set my intention before I went on the date right and that doesn't mean that I'm my intention isn't we're gonna go have fun we're gonna go to the movies and like me that that's not the intention that's like an agenda right intention is I'm going to meet I'm hoping to meet someone who's kind loving and is willing to be a partner to me someone who's equal to me someone who wants to share their life with me so that I can share mine with them like setting that type of intention you have a better chance of walking in with less of that empathic rumbling happening right and this would even be for friendships relationship is right yeah so and I think it's important to Oh brain I had a topic on my mind totally as you're thinking of that topic we're gonna segue I want to know someone had a Captain Kirk on their phone Oh Jim for women they call it the underdog syndrome oh yeah where we're always picking like the underdog to kind of like you know Oh see them we want to clean them up and you know bathe them and I mean another thing to kind of put out there is also to recognize that as an empath you will typically get people come be attracted to you because of who you are I find that to happen all the time I'm just like you know like they just like to like you know so just kind of recognize that right sometimes people are drawn to you because right you can heal it's important to choose people we have in our circle yes choice is the key so a lot of times we just whoever comes in we accept yeah and it you know that's not always healthy so we have to be a little bit more discerning and you know be assessing our needs as well as theirs you know and we and this doesn't mean that we don't give but we should in at least in the beginning until we really know a person and know understand their intentions is just kind of like hold back on the giving a little bit and just kind of like like wait and see kind of like spirit out in a sense you know because a lot of times in the beginning we'll just be like you know what do you need what do you want I'll help you I'll drop everything I'll do this I'll do that you need you know phone call I'm here you know and it's because we like that and that is our natural love language right and so but that can then then all of a sudden they're taking a lot we're now always are already invested in this relationship and have emotions for this person and then all of a sudden when we're in need a year later it's crickets so and then that pain is a really intense pain agreed you know and it makes us feel just very alone like it's kind of devastating because you think about everything that you did for this person and then now like the one time you need somebody and like there's you know they're not there no one's there you know I will say I agree I think within reason right like I always use the example of if someone falls in front of me at the grocery store I'm not gonna step over them and say oh I need that can I'm gonna help them not what I'm talking about but I'm using that obviously an extreme example but I use it as an extreme because I think there's a reality right I'm someone who will always like if I see someone who is doing like not doing well right like I can see them crying I will always be the person that walks up to them and says hey but there's a lot of users and takers where everything is an emergency everything is a need because that's where you draw their need yes so of course and I guess if that needed to be clarified I'm glad you clarified that because of course if somebody is an extreme need maybe they you know lost a loved one or like they you know they're going through something or they're having you know depression or something you know whatever it is like yes if they're an extreme need like yes be there for them because and but it's because that becomes not about them that's a testament of who you are so regardless of what they do or don't do for you you would still be there for them anyway so that doesn't really take from you yes you know what I mean I'm not sacrificing a piece of my soul and self-respect and value for you know that because I'm doing that because that's who I am I'm talking about like you know the person that calls you and only calls me I need a ride I need money can you help me with this or you know you're on the phone every you know every night for hours talking to them about like something they're going through their job right and then they and then they don't make any changes and you know can you come over and you know you're cooking for them you're you know crying with them you're you know yeah I mean I've been there like it's you know and this cat this really does these are the types of people I think I think this is common it would be interesting to hear from anybody else out there it's like how if this is common because I feel like those like I don't think that's an extreme example of what is attracted to us no I actually have a real-life example so but I do I do like I I will say that I had made a new friend I know not that kind of just a friend um and and you know we we were my partner and I we were all together and we're like just having fun talking and whatever and the friend mentioned that they had just gone through a breakup and my first reaction as an empath was oh I need to make sure they're okay right what can I do right like what I want to be available and supportive of them right like like all these things crossed my mind and I just said to myself wait a second I am picking up that person's sadness not mine to deal with yeah nope I'm pulling back and I pulled back right and I left it and then left it because a relationship should be built on the interaction not the help right that's very true that's actually a perfect example too and which creates another good point of like sometimes it's not always their fault you know even if we even if they are more of a taker in the relationship a lot of times we voluntarily put it out there and they'll even say you know if this ever comes down to an argument they're like I never asked you for anything you know what I mean like that kind of thing and it's like because we offered and so that's a really good point because a lot of times we'll offer the help before other people even ask and I do that too now I didn't realize I did that until you said that and I'm like oh my gosh I do that because you want to wait I don't need to offer it I want to see what like if they ask me for help I mean hands down I'm there you know but like they need to they need to take responsibility for where they're at and ask for that help or or even start talking about it yeah so that's good I mean like cuz cuz I mean not everyone knows what I do right and I'm sure no not everyone knows what you do but the minute they know what you do oh yeah it's like I don't tell anybody my answer is if I told you I'd have to kill you I just smile what do you do I don't know what do you do yeah but it just because the minute they find out right like yeah it's like it's an instant opening to it so I don't in the beginning because I want I want whatever I'm there to create it's about me the person right connecting with that other person and developing a friendship relationship whatever right and not about what I you know we can do for them yeah or how we can help them so yeah hopefully these tips help again I'm curious to you know share your experiences with it and if you have any other tips that you know it things to be aware of we would love to hear it yes you should let us know and our next episode is going to be about empaths and to work within the relationship like what does an empath do when they're in a relationship what is our next time okay you don't get a choice guess not all right so until next time